Transparent: A Divergent FanFiction (Book One)
by gatubellina
Summary: After receiving life threatening results on his Aptitude Test, Sage Stronghold discovers that the world he once saw as black and white, has more areas of grey than he ever realized. On his Choosing Day, Sage is then faced with the life altering decision of whether to stay with his family and the life he knows, or try and create a new existence in a different faction.
1. Blurb

" _Candor… Be bold enough to follow the truth wherever it may lead you. Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty, truth, and compassion against injustice, lying, and cruelty. If people all over the world could do this, it would change the earth."_

" _Truth makes us transparent…"_

In sixteen-year old Sage Stronghold's world, civilization has been divided into five factions; abnegation, amity, candor, dauntless, and erudite. With each faction devoted to the development of specific virtues such as; selflessness, peace, honesty, bravery, and intelligence. At the age of sixteen, the communities' youths must choose the faction to which they will dedicate the entirety of their lives. The cause of it all? _Simple_ , an attempt to form the ideal world.

After receiving life threatening results on his Aptitude Test, Sage discovers that the world he once saw as black and white, has more areas of grey than he ever realized. On his Choosing Day, Sage is then faced with the life altering decision of whether to stay with his family and the life he knows, or try and create a new existence in a different faction.

He makes a choice.

But is it the right one?

Sage has a secret, dark and threatening to destroy him; one that he must fight to bury and conceal from everyone, because if anyone finds out, it would mean certain _death_. His candor-roots scream for the truth to be heard, while his sensibilities tell him to keep quiet.

The truth sets you free.

Or so they say…

COMPLETED.

PREQUEL: SET BEFORE DIVERGENT / INSURGENT / ALLEGIANT EVENTS


	2. Prologue

Prologue: Lea Stronghold P.O.V.

 _I sit on the fresh cut grass gazing up at the crystalline blue sky. The heat of the summer sun warms my skin, my bones, and my heart. It's all so picturesque. I savor the moment, full of peace and contentment. Even though we hide secrets and live in a state of constant worry, right now, life is good; perfect even, and I've learned to appreciate it and live in the moment like my husband does._

 _Sorrel lies beside me, his eyes crinkled in quiet amusement as he protectively watches our kids run around the bustling playground. I suppose "kids" is the wrong thing to say though, since Mara has never needed to be looked after quite so closely. I can see her now with her little friends, entertained as she chants a childish rhyme while hopping through a jump-rope._

 _Though she already shows the signs of a strong and fiery-candor temperment, she's not the one who needs constant supervision. My heart rate jumps a fraction when I realize I don't see him, my little boy; Sage. I begin to stand, alarmed, but don't move any further when I feel strong and gentle fingers weave into my own._

 _"He's fine, see, stop worrying," Sorrel says, pointing to the monkey-bars that have been built in a dome-like shape._

 _I scan the area immediately, searching for our faction colors; black and white, the colors of candor. Then I see him; the shock of his shaggy raven-colored hair setting him apart from the other candor children. There he is, at the very top, perched on a pair of crisscrossing bars. It's precariously high, and though there is soft sand for him to land on if he falls, I still feel like it's much too dangerous. He's always getting into mischief, and more often than not, it's in the most unexpected places._

 _He beams proudly and gives a gleeful whoop; he's so young, but already I can tell his fearlessness doesn't come from lack of world knowledge, it comes from somewhere within himself. It's as natural for him to be brave, as it is for Mara to be bluntly honest._

 _"Not so high Sage!" I call out in warning._

 _He grins impishly and cups a little hand to his ear, pretending he can't hear what I've just said. Then he bends over and helps his friend up. The brown haired boy, Danny, whom I've been entrusted to watch and see as a second son, scrambles up and then waves at us._

 _"Danny, don't let go of the bars," I warn when I see him lurch a little to the side._

 _It looks as if he's about to fall, but he manages to catch himself, wrapping his hands around one of the poles. I want to stand, to run and yank both of the boys off of the bars and keep them safe, but I know that it could be seen as an over-exaggeration by the other parents._

 _"Lea, it's fine," Sorrel again soothes me. "Sage has him. He won't fall."_

 _I nod, but as I watch Sage crawl over on his belly and try to pull Danny back up, I again feel the instinct to rush over and protect them._

 _"You're being paranoid," Sorrel accuses with a chuckle. "Relax, you worry too much."_

 _"I'm an anxious mother," I correct him with a sigh. "I can't."_

 _I continue to watch stiffly as Sage struggles to yank Danny back up. Though they're laughing and smiling, I can't help but see that Sage takes the whole affair a little more seriously than a young boy should. Past the grins and sounds of play, I can see a tiny flare of determination in his brown eyes as he clamps his hands around Danny's arms._

 _Sage's brow furrows, and his lower lips pokes out in defiance, making him look more mature than I'd like to see. He manages to sit up and brace his sneakers against an opposing bar, and suddenly, I know what he'll do. He's not thinking of what'll happen to him, he's thinking only of his friend._

 _Giving a final yank, he manages to pull Danny back up and onto the top of the dome; the expense being his own balance. I watch in horror as the sudden shift in weight sends Sage flying back and down onto the ground. He lands with a dull thump onto the sand, and I immediately stand, running forward as if it's a life or death emergency._

 _"Sage, baby, are you okay?" I demand when I reach him, though from the sound of his laughter I can tell he's fine._

 _"Mommy, mommy, did you see me?" He chortles, sitting up and shaking the sand out of his hair and off his pants. "I was up so high!"_

 _"But you fell," I hear Mara point out from behind me. She must've been worried as well; though they bicker, I know she's just as protective of him as I am. "That was stupid; you should've let Danny fall." Mara continues._

 _"Mommy Mara called me stupid!" Sage complains, though I can see he's not bothered. Already, he seems rearing to go and climb back up to the top with Danny._

 _"I'm only being honest," Mara retorts, flicking her hair behind her and walking back to her jump-rope friends._

 _I begin to worry at the thought of Sage climbing back up, and possibly falling again, but luckily Sorrel comes to intervene._

 _"Hey kids, how about we spare mom's nerves a little and just stay down here?" he offers._

 _Sage snickers but nods in agreement, and when Danny climbs back down, I see why they didn't put up much of a fight. As I sit back down onto the grass, and listen to the high pitched squeals of laughter, a game of tag breaks out._

 _I can't help it; I smile like an idiot at the sight of them romping around the playground. It never ceases to amaze me, seeing Sorrel run around after the kids; I marvel at his capacity for play, his patience is extraordinary, and his gleeful buoyancy is infectious. Sage takes after him in this and many other ways._

 _As the sun continues to rise, I see the boys eventually slow from exhaustion; it's time for their naps. Danny is so tired that Sorrel ends up carrying him all the way to the apartment. When I ask Sage if he'd like to be carried, he gives a resolute no, instead saying that Mara should take his place; though I can clearly see he's drowsy and he keeps yawning every so often._

 _Once we're home, Sorrel gently lays a sleeping Danny onto Sage's bed. His father, Norman Gallows, is rarely home. Though he has often told us he could hire a sitter, we always insist otherwise; the boys have always been close to each other, and it sends a wave of outrage through me to think of Danny being alone with a stranger._

 _Mara complains that she's too old for a nap, but when I go to check on her a few minutes later, she is sound asleep. Sorrel and Sage are both curled up on the couch, and I can see from his shallow breathes, that Sage is already deeply asleep. I sit across from them, watching in quiet awe; they're so alike, it's uncanny._

 _I watch as Sorrel tenderly brushes Sage's hair to the side, his face full of fatherly-adoration, and can feel my heart swell; overcome with emotion. It all seems so perfect, but as each day passes, I can feel my worries grow._

 _As if reading my mind, Sorrel gazes up at me, his brow furrowed; betraying his anxiety._

 _We know, even at such a young age, that Sage is different; and different right now, means dangerous. I gaze at my husband, willing myself to stay as calm as he seems, but I can never seem to reach his same state of tranquility._

 _Even though I hope and pray, I know that the future of my little boy will be a hard and treacherous one. He'll have many challenges ahead of him, challenges I won't be able to protect him from._

 _He is too honest, too brave, too selfless; he is–_

 _No, but I can't say that word, I won't say it, I refuse._

 _I can only continue to have faith that when the time comes, he'll be able to survive. I look at them, father and son, and I try to cling to the glimmer of hope I see. Because maybe, even if he is what I suspect he is, he will have the wisdom to be able to navigate the waters of uncertainly and find the truth._

 _I look at Sorrel, and he looks at me; it's unavoidable, we won't be able to protect him forever._

" _Everything will be fine," Sorrel vows quietly. "I promise, everything will be fine…"_


	3. Chapter 1

Chapter One

He was lying; there was no doubt about it. It was as plain as daylight and almost a little insulting. His hand twitched and I could see the sweat bead on his forehead. He shifted nervously from foot to foot, and his eyes avoided mine at all cost. On closer inspection, I could also see the vein in his forehead, pulsing fast and irregular. He was a text-book liar. A deceitful wolf in sheep's clothing.

If there was _ever_ something that angered me more than lies and deception, it was cowardice and injustice. Here and now, I was experiencing both. I'd been on my way to my Factions History class when I'd been a witness to the spectacle; a willowy girl, dressed in reds and yellows, had plummet down a flight of stairs after a dauntless boy had shoved her aside. If that hadn't been enough, as her books and notes had spilled out all over the floor, the boy had laughed and then proceeded to pick them up and rip them apart, throwing them in the air like confetti, a malicious grin on his face the entire time.

Without a second thought, I'd swooped in; checking on the girl's well-being before directing all my anger towards the dauntless boy. Hands gripped around the neck of his jacket, I'd slammed him against a wall of lockers and was ready to beat him to a pulp before unknown hands had pulled me away.

"Chill Sage," I heard my best friend Danny warn as he yanked me back. "not _again_. We've already been to the principal's office twice this week." I'd known Dan since I'd been a toddler, and it was only his words that had managed to calm me enough for me to hear out what the other boy had to say.

"I didn't realize the dauntless allowed spineless cowards in their faction," I spat, crossing my arms and glaring at the boy in black who'd been quick to spin a lie.

"So let me get this straight. What you're trying to tell me is that she pushed _herself_ down the stairs and then proceeded to rip up her homework and fling it everywhere? Is that really the best you can come up with?" I seethed, clenching my fists and taking a menacing step towards the dauntless boy again. "I know what I saw, and even if I hadn't, you're a horrible liar. You practically have a neon sign flashing on your forehead screaming what really happened."

His fear betrayed him and he backed away, bumping into another student.

"I'm not lying," he muttered. His eyes landed on something as he searched through the sea of faces and he suddenly grinned and brushed himself off. I followed his gaze, and I saw why he suddenly seemed so confident; around the corner two other dauntless boys were already making their way towards us.

"What's going on Marko?" one of the boys asked warily the moment he saw I wasn't dauntless.

From afar, I could've easily passed for one; with my black pants, black leather jacket, and black boots, I was only distinguishable as a candor by the bit of white shirt that peeked out from under my jacket. Even physically, I wasn't built like an average candor; whether it was genetics or just good luck, I was often confused for a dauntless simply because of my stature and athletic build.

"Nothing much, I was just about to teach this candor big mouth a lesson," Marko jeered, his expression overconfident as he popped his knuckles and took a step towards me.

I smirked, not moving an inch as he got closer.

"Oh were you?" I asked mockingly as I pulled free from Danny and made my way to the middle of the hallway. "That's funny, because a few seconds ago I could've sworn you were ready to piss yourself."

Snickers and giggles passed around the crowed of students who'd actually witnessed what had happened, and I saw Marko stop in his tracks and scowl.

"That's a lie," he hissed, though he didn't proceed to move any further.

"I'm candor, I don't lie," I stated matter-of-factly. Then I raised a brow at the two dauntless boy's who'd come to stand at his back. "Wow, that's real _brave_ of you. Am I too scary for you to take on without help? " I asked in mock concern.

Danny stepped up then, his arms crossed over his chest. While he was never the one to cause fights, he certainly never had a problem joining in. His worry over visiting the principal's office _apparently_ gone, I saw as the familiar eagerness seeped into his eyes. It had never crossed my mind to doubt that Danny was meant for dauntless; he loved a good brawl and, like myself, he absolutely abhorred the thought of unnecessary cruelty going unpunished.

"Be nice Sage, maybe _poor_ little Marko here can't take on anything harder than innocent amity girl," Danny chimed in, his normal laid-back smile replaced by a taunting one.

Our scornful words hit their mark, and I watched as Marko waved off his dauntless friends. He clenched his jaw, but I could see his eyes dart from me to Danny, then back to the crowd, and then back to his friends; he was weighing his options.

"Whatever, mind your own business or next time I won't be so forgiving," he said after a beat as he stepped back and disappeared with his friends into the crowd.

The bell rang overhead, signaling that we only had five minutes to get to class, and the rest of the students who'd been watching the scene dispersed until it was just me, Danny, and the fallen amity girl.

"That was really kind of you, thanks for sticking up for me," the girl said with a bright smile, "you should go though, or you'll be late for your next class."

Holding out my hand, I helped the girl up and then quickly glanced at my watch.

"It was nothing really," I insisted. "It's cool, we'll make it I think," I said as I picked up her books and Danny ran around gathering the scattered papers.

"I'm Grace Willows," the amity girl said after we'd handed her the bundle of things she'd dropped.

"Sage Stronghold," I said as I stretched my hand out to shake. I was surprised when instead of a hand however, Grace wrapped her slender arms around me. _Right_ , I'd forgotten the amity loved to hug.

"And I'm-" Danny walked up and gave a little bow as he wiggled his eyebrows playfully, "-Danny. Danny Gallows at your service m'lady," he joked.

Grace giggled and proceeded to hug him as well.

"You two are very sweet. I cannot thank you enough. Haha, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you two were cut out for abnegation, what with how noble and selfless you are."

Danny and I both exchanged a look, and Grace was quick to laugh. Though I didn't have anything against the abnegation, being compared to them wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear either. Lately, the abnegation had been getting picked on and it was a little exasperating because they never fought back. Of _course_ they couldn't, but nonetheless, it frustrated me to no end.

It was the exact reason why Danny and I had ended up so many times in the principal's office. _Evidently_ , fighting for justice was not considered a good excuse for turning someone's face into the equivalent of hamburger meat. The unfairness and cruelty I witnessed combined with my short patience and hot temper were an awful mix, and when caught; like the good candor I was, I'd spill the beans before anything was even asked.

School was the only place where the factions mixed, and it was easy to see just how the discrimination was spreading. The bullying only seemed to worsen as the years went by; what had originally started with the abnegation had started to spread so that some of the weaker amity kids were also being targeted.

Sometimes, I wished I was like the others who were able to turn a blind eye to it; to just keep walking as if they'd seen nothing. The extent of my candor upbringing didn't allow it though; to me, turning away from the abuse going on around me was the equivalent of lying to myself. The unfair violence was there, whether I saw it or not, and I couldn't let it go unnoticed and un-avenged if I had the power to do something about it.

"I could never be a stiff," Danny said as he wrinkled his nose a little. He struck a pose; curling his arms and puffing his chest out. "This body's too sexy to be hidden behind baggy grey clothes. It would be a crime against nature."

Grace laughed and playfully swatted Danny.

"God, you're too much," she said between giggles.

"I'm only honest. The world would suffer if I had to hide this magnificent work of art," Danny insisted as he motioned to himself.

"And their haircuts," I added, running a hand through my tousled black hair, "I could never pull of the close-cropped look." I pretended to flick invisible locks off my shoulder, "our city would plunge into a deep era of depression if I were to shear off these beautiful tresses."

Grace's face went red as she doubled over laughing.

"Stop, please," she begged between breaths, her face turning a shade of warm pink.

Danny and I continued to make her laugh until the bell rang and we all took off like maniacs down the hall, sprinting to get to class.

"Crap, crap, crap! I can't be late again!" Danny said as we rounded a corner. "Ugh, my dad will be so pissed."

Danny's father was one of the representatives of candor, and as such always expected Danny to behave, which he rarely did. Because his father was usually gone on various political meetings though, I doubted he'd even have the time to notice if one of the teachers left him a message or sent a note home.

"Dude, don't worry. Isn't he still of on his trip to Erudite anyway?" I said as we reached the familiar hallway to Factions History.

Danny and I had practically grown up as brothers throughout the years. When his mother had passed away, Danny's father had been left with the task of raising him by himself; doing a rather poor job since he was away most of the time. My mother had noticed and after thoroughly chastising , as _any_ candor mother would, she appointed herself as Danny's unofficial caretaker. After that, Danny practically lived at our house, only leaving whenever his father deigned to come home.

I'd immediately taken a liking to Danny, having always wished I'd had a more siblings. We shared much in common, aside from our faction. My father had passed away after becoming the victim of a car accident, thus leaving my mother to care for me and my sister Mara alone. More than just a friend, Danny was my brother. Though Mara teased that Danny was a bottomless pit that did nothing but empty our fridge, I knew she loved having him around too.

"I have to go that way, I have Faction Philosophy and Ideology," Grace said as we stopped a couple of feet away from the door to our class. "I'll see you around," she whispered conspiratorially as she ran off in a different direction.

I waved and then turned to peek through the glass door into the room. Our desks were the only empty ones, but it looked like we'd hit a stoke of luck.

"Danny, relax. Mr. Green isn't even there yet." I said after I'd scanned the classroom.

Danny breathed a sigh of relief and together, we dashed in and stumbled into our desks. I pulled my book out and tapped my pencil, attempting to look busy. I knew if asked, I'd be unable to lie, so perhaps if I looked like I'd already been studying, Mr. Green wouldn't bother to question if I'd been on time.

An uncomfortable shudder ran through me at the thought of my attempting to deceive Mr. Green; because that's what it was, omission was still a lie. I peeked over at Danny and saw him frowning at his notes too. We were both uncomfortable with even the slightest hint of a charade.

When Mr. Green walked in, his eyes darted to both Danny and I, and without even having to ask, we both spoke in unison; declaring our guilt.

"We were late, we'll try not to let it happen again," we both grumbled as the classroom filled with knowing giggles and snorts.

Mr. Green chuckled and sighed, shaking his head good-naturedly at us.

"I assume _try_ is the key word?" he joked. "It's fine boys, since I was also late, I won't hold it against you."

"Why were you late anyway?" asked an erudite boy near the front of the class room, his hand raised and his expression that of impatience.

"I suppose I do owe an explanation," Mr. Green said as he addressed the classroom. He walked up to the board, "I was finishing the paperwork for the aptitude tests. I'll be administering some, along with a couple of other faction volunteers."

My stomach churned and I felt my hands begin to sweat. For days now, any mention of the aptitude tests had ended up having this effect on me. I wasn't sure why, but it had felt like a dark cloud had been hovering over my head, as if something bad were about to happen but I didn't know what it was yet. I gulped and listened even more intently.

"Don't forget students, the tests are in a few days. So take this time to meditate and relax. You have nothing to fear, the tests are never wrong."

The tests are never wrong. His words made my head pound, and my fingers twitch. How was it possible for something to sound so true and honest, and at the same time sound like a complete and utter _lie_?


	4. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The school day passed quickly and, for the most part, remained uneventful. Knowing that our aptitude tests were days away made everything else seem completely trivial and insignificant. It was impossible to concentrate on anything. And really, how could I? My future and happiness depended on my results. Various times I found myself completely lost in a world of my own.

Unlike Danny, who had no doubts that be belonged with the dauntless, I wasn't completely sure I knew where the right place for me was. Of course the test was supposed to tell us, but what if I didn't agree with the faction I'd been assigned? Had there ever been a mistake? Were the tests really never wrong? I could see the pros and cons of each faction.

The amity, with their belief in peace, kindness, forgiveness, and trust sounded good in theory. However, the more I thought about it, the less it appealed to me. There was a reason why candor and amity were what some would call _rivals_. The amity believed in keeping the peace no matter what, and this often included masking the truth behind a blanket of lies.

Perhaps I was being biased, having been raised with a candor mindset, but the thought of deliberately sacrificing the truth _just_ so others wouldn't be upset was enough to convince me I'd never fit in at amity. It was always better to be hurt by the truth than to be comforted by deceit. Lies were for those who wanted to foolishly live in a world of illusions, to ignore the realities of life and turn away from what was really happening.

Abnegation out of all the factions, even considering my own, was the one whose manifesto touched me in the deepest manner. To be completely selfless and forget about yourself was beautiful in its own way. Where others saw them as nothing more than _things_ to be walked over, I saw them as the kind and strong souls they were; because to care about others more than yourself wasn't a feat anyone could do.

 _Still_ , even though I admired their quiet power, I couldn't for the life of me see how I could ever be worthy enough to join their ranks. To forget about myself completely and think of only others was a herculean task that I could never do. I'd never lied to others, and much less to myself; simply put, I was selfish and I knew it. To pretend to be worthy enough to join their faction, would be the ultimate deception not just to them but to me.

Erudite; the seekers of knowledge. They were one of the strong pillars in our way of life. I could see how without them our society would crumble. When it came to them, I was mostly neutral; neither hating nor loving them. However, I knew they weren't even an option I could consider. Contrary to the nicknames Danny gave me, or what other people thought when they saw me, I wasn't dumb. _Okay_ , I wasn't exactly a _gem_ to science either, but I could certainly hold my own. It would never be enough though, my level of intelligence could never reach erudite standards.

Then there were the dauntless; courageous, brave, and fearless, standing up for what was right and making a stand. They defended the weak and faced their fears head on. It was easy to gravitate to them when I instinctively shared their way of thinking. There were many times, as I watched them jump from trains and run around in a wild frenzy, that I could clearly see myself among them.

They seemed so free and completely liberated from the shackles of society. I wanted to feel how they felt, and act as they acted. I wanted to fight the injustices of humanity and make this world a safe place. I wanted to make a difference; I wanted to be someone who made a change, not only with words but with actions.

Finally, there were the candor; my people, my home, my current way of life. Honesty is what had carved me into the man I was today. I loved my faction, but we'd been taught to see everything without the mask of rose-colored glasses and because of this, I could see our own faults.

There were different types of candor; the honest, and the _brutally_ honest. While I easily fit into the first mold, my sister Mara was the perfect example of the later. She was the type of person who'd tell you anything that popped into her head, the moment it did.

 _Say_ I met a man with a large nose; I would never mention it or openly question him about it unless it somehow came up in our conversation. Taking this same situation but switching it with my sister would have drastically different results; Mara wouldn't even ask his name or say hello before saying what she felt, which most likely would be: " _Sir_ , I don't see how you haven't tipped over with that giant thing taking up half of your face."

Some days, it was easy for me to see that it would be incredibly easy to just stay in candor. I'd lived this way for all my life; it was what I knew and was comfortable with. My mind would make thousands of arguments to convince myself to stay.

Stay, you'll be fine here. You know this. You believe in the manifesto. You're meant to be candor. Honestly is the most important thing in life. Lies are like a disease that spreads and consumes you, they must be eradicated. Anger at lies can last forever, but anger at the truth will eventually pass.

How these words moved me. But even then, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was attempting to deceive myself. Even if the lie was beautiful, the truth was what I'd have to face at the end; and the truth was that deep down, though it burned and raged and I wanted desperately not to believe it, I knew I didn't belong in candor either.

Something, though what it was I had yet to know, kept me from settling; kept me from believing I could stay in my faction. If I didn't belong here, then where did I fit in? _Where_?

"Yo, earth to Sage, come in Sage," Danny said as he snapped his fingers in my face.

"What?" I asked, startled when I saw that we were the only ones left in the classroom. I looked at the clock on the far end of the room and quickly grabbed my books when I saw the school day had ended.

"So where'd you go space cadet?" Danny joked as we made our way through the empty halls. "You seemed pretty out of it. Haha, you should've seen your face."

I rolled my eyes and gave him a playful punch as we got to our lockers.

"I was thinking about the aptitude tests," I said as I stacked my books on one of the little shelves and then closed the door.

"Oh yeah, they're coming up soon huh? I was kinda' thinking about it too," Danny agreed as he crammed his own things into his overflowing locker; the sound of crumples sheets and candy wrappers distinct. "Can't wait to just get it over with," he said as he grabbed a half-empty bag of chips before slamming the door closed.

"How long have those been in there?" I asked when I saw him reach in and pop one in his mouth.

"Not sure, but they're still good," he offered me the bag. "Want one?"

"No thanks, I'm good," I said with a laugh. "I'm pretty sure you bought those a week ago."

He grinned and deliberately began to chew loudly.

"Yummy, week old chips, my favorite," he tipped the bag into his mouth. "Food is food Sage, you know I don't discriminate."

I laughed and we continued to joke around as we made our way out of the school. A group of amity kids were still hanging around the outer part of the building and when I saw one of them wave in our direction, I realized who it was.

"Sage, Danny!" Grace called out as she continued to wave. Her friends turned to look at us and for an instant I felt uncomfortable.

"Sup' Grace face!" Danny answered as he jogged over to join them.

I smiled respectfully and followed behind him.

"Hey, why are you still here?" I asked when I was within earshot. "The dauntless sometimes stay behind and not to be rude," I looked pointedly at each face in their group, "but if something were to happen, you guys wouldn't stand a chance. I can stay if you want." I offered as my eyes searched the school grounds for any signs of life.

"It's ok Sage, we saw them leave already. And besides, we're in a group so it's not so dangerous this way," she said as she pulled Danny and I closer to her friends. "These are the guys I told you about, the ones that helped me. Their names are Sage and Danny."

The boy in their group raised an eyebrow and I saw his eyes go wide as he took in our black and white clothes.

"You didn't tell us they were candor," he said in awe. The other girls also stared a little surprised.

"Why does that matter?" I asked.

"Well our factions don't normally get along, and with all this bullying that's been going on I just figured…" the boy trailed off.

"You figured we'd be joining in on the harassment," Danny stated when he saw no one would continue.

"Well, yeah," the boy admitted sheepishly.

"Not all candor see amity the same way," I said, then decided to rearrange my words. "Well, I guess I should say some of us are more, _ahem,_ accepting of the way you live."

Grace smiled and her friends were quick to follow her example. They grinned and nodded at my words.

"This is Calum, Allison, Mia, and Joy," Grace said as she motioned to the boy and girls who accompanied her.

"Nice to meet you," Danny said. Then he frowned when he peered at his watch. "Sorry to cut this little introduction short, but if we don't go now we'll miss our bus," he laughed and rolled his eyes in my direction, "Mara will throw a fit if we're late."

I snorted and nodded. Mara had been steadily rising in the ranks as a top-notch debater, and today she was going to have an open dispute held at candor headquarters; the Merciless Mart. At the young age of eighteen, she was already gaining fame as a skilled speaker. She wanted to eventually become a lawyer and so this event was of utmost importance.

How had she put it? Oh yeah. "If you're late or you forget to come, I'm disowning you as my brother," she'd said to me, and then turned to Danny, "and if it's your fault Sage didn't make it, I'm going to personally hunt you down and skin you alive."

"Yeah, we better go," I agreed. "See you around!" Giving them a final wave, Danny and I raced to the bus stop.


	5. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Barely scraping by, Danny and I managed to catch the bus just as it was beginning to pull away from the curb. It reeked of fumes and exhaust, but it beat having to walk the whole way back to the candor sector of the city. Settling down into an empty seat, I watched as the scenery passed by. The ride was bumpy and uneven for the first few blocks, but eventually the pavements became smooth as we head deeper into the heart of the city.

The bus gave a groaning shudder as it stopped at the next sign and people began to pile in. A frazzled looking erudite woman stumbled in last, arms brimming with thick books and binders, her eyes searching for an empty seat. I glanced around as well, and when I saw that there were no other places available, I automatically waved her over.

"Hey, you can sit here," I said as I stepped into the aisle and held onto the railing for balance.

"Thank you," she said gratefully as she slumped into the seat.

"It's nothing," I answered, shrugging and giving her a polite nod.

Danny stayed quiet throughout the rest of the ride, and it wasn't until we'd gotten off and were just a few blocks from the Merciless Mart that he spoke.

"What was that back there?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" I answered, sincerely confused.

" _That_. Why did you give your seat to that girl? You didn't have to you know, there was another abnegation man there who was about to do it."

"Oh," was all I could say. I hadn't really thought about it, I'd just acted on instinct when I saw the chair dilemma. "I didn't see him, so I just figured it wasn't a big deal."

Danny nodded, accepting my answer, and then he let out a loud laugh.

"You should have seen the look the stiff gave you when you beat him to the punch. Haha, his eyes were like saucers!" He chuckled, smacking my arm humorously.

I laughed as well, imagining the sight. Candor stereotype seemed to be that since we were always bluntly honest, something that was often perceived as purposeful rudeness; we must also be bad-mannered and disrespectful. It was always fun to defy the labels they gave us.

Our leisurely walk was interrupted when I happened to glance at my watch.

"We have five minutes to get there if we don't want Mara to murder us," I said, jabbing Danny in the ribs and showing him the time.

" _Shit_ , let's go then," he said as we both took off, sprinting towards the Merciless Mart; where all the important debates and meetings were held.

In school, they taught us that the Merciless Mart had once been known as The Merchandise Mart. However, after the destruction that happened years ago, the only letters that remained were MERC IS MART. The nickname stuck because of our faction's _merciless_ but honest characteristics.

The massive building loomed overhead, at least eighteen stories high, and it cast a wide shadow on its surroundings. Bursting through the large glass doors, Danny and I raced like madmen throughout the black and white corridors. What was probably confusing to any other visitor of a different faction, was easily navigate-able to us candor born citizens.

Our shoes smacked loudly against the marble floors, and it wasn't until we'd rounded the next corner and boarded the elevator, that we finally hunched over and attempted to catch our breaths. Getting off at the fourth floor, Danny and I continued through the maze of checkered floors and then stopped when we reached the door labeled 'Debate Room 6'.

The large candor symbol, a set of unbalanced scales bound by a circle, took up the center of the room, with each podium resting on opposing sides. Mara and her opponent were already at their places and I could see we'd barely made it in time.

Already there were people sitting in the raised benches that formed a semicircle around the podiums. My eyes scanned the sea of black and white, and when I saw my mother I grinned and jogged over to her.

"Told you we'd make it," I said as I approached her.

"Yeah, and may I point out just how _dutifully_ on time we are?" Danny added with a playful grin.

"Glad you boys made it," she said, giving us a warm smile and scooting over so we'd be able to sit in the same row.

Mara stood by her podium looking completely at ease. Though she was eighteen, she was often confused for a younger age because of her child-like features; big eyes, short stature, and bright expression. It wasn't until she opened her mouth that she revealed the real land-shark she was. The epitome of candor, Mara was honest to a fault; saying anything without the slightest concern for what others might think or feel.

It was just this trait that made her such an excellent debater. She could argue for hours, never letting up or backing down. This girl who looked as harmless as a kitten had the ability to tear other people down with no more than a few words. She wasn't malicious about it, she was merely thorough and persistent if she believed in the cause she was speaking for.

As the moderator took his place in between Mara and her opponent's podium, a thick silence fell over the room out of respect.

"Welcome everyone, to our semifinal round of debates. Today, we shall be hearing opposing arguments from two of our most highly ranked debaters; Ms. Mara Stronghold and Mr. James Tucker."

Mara and her opponent, James, nodded at each other and then waved at the crowd. The mediator then raised his hands to us in the crowd, indicating that it was time to stand and pledge our total honesty and devotion to this important event.

Getting to my feet, I held both my hands out in front of my body, palms open and facing upward; symbolizing the candor scale, a sign of the constant battle between truth and deception.

"Dishonesty is rampant, dishonesty is temporary, dishonesty makes evil possible," everyone said in unison, our voices melding into one. "Dishonesty leads to suspicion, suspicion leads to conflict, honesty leads to peace," suddenly, we weren't individuals but part of a _whole_ living organism. "Truth makes us transparent, truth makes us strong, truth makes us inextricable."

As our pledge came to an end, we all dropped our hands and took our seats again. It was in these soul-touching moments that I valued my faction all the more; it was the feeling of being a part of something more than myself that made me want to stay in candor forever.

 _Like a wild animal, the truth is too powerful to remain caged._

Though not in the literal sense the dauntless took it, we too were completely free, with nothing to bind or restrain our power of honesty. Our world was beautiful; one where we never had to wonder if we were being manipulated, where we never have to evaluate or fear ulterior intentions, a place where everyone was transparent. Along with all this came a sense of complete and utter serenity, of peace.

More than a community, we were like a giant family, because without the veil of dishonesty to shield one person from the other, we were free to really know and love our family, friends, neighbors and peers. Dishonesty was the invisible monster that allowed evil to live on; hidden from the eyes of those who would fight it. A lifetime of sincerity made us and defined us as a community.

It was simple; what you saw was what you got.

We were authentic.

We had no suspicions.

We were at peace with not only ourselves but with those around us.

We were candor.


	6. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Mara's debate was a long and heated one. It was a constant back and forth of rebuttals, denials, counter attacks, repudiations, and disclaimers. The topic had been whether or not it was fair that the abnegation were allotted so much power by getting to be in charge of the government.

With Mara speaking for 'pro-abnegation', she cited her facts reverently and with passion. With abnegation devoted to forgetting themselves and thinking only of others, Mara defended that they made the best people for government because they'd be incorruptible. Her opponent James allude to the fact that it was a mistake to give _anyone_ that much power because it would eventually lead to fraud.

Though both sides argued with confidence and zeal, Mara ended up winning the debate by a landslide. Beaming, she'd received our applause with true bliss in her eyes. If there was ever anything Mara loved more than debating, it was winning.

"Thank you both for your honestly, and thank you for the lively debate. It is through demonstrations such as these that we may voice our observations and show our community what we believe. And even though there is a winner, we shall all choose our own way of thinking and not be afraid to voice our opinions," the mediator said as he signaled the end of the event.

"Did you see? I was amazing wasn't I!" Mara said when everyone had filed out of the room.

"Not _too_ bad Mara," Danny teased, pretending to be unimpressed.

"Downplaying my splendor is bordering on a lie," Mara snapped at Danny with an eye roll.

"You did fantastic sweetie," my mother chimed in, wrapping her arms around Mara.

"You did great, that other guy didn't stand a chance," I agreed.

Mara beamed and then continued to rattle off how she'd been certain she'd win. Honestly, it was easy to see why sometimes the other factions considered us boastful and overly confident. Her talent was genuine though, so no one was really bothered by her constant bragging.

After making our way out of the Merciless Mart, we walked along the quiet paths of our sector. The sun was beginning to set, casting a lovely shade of pink and orange over the city. Everything looked picturesque; bathed in a coat of tangible calm and tranquility.

A series of glass buildings surrounded our faction's headquarters, and at each of these buildings a set of three families were assigned a complete floor to themselves as a living space. Passing through the doors of the lower lobby, we all piled into the elevator and hit the button that said three.

My mother, Mara and I all lived on the top floor of the building, while Danny _technically_ lived on the second level; though, since his father was rarely around, he mostly stayed with us. The lower floor was occupied by the Boon family; a lovely candor couple who had two younger daughters named Vera and Annie.

As the elevator doors slid open with a ding, we all filed out and then waited as my mother opened the door.

"So what's for dinner ?" Danny asked as he proceeded to fling himself on the couch and kick off his shoes.

Mara grabbed a nearby pillow and chucked it at Danny.

"Is that all you ever think about?" she chided with a laugh as she walked over to join our mom in the kitchen.

"Not while I'm awake," Danny retorted.

"Before I forget, Danny your father called, he said he'd be back from his trip tomorrow," my mom said as she brought a pot of soup to a simmer.

"Really?" Danny said, his voice suddenly childlike and eager.

"Yes, I believe he said he wanted to spend time with you before you left," my mom answered as she began to ladle the soup into bowls.

While I'd often heard that other factions felt insulted when one of their residents transferred, that was not the case with candor. While we were never _happy_ to lose a citizen to a different belief system, we valued honesty above all, and if someone transferred because they'd gotten a different result than candor, we appreciated and respected their commitment to stay true to themselves.

Though Danny was as blatantly honest as they came, it was obvious even to his father that he didn't belong here. Could that also be the case with me? Did my mother and Mara feel the same way?

"Awesome! Oh, wait. I gotta' go then," Danny said as he grabbed his shoes and began to stumble to the door, "I haven't cleaned in days, I don't want him to come back and see the mess I left."

"Wait, here, take this to eat while you fix things up," my mom said as she handed him a plastic container with the warm soup.

"Thanks ," he said appreciatively, tucking the container under his arm. He turned to me and waved before he left. "See you in school tomorrow. Remember, only a couple more days until the aptitude tests."

I waved halfheartedly, the knot in my stomach returning at the mention of the test. Thankfully, I was mostly left to my dwell on my questions during dinner; Mara did practically all of the talking. I was shocked she didn't choke on her food the way she kept up her constant chatter. I'd assumed my silence had gone unnoticed, and so I'd paid little attention to what had gone on around me.

After the table had been cleared and the dishes cleaned, Mara retreated to her room saying she was exhausted after the long day's events. Still lost in thought, I practically jumped out of my skin when my mom placed a hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she took the seat beside me.

So much, how could I even begin to explain? I momentarily considered, _not lying_ , but maybe wording my doubts differently so she wouldn't worry. Not even two seconds had passed when she furrowed her eyebrows and pinched her lips into a thin line.

"Now don't you try bending the truth with me young man. Whatever it is, just say it," she demanded.

"I'm scared," I admitted, running a hand through my hair.

"Of what?"

I frowned and then let out a dark laugh.

"It sounds so stupid, even to myself, but I'm terrified-" I clenched my fists and took a deep breath, "-I'm terrified of what's going to happen in these next couple of days."

"The aptitude tests," she stated; no question in her voice.

I nodded, and then shook my head in self-disgust. I hated feeling like an aberrant child who needed his mother to comfort him.

"It's so _dumb_ , I know it is, to worry about something like that. I mean, I know the test is never wrong but I just can't seem to get this feeling of panic out of my head."

She didn't speak, instead placing a hand over my own. I waited anxiously, hopeful that what she'd say could sooth my nerves.

"Sage, sweetie, it's not dumb. Everyone worries about what they'll get, its normal."

"Not Mara, she was always so confident she'd stay in candor. She always knew she belonged here," I muttered, suddenly jealous of how easy it had been for her. "Why don't I feel that way? Why do I feel like something is missing?" I searched my mom's face for answers. "What if I don't fit in anywhere?"

I glared at the floor, angry to feel so small and insecure; how I detested feeling like a dim-witted fool, in constant need of assurance. My mom squeezed my hand and then tipped my head up so I was forced to look at her.

I was surprised when I saw something flare behind her eyes; an emotion that seemed almost panicked and alarmed. Her words were steady as she spoke though, and her body gave no sign of a potential lie, but the way she said her next words made me feel like there was something wrong. Hidden.

"There is nothing to worry about. Trust the test," she said before suddenly lurching up and walking off to her room.

I stared open-mouthed at the spot where my mother had been sitting moments ago. Never, in my whole life, had I even considered the possibility that my mom would be capable of deceiving me. Had she tried to do that just now? No. Impossible. Never. My mother was the most honest person I knew.

Maybe I'd imagined it? Yes, that had to be it. Her behavior didn't necessarily have to do with what I'd said, right? She was candor; she did not lie, she did not mask the truth, she could not- _would not_ betray her values by hiding something from me; her own son.

Could she?


	7. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The following morning I awoke groggy and in a stupor from the lack of sleep. I'd tossed and turned all night long; thoughts of the impending aptitude test and my mom's odd behavior had plagued me and kept me from having a real night of restful slumber.

Still blinking sleep from my eyes, I ran a hand through my mussed hair and after peeking in the mirror that hung in my room, deemed it acceptable. Like a zombie; I stumbled along while I got ready for school. I dressed without much contemplation, wearing my usual attire of black pants, black boots, and a simple white t-shirt.

Shuffling along the hallway and into the large bathroom, I splashed water on my face and brushed my teeth absently. Every once in a while I'd find myself analyzing my reflection, I _felt_ different, but I looked the same; tall, broad shouldered, with messy black hair, bronzed skin, and dark brown eyes.

I narrowed my eyes at my mirror image and leaned away; hoping the distance would help give me a different insight to the invisible change. I sighed; other than the look of confusion on my face, I appeared the same as I did any other day.

My mind kept replaying my mother's expression and her words from the previous night. As I'd been taught all my life, I instinctively searched for signs of dishonesty; had she blinked too much, not enough, had she began to sweat, twitch nervously, pick at her nails, or avoided eye contact?

What was I doing.

What was I _doing_? Why was I trying to analyze my mother as if she were someone untrustworthy? I was repulsed by my actions; if there were ever someone I should never doubt, it had to be my mother. I was a poor excuse for a son. Pushing my chaotic thoughts aside, I vowed to never think that way of her again. _Surely_ , the stress of what loomed in my future had made me see things that weren't there.

"Sage, damn it! Get out of the bathroom, I've got to use the shower!" Mara pounded on the bathroom door.

"In a minute!" I shouted back, not because I actually had anything else to do, but because I hated to be rushed, and what kind of younger brother would I be if I didn't get on Mara's nerves every once in a while.

"What are you doing in there?" she growled impatiently.

I chuckled and eyed the open medicine cabinet; toying with the idea of wasting time just to get on her nerves.

"I'm considering flossing my teeth, or swabbing my ears, _hmm_ , or maybe giving these whitening strips a try?"

"Are you trying to be annoying on purpose?" she demanded loudly as she jiggled the doorknob.

"Actually yes, yes I am."

"Well congratulations, mission accomplished you little _cretin_. Now get the hell out, I have a tight schedule to keep!"

Snickering, I opened the door and darted out before she could land a good punch on my arm.

"Love you too Mara!" I said as I grabbed my backpack and leather jacket.

Slamming the door, I rushed to the elevator when I saw that, once again, I was bordering on being late. For an instant, I felt mildly bad that perhaps I'd kept Danny waiting. However, as the doors slid open on the second floor, I saw that I hadn't been the only late riser.

"That's a surprise, usually you're the one who's up slightly earlier," Danny noted, letting out a huge yawn as he spoke.

"Needed a little more beauty sleep, you know?" I joked, trying to keep a straight face; it'd become a sort of game we played each morning to see who would crack first.

" _Oh yeah_ man, me to. Gotta' keep up these good looks somehow." He smiled wanly and nodded.

"Dude I know, people always assume it's easy to be this handsome. They don't realize the trouble we go through to stay this way."

"Yeah, I mean, can you imagine a mere mortal having to go through our rigorous schedule of powernaps and non-stop tomfoolery?"

I broke down and laughed loudly. "Tomfoolery? That's a new one."

Danny snorted and shrugged. "What can I say, I'm a smart cookie."

The doors slid open and Danny and I wasted no time; running across the empty lobby and then sprinting down the paved streets toward the bus stop. Absolutely sure we'd missed the bus; I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that Vera and her younger sister Annie had stalled the driver long enough for us to board.

"Thanks guys," I said after I'd managed to catch my breath.

"No problem, I saw you were late and figured I'd try and buy you some time," Vera said.

"You're a lifesaver Vera," Danny said. Then he grinned and proceeded to make faces at little Annie.

"You're going to scare her," I joked, turning to Vera and winking. "Isn't he absolutely terrifying?"

Vera snorted and nodded, but little Annie simply laughed and played along.

"Whatever, kids love me," Danny insisted.

"Because you are a kid yourself," I said with a chuckle, joining in and making silly gestures with my eyes. Annie squealed in delight and tried to mimic us.

Vera doubled over laughing, and then playfully swatted at Danny and me.

"God you guys, I'm really going to miss you," she said, suddenly sad as she watched us from her seat. "It's not going to be the same without you."

So she was yet another person that naturally assumed I'd leave candor. Another person that didn't feel I would stay, or even belonged here.

"Yeah, but you could always come visit us," Danny said, still focusing most of his attention on making the toddler laugh.

Wait a minute, what did he mean by _us_? Did this mean Danny assumed that I'd leave candor for dauntless as well? Technically, we'd never discussed that we'd _both_ join that particular faction. I mean, Danny certainly made it a point to talk about it, but I'd never actually decided had I?

Though now that I thought about it, I'd never really denied his words and so it probably implied that I'd agreed. Most people at school already thought I belonged in dauntless, but I'd figured their guesses had been simply based on my overall profile, and not my personality. Could their presumptions be correct?

"I don't think it would be the same," Vera answered. She frowned a little and sighed. "Also, I don't think I'd feel totally comfortable bringing Annie to the dauntless compound."

The thought of innocent little Annie amongst a group of wild dauntless suddenly had me worrying as well. I'd heard horror stories of what life was like in the dauntless compound, and the thought of any vulnerable child running around unprotected had me fraught with concern.

The bus continued to chug along until we reached the younger children's school; the Lower Levels building. Vera got off momentarily to drop Annie off at the door and then got back in as we continued along the winding path. The Lower Levels building was the newest of the three schools in the city; Lower Levels, Mid-Levels, and ours; the Upper Levels being the oldest.

As the bus came to a stop in front of our school, all glass and steel, my eyes immediately came to a stop at the large metal sculpture that adorned the front lawn. With its winding curves and precarious angles, the dauntless were constantly daring each other to climb it, always attempting to go higher and higher.

"Holy crap, Sage, look how high that girl is," Danny exclaimed when he followed my gaze to the figure in black.

The girl dangled precariously from a metal beam, swinging her legs to and fro, attempting to gain enough momentum to reach the other side. Below her, a large group of dauntless hooted and taunted her, pressuring her to go further. Amongst them I saw Marko, jeering and laughing whenever the girl seemed to consider climbing back down.

"What, are you getting scared Randi?" Marko laughed, ribbing his buddies. "Do you want to come back down, huh?"

"Shut up, you know I'm not!" the dauntless girl, Randi, snapped back. With a barely audible grunt, she flung herself and managed to snag a leg over the beam she'd been unable to reach. Then, after a few nerve-wracking seconds of uncertainly, she hoisted herself up onto one of the thin poles.

"I think that's the highest I've ever seen anyone go," Danny said in awe. "Pretty amazing."

"Amazingly stupid," Vera said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "I'm going to head to class, the bell is about to ring anyway," she excused herself, disappearing along with most of the other students behind the large glass doors.

Danny nodded and nudged me to follow, but as I was walking along beside him, I took a final look behind me; expecting to see the girl climbing back down since she'd already broken the record.

"I knew she'd be too scared to go further, I told you guys," Marko said in a stage whisper to the dauntless crowd around him. "She's not brave enough to go any higher."

My eyes darted back to Randi, and as I'd feared, she scoffed and jutted her jaw out defiantly.

"I can hear you Marko!" she yelled, already gripping a pole above her head to climb higher. "Just watch and learn, this is what being dauntless looks like."

Without thinking, I ran back and shoved past the dauntless bodies until I was at the base of the sculpture. The higher she went, the more rickety and unstable the beams were, it was insane and dangerous to keep testing her luck.

"Hey you, come down! Don't you see, they're just doing this to mess with you!" I yelled.

Marko glowered at me, taking a step forward.

"You have no business here you candor bigmouth," he growled, his dauntless buddies moving with him. "So why don't you just run along and join the rest of your tattletale friends?" he sneered, nodding at Danny who stood with a crowd of candor boys heading inside.

I clenched my fists and breathed deeply, I would not fight, I would remain calm. Instead, I turned back and yelled at the girl again.

"What you're doing isn't dauntless at all, it's stupid and cowardly!"

"Cowardly? Shut up you moron you don't know what you're talking about! You wouldn't know an act of courage if it bit you in the ass!" she retorted, suddenly leaping a little and catching her hands around the beam above her. Now she dangled without anything to catch her if she were to fall.

"It is cowardly!" I repeated, suddenly remembering a lesson they taught us as young candor children. "Are you so weak willed that you'd crumble under the scrutiny of your peers? Are you willing to let their words define you?"

"Sage!" I heard a dull thud, and suddenly I was shoved forward. Stumbling to my knees, I turned in time to see Marko's fist connect with Danny's nose. Danny had taken the blow meant for me. Anger swelled through me and I lunged at Marko, only to be stopped by three other dauntless boys.

Marko chuckled and without a second thought, threw a right hook, his fist connecting with my temple. I grunted but still I continued to pull against the arms that held me.

"So I guess I was right then," I spat, smiling mockingly, "you can't fight me by yourself; you need your goons to hold me huh?"

Marko growled, and then he nodded at his friends to release us. Danny immediately pulled away and stood at my right flank, his face twisted in a glower. Always known as the lighthearted jokester of our year in school, the gesture was so shocking a couple of the dauntless boys took a step back.

"Don't listen to this idiot Randi, do it, go higher!" Marko barked up at the girl who seemed to be trying to climb back down.

"Don't tell me what to do!" she snapped, and I could see she'd thought better of his taunting.

"Coward!" Marko glared up at her, and then turned his attention to me. He took a step forward, and I mirrored his movement. Backing away was not an option. His eyes widened momentarily, but then narrowed. " _You_ and _me_ , here, tonight, at midnight. One on one, and we'll see who the _real_ man is."

I chuckled morosely; I didn't need to validate myself to him or anyone. Being candor gave you an iron-like hide and it would take more than a little taunting to make me fight him. The only reason people couldn't bear honesty was because they were not raised hearing the truth about themselves; this wasn't my case. I knew I was a _real_ man, and I didn't need to slug it out with this dauntless idiot to confirm it. I was about to tell him to take a flying leap, when I heard the scream.

"Help! Guys! _Shit_ , I'm slipping, help!" Randi screeched. She flailed around frantically, and I realized she must've lost her grip. Hanging only by her fingertips, she fought to get a hold. "Marko, Cam, Jake, anyone!"

A couple of the dauntless boys she'd named exchanged looks amongst themselves, and the rest she hadn't named shamefully looked at the ground. Though they tried to stay composed, their eyes betrayed them; they were scared.

"Marko, we can't get in trouble again, not so close to the aptitude test day." They murmured.

Marko swore under his breath and I saw his group of friends simultaneously start to back away. They started off slowly, but after taking three steps, they turned tail and ran into the building.

"You're on your own Randi," Marko shouted up as he sprinted away, "no one _forced_ you to go up there!"

The look on Danny's face suggested he wanted to chase them down, but instead he turned and craned his head up. I knew he'd have my back.

"What do we do Sage?" he asked.

I was about to answer when a different sound echoed in my ears; groaning and protesting, the thin metal rod Randi had been holding onto suddenly gave a shudder, simultaneously collapsing and plummeting to the ground.

All I could hear was her shrill screams.


	8. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

As the metal beam came crashing to the ground, sending clanging reverberations throughout the pavement, I held my hands over my head and braced myself. _Braced myself_ to hear the dull thunk of her body hitting the ground. I waited, grief coursing through my body at the thought that I hadn't been able to do anything, but the sound never came.

Removing my arms from my head, I took a step back and craned my head up. Dangling from one hand, by only two or three fingers, Randi continued to sway perilously in the wind. She must've had time to reach out and hook onto another pole before the beam had given away.

"You ok?" Danny shouted up.

"No you _idiot_ , of course I'm not ok!" she snapped, trying to sound brassy though her voice shook terribly; my attentive candor ears catching every hint of panic in her tone. "I'm slipping!"

"Hang on!" I called out, dropping my backpack and reaching for the sculpture.

A firm hand wrapped around my shoulder and I spun around to face Danny.

"Sage what are you thinking? That thing might not hold the both of you, we have to go find someone!" he said hurriedly.

"There's no time," I said, brushing him off.

One hand over the other, I quickly scrambled up the instable structure, not once looking down at the ground. I had nearly reached her when one of the metal poles I'd been standing on shuddered and I almost toppled over. Wrapping my hands around the beam next to me, I stayed still as the structure continued to shift and swing. I glanced up, she was so close, I could literally touch her leg if I were to reach my arm out.

Just as I thought that, the sound of groaning metal filled my ears. The wind picked up and whatever balance she'd had was gone. Her fingers slipped, and though it had probably only been a few seconds, I felt that the events that followed lasted for hours; I saw her arms flail, hopelessly grasping at the air, brown hair whipping around her face, she opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out.

" _No_!" I shouted, a roar bursting from my chest. A fall from this height was not something anyone would be able to walk away from alive. She would _not_ die, I could not let that happen. As if in slow motion, I saw myself leap away from my secure niche; one hand wrapping around her arm as she fell, the other barely latching onto one of the poles that flew past.

The sharp and sudden wrench of Randi's free-fall coming to a stop nearly yanked me away from the pole I'd managed to hold onto. We dangled, hands gripped tight, and for a moment I couldn't help but compare it to the old game I'd used to play as a child; hanging by a hand and supporting her with the other, we were the literal representation of a barrel of monkeys, though this was anything but comical. Even though she was slight, Randi's weight tortured my left arm when I tried to pull her up; I must've pulled something, I was sure of it.

"Don't let go," I growled, my right hand gripping the beam tighter. "I'm going to swing you ok? I'm going to swing you and I want you to reach that pole next to you."

Her eyes widened and I saw her head already shaking no before she'd even spoken.

"No, no, _just_ -no, I won't, _no_ ," she stammered.

"Just trust me, please," I squeezed her hand reassuringly, and as our eyes met, I smiled in support, "be brave Randi, you can do this."

"Ok," she nodded after a moment of hesitation. She gripped my hand tighter when I began to swing her back and forth.

After a couple of failed attempts, Randi finally managed to reach out and catch a hold of a sturdier beam. I loosened my hold, and after she nodded, I let her go and hoisted myself up. My shoulders ached in relief, and I proceeded to make my own decent after I'd made sure Randi was fine. Climbing down cautiously, I let out a sigh only when my feet finally touched the pavement.

"Are you ok?" I asked Randi, giving her a quick look to see if I could spot any injuries.

"I'm fine," she snapped, her face flushing with a deep chagrin. "I mean it's not like I was _scared_ or anything," she spluttered quickly, running a hand through her hair and attempting to appear nonchalant.

Danny snorted loudly but somehow managed to behave by not saying anything, and I actually let myself smile in amusement. Did she not see my black and white clothes? By presenting such an obvious lie, it was as if she were actually telling me the truth unintentionally; _"I'm not fine – I mean I was actually really scared just then."_

"Okay," I said slowly, raising a brow sardonically. I supposed it wasn't all a lie though; from what I could see she really did appear _fine_. With only minor scratches visible, she seemed mostly unharmed.

"I am," she insisted, avoiding eye contact as she kicked a pebble near her shoe. "Thanks though, that was brave of you," biting her lip, she finally looked up and smiled; sincerely and authentic. "You two are the ones who look like crap though."

It was true; Danny's nose hadn't stopped bleeding since he'd been punched and was already beginning to swell, and as my fingers gingerly grazed my temple, I felt that there was indeed a patch of warm sticky blood in my hair from when Marko had struck me.

"Is it broken?" Randi asked Danny when she saw him wince.

"Don't think so," he answered, cautiously touching his face. "Oh well, if it is, I guess it'll help make me look tough," he added, attempting to sound enthusiastic.

"What about you? How's your head?" She asked me, turning to evaluate the gash near my forehead.

"I'll live," I answered, shrugging a little. My head pounded and felt heavy, but I figured the damage wasn't substantial. The bleeding had mostly stopped, and really the only horrific thing that remained was the mess of blood that stained my white shirt.

"Don't even worry," Danny snickered as he grabbed his own backpack off the floor, "takes a lot more than a fist to crack through this meathead's skull."

I laughed, and then regret it when the action sent little daggers of pain through my head. This was going to be a real headache from hell. I forced a smile on my features, and grabbed my pack from the asphalt.

"Yeah, I'm going to be fine," I tapped the uninjured side of my head and grinned, "thick headed."

"And he means that in more than one way," Danny ribbed, darting away when I attempted to slug him.

"You should go to the nurse's office," Randi insisted.

Danny nodded, tipping his head back and cupping his nose. The blood was really pouring now.

"Yeah, I know," he began to hurriedly walk off, "Sage you're walking too slowly, if you get lost just follow my trail _o'_ blood," he called over his shoulder as he disappeared through the glass doors.

Though I doubted they'd do more than hand me an ice pack and tell me to wait, I figured it'd be a good idea to get a note from the nurse to explain my tardiness. My white shirt made it seem as if I'd been part of a massacre, so I'd also have to stop by my locker and change into a clean white shirt.

"Wait, umm, Sage was it?" Randi said as I'd begun to make my way to the entrance. "Thanks, you know, not just for risking your life to save me, but for those words," I turned back and saw her eyes flicker with resolution. "You were right, I _was_ being cowardly when I let them pressure me into that dare, I _was_ letting their words define me."

It took me by surprise, her sudden confession. The way I'd seen it, I wouldn't have been shocked if she'd denied the whole accident, instead spinning it so she'd sound courageous and heroic. To hear the unashamed truth from someone, certainly not from candor roots and without the aid of the truth serum, made me feel a sort of quiet respect.

"Thank you for your honesty," I said, bowing ever so slightly.

She flushed a little and then shrugged, trying to play it cool I supposed.

"Yeah, well it won't let it happen again," she said, her words ringing with the truth, "and I was wrong about something else."

"Oh yeah, what?" I asked, noting the change in her tone from stonily serious to light and teasing.

"You're maybe not a _complete_ moron," she grinned, "and you definitely know what courage is."

" _Gee_ thanks," I chuckled, raising both of my eyebrows as if I were surprised, "even if it didn't, how did you put it? Oh yeah, bite me in the ass?"

She laughed, and then tapped her own head. "Didn't have to, it got you right where it counts."

The final warning bell sounded across the school grounds and I knew I had to hurry before my excuse was nullified.

"We're going to be incredibly late," Randi said as we made our way towards the large doors.

"I'd like to think of it as _fashionably_ late," I replied with a cheesy grin.

"Fashionably in trouble you mean," she retorted, glancing at her watch.

"You can go ahead and leave to your class," I said, realizing since she wasn't really injured she probably wouldn't get away with our same excuse.

"Naw, I'll take you there," she said, faintly smirking as she spoke, "you know, just in case you pass out or something from the head wound."

I rolled my eyes and snorted a little. "I feel incredibly safe now."

She slugged my arm and her smirk pulled up into a smile. "As you should."

"Oh _yeah_ , for sure," I said with mock sincerity.

She laughed loudly and then shook her head in my direction. She looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite decipher.

"You're something else," she finally said as we neared the nurse's room.

"If you think I'm funny, you should hang around Danny more often, now he's a real clown," I answered; automatically assuming my ' _something else'_ was my humor.

"That… That's not what I meant."

"What then? Is it my incredible good looks, or my enchanting charm and wit?" I joked, raising a brow and cocking my head to the side. She smiled, but it didn't fully reach her eyes.

That look, I recognized it; it was the same one Danny had given me on the bus, the one he always got when he claimed I was acting like a stiff, the same one Mara and my mother always had when the topic of my aptitude tests came up, the same one _everyone_ gave me when they realized my actions didn't fit the candor stereotype.

"You're… different."


	9. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

The school nurse, an older and kind looking woman dressed in abnegation grey, nearly had a heart attack the moment she laid eyes on me. I could only imagine the sight; the side of my face coated with sticky drying blood, white shirt tainted a deep crimson, and a faint bruise already forming near my eye.

"Oh dear, here's the other one," she told her assistant, another friendly looking woman dressed in amity yellow, when she saw me walk through the doorway.

"It's not too bad-"I tried to explain when I saw their eyes widen in panic. "It's mostly stopped bleeding. I could probably just head off to class, all I'd need is a note to excuse my tardiness."

"Nonsense young man, a blow to the head could be serious," the abnegation woman said, taking me by my elbow as she started to lead me to the back. "You need to rest, and lay down," she said and then turned to Randi, "I'll be right back to check you in ok?"

"I'm not hurt," Randi answered quickly, turning to leave before either of the nurses could pull her in. "See you around Sage, and thanks again," she called over her shoulder as she jogged off.

The nurses shared a look, and I saw them shake their heads in worried disapproval before focusing all of their attention on me. With both of them on either side of me, we walked towards the back of their tiny clinic. Though I appreciated their concern, it honestly felt a little silly; I'd made it here just fine, and if I _were_ to fall, my dead-weight would be too much for either of them. Nonetheless, I stayed quiet and let them lead me to the cots.

"Hey, you made it," Danny mumbled from beneath the large icepack that took up most of his face.

"Yeah, how are you feeling? Is it broken?" I asked as I laid out on the cot that was much too small for my frame; my feet dangled over the edge and I had to clasp my hands on my stomach so they wouldn't hag over the sides.

"I feel great actually, that nice amity lady gave me some kind of shot," he pointed to his neck with his free hand, "and any kind of worries I felt just, like, _evaporated_. I feel awesome. And no, it's not broken, just swollen."

I vaguely wondered what they'd given him, but didn't have enough time to really think it through before the abnegation nurse and her amity assistant returned.

"How are you feeling?" The abnegation woman asked as she began to wipe at the dried blood with a wet washcloth.

"Okay, my head hurts a little but it's nothing unbearable," I answered, wincing slightly when the cloth brushed over the gash on my temple. I tried to keep my expression neutral so they wouldn't worry, but the amity nurse must've seen my reaction because a few moments later she pulled out a syringe and a little vial filled with a green liquid.

"You're in pain aren't you?" she asked, attaching the needle to her syringe and tilting the vial upside down.

"A little," I answered, watching her every move with suspicion.

"You have nothing to worry about, that injection will just help take the edge off," the abnegation woman comforted me as she continued to clean my wound. She must've read my expression.

I nodded; though the abnegation woman wasn't candor, her words were said with so much sincerity, I knew I could trust her.

"What is it?" I couldn't help but ask.

"It's a shot of instant _happiness_ is what it is," Danny said as he chuckled and continued to press the icepack to his nose.

"Close, it's just a serum they use once in a while in amity," the abnegation woman answered me.

The amity woman nodded and then proceeded to ask me my height and weight before she drew up the correct dose. Then she instructed me to turn my head, leaving the vein in my neck clear and exposed for the shot. I felt the slight prick only for a second, and then almost instantly felt my body relax.

"That's… nice," I found myself saying. I could already feel myself unwinding from the day's events, my body melting into the cot, and my eyes heavy with sleep. All I really wanted to do was nap, or hop into the nearest hammock, basking in the suns warm rays, and dissolve into a complete nothingness. I felt _good_.

The amity woman checked her notes and shortly after exited the room, leaving us under the supervision of the abnegation nurse. I could hear Danny's faint snores near me, and knew that I'd be soon to follow in his steps. A small part of me that was still lucid worried that whatever they'd given me had never actually been explained; what kind of serum was it? We had the truth serum back in candor, but it definitely didn't feel at all like this.

"You never really told me what that stuff was," I mumbled.

The abnegation woman nodded knowingly and sat in one of the chairs that were near the cots.

"My apologies, I forgot candor like _direct_ truths," she glanced at Danny and I saw her smile in an almost maternal way, "your friend was right in a sense. What we gave you two was a measured dose of the peace serum that they use in amity."

"Peace serum?" I asked, confused as to why they'd chosen to give us that. "Why? We weren't being rude or argumentative."

"I know you weren't, but when the human body goes through a difficult time, whether it is physical or emotional, it helps put you into a more relaxed state. It reduces your adrenaline levels and allows your body time to heal," she smiled again and then began to write notes down in a chart she'd pulled out of a cabinet. "Don't worry, the effects aren't permanent."

I nodded and then closed my eyes and attempted to find sleep. Even though I presently felt good, something inside of me, my voice of reason perhaps, couldn't quite shake off the feeling of being manipulated. I understood why they'd given me the serum, it was for my own good, but still it felt forced; why should I have to relax against my will?

Sure, I realized I was being unreasonably stubborn, but I couldn't help it; it was in my character to fight manipulation. My mother said I'd always been this way, willful and headstrong. The happy bliss that clouded my senses suddenly felt suffocating. As stupid as it sounded, I didn't want to be forced to settle down.

Fighting against the stifling blanket of unnatural happiness, I imagined myself running away from the feeling; trudging my way out of its dominant grasp. I don't know how long I shifted and turned unhappily in my cot, but by the time the bell rang for lunch, I was completely myself again. I was tranquil, but because I'd chosen to feel that way voluntarily.

The amity nurse returned and told Danny and I that we'd been cleared for the classes we'd missed, and then told us to wait while she got us slips in case we were late for our next class.

"That stuff they gave us was incredible," Danny said as he stretched and gave a loud yawn, his eyes still hinting at the unusual glee the serum forced upon him.

"It was peace serum," I told him, brushing my hand through my hair, "didn't you think it was kind of weird though? The unnatural feeling it gave you to be happy all the time?

"Huh, that's funny," he shrugged casually, "not really, I didn't even feel when it took effect, it just felt nice."

Again I felt confused, how could he have not felt the serum taking effect? Even when I'd experienced the chemically-produced happiness, underneath it all I'd still been completely aware.

"Okay boys, here's your passes. If you feel any sort of ailments though, come right back and we'll excuse you to go home. Tomorrow is aptitude tests, and we wouldn't want you two feeling ill now would we," the amity nurse told us as she handed us our slips of paper, "do try to stay out of trouble."

"Yes ma'am," Danny said, giving the nurses a little salute. I thanked her and joined him, only realizing once we'd turned a hallway that I'd forgotten my jacket.

"Be right back, I'm just going to go get my jacket," I said, turning around and jogging back towards the nurse's office.

"Okay, I'll save you a seat," Danny called over his shoulder as he continued down the hallway.

I slowed my pace when I saw the little clinic, and quietly made my way towards the back where the cots were. As I'd thought, my jacket was still hanging on one of the coat racks near their small office space, and I walked over to grab it. Slipping it on, I was about to just walk away when I heard the sound of hushed voices.

"–didn't seem to take effect, how much did you give him?" I heard a voice say from behind the partially closed door. Curious, I walked a little closer and cocked my head to the side. It kind of sounded like the abnegation nurse.

"–should've worked… even gave him more than the suggested dose." The other voice answered. My ears pricked and I realized it was the amity assistant. Who were they talking about?

"Are you sure? I was watching them the whole time and he kept stirring as if he were in pain, he kept–" It was me; they were talking about me. Danny had slept like a rock, while I'd been the one tossing and turning.

"Of course I'm sure, I did the math, I gave him enough for him to even display peaceful effects after he woke up, I gave–" replied the amity nurse.

The door was muffling their words, and I found myself stepping closer and closer until my ear was practically on the door. I was aware that I was eavesdropping, and I almost wanted to feel guilty; but my thirst for the truth erased any regret I felt.

"It just seems really odd… It almost seemed like he was fighting the serum," the abnegation nurse said; her tone that of awe and disbelief.

"That's impossible, no one can fight the effects," the amity woman said slowly, "m-maybe you're right. I must've under-dosed him. He was probably still feeling the pain from the blow to the head he received."

The room was quiet as the two women seemed to try and wrap their heads around what was said; to really accept the answer in its entirety. Even from outside of their office, without having to look at their faces, I could tell they didn't quite believe the explanation.

"Yes… I suppose," the abnegation nurse finally accepted; her voice quiet and contemplating. "That's the only explanation, right?"

But was it?


	10. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

 _Numb_. That's the only way I could describe how I felt after I'd heard what the nurses had said. It was impossible for anyone to resist the serum. Yet here I was, completely lucid and without the haze of false contentment. Was I overreacting? Were _they_ overreacting? Who was right and who was wrong in these circumstances?

Somehow, my body on autopilot, I made my way to the lunchroom. I had no appetite, how could I when I'd heard such cryptic things? My stomach was in knots and I was sure that anything I'd try to swallow would just come right back up. Ignoring the long line, I pushed past the crowds until I saw the familiar black and white of my faction.

Though Danny and I were oddballs, always talking and generally making friends with anyone regardless of faction, we were still governed by the silent laws of society. Intermingling with other factions was fine if you were forced into a classroom or if you were in the hallways, but to voluntarily do it during free time such as lunch or outside of school was socially unacceptable.

Of course I constantly broke those rules, but it was always with cause; whether it was to defend someone, or to break up a fight. With my candor friends mostly accepting of the way I was, I felt it was only fair to follow the rules when it came to _lunchroom etiquette_. Sitting in the empty space next to Danny, I tried to push away my troubled thoughts, only to find it was nearly impossible.

While Danny was busy scarfing down his food, I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye and turned to look. Grace and her group of amity friends sat at the table to our left. She grinned widely and waved again before her eyes took in my face.

Her smile instantly disappeared and I could see her body stiffen as she stopped herself from rising; _faction_ over blood, _faction_ over friends, she would not betray the amity to come and bear support for me, a candor boy who was supposed to be the innate rival to her way of life. I understood, and so I gave her a reassuring smile and a slight nod: _"It's fine."_

A little line appeared between her eyebrows and she bit her lip. Turning to her friends, I saw the way their words traveled like a wave; from one person to the next until the whole group had at one point or another turned quickly to glance at me. _Pshh_ , and they thought the candor were the only ones who couldn't keep their mouth shut. No matter, I didn't care what gossip they came up with to explain my injuries, I knew the truth and that was all that mattered.

Sighing, I stole a roll off of Danny's plate only to get a death-glare in return.

"Get your own," he complained, sliding his tray closer and out of reach.

I chuckled, amused by his food hoarding tendencies, and shook my head. I had to eat something or I would regret it later, but I felt too lazy to go up and wait in line. Ripping off little bits of roll and slowly chewing them, I took the time to really examine the lunchroom. After tomorrow, I'd probably never see any of these people or places again. Following the Choosing Ceremony, our factions would be the ones in charge of finishing off our studies and teaching us all we had to know in life.

The tables were clearly segregated; with the differences between the factions obvious and unmistakable.

Nearly invisible in a sea of grey, as their faction intended them to be, the abnegation always sat in the back corner of the lunchroom. Not one person stood out as an individual; rather they all seemed to form a part of a single living organism. They ate quietly, staring at nothing other than their plates, and once they were done, clasped their hands in their laps and waited for the bell to excuse them to class.

Reds and yellows dotted the area to the left near the windows. Bathed in the sun's rays, it was easy to see why the amity always picked that area to have their lunch in. As close to nature as they could get, it was the best spot in the whole cafeteria. They laughed and spoke animatedly as they ate, with a couple of them playing some sort of hand slapping game, and the rest huddled next to a boy with a banjo, occasionally breaking out in song.

Then there was my own table; dotted with black and white, we sat square in the center of it all. Though we weren't as chaotic as the dauntless, we were definitely a big source of noise. Always arguing and debating, we ate in between words, keeping up a steady level of squabbling until the bell rang and excused us.

Our bickering was nothing compared to the noises emanating from the dauntless tables though. They sat at the right side of the cafeteria, most of them leaning on the wall or sitting with their feet up on the table. They ate they way they did anything else; fast, and recklessly, not caring if they made a mess or bothered the surrounding tables with their pranks. Most of them didn't even attend lunch inside the school; instead opting to use the time to go outside and wrestle or challenge each other to complete dares.

My eyes then made their way to the section in blue. Their noses buried in books, the Erudite ate meticulously slow, a couple of them forgetting to eat all together as they furiously scribble equations in their notebooks. I supposed it made sense; why bother feeding the body when you could use the time to feed the mind. They sat closest to the doors; I assumed because it was the most convenient location for them to get to class on time without having to push through the crowds.

As I continued to analyze the crowds, my gaze unintentionally found its way back to the dauntless table. A familiar set of eyes caught mine, and immediately I found myself grinning stupidly at Randi. She sat, perched on top of one of the tables, flicking peas at a dauntless boy with a ring through his nose. She stopped her attack momentarily, raising a brow and cocking her head to the side.

 _"How are you?"_ her eyes asked wordlessly.

I smiled and shrugged, then gave the slightest of nods. _"Fine."_

Taking her little plastic cup of peas in hand, she dumped its entire contents on the boy she'd been playing around with earlier, then threw her head back and laughed when he retaliated by throwing a roll at her, missing by a long shot. Her eyes flicked to Danny, who was still cramming food into his face as if it were his last day on earth, and I saw her hide a smirk.

 _"So he's good?"_ she seemed to ask as she nodded in his direction.

As if in direct answer to her question, Danny stood and went to stand in line again for seconds. I plastered a look of mock-seriousness and nodded. _"Oh yeah, he's fine."_

Our silent conversation was interrupted when one of the candor boys at my table noticed my appearance and shifted; immediately beginning his barrage of questions.

"I can't wait for the aptitude tests, can you? Sage? Woah, that's a pretty bad gash, did you already go and see the nurse? Jeez, your face looks like crap," he noted loudly, jabbing the candor girl next to him to take a look at my injuries. "Take a look at his mug. What's this, like the fourth time this week?"

"I think it's the third? _Geez_ , yeah Sage, you look like hell! It looks like you got decked by a train," she added, shaking her head. "Now what happened?"

"I already saw the nurse, she said its fine. And yeah, I know I look bad, but at least it wasn't my nose," I glanced at Danny who was making his way back, "and I didn't even have to visit the principal's office this time so it doesn't count."

"What doesn't count?" Danny asked as he sat down beside me.

"How many times you guys have gotten in trouble this week for sticking your noses where they don't belong," a different candor girl answered. It was like this all the time, since we kept no secrets from each other, everything that happened was essentially _everyone's_ business.

"Who are you to say my nose didn't belong there?" I tried to joke, though it ended up sounding more like a growl.

"I saw that fight, you were protecting some random amity girl," the first candor girl interjected; drawing even more of the table's attention to me when she mentioned the word _amity_. "You shouldn't have felt obligated to help her; she's not from our faction."

"Yeah Sage, _ughh_ , why?" a different candor boy asked, his nose wrinkled in disapproval. "She probably had it coming. Maybe she lied and whoever she tried to deceive found out."

"Shut up that's not what happened," I defended, my anger beginning to simmer.

"You can't silence the truth. I'm free to speak my mind without oppression," he answered back; a common candor retort.

"It's not the truth if all you have is an assumption," I said, breathing slowly in an attempt to stay calm.

"But why did you help her Sage? She's amity, she probably _did_ lie," the first candor boy insisted.

"Because I wanted to, that's why," I snapped, "a dauntless boy shoved her down the stairs and it wasn't fair. I had to find justice and make things right."

"Besides, that's not even where we got these from," Danny interrupted, pointing to my head and his nose.

"Where did you then?" another voice chimed from the farthest end of the table.

"I saw that one," someone else answered him before I could speak, "well part of it. Some stupid dauntless girl was climbing the statue out front and Sage told her to cut it out."

"So a chick beat you guys up?" the first candor boy gawked.

"Well it _was_ a dauntless girl," someone else added.

"No, Randi did not beat us up!" Danny defended, raising his voice to be heard. "She was being pressured by Marko, the same dauntless boy who was picking on the amity girl, to climb the statue. So when Sage convinced her to come down, he got pissed and had his goons hold him so he could beat him up."

"Then what happened to you?" the first girl demanded. Like the good candor she was, she was trying to tie up all the loose ends.

"I was being an _incredibly_ valiant and courageous friend," Danny said with a grin, "and was protecting my bro's back."

"Sounds stupid to me, why do anything for the other factions?" someone said with a snort.

"Because I can, and it's the right thing to do," I answered the faceless voice.

"I agree with Sage and Danny, if you see something and know you can stop it why not?" a different female voice said.

"Faction before _anything_ else, that's why _not_!" someone else answered angrily. "If he was protecting a candor citizen, it'd make sense, but this is bordering betrayal!"

"He wasn't betraying us, he was just paying attention to the reality of what was happening and doing something about it!" another voice supported my cause.

"Don't forget guys, Danny was in on it too. He's also an amity loving _fool_!" a male clamored.

"Defending someone doesn't automatically constitute love!" someone rebuked.

"Guys, don't forget the dauntless girl, they also protected her!"

"-and remember that time they helped that group of erudite? That was so _idiotic_!"

"I think the worst was the abnegation fiasco! Why the stiffs? Ugh, I think I despise them worse than the amity."

"Well someone had to do something about the cruelty! The abnegation are important to our society. "

"Why should it be citizens of candor though, huh? We're not fighters!"

"Why did it even have to come down to fighting? Why argue with blows when you can argue with words?"

"Because not all humans are capable of coherent thoughts. Imagine an amity citizen trying to act with their brains instead of their feelings-"

"-what I'm saying is there should be better protection protocols around here. Why should our people feel forced to act on behalf of others?"

"Well the dauntless sure aren't doing anything."

"That's because they're the main instigators!"

"-I'd like to point out some of the people on this table have also been found guilty of senseless bullying, that's right I'm talking to you!"

"Don't throw around accusations like you know everything!"

"-what even really constitutes a betrayal to our faction? As I recall, they've also protected a few of us from time to time. Why just the other day-"

"-that's not traitorous? Then what is! Huh, what is your definition?"

"-gonna take a lot more than that to change my mind!"

The chaos rose and completely enveloped our table; taking on a life of its own, the debate spread until every single candor student was arguing back and forth. What had started off as a simple question as to what had happened to my face, had escalated to exaggerated proportions. It was the candor way of life; to make a debate out of anything and everything, to question things and demand honest answers, to never be afraid to voice your thoughts, to find the truth amongst the darkness of lies and treachery.

The topics had since spread; ranging from what constituted a betrayal, why and when the bullying had started, what should be done-if anything had to be, were amity really constantly lying or was that a stereotype, when was it ok to settle things with actions rather than words, why was it that the dauntless were allowing such cowardly things to happen under their noses, when did it become acceptable to turn away from violence? For every question answered, three more took its place; the cycle was unending.

Even in the pandemonium, _even_ in the ear-splitting cacophony, I couldn't help but relax; suddenly soothed by the familiarity of my faction. Even though the tones hinted at irritation, annoyance, frustration, and even anger; in the end, we all shared the same value, and that was that we be allowed to speak honestly and let our opinions be heard. Sure, we didn't agree on many things, and maybe we never would, but it didn't matter. Though our opinions were divided, as a people we stood strong and united.

The argument continued on for what seemed like an eternity; not even ending when the bell rang to dismiss us. From the snippets I could hear; most of the candor population that knew of our little scuffle with the dauntless were equally divided between hating and approving of our actions.

"Sage can I tell you something?" Danny asked as we made our way to the next class.

"You don't even have to ask, you know you can tell me anything," I answered.

Danny's normally relaxed and cheerful expression was momentarily replaced by a lamented and mournful one.

"I'm really gonna' miss this…" he held his hands out as our candor group began to dissipate into the crowd. "The chaos, the yelling and shouting, it's not going to be easy to forget this kind of freedom. We're going to lose this you know? Lose our ability to really, and I mean _really_ , say what we want to say, when we want to say it."

I smiled and found myself nodding earnestly. This _was_ freedom; freedom of speech, freedom of judgment, freedom of oppression. It would be like one liberty in exchange for another… That is, if I actually _did_ belong in dauntless. If I belonged anywhere.

"I never thought I'd have second thoughts you know? It never crossed my mind that I'd actually feel heartache at the thought of leaving candor. How do you say goodbye?" He continued.

I didn't answer, and I doubted Danny really wanted one. But as I made my way over to my desk and stared out the window, I found myself asking the exact same questions, or rather, one in particular.

How could you say goodbye to something that was never really yours?


	11. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

My final class of the day, normally taught by an older and surly erudite woman, was cut short when it was announced she was sick and had been substituted by a notably friendlier amity man. He got through the lesson quickly and when he checked his watch and saw our expressions, he was quick to wave off the extra time and allowed to leave early.

"You guys are such a wonderful group of students. I feel your actions merit leaving class a little early don't you think?" he said as he went around the room collecting our assignments. "Besides, tomorrow is a big day for all of you. Take these final moments to really reflect on your possible future, and don't forget, you have nothing to worry about. Just trust the test."

After gathering our things and turning in our books, Danny and I cleaned out our lockers, making sure to leave them spotless for the next year's group of students. Slamming the metal door shut, I noticed Danny grinning mischievously as he tucked a pen in his back pocket.

"What did you do?" I asked, leaning over him to peer inside.

"Left a little note for whoever gets my locker," he said, opening the door further to reveal his message.

In the far corner of his locker, scrawled in his curved handwriting, and so small I had to squint to read it, it said: _"Dear future inhabitant of locker C46, as my candor-riffic upbringing has taught me, I feel it is only fair to disclose that at one point or another, there may-or may not have been a mouse in here. (Okay, okay, there was definitely one in here) Fear not though, I'm pretty sure my furry tenant left after I threw out those moldy sandwiches I saved and then forgot. Sincerely, Danny TheSexyBeast Gallows. PS. If you do happen to see him, his name is Po and he likes crackers."_

Laughing so hard my stomach actually ached, I playfully ribbed him. "I can't believe you wrote that."

"What? I had to look out for my little man Po, can you imagine? He scurries in here, all chill and looking for a snack only to be attacked by some prejudiced newbie?"

"Prejudiced?" I snorted.

"Yeah man, people just judge the little guys. They don't get that a mouse has to do what a mouse has to do. It's a tough life out there."

"You do know he was probably ridden with diseases and parasites right?" I snickered.

"Whatever man, Po was too fucking cute to be contaminated with anything," he retorted as he slammed his locker shut, "and anyway, I cleaned everything so it's not like it's unsanitary in there."

"Cute huh? That's a very _manly_ thing to say," a voice said from behind us.

"Hey Randi," I greeted as she made her way towards us, a smirk on her face.

Danny chuckled and shrugged.

"Yeah cute, I'm not afraid to say it," he ran a hand through his hair theatrically, "I'm pretty confident in my masculinity."

Randi snorted and jabbed his shoulder playfully.

"Where are you two heading?" she asked us.

"My dad's back from his trip to erudite, so I'm just going to go ahead and spend all the time I have left with him," Danny said, already pulling his backpack on and heading for the door, "You're mom invited us over for dinner though, so I'll see you later tonight Sage."

"See you then," I answered, watching him disappear through the doors.

"What about you? Are you going to spend time with your family too?" she asked, also watching the spot where Danny had previously been standing.

"Nope, my mom and sister are still at the Merciless Mart, that's where they work and study, so I'd just be bored at home until they came back."

"Do you maybe wanna' hang out a little? You don't have to if you don't want to, I just thought…" she trailed off, refusing to tear her eyes away from her shoes.

"Sounds good," I said quickly, "but won't your family or dauntless friends mind?"

"Awesome," she answered enthusiastically. "No, I'm going to spend time with my family later, and I don't care if my friends mind."

"You sure?" I asked. "Won't Marko and the rest be insulted that you're spending time with someone from a different faction?"

"I don't give a shit what he thinks, I'll do what I want," she retorted, twisting her mouth in a frown. "He's not really my friend anyway. And if anyone minds it, they can tell me face to face, and we'll settle it the way dauntless do."

"With hugs and a real heart-to-heart conversation?" I joked.

She smirked and rolled her eyes.

"You don't meet many sarcastic candor," she noted.

"What can I say, I'm a rebel." I laughed, slowly making my way towards the doors.

"Hey, what exactly did Danny mean by, _all the time I have left_?" Randi suddenly asked; her expression suddenly quizzical. "Does he already know which faction he's going to choose?"

"Yeah, he's known since he was little that he'd eventually transfer. He loves candor, but dauntless is the faction that really calls to him. The test will only confirm what he already knows."

"I take it you don't feel the same though?" she asked quietly, matching my speed as she walked beside me.

"No, I mean, yes. Or, I guess I don't really know," I stammered. "I love candor, but sometimes I just feel like…" I trailed off, unsure of how to even begin to express my doubts.

"Like you don't belong," Randi finished my thoughts; her words not a question but a statement. Did she also feel the way I did?

"Yeah, like there's just something missing, a piece that doesn't let me quite fit the mold for my own faction," we walked outside, and continued down the school grounds, "and it kind of freaks me out to think that I could make a mistake and end up not fitting anywhere… that I could end up factionless."

She nodded, and we were both quiet as we plopped down at the end of the grassy field behind the school. I threw my backpack to the side and then lay down on my back, clasping my hands behind my head and drawing imaginary pictures in the clouds.

"Can I be honest with you?" she said after a moment.

I chuckled and raised a brow in her direction.

" _Honest_ , with me? _No_ , I definitely prefer lies and made-up fairy tales," I joked.

She slugged my arm. "I'm being serious."

" _Sorry_ , sorry, go ahead and tell me," I apologized. She sighed and ran her hand along the grass, occasionally plucking a blade or two and poking it into my hair. We lapsed into silence, and I realized she wasn't going to continue. Feel guilty, I sat up smiled my most repentant grin. "Come on, tell me, I won't kid around anymore."

She exhaled, and her eyes got a distant look to them.

"I didn't think I'd ever find someone who felt exactly the way I do," she frowned, "I love dauntless, but sometimes I just feel like there's something wrong with me; like I'm different from the rest."

We were both quiet then; each of us stewing over the possibilities that lurked in the future. Was it normal to feel this panicked? I knew other kids in the school were nervous, as was expected from such an important decision, but for the most part everyone seemed ready to take the next step in life.

And even though Randi claimed to feel as I did, disparate and troubled, could it really be true? Was she just saying it to calm my nerves and make me feel as if I weren't the only one with doubts? Was she perhaps exaggerating? Was I? There were too many things to consider and my brain felt completely flooded with questions and concerns.

"We should just trust the test," I found myself saying; the words tasting funny in my mouth.

"Yeah, I guess," Randi agreed; her tone also skeptic. "They're never wrong, right?"

"Right," I answered, trying to believe the well known fact. "This is nothing to lose sleep over, our worries will be solved for us tomorrow."

"You're right," she agreed, and I could clearly see the shift in her way of thinking; she, like I did, wanted to believe that our concerns were no more than childish uncertainties. However, while I could plainly see that Randi was already acclimating to the idea of the test making the decision for her, deep down I still wasn't entirely convinced.

"I've got to get going, I'll see you tomorrow?" she said after peering at her watch.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," I agreed. As she started to stand and brush herself off though, I caught her arm and turned her around to face me. "I would like to know one thing before you go."

"What?" she asked; my candor ears quickly picking up the slight hitch in her voice. I dropped her arm and stepped back, assuming she'd been startled by the sudden contact.

"You're dauntless, your social laws are vastly different from mine," I said slowly, hoping what I was about to say didn't sound pretentious or conceited, "you know you didn't have to tell me those things about yourself just because my faction values honestly, right?"

She actually let out a relieved laugh, her face slightly pink, before answering me.

"Oh _God_ no, is that why you thought I told you that stuff?" She said, sounding slightly flustered.

"I don't know. I just felt bad, I didn't want you to feel obligated to do or say anything you didn't want to," I explained.

She chuckled and shook her head.

"No, I told you because I wanted to. You're different, and I don't just mean for someone from candor, I mean in general. You're not like other guys I've met."

"Oh," was all I could say. "Uhh, well good then."

"I'd also like to know something," she said, stepping closer as she spoke.

"What?"

"Why did _you_ tell me all that stuff? You know you didn't have to right?" she said slowly, her features teasing but her tone sincere.

I shrugged, not because I didn't know, but because I wasn't sure how to word it; though I'd just met her, something told me she was definitely someone I could trust.

"My faction maybe?" I answered, though that explanation didn't feel like enough. I sighed, and then tried again. "I don't know, I guess you seemed trustworthy."

She eyed me for a long moment before nodding.

"Thanks, that means a lot," she said. Then she smiled and strode away. Before she disappeared across an intersection though, she turned around and cupped her hands around her mouth, shouting. "Trust the test?"

"Trust the test!" I shouted back, and again that lingering feeling of having a dark cloud over my head returned.

After I arrived home, I waited only a few minutes for my mom and Mara to return from candor headquarters. With my mom's previously strange behavior gone, I assumed it had been a normal display of maternal concern. Obviously, the stress of tomorrow's aptitude tests was what had me seeing things that weren't there.

After noting the gash on my temple, which had actually not been as bad as I'd assumed, my mother promptly scolded me for my reckless behavior, and then reluctantly commended me for standing up for what was just and fair. Shortly afterwards, we'd been joined by Danny and his father, with whom my mom spent most of dinner happily debating the propositions he and the other council members had made with the erudite.

For the most part, everything seemed completely normal. That is, other than the fact that none of us touched on the subject of what would be happening tomorrow. Not even Mara, who always keen and eager to stir the pot, hinted at the upcoming tests. I was glad for it though; I couldn't imagine adding any more pressure to my already brimming thoughts and concerns.

Tomorrow would be the first step in the long road that would be my future.


	12. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

The sunlight warmed my face, and I basked in the silence for what seemed like an eternity. Today was the day our futures would be created. I was ready.

My sleep had been oddly peaceful and deep. Somehow, either after my talk with Randi or during the course of the meal, I'd managed to come to terms with the fact that what I wanted ultimately didn't matter; the test would tell me what I needed to know, so any worries I had were really illogical and unfounded. Our whole life we'd been taught that our way of life was what had saved us from destruction, what kept our world balanced and at peace; there was no need to panic when our decisions would essentially be made for us.

With all my fears obliterated by my sudden realization, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Rising early the next day, a bounce in my step, I got ready as I always did and even beat Vera and Annie to the bus stop.

"What gives? _Thee_ Sage Stronghold, here, and on time? I must still be snoozing up in my room," Danny joked as he tried to stifle a yawn.

"Nice to know you think of me even in your sleep," I laughed, reaching down and picking up little Annie when she held her arms out to me. "Well, can't say I blame you, I am quite dreamy, aren't I Annie?" I cooed as the toddler giggled and swatted at my nose.

"Hah! Dreamy, yeah right, more like a nightmare," Danny retorted, flicking Annie's little pigtails in an attempt to make her laugh. "Go on Annie, tell Sage he's a silly meathead."

Annie squealed in delight at the attention, reaching towards Danny. Slightly annoyed to have lost her undivided attention, I bounced a little on my feet, drawing her interest back to me with the movement.

"Whatever, she loves me." I grinned.

"You two spoil her way to much. What am I supposed to do once you're gone?" Vera teased as she shook her head.

For once, the mention of the upcoming test didn't even faze me, instead I chuckled and gently placed Annie into Vera's waiting arms.

"Shower her with even more attention, duh." Danny responded good-naturedly.

My high spirits never faltered, not during the bus ride, and not even we'd reached our school. Though the atmosphere buzzed with anxiety and tension, I remained calm; only having to remember that the choice would basically be made for me.

The day flew by in a blur, and I was eager to get the aptitude test done and over with. Our classes had been cut in half today, so we'd actually been able to attend all of them. During lunch I ate quickly and barely tasted any of what I'd actually consumed; all of my attention focused on what was about to happen. After the bell rang, indicating that lunch was over, all of the sixteen year olds stayed at their tables as the rest of the younger students were allowed to go home early.

Abnegation volunteers made up the bulk of the testing administrators, though there was also an erudite, a dauntless, an amity, and a candor volunteer in the other rooms so we could all be tested by someone not from our own faction.

Patiently sitting at the long cafeteria tables, we all waited in silence for our names to be called. The testing administrators would stand at the head of the lunchroom and announce ten names at a time; two from each faction. Slowly but surely, the population in the cafeteria began to thin out until there was only about half of the people we'd started out with.

Danny's name was called out in the next group, and he shot me a smile before he marched off; his swagger confident and sure. He knew where he belonged, he always had, and soon I'd be like him as well; even if not in the same faction, I'd at least know my place in life.

My head clear and my heart calm, I shut my eyes and kept them shut until ten minutes later, when Danny and the others returned.

His face looked as confident as when he'd left, and so I shared a congratulatory fist bump with him. Though candor were honest about everything, there was one exception to our law, and that was the aptitude test; you were not allowed to ask or tell anyone about your results. It was the only thing that was to remain secret. Though from his ever-growing smile, I could tell Danny had just had his lifelong assertions confirmed.

Two other groups were called, and it wasn't until twenty minutes later that the next abnegation volunteer showed up. Speaking clearly and evenly, she announced the next round of names. Two from abnegation, two from amity, two from dauntless, two from erudite, and then; "From candor, Karla Stanley and Sage Stronghold."

I stood and followed behind the girl Karla, walking in silence as we reached the exit. Waiting for us outside of the lunchroom were rows of ten rooms. Since they were used only for the aptitude tests, I'd never actually seen or been inside of one before. Unlike the other rooms in the school, they were separated by mirrors rather than glass. As my eyes met my reflection, I couldn't help but relax; my posture, my features, and my general aura gave off a sense of confidence and self-assurance.

Walking into room four, I could see that there was already an abnegation woman waiting for me. She had pale green eyes, and her dark brown hair was twisted into a neat bun. Smiling warmly at me, and gestured to the center of the room; where a large reclined chair with a machine attached to it awaited me.

My breathing hitched for only a second, but then returned to its normal pattern. I had nothing to worry about. Calmly striding over to the chair, I sat and then leaned back to put my head on the headrest. Mirrors covered the inner walls of the room, giving the illusion that it was bigger than it actually was, and I felt a sense of relief; I hated the feeling of being confined. The bright lights above also stung my eyes a little, but I didn't complain; instead opting to focus all my attention on the test administrator.

"Hello, my name is Natalie, and I'll be performing your aptitude test today. Are you comfortable?" she asked as she made her way over to the machine and began to untangle a series of wires.

"I'm fine, thanks," I said, keeping my eyes on the equipment in her hands.

"Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit," she assured me when her eyes met my own inquisitive gaze.

"Okay," I answered, feeling my face warm in mild embarrassment. "So, what's going to happen?" I asked as I shifted uncertainly in the chair, my hands gripping the armrests to keep myself composed.

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you," she answered as she began to stick various electrodes onto my forehead, and then finally one to her own.

Gathering the wires she'd previously untangled, she connected them to the knobs of the electrodes and then gave them a gentle tug as she attached them to the machine behind her. It was like a web; with the wires attached to me, to her, and to the base of the computer.

"Drink this," she said as she handed me a vial of clear liquid.

"What is it?" I asked, bringing the substance to my nose and sniffing it warily.

"I can't tell you that either," she apologized.

A stubborn part of me wanted to refuse to drink it until I knew just what it was and did, but the rest of me dutifully nodded. Releasing a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, I tipped the contents of the vial into my mouth and then closed my eyes.

When I opened them again, only a few seconds had passed, but I was somewhere else all together. I wasn't on the chair inside the glass room, rather standing awkwardly in the lunchroom again. All the long tables were gone, with the exception of one that sat in the center of the room. On it, I could see that there were three objects; a calculator, a pistol, and a loaf of bread.

Around the room, the voice of a woman echoed. "Choose."

Where had that come from? I glanced around the cafeteria and narrowed my eyes when I saw that there was no one in the room.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Choose," the voice repeated.

"Where are you?" I demanded, purposefully ignoring her command.

"That doesn't matter, choose," the voice said, sounding almost petulant.

"Okay then," I said slowly, rolling my eyes in the process. I walked over to the table and then peered at each of the objects with an analytical eye. "What will I be using them for?"

" _Again_ , that doesn't matter, just _pick_ one," the voice snapped.

"What? Of course it matters, these objects are totally unrelated to each other," I retorted back, "My future is hanging on the line. I want to know what I'll be doing before I just choose one. I deserve to know the truth."

The voice didn't answer for a long time. Amused, I momentarily wondered if I hadn't angered her. Suddenly, the objects disappeared, and along with them the school lunchroom. No longer was I in the cafeteria. I didn't recognize anything. Was I even in the city?

Smokey and polluted air gusted around me, tousling my hair, and bringing foul odors to my nose. I blinked furiously and rubbed my eyes; not believing what I was seeing. Where the hell was I? I didn't recognize my surroundings at all.

Still in quiet disbeleif, I gaped at the scenery, my eyes pouring over every detail. Around me, the scene was catastrophic; there were mounds of collapsed buildings, everything was surrounded with rubble and debris, the rough concrete ground was cracked in wide gaping splits and crevices, and there were remains of auto wrecks strewn around the outlying sidewalks.

A shiver ran down my spine, and I was about to call out to the voice I'd heard before when a sudden noise surprised me. The quiet crunch of feet on gravel caught in my ear, and I quickly spun around to face whoever was coming.

"Hello, who's there?" I asked suspiciously; unnerved by the fact that _again_ , there was no in sight.

A cynical laugh echoed from one of the dark alleys in front of me, and I wheeled to face that direction. The footsteps continued, and as the figure emerged from the shadows, I suddenly saw how the pistol would've been useful. Though he hadn't spoken once, his intentions were clear; there was murder in his eyes.

The man was tall and had an air of wildness to him; his skin was aged and littered with scars, his hands thick and gnarled, were coated in what I suspected was dried blood. He grinned at me, revealing the absence of a couple of teeth, and an eerie chuckled escaped his lips. Past his garish appearance though, I could tell that he was thin, practically emaciated; it was easy to see where his joints connected and his bones poked out. He was _starving_.

Suddenly wracked with guilt at the thought that I'd even considered shooting this man, I realized what I really should have grabbed was the loaf of bread. This man, though his appearance was malicious, really only needed something to eat. Perhaps that's what the blood on his hands had been from; maybe he'd been hunting.

"Are you okay?" I found myself asking; my tone honest and sincere. The man didn't answer, didn't even react to my words.

I was about to offer my services to help him find something to eat or even find shelter, when my eyes caught the glint of steel. In his other hand, tucked away from sight, had been a knife. Now, as he took a purposeful step towards me, he brandished it and held it pointed directly at me.

"Stop, I don't want to fight," I warned him, balling my hands into fists and leaning forward on my toes.

"Are you scared?" he finally spoke; his voice taunting as he took another step.

I actually snorted, amused at his failed attempt to intimidate me.

"Sure I'm scared, but for _you_ ," I answered, taking a step towards him as well, "I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to."

I was at war with myself; torn between what I'd have to do if the man decided to attack, and how I actually wanted to proceed with the situation. What I'd warned wasn't a bluff, but a _reality_ ; the last thing I wanted to do was hurt anyone, much less this man who was obviously suffering from a deteriorated state of health. That being said, I would act without hesitating if it came down to it; in a choice between fight or flight, I was always ready to confront my problems headfirst.

He was tall, almost as tall as me, and though he was thin, I could see his sinewy muscles under his leathery skin. He was also older, which meant that to survive this long he must've been a good fighter. Fear is what I should've felt, escape is what I should have been thinking of; instead, I found myself calculating all my pros against his cons. I was strong, I was young, I was fast, and while I had never fought someone with a weapon, I wasn't a stranger to brawls. If he thought I was going to be an easy kill, he had another thing coming to him; I wasn't about to just lie down and die without a fight.

"Don't do this," I warned him; my voice even and steady. "We don't have to fight, just put the knife away and trust me. I want to help you."

"How do I know you're not lying? How do I know you're not just sayin' that so you can catch me off guard and kill me later?" he hissed as he took another step. "And why would you? Huh? Why would you want to help a stranger?"

"I wouldn't do that, and I never lie," I assured him. Planting myself firmly, I prepared myself; the choice was in his hands now, I'd just act according to his decision. "I want to do something because I can, because it's my choice. I'd help anyone in need, whether I knew them or not."

He didn't answer right away, but he didn't have to; I saw the way his eyes and body dropped their defensive shields, saw him lower his knife and relax his posture. Grinning ever so slightly, deepening the wrinkles around his eyes and cheeks, I saw him nod and start to put the knife in his belt. It was in that precise moment that I felt the sudden sensation of vertigo flow through my body.

I blinked, and suddenly it wasn't just me and the homeless man who stood in the alley. Behind him, in the familiar black and white of my faction, was little Annie.

"Sage!" she giggled, throwing her hands out and clumsily running towards me.

I turned, and the man's features were no longer kind and softened; instead they were distorted into a mask of vehemence and bloodlust. He looked at Annie the way a predator eyed its prey; not like an actual being, rather the next kill in his long line of victims.

It felt like time was congealing around me; I could see everything as if in slow motion. Annie continued to run towards me, her bubbly laughter contrasting harshly with the scene that was beginning to unfold. The man raised his knife and hunched down, ready to pounce and begin the massacre.

"No!" I roared.

I knew what I had to do. I didn't stop to think of other options, I just acted; my only concern was Annie's safety and wellbeing, and beyond that nothing more. I barreled into the man and knocked him to the ground. Trying to wrestle the knife away, I attempted to reason with him only to feel the impact of his fist on my face.

He managed to shove me off and I scrambled to my feet. I stood between him and Annie, the only obstacle in his path. Warm blood ran down my mouth but I didn't bother to wipe it away.

"Why are you doing this?" I demanded.

"Someone must die," the man answered stonily. As he prepared to attack again, I caught sight of his eyes; no longer did they resemble anything human, instead they were large orbs the dark shade of crimson.

I knew then that no matter how much I tried, no matter what I said, he'd never rest. He wasn't capable of reason; he was inhuman. Drowning in panic, my mind quickly picked up on a single thread of hope; he'd said _someone_ had to die, he never specified who.

"I won't let you kill her," I stated, my voice thick and gruff.

"Someone _must_ die," he repeated.

I nodded, and breathed deeply; if he wanted to take a life, he'd have one.

"Okay." I breathed.

The moment he lunged forward, I did as well. The knife shone wickedly in the low light, and then seemed to take on a life of its own as it drew closer. His arm swung, and I felt the piercing rip as the blade dug deep into my chest.

Then everything went black.


	13. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"Annie!" I gasped the instant my eyes opened. My hands reached for the wound I remembered but found nothing. There was no homeless man, no injuries, no victim.

My heart was still racing, and a pang of phantom pain throbbed in my chest, but as I looked around I realized none of it had been real. My eyes scoured the new scene; I was again lying in the chair in the mirrored room. Swallowing loudly, I tilted my head back and saw Natalie behind me. Her eyes were wide and she pinched her mouth closed. I waited for her to say something about my test, anything, but instead she silently started removing the electrodes from my head.

The room was thick with unspoken words, and I could see that she was struggling with something. Every time I glanced at her, I could see the telltale signs; her mouth was etched into a frown, her eyes had a distant and worried look to them, and her hands were shaking ever so slightly. Something wasn't right.

When I finally couldn't take the suspense, I blurted the first thing that came to my mind.

"Are you preparing to lie to me?" I asked.

"What?" she frowned, clearly confused at what I'd said. "No, what makes you think that?"

"You may not feel it, but you're beginning to exhibit many symptoms of someone who's about to try and spin a story," I said, trying to get her to meet my eyes, "it's like you're leave little clues that announce a possible deception."

"No, it's nothing like that," she lied, still avoiding my gaze as she turned to type something in her computer.

"You're doing it again," I accused.

Suddenly, I felt the cold sting of fear run through my limbs, leaving me frozen. Was it possible to fail the test? Was that why she was so hesitant to look at me? Was I doomed to be without a faction and she just didn't have the heart to tell me? I groaned and brought my head into my hands, winding my fingers through my hair and tugging at the roots. I'd failed, that was it; I'd failed and would have to live in shame with the factionless.

"What's wrong?" Natalie asked when she turned back and saw me. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No," I moaned into my hands, trying to hide my face in disgrace, "I failed, didn't I? You just don't want to tell me. I didn't get a faction. I'm a letdown and you feel bad for me."

Hesitantly, I felt her place a small hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw pain in her eyes, pain and something that almost resembled fear.

"No, you didn't get _a_ faction," she agreed, stopping to take a slow breath before she continued slowly, "you got _three_."

I felt my mouth drop open in shock; I was at a complete loss for words. Gaping stupidly like a fish out of water, I tried to string together something slightly coherent.

"What?" I managed to splutter.

"Sage, your results were inconclusive," she continued. "Normally, each stage of the stimulation eliminates one or more of the factions, but for you, only two have been ruled out."

"Two?" I repeated, feeling like a child that couldn't quite grasp what was going on.

"It was difficult in the beginning just because of your refusal to pick an item. You had no reason to ignore the commands and your inflexibility wasn't something wise, there was no logic to your actions so that helped rule out erudite. Also, if you'd had an immediate distaste for the pistol and picked the loaf of bread, that would've led to a different scenario that could've helped confirm your aptitude for amity. That obviously didn't happen, so amity was also out."

I nodded, trying to untangle the web of confusion that was my thoughts.

"With those two out, it was left down to three; abnegation, candor, and dauntless. Ideally, the simulation would've progressed in a linear fashion, separating one faction by ruling out the rest. However the choices, or lack there off, that you made didn't allow that so I had to alter the simulation by hand to put you in that alley." A little crease appeared between her eyebrows as she continued. "That was where the real problems started."

"What problems?" I asked, my voice nearly a whisper.

"You see, I won't lie and say it isn't easy to see what kind of person someone is just by looking at them. Not even bothering to speak, but just based solely on their appearance." She gave me a pointed glance. "I'll admit it, though it's disgraceful to judge by looks, that I had you pegged for either a candor or dauntless. You exude a certain harshness that is common to both those factions. I was _sure_ abnegation would be ruled out immediately following the simulation."

"It's okay, I get that a lot," I admitted when I saw her features take on a look shame. She nodded, and when it appeared she was lost in thought, I had to prod her for more information. "And? What happened that it wasn't ruled out?"

"When you were faced with that man in the alley, that was the first time you proved my assumptions wrong because the first thing you did was ask him if he was okay." Her eyes were wide and she looked at me as if she were expecting something.

I shrugged and frowned a little. "Yeah, so?"

"Candor and dauntless, who are not necessarily _always_ cruel, are not the kind of people to worry about others. Whether it's emotional or physical, both those factions are blunt and oblivious to anyone else's pain. The fact that you were worried about him showed abnegation traits." She smiled a little. "That was a nice surprise and for an instant I even thought you might be _just_ abnegation. However, I was wrong again. When the man threatened you with the knife, you didn't back away or flee. You were ready to fight, and you were prepared to wound him if necessary, thus demonstrating dauntless traits. Throughout the whole thing you also remained honest; when he asked if you were afraid you answered frankly, as only the candor do."

"So why didn't that rule out abnegation?" I asked. "Wouldn't that negative behavior cancel out the first?"

"I thought so too, but then you tried to reason with him. You were willing to fight but you tried to find a way around it, even offering your help to him when you didn't have to, again showing abnegation signs. It was a strange combination and I hoped I could at least rule out one more, so I added another figure to see how you'd react."

"Annie," I filled in, somewhat bothered that I'd been manipulated.

"Yes, but that backfired as well. Rather than eliminate even one other faction, it helped cement all three. You were true to your word, you didn't let Annie die, thus proving your candor traits. Then, you acted without hesitation and gave your life for her. You were brave, unafraid, and incredibly selfless; an extraordinary blend of dauntless and abnegation."

"But isn't there one that I lean more towards than the other?" I insisted.

"Yes and no, it depends on the situation you face," she explained. "From what I saw, and trust me, it was enough to see the _real_ roots of your character; my conclusion is that you display equal aptitude for abnegation, dauntless, and candor. There's a name for this, for people like you-" The look of fear returned to her eyes. She leaned closer to me, peeking over her shoulder, and then whispered. "-and it's called Divergent."

I blinked, feeling like I'd gotten lost somewhere. She'd said the last word so silently I almost hadn't heard her. She tensed, then walked around the side of her computer and got so close to me that I could smell the scent of soap on her clothes.

"Sage," she breathed, her eyes intense and relentless, "this information is life threatening. Under no circumstances are you to tell anyone what you are."

 _Divergent_. _Inconclusive_. Was this all I was now? Some anomaly that was to be feared? But how could inconclusive results be perilous to my life? I didn't understand. I found myself nodding though.

"Okay," I said quietly as I stood and glanced at the door.

"I'm serious Sage, you can never share this with anyone, _ever_ , no matter what happens. Divergence is _dangerous_ , hiding this secret could mean the difference between life and death."

 _Death_?

Suddenly, all sense of self-control and composure I'd had in my body, left me; vanishing and leaving only panic and terror in their wake. My eyes darted around the room like a wild animal trying to find the nearest exit. The mirrors that had seemed so benign when I'd first seen them suddenly felt like a threat, this room wasn't big at all, it was an illusion. Another form of lies, was all my brain screamed.

I was losing control; losing my grip on the situation and hanging on by a thread as I dangled over the precipice that was my impending demise.

Suddenly, and completely out of nowhere, claustrophobia set in. Regardless of the illusion that the mirrors created, I suddenly felt like I was suffocating. Where was the air? I couldn't breathe. My reflection mirrored back from all angles, and my emotions were wild and unhinged. As I turned my head one way and the other, I could see the feral panic clear in my eyes.

"Death? Why? Who's going to kill me?" I paced back and forth, tearing at my hair. "Why is Divergence dangerous? Why me? Why is this happening and why haven't I heard of it before?"

"Sage calm down," Natalie tried to sooth me.

I froze mid-stride, and then wheeled to face her. My brain had picked up on something that unnerved me.

"My _family_ , what will happen to my family if someone finds out?" Automatically my hands curled into fists and the panic I'd felt was gone, instead replaced by the intense impulse to protect my loved ones.

Unthinkingly, I began to stride towards the door, set on making someone- _anyone_ pay for their possible harm. Deep down, I knew this was pointless and even stupid; I didn't know who was after me or where to find them, and even if I did what would I do? Still, being in motion and the fact that I was doing _something_ rather than just standing around made me feel better.

"Stop, you're being unreasonable," she hissed, blocking my way out. "Just where do you think you're going? You have to think and be logical."

"I didn't get erudite remember, I don't have to be logical," I spat, almost instantly feeling guilty when I realized I was taking my anger out on her when it was uncalled for. "I'm sorry. I-I don't know, but I can't just stand around and pretend nothing is wrong. If there's something messed up with me, _well_ , I guess I can handle it, but if my family is involved-"

"They'll be fine," she interrupted, holding her hands out. "Like I said, if no one finds out about your results you and everyone around you will be safe. I'm going to manually put in that you got abnegation."

"Why abnegation?" I asked, though as soon as the words had left my mouth I understood.

I could never stay in my own faction and manage to keep my secret hidden. Candor initiation involved you taking lie detector tests all day, _every_ _day_. And then during the final stages, initiates were given truth serum and made to sit in front of everyone as they were questioned. Our belief was that if you revealed all of your secrets, then you'd have no desire to lie about anything because the worst would already be out in the open.

She looked at me and shook her head.

"You _know_ you can't stay in candor. They'd see through your lies in an instant. Dauntless is an option, but I don't recommend it. It's dangerous and even without the truth serum, they have ways of finding people like you." She frowned. "Finding and erasing. There'd be no chance of you making it out alive if they even suspected what you are."

So that was it then. I didn't have a choice, not really. I'd have to pick abnegation if I wanted to live.

"Okay," I said. Slowly, I started to make my way towards the door before she stopped me again.

"Go home, you have a lot of thinking to do, you don't have to wait for the others."

"My friend Danny is waiting out there," I protested weakly.

"I'll let him know."

I nodded and then followed her as she showed me out through a backdoor. I hated the last look of pity she gave me when I left; hated feeling like my future was filled with so much uncertainty. Tomorrow was the Choosing Ceremony, tomorrow I'd have to deal with the fact that I'd be essentially living my life as a coward; hiding to avoid persecution. I'd never see my family again, Danny, Vera or Annie; everyone I loved, gone and ripped out of my life forever.

What bothered me even more though, was the fact that I didn't feel like I was worthy of belonging with the abnegation. Especially now; running to their faction to hide and protect my life was selfish, the complete opposite of their mission in life. If I went to abnegation, it would be for egocentric reasons.

Would I dare taint their pure waters with my dark secrets?

Did I really have a choice though?

Abnegation. Candor. Dauntless… Divergent.

I don't know how I got home; everything was a blur as I made my way to our building. Rather than take the elevator, I climbed the stairs one my one. Once I'd made it to our floor, I reached into my jacket to get my key and unlock the door.

I never even got to touch the door handle though; the instant my hand went to my pocket, the door flew open. My mother stood before me, and her expression said more than if she'd actually spoken. Her eyes were wide, brimming with unshed tears, and her frame was slouched and defeated.

She knew. She'd always known.

And she'd kept it from me.

She'd lied…


	14. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"What were they?" were the first words out of her mouth.

"You knew," I said instead; my voice hollow and stinging with betrayal. " _How long_?"

"What did you get?" she insisted, her voice struggling to stay calm.

"No! You don't get to ask me that!" I surprised myself by answering back sharply. "You've kept things from me. You've lied, you're a liar!" I accused.

"Sage, tell me!" She demanded.

"You, of all people, _you_? What else don't I know? What else have you been hiding?" I prodded. "I'm not telling you anything until you come clean. I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore!"

Grabbing a hold of my arm, she yanked me inside and locked the door, and then she motioned for me to sit. I stood my ground though, and instead crossed my arms and went to stand by the window. She approached me slowly, her brow furrowed in concern, and instead of yelling at me as I'd thought she'd do, she hugged me. Wrapping her thin arms around me, whatever anger I'd felt vanished, and I found myself hugging her back.

"I'm your _mother_ Sage, that's who I am," she whispered into my shirt. "And you are my son, my little boy. I have hidden things from you, _yes_ , but it's been for your own good, for your own protection."

I nodded and felt the last of my angst disappear, instead replaced by more confusion.

"Please tell me. I need to know. What is it that you've been hiding?" I begged.

"Okay, I'll tell you," she finally answered after a moment of hesitation.

"How?" I sighed, pulling away and sitting on one of the chairs in the kitchen. "We're candor, honesty is everything. How did you manage to live this life with secrets hanging over your head?"

She sat across from me and I saw her sit up, her eyes alert and her expression open. She was about to tell me the truth. _Though_ , what did I know, she could be preparing to lie to me again and I'd never even know. All this time that I'd thought I'd seen her be honest; it had all been a ruse.

"I love our faction, I believe in what we represent, and I used to think I was willing to give up anything for the truth to be known." She brushed at her eyes. "But then I found the one thing I'd be willing to lie for. You're father, he-"

"He's dead," I cut in; not understanding where she was heading. "Car accident, remember? It was in the papers and everything."

She shook her head swiftly, her eyes burning with a fire I'd never seen before.

"Yes, yes he is dead, but not because of an accident. He was murdered." She said icily.

I didn't answer for a solid minute as the information sank in. My mind connected the dots; adding one piece of information with the next.

"He was Divergent." I stated; no question in my voice.

"Yes," she nodded. "He was and he told me. I loved him and understood the danger of what he was because you see; his older sister was killed for that exact same reason. He was already being watched but we managed to live out of the radar for years, we even began to think the whole divergence incident had been forgotten." She smiled and her hand found mine. "Mara was born, and then you followed shortly after. Everything was picture perfect, the image of the ideal family."

"What happened?" I asked, my voice barely audible. I'd caught the distinct tone of grief in her voice; whatever had happened had been ghastly, something she'd tried to bury through the years.

"Someone found out," she choked. "I don't know how, but someone knew what he was and had him blackmailed. Whoever it was had to be someone with power, because your father didn't work with anyone lower than the candor council members."

I nodded, remembering that once my mother had mentioned that my father had actually worked alongside Danny's father, , on some of the cities law citations.

"Did you find out who was threatening him?"

"No, to this day I have no clue who it was," She shook her head. "This went on for a while until your father got tired of it and tried to refuse. That didn't go well though, because whoever it was that knew, threatened to out him in front of the entire council if he didn't comply with what they asked."

"What did they want him to do?"

"I don't know, your father never told me, he wanted me to know as little as possible so if they ever tried to question me or put me on the truth serum, I wouldn't be in the same danger. If I knew anything, they'd find out the moment I tried to lie." She shrugged. "Your father was the most honest man I've ever known, and if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it, but he had the ability to resist the truth serum. He was different and it was obvious if you paid close attention. He did what I've done with you and Mara, he kept me safe by keeping me out of the loop."

"But you _did_ know about his divergence," I pointed out. "And you did _and_ have been lying to me and Mara for years. How? How did you do it?"

"He only told me because he wanted to give me the choice; he wanted me to decide if I wanted to live with him, and risk my life in the process, or forget him and live a life of peace." She smiled at some unknown memory before continuing. "I chose him, and it wasn't a mistake. Our lives were perfect. He even tried to teach me clever ways to hide our lies so that we'd be safe, though I was never really good. The topic of divergence hardly ever came up, not until…" she trailed off, and suddenly her eyes were boring into my own.

"Until me?"

"Yes. Your father knew, the moment he saw you toddling, that you were different. You were a lot, no, _exactly_ like him as a child; a near replica. We both knew you'd be in the same danger as him if we weren't careful. That's when I found myself trying and actually succeeding at deception. You and your father gave me the strength to ignore our social laws and lie."

It was a long while before I spoke again, this time with more respect in my voice than I'd ever thought I could muster.

"That must've been hard for you, thank you for your honesty and telling me all this." I reached over and held her one hand in both of mine. "How did he die then? What happened?"

"It was a car accident, that part was true, but it wasn't by chance that he hit the other vehicle. When a couple of the abnegation were cleaning the wreck afterwards, I heard them mention that it was odd because it seemed as if he'd tried to stop but couldn't."

My jaw clenched and I could feel my heart hammer. I was livid, because I knew what she was about to say.

"I decided to check for myself. So when it was night, I went to where they'd left the pieces of the wreck and looked for myself." She swallowed loudly, and in her eyes I could see a mirror of my fury. "The brake wires had been cut, his car had been sabotaged. Whoever had been blackmailing him had been smart enough to make it seem like it'd been a simple twist of fate."

I lurched to my feet, slamming my fist against the wall that was closest to me. Control, I had to stay in control. I sucking in air through my teeth and then pushed it out in a rush. Where was the damned air? I felt as if I were asphyxiating. Was this room getting smaller? Were they watching us right now? Listening to our every word? Was this another simulation?

"Sage," my mother's voice pulled me out of the haze that was my rage.

"Then what happened?" I demanded; my eyes peering at the ceiling, the air ducts, the windows, looking for any signs that they were present.

"Nothing, really. The council brought me in and asked if I knew anything about what he'd been up to before he'd died." She motioned to her neck. "Of course, they asked all this while I was on the truth serum, so it was a good thing I really didn't know what he'd been doing."

"They didn't watch us?" I asked, somewhat amazed.

"For couple months afterwards I did get the feeling that we were being followed, but I never actually saw anyone and nothing ever happened." She stood and pulled me back to sit on the chair. Her eyes were worried again. "I knew you wouldn't be safe here though; the more you grew and matured, the more I could see your divergence blossom. I've told you all I know, now please, tell me what factions you got."

I relaxed slightly, though I could still feel myself hovering on the brink of paranoia. What if they were listening to us right now? How much did they already know?

"I got abnegation, candor, and dauntless."

"Three?" she whispered, her eyes horrified. "Okay, well obviously you have to choose abnegation. There's no question about it, that's the safest faction to pick."

I was about to argue when a sudden knock at the door made us both jump in alarm.

I sprang to my feet but my mother beat me to the door.

"Who is it?" She asked, her tone dropping any hint of our previous qualms.

"Hey Mrs. Stronghold, I was just wondering if Sage was feeling any better, they told me he got sick after the test. Can I come in?" I heard Danny ask through the door.

"Well of course Danny, come right in," she answered, swinging the door open and greeted him with a smile.

And just like that, the mask I'd never even known existed, was back on her face. If I hadn't just been talking to her moments ago, I would've believed nothing had even happened. Anyone would be hard-pressed to think that we'd just been discussing the murder of my father, my mother's lies, or my own mortality.

"I'll leave you two alone, I have to go pick up Mara," she said, giving me a discreet glance before walking out the door.

"Hey big guy, feeling better?" Danny asked; a smirk playing on his lips as he plopped down on the nearest couch.

I didn't answer; if I said yes, that'd be a lie, if I said no, he'd ask for explanations which would lead to another lie, either way I was trapped. This was it; the moment I'd have to start doing just what my mother and father had done, I'd have to lie to keep the ones I cared about safe.

"A little," I said, sprawling across from him on the other sofa.

He snorted, easily seeing through my first real attempt at deception. "Right, I believe that," he said sarcastically as he chucked a pillow at me. Thankfully, he didn't prod any further on the topic of my made-up illness.

"Tomorrow's the big day, can you believe it?" he said in a wistful tone as he stared up at the ceiling. "Man, I'm going to miss it here you know? Miss my dad and your mom, and even Mara," he sighed, "but my real faction calls."

"You're not supposed to tell me what you got," I pointed out, kicking my shoes off and settling deeper into the couch.

"Technically, I didn't," he said mischievously.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, forcing myself to relax as much as I could. "Where's your dad?" I asked; trying to subtly change the subject.

"A meeting, as usual," he answered, not sounding at all upset by the news. He was too used to being disregarded by his father to ever work up a fit about anything. "He'll be gone until early tomorrow, but he said he'd be back in time for the Choosing Ceremony."

"That's good," I said, genuinely happy for him.

"Yeah," he breathed, oddly calm for a change. "Tomorrow Sage, tomorrow it'll be you and me man, taking on dauntless and really making something of ourselves."

I didn't answer. Instead, I remembered back to when Marko had been lying to me; how he'd looked, how he'd acted, how he'd even sounded. I wouldn't and couldn't stay in candor, so even if it sickened me, even if it literally made my stomach churn; I'd have to lie, and lie convincingly. Danny seemed to finally notice my silence. He turned his head and peered at me curiously.

"Well, I already broke the rules I guess, I mean you know I got dauntless…" He frowned a little, and I could see him preparing to interpret my expression; he had the same look any candor person got when they were ready to read a person. "So, what did _you_ get?" It was subtle, but he was definitely trying to decipher whatever it was that I was about to say.

"I got dauntless," I answered, my voice calm and free of inflection, my eyes never wavering from his. In theory, I hadn't _really_ lied. It was a half-truth; I had gotten dauntless, I'd just happened to exclude the fact that I'd also gotten abnegation and candor.

"I knew it!" he crowed, laughing loudly and pumping his fist in the air. Apparently, I'd succeeded. "Man, I'm not gonna' lie, for a moment-" he broke off, still grinning and shaking his head.

"What?" I asked, trying to understand the look of embarrassment on his face. "What? Tell me."

"You're going to laugh, it's so crazy, but for a second there I actually thought you might've gotten abnegation."

My throat went dry and I had to force myself to laugh.

"A stiff, me? Why did you think that?" I said jokingly; successfully hiding the nerves from my voice behind another chuckle.

He laughed and scratched his head awkwardly.

"Like I said, I know it's crazy, but for a moment I don't know, it just made sense for you to be abnegation." He gave me a pointed look. "I don't know if you've noticed but you do some peculiar things sometimes."

I frowned; what exactly was it that I was doing to make people think that?

"Crazy," I chuckled, hoping my easy dismissal would hide the dread in my voice.

"I know, I know," Danny said, shaking his head at himself again. Then he smiled, and it was the same smile he always got whenever his father actually took him into account or paid him the slightest form of attention. The same look he got when he was completely happy and unafraid to show it. "I'm glad I was wrong. I-I don't know what I would've done if you'd gotten something else. You've always been there for me, you're not just my best friend you know? You're like my brother." He looked away, embarrassed.

"Not _like_ ," I smiled. "I _am_ your brother, and you are mine."

"Thanks for saying that." He smiled again, and then nodded. "Dude, I feel like a chick with all this mushy stuff," he said after a few seconds of silence.

I laughed and chucked his pillow back. "I know right? Jeez, control your emotions Danny. I thought you got dauntless, not amity."

He laughed, and then our moment of sappy bonding was over, and we were just two friends shooting the breeze; discussing how lame it was that the dauntless didn't get to drive cars like the candor or amity, or how it sucked that we'd probably never get to taste the delicacy which was candor ice-cream again.

Mara came home a little later, alone, saying our mom had dropped her off and then left to meet with someone. It was all very suspicious, but whatever lie she'd told Mara seemed to work because I appeared to be the only one on edge with her absence. Where had she gone? Was she in danger? I still had so many questions. And not just that, I had something else to tell her; an announcement I knew she wouldn't like.

She wanted me to go to abnegation, but after my talk with Danny I knew that'd be impossible. I would not act selfish or a cowardly, I wouldn't join a faction based solely on how much protection it could offer me. I would not leave Danny alone, like his father had, when I had the opportunity to stay by his side. Dauntless might be hard, but if the test was right and I had the aptitude for it, then I'd make it work.

Staying in candor wasn't an option, and living amongst the abnegation would forever make me feel unworthy and shameful. That only left one other option. One other faction. One other future.

Thankfully, my thoughts were somewhat distracted by the fact that Mara and Danny were again bickering; something about how much money would be saved with the absence of the bottomless pit, ergo Danny, in the house. He retaliated with how actually he was doing us a favor by keeping our food stock in check. It was a light dispute though, and I could actually see Mara blink away her emotions whenever she looked at us for too long. She was trying to be brave.

When it appeared Danny's father truly wasn't going to show up, Danny had still held hope he'd somehow make it back earlier, I began to set up the couch for him to stay over. He thanked me and almost instantaneously fell asleep. I sat on the opposite couch and told Mara I'd go to my room when our mom came back.

I don't know how long I waited, but at some point I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew Danny was shaking me awake.

"Sage, wake up! We've got to go, we can't be late for the Choosing Ceremony."


	15. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

I jerked awake with a start, swiveling my head every which way. I'd spent the whole night on the couch? That could only mean.

"Mom?" I mumbled, still trying to wake myself up.

" _No_ , I'm Danny. Your mom and Mara already left to go get a good seat. Now hurry up and get dressed."

I got up and stumbled to my room, quickly going through my morning ritual. I dressed quickly and without a great deal thought, wearing my standard attire of black pants, combat boots, and a plain white t-shirt. I was about to grab my favorite leather jacket, which had actually belonged to my father, but hesitated at the last second, instead grabbing my _somewhat_ dressier black blazer.

Once I transferred to dauntless, I wanted my mother and Mara to have something to remind them of both me and my father when I was gone. It was customary for initiates to get rid of their old faction's clothes, and I didn't want my father's jacket to perish. I took a moment to breathe in the familiar scent of the worn leather, then I folded it into a neat bundle and placed it on my bed.

"We gotta' go!" Danny reminded me from the living room.

I gave my room a final glance, and then at the last moment took a pen and wrote a note on a pad of paper I had on my desk _._ I'd have no time to explain anything to my mother afterwards, so it was best to leave her something now.

 _I'm sorry. I had to do it. I'll be fine, don't worry. I love you and Mara. Stay strong, love Sage._ I tucked the folded slip into my dad's jacket pocket and then closed the door to my room. I'd never see this place again.

We took the bus to get to the Choosing Ceremony. It was packed with people from every faction. Through the windows, I watched as the Hub got closer and closer with every passing minute. It was the tallest building in the city and I often found myself gazing at it through my bedroom window at night. Would I still be able to see it in the dauntless sector of the city?

The bus came to a stop and Danny and I wasted no time, sprinting to catch the next elevator that was heading up to the twentieth floor. The crowd was thick and pressed together like sardines in a can, and for a moment I considered if maybe I wasn't slightly claustrophobic. I could feel my pulse steadily rising, and my hands were getting clammy. The air was dense and it felt like everyone was trying to smother me on purpose.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to imagine I was instead in an open field, outside, under the sun, and free. I had to keep my cool, though it was easier said than done. I was just beginning to considering getting off on the next floor and climbing up the stairs with the abnegation, when the little bell above the door dinged and the doors slid open.

An abnegation man held the door open and we all filed in, excitement in the air as we took our seats. The room was arranged in a circular fashion; in the center, there were neat rows of chairs designated for the sixteen-year olds, followed by the section where the families got to sit, and then the outer part for faction citizens that wanted to watch the ceremony.

The whole area was also arranged in five sections, so that each faction had its own wedge assigned to them. The crowds were segregated; with the reds and yellows, grey, black and white, blue, and just black marking where each faction stood. I glanced up and caught sight of Mara and my mother. Danny's father was also sitting next to them, and I nudged Danny to point him out.

"He made it," I heard him sigh in relief. "I mean, he said he'd come but with his work and all, you just never know."

I nodded and waved at Mara and my mother. Mara waved back, but no matter how I tried, I couldn't seem to catch my mom's eyes. If only she'd look at me; let me tell her with a single glance what I planned to do so she wouldn't be blindsided later on.

Another bell rang, and I sighed in defeat. She'd have to see what I'd decided the moment I was called up. I smiled at Danny and clapped him on the back.

"See you soon," I said as we moved away from each other.

Arranging ourselves in alphabetical order, according to our last names, we began to take our seats for the ceremony to begin. We would not be considered members after today, not yet; our choice would make us initiates and then if we passed the initiation, we'd have the honor of being members. I knew what we did in candor for the initiations, but I was completely clueless about the other factions.

The responsibility to conduct the Choosing Ceremony rotated from faction to faction, with this year being candor's turn. Jack Kang, our representative, would be giving the opening address and reading the names in alphabetical order. I sat next to Carla Stanley, a girl I knew from candor, and an amity boy who'd been quick to present himself as Jayson Summers.

I gazed at the heart of the room, completely transfixed by the sight. In the center sat five metal bowls, large and emblematic, with each containing a substance that represented each faction. Abnegation had grey stones, amity had earth, candor had glass, dauntless had lit coals, and erudite had water.

The room slowly settled into silence, and everyone grew still; everything seemed to be in order. Jack Kang took his place at the podium and tapped the microphone once before starting.

"Welcome," he said, gesturing with his hands at everyone in the room. "Welcome one and all to the Choosing Ceremony. Welcome to the day we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors. The ideals which tells us that every individual has the right to choose their own way in this world."

But did we have a choice? Did we _really_?

"Our youths are now sixteen, and they stand at the brink of adulthood. It is now up to them, and only them, to decide what kind of people they want to be." Jack's voice rang loudly, with confidence and poise. Like a true candor, he excelled at speaking to crowds. "Long ago, our ancestors realized that it was not political beliefs, religious faith, race, or even nationalism that was to blame for the failing state our world was in. Rather, they figured out that it was the fault of human traits, of humankind's tendency toward malevolence. They knew they had to act, so they divided into factions that sought to eliminate those qualities they believed were responsible the world's failures."

Was I wrong to pick dauntless? Was I being hardheaded in risking my life when I could easily live peacefully in a world of grey?

"Those who blamed selfishness made abnegation."

And I believed in their mission, I did. But was I worthy?

"Those who blamed aggression made amity."

But sometimes to have peace, you had to have war. I could never be amity.

"Those who blamed duplicity made candor."

The truth sets you free. That's what I'd thought all along, but now things were vastly different- because the truth now meant my certain death.

"Those who blamed cowardice made dauntless."

I wanted to believe in freedom from fear; to not let it influence my decisions. I couldn't and wouldn't pick abnegation just because it was the painless choice.

"And those who blamed ignorance made erudite."

Maybe I _was_ being utterly and completely stupid, obviously making me not cut out for erudite, but if I were to die, then I'd die a brave and selfless death. There was no going back.

"Joining as one, our five factions have lived in peace for many years, with each contributing to a different sector of our city. Abnegation fulfilled our need for selfless leaders in government, amity gave us understanding counselors and caretakers, candor with trustworthy and sound leaders in law, dauntless with protection from threats both within and without, and erudite supplied intelligent teachers and researchers. However, each faction isn't limited to these areas. We give each another far more than could ever be summed up. In our factions, we find meaning, we find purpose, and we find life."

 _Faction before blood_. It wasn't late to change my mind, or was it? Did I want to change? Whatever faction I picked, I'd dive in wholeheartedly. If I were to get to the bowls and suddenly pick a wild card; amity or even erudite, I'd give every little part of me. No, I wouldn't change, I didn't have doubts.

"Without them, we'd be unable to survive."

I would survive, I _would_. Dauntless, that would be my choice. My new home.

"This day marks an extraordinary occasion, the day on which we receive our new initiates who will work with us towards a better society and a better world."

The room filled with thunderous applause, loud, alive, and roaring with emotion. We all stood and then wait as he began to call out names. One by one, each sixteen-year old stepped out of the line and then walked to the center of the room where the bowls stood.

With the first name called, Jack handed the initiate a small knife. I watched as the boy, dressed in abnegation grey, decided to pick his own faction; running the blade across his palm and letting his blood drip onto the stones. He then walked back and stood behind the abnegation seats alone.

I watched as face after face stood before the bowls and chose their destiny. The first one to change their faction was a short girl by the name of Sonya, she was dressed in amity red, but as she got to the bowls she paused before letting her blood seep into the abnegation earth. There were a couple of gasps from the amity section, but nothing serious.

It wasn't like the amity to get too worked up over a transfer. They favored peace, and if someone were to transfer, they preferred not to dwell on the negative aspect of it. It was factions like the dauntless and erudite that had more of an adverse reaction to transfers; taking things more personal and to heart. Candor was quick to voice disapproval of transfers, but also quick to get over it because of our value on honesty. Abnegation I'm sure also objected, but I'd only ever seen them shake their heads in displeasure.

For the most part, the whole process was beginning to blur as my tension rose. The faces started to blur and only a few began to really stick in my mind. Randi was called up, and she didn't hesitate to drop her blood into the lit coals, sending up woots and cheers from the dauntless section. I also saw Marko and a couple of his lackey friends pick dauntless, excluding one who transferred to candor.

A few transferred, while others stayed. It was like an odd balancing game; take one, leave one, move him, keep her. One erudite boy in particular caught my eye, and it was odd. Though not as much of a social butterfly as Danny, I did however pride myself in knowing almost all of the kids in our year of school. With him though, I found myself drawing a complete blank. I'd been lost in thought, so I hadn't even heard his name.

The boy, with his closely cropped blonde hair and cold blue eyes, didn't hesitate to pick dauntless. He got in line, and as the next name was called, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Though the ceremony continued, I caught a couple of people in the erudite sector whispering amongst themselves. Their eyes darted to the boy, and I couldn't help but wonder if they didn't recognize him either.

I didn't have time to make any other guesses though, because the next thing I knew, Jack had announced the next name.

"Danny Gallows."

Danny grinned and swaggered up to the podium. He nodded at Jack and then took his knife. As he ran it across his hand he paused once to stare up at the crowd, I assumed to look at his father, and then smiled a sad smile as he let his blood drop into the lit coals. The dauntless cheered, and most of the people in candor nodded amongst themselves; apparently in approval.

Curious, I turned my head and peered behind me to where I'd seen our families sitting. I watched Danny's father and felt the sting of anger when I caught him peering at his watch. Of all the _nerve_. One day, one measly day he couldn't just pretend to be a good dad and actually act like he cared about his only son?

I huffed, feeling irritated, and turned back around. I managed to calm my frayed nerves by watching the next series of initiates go up and claim their faction. In no time I was again composed; having been lulled by the repetitiveness of the ceremony.

"Karla Stanley." Jack announced, and I shivered as she got up and made her way to the podium; I was next. I watched as she let her blood fall onto the glass, choosing to return to our faction, and then steeled myself.

"Sage Stronghold."

This was it; this was the moment that would change my life. I stood and walked, making sure to keep my pace steady, and made my way to the center of the room. Jack smiled courteously, and then offered me my knife. I took it with a firm hand, and then turned towards the bowls.

The abnegation stones were there, to my right, and the dauntless coals to my left. Placing the blade of the knife in my left hand, I looked up to where I'd last seen my mom and Mara. Mara grinned and gave me a short wave, and then I saw my mother. Our eyes met, and a single glance was all it took.

She shook her head almost imperceptibly, and I saw her lips silently form the word no over and over.

 _No, no, no._

I smiled reassuringly, and with my small gesture I hoped she'd know I was truly sorry for causing her the emotional pain. Then without ever breaking our stare, I closed my hand around the blade until I could feel the blood begin to seep through my fingers. It stung, but I barely noticed.

With my next breath I held my hand out and let my blood, _my symbolic essence_ , fall onto the sizzling coals.


	16. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Dauntless; I was brave enough to choose this faction knowing I could very well end up dead tomorrow. Abnegation; I was selfless enough to choose my loyalty to Danny over my own personal safety. Candor; I knew, in my head and my heart, that I was different.

Though I could relate to each faction, and loved them for different reasons, I'd chosen on instinct. I'd picked what had felt right, and I didn't regret it.

There was no going back now. I would pass initiation, I would become a member, and I would strive to become the emblem of dauntless. Though I respected and cherished both abnegation and candor, that was all it could ever amount to. Like the secrets my mother had hidden, I'd bury my divergence in the deepest recesses of my soul.

With my shoulders back and my chin up, I calmly walked over to join the other initiates who'd chosen dauntless. I could feel my mother's intent gaze on the back of my head, but I refused to turn around. I loved her, and I knew she was upset with my decision, but in the end it would all work out. She and Mara would be safe without me around, and I'd do everything possible to abolish any signs of abnegation or candor from my system.

Starting now, I would no longer be Sage the divergent anomaly.

I sighed quietly, crossed my arms, and then watched as the rest of the initiates walked up and made their choices. Grace was the last one, and I had to hide the look of shock on my face when I saw her pick dauntless over amity. She joined our group, and my first instinct was to stand between her and Marko, who was already leering at her.

A silent alarm rang in my head, and I realized that my thought had been a very "stiff" way of viewing things. No, I couldn't do that. I locked my knees and stayed in place. Dauntless protected the weak, that much was allowed. But if Grace thought she belonged in this faction, she'd have to learn to stick up for herself.

With the last choice made, it was time to leave. I shared a parting look with my mother, whose eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and Mara, who blew me a kiss and then waved me goodbye. They'd have the option of visiting me in my new faction, about a week and a half from now on Visiting Day, and I hoped they'd consider it.

The dauntless began to exit the room first, and I could feel a surge of new energy flow through us. Like a ripple effect; someone near the front let out a whoop and began to run, and soon we were all shouting and sprinting up the stairs. The roar of dozens of feet had an oddly soothing effect, and I found myself smiling as I compared it to the sound of heavy rain.

Danny ran beside me, and the moment we glanced at each other, we burst out laughing; our thoughts one and the same. With a small grunt, we both began to recklessly push past the bodies in front of us, fighting to make our way towards the front of the pack.

Panting, but grinning nonetheless, Danny and I somehow managed to catch up and meld into the dauntless-born crowd who'd been the first out the door. Ambitiously, I pumped my legs harder, wanting to claim the head spot at the front of the mob.

As we reached the first floor, we all burst through the exit, completely crowding the surrounding streets and sidewalks. I gulped at the air, and then threw off my blazer that had been restricting my movement. Danny laughed and did the same.

We kept our lead close to the head of the crowd, and as we neared a corner and I heard the familiar rattle of the train, I knew what we were about to do. I didn't just want to act dauntless, I wanted to be the embodiment of their ideals.

A wild laugh escaped my lips, and I broke away from most of the crowd in a flat out sprint. I heard Danny breathing heavily somewhere behind me, and saw Randi out of my peripheral vision.

"What do you think you're doing?" she yelled at me in between fast breaths.

"Catching a train, _you_?" I grinned.

She didn't have time to respond, because as soon as the words had left me I'd sped up. I had seen the dauntless arrive at school all the time, and had observed how nimbly they boarded and exited the trains. Though I'd never actually done it, I figured the best way to learn was to just go ahead and try.

I saw the train gliding towards me, swift and almost graceful as it soared across the steel rails. The horn blared, lights flashed, ground rumbled, and I saw that the door to each of the carts were already open. Reaching the threshold between the grass and the rails, I didn't slow my speed.

Running beside the first car for a few steps, I reached out and latched onto the handle that was near me and simultaneously lunged forward. My foot caught the lip of the entrance, and I used my arms to pull myself the rest of the way in. Seconds later, Randi and Danny piled in, followed by another horde of dauntless born initiates. With only Danny and I being the exception, the whole cart was full of dauntless bodies.

Unable to resist my curiosity, I held onto the edge of the doorway and glanced outside. Dauntless born initiates were still in the process of jumping into the cars, and behind all of them towards the back, I could faintly make out the colors of the rest of the transfer initiates. A pang of guilt stabbed at my chest when I realized it was possible for Grace or any of the other transfers to fail the initiation simply because they couldn't board the train.

Unconsciously, I found myself calculating how much time it would take me if I were to jump off and race towards the back to offer them encouragement and a helping hand.

"Who the hell are you?" a voice interrupted my thoughts. I was glad though, because the moment I was brought back to reality, I realized just how stupid that move would have been; how _stiff_ it would've made me look.

The boy who'd addressed me seemed to be the leader of most of the dauntless-born; I could tell because they all looked to him when he spoke, and stayed silent as a sign of respect. He had dark brown eyes, a tattoo of a wolf on his forearm, and glossy black hair that had been trimmed into a sort of faux-hawk. He appraised Danny and I with a mix of disbelief and curiosity.

"What, you deaf or something? I asked you _candor_ a question." He said, putting an emphasis on the word candor; making it seem as if it were an insult.

"I'm Dan," I heard Danny respond as he tipped an imaginary hat. It caught me by surprise to hear him title himself differently, but I figured it was a good decision; new faction, new life, new name.

The boy nodded, and then turned to look at me, and I saw him raise his brow when I didn't respond right away.

"And you?" he prompted.

"I'm _not_ Dan," I answered sarcastically; instantaneously wishing I'd thought through my answer.

My lack of filter was bound to get me in trouble if I wasn't careful. I had to remember, I wasn't candor anymore; I couldn't go around being as blunt as I normally was. The words were out though, and I wasn't about to degrade myself by acting like a scared child; quickly backtracking and answering was out of the question. I waited nervously behind a mask of false nonchalance, and hoped the repercussions wouldn't be too bad.

The car and all of its inhabitants were quiet for an instant, and then the boy who'd questioned me broke out into a smile.

"Smartass," he quipped, chuckling and shaking his head at me. "Seriously though, I've never heard of a transfer making it into the head car after the Choosing Ceremony, much less coming in first. So, who are you?"

I grinned and hid my relief behind a casual shrug; silently vowing to watch what I said in the future.

"Sage," I answered, surprised when he leaned forward and held out his hand.

"Finn," he said, gripping my hand firmly and shaking it. "Gotta' say, it takes guts to just charge ahead and jump on without ever doing it before."

"Pfft, or a lack of brains," Randi teased, slugging Danny as she shoved her way forward. The other dauntless-born chuckled, the tension in the room gone, and then began to talk amongst themselves.

"So where are we going?" Danny asked as he peeked out the doorway.

"Dauntless headquarters," said Finn.

"Cool, I've always wondered where that was exactly." Danny remarked as he slid down and sat on the floor.

"Its top secret," Randi said in a stage whisper. "Only the bravest of the brave can enter."

"Should be easy then," Danny answered, puffing his chest out and waggling his eyebrows. A couple of the dauntless-born who'd been listening chuckled, and I could see he was already growing on them.

Finn snorted and then grinned, meeting my eyes and infecting me with his eager enthusiasm.

"Maybe it _is_ , maybe it _isn't_." He shrugged. "If you two liked the trains, then you're going to love this next part."

A murmur of conversation took over the train, but I couldn't help but lose myself in the scenery. Pink-purple light from the setting sun colored the skies above, and the fresh air felt sweet and refreshing against my skin. The glass buildings twinkled and shimmered, and I could no longer see the candor sector of our city. How were my mother and Mara coping? Had Grace made it? What if she hadn't? I should've jumped out and helped her. But I couldn't, not without calling attention to myself.

"Get ready!" I heard Finn shout. I jumped to my feet and could literally feel how the train was beginning to slow down. It didn't take me long to figure out why; up ahead, I saw that there was a nearby rooftop with an older dauntless man waiting for us. The tracks were about seven stories high, and if the jump was miscalculated, it would mean certain death.

"Onto that roof?" I asked, pointing just to make sure.

"Yeah, just watch and then follow my lead," Finn said as he gripped the side of the car.

Whether it was the fact that I hated to be told what to do, or just that I was determined to prove my bravery at any cost; I found myself backing up and leaning forward onto my toes. The crowd of dauntless-born parted when they gathered what I was about to do, and I saw Danny subtly shake his head at me.

" _Don't be stupid!"_ I could practically hear him say, and I saw his own expression mirrored on Randi's face.

I grinned back, and just as Finn was about to say something, I lunged. I ran a short distance and then I was airborne. For a few eerie moments I was completely weightless, and then as I saw the ground rush up at me, I braced myself. Landing on the balls of my feet, I managed to jog to a halt and so I'd be able to burn off the extra momentum without falling or tripping.

Almost immediately, I turned and watched as Finn, Randi, Danny, and the other dauntless-born began to jump off. Finn quickly jogged over and clapped me on the back, a smile stretching over his face. Danny came over shortly, but the look he gave me was one that said he thought I was going mad. I jabbed him playfully though, and he seemed to bounce back into his normal humor.

Randi, however, kept her distance. She glared at me, and when I took a single step in her direction, she backed away and stiffened. I didn't understand, and I was about to go over and ask what was wrong when a shrill scream filled the air.

I wheeled around, and when I saw where the shriek had originated from, I charged forward. Grace hung by her fingertips on the edge of the roof, she must've jumped too late, and was quickly losing her grip. The blonde erudite boy, who'd apparently managed to keep up, stood less than a foot away; merely staring with a bored expression as Grace begged for help.

I closed the distance in seconds and without hesitation, reached down and clasped my hands around her wrists to haul her up.

"Thanks," she managed to mumble after she'd caught her breath.

"S'nothing," I muttered, patting her back gently; the only way I could think to soothe her. I turned on the erudite boy, my anger tangible as I glared at him. "Why didn't you help her?" I demanded.

He didn't answer. The only sign I received that he'd even heard me was the fact that the corners of his lips were twisted in a subtle smirk. He blinked slowly and then cocked his head at me, his analytical blue eyes studied me, and I suddenly felt very exposed.

"You shouldn't have intervened, if someone falls then they fall, end of initiation," I heard Marko shout from the edge of the crowd. "If they can't make it alone, they don't deserve to be in dauntless."

I frowned and clenched my fists, but I didn't have to say anything; because almost as soon as Marko had finished speaking, Finn shot him a pointed look.

"Guess you're out of luck then," Finn said in an offhanded tone. "It was nice knowing you."

A few people in the crowd snickered and Marko's face got beet-red as he muttered something about not needing luck.

"Alright alright, everyone listen up! My name is Max, I am one of the leaders of your new faction!" The older man who'd been waiting for us shouted. He had dark skin and seemed to be graying at his temples. He stood on one of the edges of the roof, with his hands behind his back, and seemed to be getting impatient with our chatter.

"Several stories below us is the member's entrance to our compound. Those who are brave enough will not hesitate to jump off, if you show any fear or falter, you'll prove you don't belong here. Now, to make things fair, I'll give the initiates the privilege of going first."

He wanted us to jump off the ledge _, just like that_? What was down there anyway? Would we just fall and end up splattered over the sidewalk, or was there something to catch us?

Did it matter?

I'd chosen dauntless, and for them, no other virtue was more important than bravery. Fear would not influence me. I'd face it, whether it ended up costing me my comfort, my sanity, or even my life.

The dauntless-born initiates began to part, but before they'd finished I was already making a run for it. If I began to over-think it, I'd never be able to jump. I worked best under pressure and by following my gut; and right now, in this instant, my whole being was screaming at me to take a leap of faith.

The air whipped around me, and my muscles burned with the sudden rush of adrenaline. I didn't stop when I got to the edge of the roof, instead I used my remaining speed to push off and fling myself.

I didn't close my eyes once as I plummet into the abyss.


	17. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

The air seemed to form invisible claws that grasped at my skin and clothes, and the wind howled and echoed in my ears. My heart seemed to stop altogether, while somehow simultaneously beating at double its normal speed. My pulse thundered loudly in my ears and all my muscles tightened involuntarily. The darkness was swallowing me whole.

Panic never set in though, because though I had no clue what was at the end, I was proud of the fact that I'd acted. I relaxed then, letting my body wilt, and waited for my impending doom. It never came.

My freefall was suddenly cut short when my body connected with something hard. The breath was knocked out of me, and I felt a sting when various long and thin ropes seemed to dig into my skin. A net? I felt my body nestle into the webbing, almost as if it were a hammock, and I found myself laughing. I'd just jumped from a building and lived. Was I really brave, or just mad?

A hand stretched out to me from the edge of the net, and I rolled over twice and then latched onto it. With a grunt, I pulled myself across and landed on what appeared to be wooden flooring. We stood on a platform that was about ten feet above the ground, and around us was an open cavern.

"Nice entrance," the boy who'd helped me out said. He grinned and I heard other people talking loudly behind him. "What's your name?"

I could pick a new name, just like Danny; make up a whole new identify and just start over from scratch. No divergence, no history, just what I created.

 _But no_ , why would I want to completely erase myself? Yes, my divergence was dangerous, but it also made me the person I was, and whether I liked it or not I knew deep down that even with a new name I'd still be me. I could try, and I would, but I'd still forever be Sage.

"Sage," I answered; my voice steady and confident.

"Welcome to dauntless." He grinned and then turned and shouted to the crowd. "First jumper, Sage!"

The crowd, who'd been mostly hidden in the shadows, pushed forward and began to cheer, woot, and pump their fists in the air. Shortly after, I heard Danny's familiar laughter as he came flying down the and into the net. It wasn't long before everyone had jumped and we were all standing in a semi-formed mob. Max came down last and he congratulated us before pointing back at the first boy who'd helped us out, and another boy who was just walking up.

"What's up guys, my name is Amar," he presented himself and then nodded at the red-headed boy next to him. "And this is Red. We're glad you all made it this far, but there's much more to cover. So quiet down and follow us."

We all nodded and followed closely behind Amar and Red as they proceeded to lead us through various narrow tunnels. The whole place seemed to be subterranean, and from what I could see the walls and ceiling were made of stone. A little voice in the back of my head, probably my sense of reason, anxiously pointed out that if something were to happen we'd be basically trapped down here. I ignored the urge to ask where the nearest exit or window was, and instead tried to focus on memorizing the layout.

Luckily, the tunnels all seemed to be lit at evenly spaced intervals, so it wasn't too hard to get a good look at our surroundings. A warm hand on my back startled me, but only for an instant. I turned and smiled warmly at Grace, who beamed back, and mouthed a hello. We didn't speak, but I slowed my pace so she'd be able to stand between Dan and myself.

"This is where we'll split up," Red said when we came to a fork in the tunnel. "The dauntless-born initiates will come with me. Now quit fooling around so I can give you the damned tour."

"Now is that _really_ necessary?" I heard Finn protest from somewhere to my left. "We live here!"

"I know that, but rules are rules, now shut up and follow me to your dorm, pretend you've never seen this place," Red said as he waved his hand for them to follow.

"See you guys later," Finn chuckled, clapping Dan and I on the back before he left with his group.

The dauntless-born were already breaking away and disappearing into the shadows, but I was surprised to see someone hesitate and then jog back. Randi came up to me, her face looking concerned, and then wrapped her hand around my shirt to pull me down to her level.

"Sage, do me a favor and don't get yourself killed," she muttered.

I didn't have time to respond though, because as soon as the words had left her mouth, she'd turned and sprinted away. Dan and Grace threw me curious looks, but neither of them actually said anything. With all the dauntless-born gone, there were now only ten of us left; four candor, including Dan and me, four erudite, one of them being the peculiar blonde boy, and two amity, of which one was Grace.

Amar turned to us next, and spoke loudly. "Okay, so as I said, my name's Amar, and I'm going to be you're instructor for the next few weeks. We're going to head down to the Pit to start, so follow me."

"Wonder why it's called that?" Grace whispered as we filed behind our instructor.

"Maybe it smells like one?" Dan offered jokingly, lifting his arm and pretending to sniff.

She giggled, but then immediately clamped her mouth shut when she received a sneer from one of the erudite girls in front of us.

After a few moments, Amar pushed open a set of double doors and spoke. "Welcome to the Pit."

"Ah, that's why," Dan mused, nudging Grace as we took in the sight.

Before us stood a vast underground fissure; so massive in size that it was hard to see to the other end of it without squinting. Again, I had the feeling of being buried alive; all around us, the walls and ceilings were made of rough granite. I couldn't panic, this would be my home and I had to get over the fact that there were no visible signs of the outside world.

Rather than dwell on just how deep under the earth we were, I concentrated on the Pit again. Irregular rock walls rose up several stories high above our heads, and built from these walls were little outlets that served as stores. There were some for clothes, others for food, one that appeared to be a pub, and even some for leisurely activities. I'm sure there were even more than that, but the darkness and height didn't allow me to see clearly.

There were black-clothed people everywhere. Shouts and the sound of laughter echoed throughout the cavernous space, and I could see a group of young kids running down the narrow paths that had no railings.

My thoughts involuntarily turned anxious and worried as I imagined little Annie somewhere in their crowd. They could get hurt, they could fall, where were their parents? Without moving, I watched over the kids with my eyes; resisting the urge to march over there and herd them like sheep into a safer area. I tore my gaze from them when I felt like my heart was about to pound its way out of my chest; I had to stop worrying, if they were still alive, obviously it was because they were used to the danger.

To distract myself, I looked up at the stores that were located on the higher levels. I almost sighed aloud in relief when my eyes came to the ceiling; up above the Pit, barely noticeable because of how dark it was outside, were large panes of glass. I could just barely make out the twinkling of the starts outside, but it was enough to set me at ease. In the morning, it would probably let in enough sunlight to illuminate the whole area.

Somewhat relaxed, I took the time to try and make out the shape above the glass. Built upon the panes, was another building; the only marker that could tell any outside spectator where we were, relatively speaking.

"What's up there?" I asked aloud.

"You'll see soon enough," Amar answered. "For now, just follow and watch. I'm going to show you to the chasm next."

We followed obediently behind him, walking towards the right side of the Pit. It was darker, and I could hear an obscure sound. The closer we got, the louder it grew; a roar, loud and persistent, came from the location. As we neared, I saw an iron barrier that served as a sort of guardrail, and when I looked over it the sound made sense.

The floor plunged abruptly and formed a sharp drop. Below us there was a river, fast-moving and wild, it gushed loudly as if it had a life of its own. It crashed against the rocks and sent up a spray of frigid droplets. Squinting, I could just make out that near the left the water seemed to calm and disappear into a different underground cavern.

"Wow," I breathed, leaning forward over the rail in an attempt to get a better view. "It's amazing."

Amar nodded, and then addressed our group.

"The chasm is beautiful, but it serves a higher purpose than just being an embellishment. It is symbolic, reminding us that there is a fine line between bravery and stupidity."

For some reason, though he hadn't actually directed the words at me, I felt defensive. I had the sinking feeling that he'd considered my actions the latter. I stopped trying to peer into the abyss below, and instead rejoined the group as Amar waved us along to continue his tour. We walked across the pit and made our way towards a yawning entrance that led to a cafeteria and dining hall.

"Yes, finally. We should've started the tour here." Dan said with a wide grin as he took a deep breath of the scents that were wafting around the room.

As our group filed in, the dauntless that had already been inside began to stand and clap. Their laughter, shouts of encouragement, and stomping feet reverberated across the lunchroom; welcoming us in a true dauntless fashion. The noise surrounded us, almost like an embrace, as they showered us with their exuberant welcome. We were home.

In that moment, I couldn't help but feel optimistic; I wasn't worried about my divergence, about my father's premeditated death, about our initiation, about anything. I felt comforted, happy, and at peace with my decisions. I would make this work.

I smiled, and then nudged Dan when I spotted an empty table at the back of the room. In the center there were already platters of food, and we wasted no time in piling our plates to more than brimming. Skipping lithely, Grace made her way to our table, her arm hooked around one of the other erudite transfers. I grimaced internally; she'd have to learn to control her past amity habits if she wanted to survive here.

"Wow, hungry much?" Grace giggled when her eyes found our plates.

"Nope, not very much," Dan joked as he reached for another roll.

"Could Carla and I join you?" She asked as she pulled her friend closer.

"Of course, you don't even have to ask," I said, scooting over to make room. "Carla? I'm Sage," I said to the girl.

The girl smiled and nodded as she served herself. I could feel the uneasiness radiating from her body, her eyes darted constantly, and she ate in quick bites. She kept adjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose, even when it was clear they were fine, and I saw that her nails were already chewed down to nubs.

"Nervous?" I prompted; genuinely concerned about her state of mind.

"Is it that obvious?" she said, looking up in alarm.

"Yeah, it is," I answered. "You look ready to snap at any moment."

Dan nodded and then pointed at her hands. "You really went to town on those, if you keep that up you won't have any fingers left."

"Jeez, that was blunt. Control your candor-ness boys," Grace rolled her eyes in our general vicinity, and then turned to pat Carla's arm. "You look fine."

"What! I'm just saying it how it is. And anyway, your lies won't do her any good, how's she supposed to know what to work on if she doesn't hear the reality of her situation? " Dan said through a mouthful of food. "Besides, you're one to talk, what was that a few seconds ago?"

Apparently, I hadn't been the only who'd noticed the inappropriate prancing.

"What do you mean?" Grace asked defensively.

"I mean, when have you _ever_ seen a dauntless skip anywhere? Much less arm in arm with another member." Dan said, and I couldn't help but nod in agreement.

" _Oh_ , I didn't even realize," Grace blushed, and then it wasn't just Carla who was staring down at her plate.

"We don't mean it as an insult though," I quickly amended; feeling guilty at the expressions on their faces. "It's meant as constructive criticism, and you're right too, Dan and I definitely have to tone down our level of frankness."

"Yeah, we all have some work to do." Dan didn't hesitate to agree. Grace immediately brightened, and Carla smiled shyly.

We ate and ended striking up a conversation about the other transfers; there were ten total, including us.

"Those two, Todd and Pam, are related. Cousins if I remember correctly." Dan said, pointing at the other two candor transfers who sat a few rows away. "He was in my gym class, and she and I were paired in a debate once."

"If you thought we were bad, you should hear how blunt they are. Now _that's_ harsh, that's why we didn't hang out much at school." I added. "Other than their outspokenness, they're fine people I guess."

Grace and Carla shared a look, and then they both snickered a little.

"Okay, my turn." Grace said as she nodded in a different direction; towards the only other amity transfer. "That's Billy, everyone back home knew he'd pick dauntless, he was always mean and very unkind. You guys don't want to mess with him."

I analyzed the boy; with his wavy brown hair and slate-grey eyes, he had an overall playful appearance. He sat with two of the erudite transfers, one being the girl who'd previously sneered at Grace, and I could see them sneaking glances in our direction every once in a while. Carla filled us in quickly; the boy was named Howard, and the girl Samantha.

"Like you said Grace, everyone back in erudite assumed they'd pick dauntless. It was consistent with the behavioral patterns they demonstrated. They are both highly antagonistic and love confrontation."

"What about Mr. Sunshine over there?" I asked when Carla didn't add anything more. I nodded towards the last erudite transfer; the blonde boy who'd seen Grace hanging on a limb and done nothing but stare. He sat alone, his back straight and his eyes bored, and ate in an almost robotic manner. "What do you know about him?"

Carla looked at him, and I could clearly see the confusion on her face. She frowned and bit her lip, obviously struggling to fish out any kind of information on him. She fidgeted with her glasses again and then rubbed her chin absently. After a few seconds, she sighed loudly and shrugged.

"I honestly don't know. Today at the Choosing Ceremony was the first time I ever saw him. It's weird, I mean I was never a huge social-butterfly, but I'm almost certain he didn't go to school with us." She picked at her food, but I could see she was still attempting to find an answer.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, unable to resist my curiosity.

"Well…" she trailed off, then glanced at the boy, and seemed to make up her mind; she leaned forward and we all mirrored her actions so that we were huddled close. "It's mostly gossip, totally unfounded, but word around erudite was that there were special students who were so intellectually gifted that they were taught all their school subjects at erudite headquarters rather than have to go to public school. Like I said this is all based on talk I've heard, but it would explain why I've never seen him."

"If he was so smart, then why did he transfer?" Dan asked inquisitively.

"Maybe he just didn't like it there, or he could've failed a test, maybe even his aptitude results swayed him, I'm not sure." Carla shrugged.

"He's kind of frightening," Grace shuddered; probably remembering how he'd been analyzing her as she'd begged for help.

I nodded, surprised that I felt the same way. There was definitely something odd about him; something not completely right.

"What's his name?" I asked. Silence greeted me, and I turned to look at the people at my table with a raised brow. No one said anything.

"Honestly, I was so nervous during the choosing ceremony I didn't really pay attention," Grace confessed, Dan and Carla nodding.

"Yeah, me too," I admitted.

"He did pick a new name though, I heard what he said he wanted to be called," Grace added, causing us to all lean forward again.

"He said, call me Banks."


	18. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

"Banks," I repeated slowly. "That's a funny name to pick."

"Maybe it has a meaning behind it?" Carla offered, digging into her food; apparently satisfied with her own answer to the mystery of his obscure past. "I don't know, but he doesn't seem to be much into making friends. I was trying to talk to him earlier, but he didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard me."

"Rude," Grace sniffed, shaking her head in an almost chastising manner.

"He seems like a _real_ charmer actually," Dan joked; pretending to get defensive.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he is," Grace rolled her eyes.

"Well _I'm_ certainly taken by him." Dan said as he and Grace continued to playfully bicker back and forth, Carla seeming to relax as the minutes passed by.

After dinner, Amar appeared and lead us down another series of hallways, never telling us where exactly we were going. We followed until we reached the end of a hallway and stood in front of a broad wooden door. Amar turned to us, and then clasped his hands behind his back in a very professional manner.

"I've been training dauntless initiates for a while now, and it's not a job I take lightly. The whole process is taken very seriously around here, with due cause, and there's some important rules you all need to know. First off, you have to be in the training room by eight o'clock sharp every day. Training will take place from eight to six, with a break for lunch at around two. You are all free to do whatever you want afterwards, and you'll get some time off in between each stage of initiation."

He unclasped his hands and then crossed his arms as he met eyes each of us.

"You are also not permitted to leave the compound, not unless accompanied by a dauntless member. Now, behind this door is the room where you'll all be sleeping throughout the initiation process. Pick a bed, and make yourself comfortable, because this'll be your home for the next few weeks."

"What about the dauntless-born? We won't all fit in there." Billy asked.

"That's not a problem," Amar shrugged, "in this first stage of initiation transfers and the dauntless-born will be kept separate. Don't misunderstand, you will be evaluated equally. At the end of initiation, your rankings will be compared to theirs to determine who stays and who goes."

"Wait, what do you mean by _rankings_?" Howard interrupted from behind Billy's left shoulder.

"Yeah," Samantha added, flanking Billy's right side, "and what do you mean, _who goes_?"

Amar pinched the bridge of his nose, and I could see he was getting irritated by their questions.

"You will be ranked against them for two reasons; one, to decide the order in which you'll choose a job after initiation, and two, is to see which top ten initiates will have the honor of becoming members."

We all lapsed into a sudden silence as we digested what he'd just said.

"What?" Todd and Pam exclaimed; both sounding as panicked as they looked. "That's insane!"

"And highly unfair, our odds are very poor. Especially considering what you just said!" Howard added. "You said we'd be ranked in comparison with the dauntless-born, of which there are ten, so that means it's possible that none of us could make it!"

"What happens if we fail?" Billy added, and I couldn't help but stiffen when I noticed his gaze rest on Grace and Carla.

Amar didn't respond, didn't even look at us, until everyone was silent. Then when he saw we were paying attention, he spoke again.

"Yes, it's true that it is possible for none of you to make it into dauntless. With there being ten dauntless-born, you guys have a lot of work to do since they are already better than you in certain aspects. After the end of stage one, four initiates will be cut, and the remainder after the final test. If you fail, then you're out. You leave our compound and live with the factionless."

"Someone should've warned us about this," I heard Billy mutter under his breath.

" _Oh_ , what for?" Amar said; his voice casual but his features stern. "Are you afraid? Would you've picked differently?" He stepped close to Billy, and I could see the intensity in his eyes as he spoke. "Would you have let your fear influence your decision? Because if that's the case, then know this now, you'll never belong with us."

Billy gulped loudly and shifted to stare at his shoes. Amar went back to the door and addressed us, his features stony and severe.

"Fear does not rule us, it does not sway us, it does not _control_ the way we live our lives. We do not house cowards here. Even if you have everything going against you, even if you are likely to fail, it is always better to die trying than to not try at all. You all decided of your own free will to be here, but now we must see if you truly belong."

I should've felt nervous, worried, even afraid, but I wasn't. There wasn't a single trace of terror in my body. I was confident, because what he'd described was what I'd just done; I'd chosen dauntless over abnegation, the much safer choice, even when I'd known that it would be easier for nefarious people to find out about my divergence and kill me. This was no different.

Amar turned, and then pushed the door to the dormitory open, revealing two rows of five beds.

"Umm…" Grace trailed off loudly, appearing to try and form a question. "Where do the girls sleep?"

Amar didn't answer; instead he gave her a weary look and addressed the room.

"In the far corner, you'll find a large wardrobe of black generic clothes. Find something that fits and toss your old faction clothes." He started to leave but then turned at the last minute. "Tomorrow's the beginning of your life here, so rest well and be prepared."

Dan and I claimed the two beds near the front and then made our way to the back wall to get our clothes. I only grabbed a shirt, since the rest of my attire was already black, and then found the washroom so I could wash my face and brush my teeth.

When I returned, I saw that Dan was already snoring softy from his bed, and that Carla was in the process of fluffing her pillow. Everyone else was also in bed, but I couldn't be sure if they were asleep or not. Grace, who'd picked the bed next to mine, was no more than a blob under her blanket. As I settled into my bed, I couldn't help but catch the sound of her muffled sobs.

While my first instinct was to go over and attempt to comfort her, I resisted, realizing that it would cause more harm than good. If I helped her, the others would be quick to peg her as a weak link, and besides, she had to start toughening up if she was going to make it here.

At some point someone else also began to cry, but whoever it was quieted down after a few minutes, unlike Grace who continued to weep. I swallowed hard, and jammed by pillow over my head to muffle the sounds. It worked, but only for a short time. I knew, pillow or not, that she was still crying.

I had no clue what time it was, only that it was late, but I couldn't ignore it any longer. It was impossible for me to turn a blind eye to something I could at least try to fix. Hopefully, everyone else would already be asleep, or at least unaware of what I was about to do. Quietly, I slipped out of bed and gingerly crept over to Grace's bed. She flinched when my hand connected with her back, but I quickly whispered into her ear.

"Hey, its okay, everything will be fine," I murmured.

"How do you know?" she whispered back in between a sniffle, her hand finding mind and holding on tightly.

I shrugged in the dark, and then when I realized she couldn't see me, decided to speak. "I don't, but you have to believe it will be." I chuckled softly, almost a breath rather than a laugh. "You were amity right? Think positive."

Though I couldn't see her face, the smile in her words was obvious. "I'll try. Thanks Sage."

"S'nothing," I whispered back, and then turned to go back to my bed.

I slipped under the covers, and I was surprised to find that I genuinely felt tired. It'd been a long day, both emotionally and physically draining. Without the adrenaline or the drive to do something, my body begged to rest. I relaxed and felt myself melt into the mattress.

I closed my eyes and almost instantly fell into a troubled slumber. There was no real rest for me though; my dreams were plagued by the faces of my mother, my father, Mara, Danny, Vera, Annie, Randi, Grace; essentially everyone I'd ever protected.

In my dreams, or rather nightmares, I was always filled with a sense of panic and urgency; like there was something I had to do but didn't know exactly what it was. Then, by the time I did find out, it would be too late, and someone I loved had to pay the price for my mistake. Their blood was always on my hands. Voiceless, they'd call to me for help, but I'd be unable to do anything.

I awoke with a shudder, disoriented and bewildered, half expecting to still be at home. When I remembered where I was though, I felt myself unwind slightly. I couldn't have been out very long. I made no sound, and instead lay in bed, staring into the darkness, trying desperately to find sleep again.

It didn't come, and so I got up and blindly made my way out of the room and into the hallway where I'd previously seen a drinking fountain. Barefoot, I slowly walked along the dark passageways over the uneven ground. Luckily, at the end of each corridor hung a blue lamp that cast a soft circle of light over its surroundings.

When I found the fountain, I began to sip slowly, not really present in thought. It was the sound of skittering rocks that alerted me to the presence behind me. I continued to drink, feigning unawareness, but felt myself tense, ready for the attack. Nervous energy filled my every limb, and I was suddenly more awake than I had been mere seconds ago.

The moment the next footstep came, I was ready. I spun around, my hands balled into fists, and leaned forward, ready to tackle whoever it was to the ground.

It was Banks. He stood before me, eerily calm, his frosty blue eyes betraying nothing. He neither smiled nor scowled, if anything his expression seemed languid and uninterested. The rapid flow of energy left me, and I suddenly felt very foolish; embarrassed at my paranoid reaction.

"Hey, I didn't hear you coming," I said, breaking the silence. "You're pretty light on your feet."

He didn't say anything; instead he just continued to stare at me. His eyes were the only indication that he'd even heard me. He watched me in a way that reminded me a lot of my old home; like a candor that screened emotions and gestures for lies, he also studied me with a sort of bone-chilling interest.

There was a sudden shift in the air, and then he wasn't the only one trying to decipher what he saw; I felt my eyes narrow and I stared at him with the same intensity he projected at me. We wordlessly struggled to read each other, neither betraying a trace of our inner thoughts.

I was keenly aware of how deserted the place was, and how if there were to be any kind of altercation, there'd be no one to witness what was happening. I was ready though; I had no interest in starting a fight, but I was more than prepared to bash his face in if it came to that.

Our silent standoff ended when he took a step towards me. The tension grew, but I stayed in my place, refusing to budge; neither going forward to meet his possible assault, nor backing away to flee, I would wait and see what happened. He kept walking, slow and calculated, until he was no more than a foot away from me.

Outwardly, I projected an easy nonchalant attitude, while inwardly I was a predator waiting for an excuse to pounce. He looked at me, and we were eye to eye; I was surprised to see he was nearly as tall as me. He wore loose-fitting black clothes, but I was also able to take notice of the fact that he wasn't built like the average erudite.

He was built broad-shouldered, athletic, and from what I'd already seen, was nimble on his feet. He had secrets too, and if it were to come to a fight, I couldn't be a hundred percent sure I'd win it easily. I was unnerved by the thought of what else he could be hiding.

He paused, and how I wished he'd say something, anything. Then he did the most unexpected thing; measured and almost unnatural, his lips pulled into a sly tooth-bearing smile. This simple gesture sent chills down my spine, and I found myself wishing he'd just lunged at me or done something more obviously hostile. I'd know how to react then, but to this? How ominous and unsettling the expression was.

His eyes gleamed, and I could almost see the inner-workings of his brain; could almost see him trying to piece two and two as he studied me. Then, as quickly as it had happened, the tension was gone. He raised a brow, and then his eyes darted to the drinking fountain behind me. He gave me a look, expectant and almost impatient, and when I took a step to the side, he closed the space and proceeded to quietly drink from the little stream.

I waited, unwilling to have him at my back. He drank unhurriedly, and when he was done he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Without ever pausing to look at me, he turned and then disappeared into the dark hallway.

I stared at the spot where he'd previously been, and then after a moment of hesitation, followed and made my way to the dorm room. It was dark, like when I'd left, and I tried to fall asleep as quickly as I had before. However, I had the uncanny feeling that no matter what I did I'd be unable to ever have a good night's sleep again; not until our initiation was over and I didn't have to share a room with the ambiguous individual that was Banks.

When I finally did fall asleep, it was with my hands formed into fists, and my subconscious alert to any movement or noise. I worried not only for myself, but for the lives of the people that slumbered around me; completely unaware of the likely danger in the room.


	19. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

"Everyone listen up, today's your first day of training and it's important that you pay close attention. First, you'll all be learning to shoot a gun, second, you'll be taught how to fight and win." Amar announced as he went along our tightly formed line and handed each of us guns.

I stifled a loud exhale, my body still protesting the lack of sleep, and I rubbed at my eyes. We'd only had about six hours of real slumber, so I wasn't the only one who was a little off their game. Dan, who stood next to me, kept dropping his head and then jerking up in alarm, and a few of the other's kept yawning aloud.

"Your initiation will be divided into three stages, and we'll be measuring your progress and ranking you according to how you perform in each. Each stage will not be weighed equally though, so it is possible for you to improve your ranking over time."

It was a nice weight off my shoulders to know there was a chance to recover from a bad rank, but I quickly reminded myself not to rely too heavily on that; I had to think as if I were already a part of this faction, and that meant pushing the thought of failure from my mind. In my head, I had to visualize myself as a dauntless member.

"We believe that to eliminate cowardice, we must be prepared to take on any challenge. For that reason, each stage of initiation is intended to help prepare you in different ways to act without hesitation in the midst of fear. The first will deal with primarily physical challenges, the second with emotions, and the third with mental abilities."

I didn't look at the gun in my hand, but I could feel its solid weight. I gripped it firmly, and kept my eyes on Amar. I'd never held a real weapon in my hand, so this was all a revelation to me. I part of me felt completely comfortable with it in my hand, while another quietly disapproved of having so much power.

Amar flicked the safety off his gun and then turned to look at one of the square plywood targets. He spread his feet, and then with both hands wrapped around the pistol, he fired. The shot was shockingly loud, with the sound echoing around the room, and I felt Grace flinch beside me. I cocked my head to the side and couldn't help but admire Amar's precision; the bullet had gone through the very center of the target.

"You'll all be able to do this eventually, with a lot of practice and commitment. No go ahead and try it yourselves." Amar said as he slipped his gun into the holster on his belt.

I turned towards my own target, feeling a sort of childish excitement envelop my senses, and tried to mimic what I'd seen Amar do. I spread my feet a little, and then squared my back, wrapping my hands around the handle of the gun. I was surprised to feel my heart beat slow, completely tranquil and at ease, and felt my vision grow sharper as I eyed the bull's-eye.

Lifting the gun up and away from my body, I kept myself as grounded as possible while I pulled the trigger. A loud bang erupted from the pistol, and was soon followed by the sound of the others shooting. The recoil surprised me, but I had made sure to keep my arms firm and steady, so I'd had no problem keeping my aim. The amity boy, Billy, hadn't been as lucky; the force of the gun going off had actually sent his hands back and into his nose, leaving him red-faced and cursing under his breath.

I found myself grinning when I saw that, while my bullet had not actually hit the center, it had at least made it onto the board. I fired again, and each time I was pleased to see that my aim was steadily improving. It was on the second mag, short for magazine which was what Amar had told us the cartridges of ammunition were called, that I finally managed to hit the center of the target.

Satisfaction and pride washed through me when I realized I'd been the first to accomplish the task, but I quickly grounded myself; this was no time to get a big head. Dan was also swift in getting a handle on his shooting; letting out a loud crow of delight when he finally hit the middle. Banks was third, though he didn't show any sign of happiness or accomplishment, and soon everyone was at least hitting the board.

 _That is_ , everyone with the exception of Grace. Even Carla, quiet and petite in size, had been successfully able to land a bullet on the outer edge of the target. I noticed Amar subtly shake his head in discontent when Grace emptied her fifth mag without a single hit to her board, but he didn't move to offer her any more advice; he'd already tried, but apparently the extent of his patience had been reached.

Unable to help myself, I shoved my gun into the loop of my pants and walked over to Grace.

"Amar better look out, looks like Sage is trying to move in on his job," I heard Billy stage whisper to Howard and Samantha who snickered in response; already Billy had been quick to find a pack of faithful minions. Amar rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything, though I could see the disapproval in his eyes at my actions.

"Doesn't he know this isn't abnegation? He doesn't have to do charity work," Howard added.

I ignored them, and continued to Grace's side. Her eyes were filled with concern, and she was colored a deep red.

"You've got to hold it securely, and it's a good idea to lock your arms so that the recoil doesn't affect your aim." I said as I positioned her elbows into the correct arrangement. "And keep your ground, don't let it move you, when you feel the force of the gun just dig your heels in and stay put."

She nodded, and I stood to the side with my arms crossed. She brought in a quick breath and then slowly exhaled, squeezing the trigger as she did so. A bullet hole appeared right on the very edge of the target, and Grace let out a squeal. She began to bounce around on her feet, but I pointedly cast a look in Amar's direction when she did; hoping she'd understand the hint.

"Right, tone it down," she agreed, still smiling as she loaded another cartridge into her gun.

I grinned back and then returned to my spot to continue perfecting my aim. By the time we'd been released to go to lunch, I felt confident enough in my shooting to allow myself the luxury of allotting more time in helping Grace and Carla with their target practice.

We made our way to the dining hall, and found that the table we'd used before was again mostly empty. Shoveling food into my mouth, Dan and I engaged in our lifelong struggle to prove who could eat more while Grace and Carla shook with laughter at our antics.

After lunch though, my intentions to help Carla and Grace went out the window. Rather than return to the shooting rink, Amar led us to a new room. It was immense; with high vaulted ceilings and a wooden floor that had a large painted circled in the center. There were punching bags hanging along the right wall, spaced at three foot intervals, and to the left there was a green chalkboard with our names written on it in alphabetical order.

"Like I previously mentioned this morning, you'll all be learning to fight. The reason for this will be to prepare you and your body to act without hesitation in response to threats and challenges. Today we'll just be going over technique, and tomorrow you will all be paired up and will have to fight each other. Now pay attention, because if you don't catch on you'll be bound to get injured."

Amar then proceeded to demonstrate a variety of punches; first against the air, at an imaginary opponent, and then with the actual punching bag.

Dan and I were quick to catch on; only needing to see his demonstration once to learn the moves. Having spent plenty of time in and out of brawls back in school, we were used to the physicality of it. The added kicks were fun as well, since at school it had all been solved with fists, it was a nice change to learn new tricks.

Carla was to my left, and I could feel her eyes on me as she analyzed how I moved; her erudite background, I assumed, was what helped her to figure out the challenges she was presented with. Fighting didn't come easily, and I could see her trying to process how to go about moving.

"You seem experienced. I'm guessing this means you got into plenty of fights back in school?" She said.

"I have no idea what you could be referring to," I answered in my most innocent tone. "I'm pretty much a pacifist."

"Oh yeah? Well your calloused knuckles say otherwise," she pointed out.

"Ok, I'll admit, I'm clumsy from time to time," I chuckled. "And on occasion my fist has accidentally come into contact with a face or two."

I heard a muffled snort behind me, and I was surprised to see Amar grinning and shaking his head at me. He didn't chastise me, or even say anything about what he'd heard, but I tried to be on my best behavior for the rest of the occasion; I wanted him to know I was serious about our initiation rather than all fun and games. I wanted to earn his, and the other member's respect, and I knew how candor smart-mouths like myself were viewed.

After being dismissed for the rest of the day, Dan, Grace, Carla and I decided to wander around the Pit before dinner. It was swamped with people, and laughter and loud conversations were easily heard throughout the crowd. We walked in a loosely formed group, peering through the windows and pointing whenever we saw something that caught our attention.

"You know what we should do?" Carla said as her eyes narrowed in on a clothing store. "Go shopping!"

Dan and I groaned loudly, and I rolled my eyes to emphasize my _enthusiasm_ at the idea.

"Or you know what sounds better than that? A root canal!" Dan said.

Carla laughed, but she quickly nodded in agreement with Grace. "Guys, I think that's a great idea. We should be trying harder to fit in and embrace this faction's standards."

"I don't know if you two noticed, but for candor to embrace dauntless fashion isn't hard at all." I pointed at my shirt. "It's like math, add white and _voila_ , you have candor-"

"-and subtract white, and you have dauntless," Dan finished. "See Carla, we're smart cookies too. We done' had a good schoolin' don't you know."

"The grammatical errors in your statement, ugh, it hurts," Carla laughed.

Grace playfully shoved Dan and then waggled her finger at us. "It doesn't hurt to have a wider variety, and besides, if you don't want clothes you could get something else," she pointed at a different store, "like a piercing, or a tattoo, or a different hairstyle."

Dan visibly perked at the mention of a tattoo, but I was more hesitant. After agreeing to meet Grace and Carla back at the clothing shop, Dan and I made our way to the tattoo parlor. There was a willowy woman at the front desk with straight black hair that was faintly streaked with grey. She had small, dark, angular eyes and wore a black blazer with jeans. As she turned to reach for a container of ink, I caught sight of a tattoo on the back of her neck; a black and white hawk with a red eye.

Dan immediately bounded over to look at the drawings on the walls, his eyes taking in every detail. Typically amity was only faction that ever had any artists, but I could see that the dauntless had their own ways of embracing the skill of creating works of majesty.

Again, I found myself thinking that Dan truly did belong here. Since we'd been kids, I'd always known him to doodle and sketch things he saw. He'd had no chance to really grow his talents though; In candor, drawing and artistry weren't even a real possibility for a career, it was considered unrealistic.

"See anything you like?" the woman with the hawk tattoo asked as she walked up to us.

"Everything," Dan breathed, not able to tear his eyes away from the wall.

"It's all amazing," I added. "Do you work here?"

"Yes, I'm an artist here, my name is Tori." She chuckled and nodded, holding her hand out for us to shake. "Do either of you want a tattoo?"

Dan immediately nodded, but held out his hand when Tori pointed him towards a chair. "Could I maybe get a scrap of paper? I mean I like the samples you have on the wall, but I'd rather draw something original if it's okay."

She nodded, and when she handed him a blank sheet he immediately set to work. It was only a matter of seconds before, both Tori and I, were completely enthralled in what he was doing. I'd known he was good at doodling and making little caricatures, but I'd never thought he had that much talent in his fingers.

When he finished, I found myself openmouthed as I took in all the detail; he'd drawn dauntless flames, so realistic they looked like they could scorch, shaped into the figure of a bird. Though he didn't say anything, I could tell the tattoo held more significance than he led on to.

"This is impressive kid," Tori whistled as she eyed his drawing with a critical eye. "If you pass initiation, I can assure you that you'd be welcomed here with open arms."

"Not _if_ , but when I pass," Dan clarified with a grin, "I'll be sure to hit you up on that offer."

She laughed, and then proceeded to transfer his design onto his right bicep. When she was done, she turned to me.

"Did you want anything?"

I considered her words and what the action would signify to me. More than a piece of art, a tattoo would be the final blow in my mission to embody the dauntless life. It would be like symbolically severing any of the remnant ties I had to candor and abnegation.

I wanted it; oh how I wanted to forget about my divergence and the dangers it entailed. But the thought of somehow completely breaking free from the factions that had defined me in secret for all these years, well, it worried me. I wasn't ready, not yet.

"No, sorry," I answered.

"Chicken! It doesn't hurt," Dan teased.

I was about to slug his arm, but then caught myself when I realized what a bad idea it would be to hit his freshly-inked skin.

"I will eventually, but I have to think about it first." I finally said after some thought.

"That's smart, some decisions can't be erased," Tori said as she started to clean her station.

 _How right she was…_


	20. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

My eyes went straight to the chalkboard the moment I walked into the training room the next morning. There was an even number of us, so we'd all be paired with someone for our fights. Last night, I'd had a decent amount of sleep. Mostly, I'd been at ease since Banks' eerie behavior seemed to be a one-time thing. He'd been completely oblivious to everything and everyone yesterday, so I figured today wouldn't be any different.

"Nice, look who I get to fight," Dan said eagerly.

I found his name on the board, and written next to it was Todd; one of the other candor transfers who'd changed to dauntless. I'd known Todd from back in candor, but his purposefully rude remarks had made it so we'd never really amounted to more than acquaintances.

"This shouldn't last long," Dan said as he bounced on his feet.

I chuckled; it wasn't hard to see why Dan was so overconfident. Todd was, well to put it bluntly, pretty average. He was shorter than Dan, and though he was a little heavyset, he lacked the speed to be a real threat. _Possibly_ , he'd get a hit or two, but I doubted it would amount to much.

"I get-" my eyes quickly scanned for my name, "-Howard."

Dan grinned, and I couldn't help but feel self-assured. Like the typical erudite, Howard was as threatening as the prospect of a pillow fight. He was gangly and lithe; a result of an easier life spent in front of a computer screen. As Billy's loyal follower, he'd been quick to dish out insults, but I doubted he'd be able to back anything up. All bark and no bite as Mara would've said.

I was feeling genuinely pleased, when suddenly I read the rest of the pairings. Carla's fight was fair; she would be fighting Samantha, Billy's other minion, who was relatively the same size as her. However, that's where the equality ended. The next pairings were so wildly unbalanced I actually rubbed my eyes to make sure I'd read it correctly; Grace would be fighting Billy, and Pam would be fighting Banks.

Grace, svelte, gentle, and full of peace, would be facing off against Billy; who, though tall and thin, was built lean and sinewy from working in the amity fields. I was livid, and not just because she was my friend, but because the thought that such a grand injustice would be happening before my eyes and I'd be unable to do anything made me feel incompetent. It wouldn't be a fight, it would be a massacre.

Pam, Todd's cousin, would also be in for a beating. Even though, like Todd, I didn't consider her a close friend, the thought of her having to face Banks made my stomach churn in disgust. While Howard was the perfect image of an erudite citizen, Banks was an absolute disparity. With the new set of athletic clothes they'd given us, I could clearly see he had an athletic build. His muscles were defined, and from experience, I knew he was fast on his feet. I watched his expression as he read who he was paired up against, and saw him stifle a yawn.

When Amar came into the room, I practically sprinted to the door, reaching him before the others had seen he'd arrived.

"Those pairings, they're hardly fair, couldn't you do anything to change them?" I whispered hurriedly under my breath.

"Oh? Do you think Howard is too grand an opponent for you?"

His answer took me by surprise and I let out a sharp laugh; I found it comical that he'd assumed I was worried about myself.

"Howard isn't a problem," I said, trying not to sound as insulted as I felt. "I'm talking about Grace and Pam. It's not fair, and they're going to get hurt."

Amar didn't answer for a long time, and I could see he was analyzing me. I didn't like it, and I squirmed uncomfortably in my shoes.

"Why do you care?" he finally asked.

"Because I don't like injustices," I answered immediately, and again he frowned at me.

"Speaking _rhetorically_ , if I were to say they didn't have to fight if you took their place, meaning you'd be battling three times, would you do it?" He asked; his voice jarringly low and almost menacing. It felt like a trap, though I didn't see how it could be, and I wished I could've had time to think through my answer.

But that wasn't the case, a lifetime of answering without hesitation or worries made me too honest for my own good.

"Yes," I said swiftly. "Of course."

His eyes had a look about them suddenly, like a cat that had pounced and caught something. He narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, balling the front of my shirt in his fist as he did so.

"Now listen to me, and listen closely," he hissed, "they will fight with whoever I assign, as will you, and no one will argue about it or doubt my decisions."

"Okay, but-" I tried before he cut me off.

"And you'd be wise to stop being so… _selfless_ ," his eyes burned as he whispered even quieter, "and _honest_."

My blood felt like ice-water, cold and slow-moving. My pulse thudded in my ears, and for a moment I wondered if he could hear it too. I didn't answer; didn't dare to add more kindling to his already burning fire of suspicions and assumptions. Did he _know_? No. How could it be possible?

"Sorry," I managed when he finally released me. I was indeed regretful; both for doubting his judgment and for being stupid enough to show un-dauntless traits.

"Don't be sorry, be smart," he said; and I felt the double meaning behind his words.

He was right; I had to act more sensibly if I didn't want to be caught. I watched in silence as he turned, making his way back to the center of the room as if nothing had happened. Amar knew something, and though I couldn't ask anything yet, I'd have to find out what it was eventually.

I jogged back and took my place in line as we all stood at attention. The rules were simple; the fight wouldn't be scored, instead, the winner would be whoever the last one standing was. It was also possible for one or the other to concede, but it wasn't something encouraged in dauntless. Amar pointed at the board and read the pairings aloud, then he announced that the first fight would begin.

Dan and Todd stood across from each other in the arena; their hands up and by their faces to deflect any hits, circling and pacing as they scrutinized each other for weaknesses. Dan, being as impatient as ever, ended the fight almost at once when he took Todd by surprise; suddenly springing and landing a blow to his nose. Todd howled and reached to cup his face as blood began to dribble down to his chin, and it was then when Dan took the opportunity to sweep his legs out from under him. Even though Dan kept giving Todd time to stand and protect himself, It was evident who'd win after a matter of seconds.

I was next, and I took a similar approach when Howard stepped forward, also too impatient to go through the whole analyzing process. Rather than circle him, the moment he took a step forward, I lurched and struck him in the gut. He gasped and doubled over, trying to catch his breath. I let him recuperate and suck in some air, but only for a second. When he tried to charge at me, I used his own momentum against him; sidestepping his attack and then using his speed to ram his face into the ground. Oddly enough, I was thankful that I hadn't knocked him out cold; even though he antagonized Grace and Carla, I didn't feel it warranted rendering him unconscious.

When it came time for Carla and Samantha's fight, it was more of what would normally be expected. They watched each other, paced, and then fought. Blows were _actually_ exchanged, and it looked to be pretty even. That is until Samantha managed to get a hit to Carla's head. The second her fist connected, Carla dropped to the floor moaning and writhing.

I clenched my jaw, and prepared myself for what came next. The normally joyous bounce in Grace's step was absent as she made her way to the middle of the arena. Billy sauntered up, his face smug and superior, and I found myself struggling to stay detached from what was going on even though nothing had happened yet.

"Now, don't look so scared Grace," Billy jeered as he began to walk towards her. "This shouldn't take long."

Grace jutted her lip stubbornly, and momentarily seemed to forget the position she was in. She raised her hands and took two steps back and then skirted to the side. I made a mental note of it; she wasn't strong, but she was fast, and maybe that could make the difference.

"Stay still, you're only making this harder for yourself," Billy warned with a morbid chuckle.

Grace didn't say anything, but I could see her eyes dart around the ring; looking for an escape route. Billy kept getting closer, and I saw that he was beginning to get impatient. He made a grab for her but she managed to skip out of the way a few seconds before he could catch a hold of anything.

"Will you be playing all day, or will there be a fight eventually?" Amar asked in a bored voice.

Billy's smirk was gone, and was instead replaced by irritation. He lunged at Grace and again she managed to just barely escape his reach. Todd and Pam snickered, and I let myself hope that somehow things would go well.

All the optimism I'd felt was gone the second Billy lunged again. He was smarter than I'd given him credit for. The next time he dove, he was prepared; as Grace had tried to move, he'd foreseen her direction and instantly backtracked and caught her with a blow. I heard the sickening thud of his knuckles on her cheek, and I only realized I'd attempted to intervene when I heard and felt Dan at my side.

"Don't be stupid man," Dan muttered, pulling my shoulder back.

Grace tried to stand upright, but only managed to topple over the moment both her feet were on the ground; her equilibrium must've been off. Billy chuckled and then wrapped his hand around the front of her shirt. He pulled her too her feet, and then I nearly gagged with revulsion as he brought his fist, once, twice, three times, to her face.

Her features were a bloody mess, and I could hear her labored breathing as she hung in a wilted heap; only upright because he was still gripping her shirt. That was it. _No more_. I would not just stand here and watch this. I'd just brushed off Dan and was prepared to jump in when Amar spoke.

"That's enough," he said.

Billy raised his fist and seemed to consider striking again, but I was already on my feet and making my way to where they stood. I reached for her, and just managed to catch her in time before she finished falling to the floor. I propped her up, and helped her hobble back to the edge of the rink.

As I passed Billy, I heard him hoot in amusement, and if it wasn't for the fact that I was basically carrying Grace, I would've turned and beat him lifeless. I clenched my jaw, and when our eyes met, I couldn't help but glower. I would be looking forward to the day we were paired; then he'd know what it meant to feel real pain.

"Next up, Pam and Banks," Amar announced.

I gently lowered Grace to the ground so she could breathe and recover, and then again tried to remain unattached to the horribly unbalanced fight that was about to begin. Pam was small, I towered at least a foot or more above her, but I'd seen the way she'd hit her punching bag the day before. Like Todd, she was somewhat heavyset, but she'd utilized this to her advantage and used her weight to give more power to her hits.

As Pam got in the ring and studied Banks, I saw whatever worries she'd had disappear, fading into an arrogant grin. Banks walked coolly to the center of the arena and just stood there, with his hands clasped behind his back and his expression uninterested. She paced around him, but he didn't even bother following her with his eyes.

"Scared him stiff eh?" I heard Billy snort. I glanced at Banks, but he continued be either unaware or uninterested in what was going on.

Pam darted forward and I was surprised when I heard the loud thwack of her fist connecting with his gut. She immediately moved away, evading his possible rebuttal, but it was unnecessary; Banks neither grunted nor gave any signs that he'd been injured.

"Come on, do something," Amar commanded; I'm not sure whether it was meant towards Pam or Banks.

"I'm trying," I heard Pam protest. She frowned and continued to pace around Banks. I watched closely, and again saw as she ran up and this time delivered a backhand to his face. His cheek colored red from the impact, but he didn't even blink. What was wrong with him? Didn't he feel it? Didn't he know what was going on? Was he ever going to attack?

My last question was shortly answered; and how I wish it hadn't been. Pam, feeling bold, had gone to the edge of the circle to gain momentum, and then charged. It would've been impossible to warn her, she'd already been too close to him to avoid his hit. I'd seen everything as if in slow motion; Banks had merely shifted one foot, leaned forward, and thrust his palm. She could've never avoided it.

His palm had bluntly collided with her face, but it wasn't a normal hit, not a punch. She didn't stagger back like a wounded person, she didn't even let out a howl of pain; instead her entire body collapsed.

"Pam!" I heard Todd wail as he rushed to her crumpled form.

In one second, I had hope that everything would be okay; that somehow she'd survive the blow. I saw her head loll back, and I felt my stomach churn at the sight. Her nose had been reduced to a mush of raw meat, and it looked as if it had been pushed directly into her skull. Blood gushed down her nose, and I saw that her eyes had rolled into the back of her head.

In the next second; I knew it was hopeless to think she'd ever get up and walk. Amar was next to Todd I saw the look of horror momentarily cross his features as he appraised her condition. He placed his fingers on her neck and I saw his eyebrows furrow. I was frozen in shock briefly, but when I finally found the muscles to move I turned and looked at Banks.

His expression was cold and bored once more, and he was again standing with his hands behind his back; waiting. I'd sensed that he was dangerous, but I'd never guessed just how much. His bright blue eyes analyzed the body on the ground, and he actually yawned before he calmly strode back to his place in line. I followed his movements with my gaze, and as our eyes met, I shuddered and felt a snarl fighting to break free from my chest.

Todd wept, and I knew what he'd say before he said it.

"Oh my God! She's dead, _she's dead_!"


	21. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

"Do you think she's okay? She didn't look good before huh? Do you think they'll let us see her?" Grace asked, for what felt like the thousandth time.

"I don't know," I answered; still unable to make myself lie to comfort her. I avoided looking at her face; her bruises bothered me more than I wanted to let on. Billy had wreaked havoc on her face, but I supposed it was a better alternative to Pam's current situation.

"What do you think they'll do about her nose?" Dan mused. "It looked like she had a wad of hamburger meat on her face. Think they'll be able to reconstruct it?"

"I don't know," I said again. I was already worried, and their questions were only fueling the fire.

"You saw her last Sage, did she look any better? Do you think she'll even want to see us?" Carla added.

I sighed, and then turned to raise my brow at her. I didn't mean to be rude, but they'd been peppering me with questions all throughout lunch, and even now on our way to the clinic, they hadn't let up.

"Let me guess, you don't know," she said, reading my expression.

I ignored the hint of sarcasm in her voice and instead sped up my pace. I knew the way to the dauntless-hospital, so I was leading them since they'd yet to see the place. We turned another corner and when I spotted the medical sign, I pointed and shifted my walk into a light jog.

Todd had been wrong when he'd announced that Pam was dead, but that didn't mean she was out of danger completely. The blow Banks had delivered had been powerful enough to collapse all the cartilage in her nose; leaving her airway blocked and deformed. Once Amar had found her weak pulse, he and I had fashioned a sort of stretcher out of one of the mats in the training room, and then rushed her to the clinic.

She hadn't moved, spoken, or made any real sign that indicated life, but Amar had assured us that she would be fine. The nurses, tattooed and pierced up, had taken her in and immediately rolled her gurney into the urgent care sector of the clinic. I'd sat beside Todd in one of the waiting chairs, my hands stained with her blood, and waited for any news.

I'd only left when one of the nurses had informed us of her health status, and when Todd had given me a shaky nod.

"You didn't have to stay the whole time you know. She's not anything to you, friend or family, so you could've left." Todd had said bluntly; like me, he had yet to control his candor tendencies.

"I know," I'd said, unable to find words to explain my actions. "I just wanted to make sure you both were okay."

Todd had analyzed me; his eyes scrutinizing my features for signs of duplicity, and after a moment sighed and grinned wryly at me. Now, as we made our way into the waiting room, I shared another reassuring smile with him.

Grace, kind as ever, handed Todd the tray of food she'd brought him. It was a friendly gesture, but I worried about what it signified; she was acting far too much like the amity to blend in.

"Thanks," Todd said, gratefully taking the tray from her.

"It's nothing. How is she?" Grace asked.

Todd shrugged, and bit into his sandwich crossly. "I don't know. But I'll tell you something… Tonight, I'm going to make that guy pay for what he did."

I raised my brows and shared a look with Dan, who was quick to voice our concerns.

"Not gonna' lie man, that sounds pretty stupid," Dan said as he crossed his arms.

"It would be a brainless move on your part." I added and frowned.

"Why? You think I can't take him?" Todd growled.

"That's exactly what I think," Dan acknowledged, and I nodded in silent agreement. "He's a lot stronger than you, faster, and dangerous."

"What are you his lawyers?" Todd snapped, leaning forward and pointing an accusing finger. "Don't get in my way, or I'll be adding you to my list."

"Ooh, I'm _quaking_ with fear," Dan retorted. "I'm telling you this for your own good you moron."

"Stop it!" Grace chided; her face fraught with shock.

Todd, Dan, and I simultaneously shared a confused look; unsure as to what had upset her. It took me a second, but then I realized what had put the worried expression on her face; she had yet to become accustomed to the verbal antagonism that candor were known for. All three of us were used to exchanging sharp words, so even though our spat had probably seemed harsh, it'd really been nothing more than an average conversation.

Putting myself in her shoes, I found myself a little shamed at having argued in front of her. I patted her shoulder reassuringly, and then sidled up next to Dan. I looked down at Todd and tried to keep my own temper even.

"Dan's right, you shouldn't mess with Banks. Not outside of the training room anyway. If you feel that you have to fight him, just be patient and wait until you're paired up." I said quietly; resisting the urge to add that if he waited, at least Amar would be there to keep things from getting out of hand.

Todd glared at me but didn't answer, and I knew it'd take more than words to change his mind.

The air, thick with unease and discomfort, made me shift awkwardly on my feet, and I was grateful when the nurse came out and broke the tension. While she informed Todd about Pam's condition, I took the opportunity to excuse myself. Grace and Carla decided to keep Todd company, though I doubted he wanted it, and as I turned to leave, Dan followed behind me.

We didn't speak as we wandered down the dark hallways towards the Pitt. I kicked a pebble near my shoe, and Dan kicked it back. I grinned and without actually discussing it, we started a silly game of rock-soccer. It was funny, so many things had changed in these past few days, but our friendship remained intact. And as long as I had any say, it would stay that way.

Distracted by our little game, Dan and I continued past the pit and found ourselves near the chasm. Kicking the rock over the edge, I walked over to the railing and slipped my legs under the edge of the barrier so that my feet were hanging over the water below.

Swinging my legs, I gazed down at the rushing rapids and lost myself in their beauty. I heard when Dan softly plopped down next to me, and for a moment I felt at peace. However, the responsible part of my brain insisted we touch on the arising issues. We had things to talk about, and it couldn't wait.

"So what do you make of all this?" I asked quietly.

"Banks is a dick," Dan stated, tossing a pebble into the abyss.

I chuckled and nodded. "You took the words out of my mouth," I agreed. "How are you feeling about everything in general though? The initiation process?"

Dan didn't answer right away, but I could see he wasn't worried. "It's tough, but we knew that coming in. I mean dauntless are supposed to be tough for a reason. If any of us can't handle it, then we don't deserve to be here."

"Yeah," I said slowly; drawing the word out as my thoughts wandered to the other initiates.

"What's wrong?" Dan asked, his ears quickly catching onto my doubts. "What are you worried about?"

I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "Not us, I feel we'll be fine during all this," I looked at him and grinned wryly. "I just worry about the others. Grace and Carla, they're not doing so good."

Dan nodded, not looking at all surprised. "Yeah, I don't have very high hopes for them."

I felt myself blanch at the thought of the becoming factionless, and I quickly started making a mental list of things I could do to help them improve. Dan seemed to read my thoughts, and for an instant I saw him frown at me.

"What?" I asked; not liking the way he'd looked at me.

He sighed and shook his head, running a hand through his hair, then he gave me a pointed look. "You know, you're acting very _stiff_ right now."

Thankfully, the roar of the water drowned out my nervous swallow, and I was grateful there was poor illumination in the chasm so Dan would be unable to read my expression.

I was being stupid. Here I was worried about Grace's inability to stop acting like an amity citizen, when I had the very same problem. Worse even; I had to learn to control not only my candor personality, but also my abnegate qualities.

Keeping my face wane and my hands still, I spoke without inflection; hating the fact that I had to deceive my best friend.

"Shut up Dan," I said, flicking a pebble at him. "I haven't even done anything, I was just mentioning that they could do better." I felt his gaze on me, and I decided to change the subject before he could manage to pinpoint any sign of my hidden thoughts. "What do you think about Todd's revenge plan?"

"Pshh, he's toast," Dan snorted, and I was glad he was so easily distracted. "Not gonna' lie man, I think Banks is going to be a real threat."

I frowned and nodded quickly in agreement. When I thought about fighting any of the other initiates, I hadn't the slightest trace of fear in my body. When I thought of going up against Banks, however, I felt my pulse pick up slightly. He was _dangerous_.

 _Resentfully_ , I had to admit the reason I didn't feel as confident about the thought of going up against him was because he was nearly my equal in physical terms. He was but an inch or two shorter than me, but he was built solid and as I'd seen just a few hours ago, could move at deathly speeds.

I had yet to wrap my head around how a boy from erudite had managed to reach such a peak of physical aptness, but I kept myself positive with the thought that I could still probably muscle my way into a win. More than my corporal strength though, I knew I had other things Banks would never have or expect; I was stubborn, and the thought of losing never crossed my mind when I went into any activity. I was not a quitter. If and when I had to fight him, I had no doubts I'd be the victor.

"Billy could also prove to be a pain in the ass," Dan said, pulling me from my thoughts. "But I doubt he'll amount to much if we keep our physical and mental strength at its peak."

I nodded and actually found myself grinning eagerly. All the fury I'd felt at Grace's bruises would fuel me. I would make him pay. I _wanted_ to fight him. I found myself pulled into thoughts of strategy and tactics; I had to find weaknesses, flaws, anything that would give me an edge.

"Hey Sage?" Dan said quietly, breaking the momentary silence. My ears singled out his pitched voice, and I frowned and turned to look at him. For an instant, I remembered young Danny; moping and depressed over his father's absence. Like then, he now looked almost scared and it unnerved me.

"What's up?" I asked. I was unaccustomed to a serious version of Dan.

He looked at me and the words came out in a rush as he spoke.

"Listen, I know we're in dauntless now, and it's only logical that we both learn to keep some things secret. You know? Not be so candor? Well, I've been thinking, we may have to learn to lie and deceive, but-" he pulled in a breath, "-but I want us to promise we'll still be honest with each other."

"Of course man, without a doubt." I said without hesitation, grinning as I felt myself relax.

"I mean it Sage," Dan continued; the frown on his face abnormal on his features. "I don't regret choosing dauntless, never will, but I know I'm going to always miss the peace that came with knowing the people around you never had hidden agendas. I want to know that no matter what happens, we'll still be us."

I heard the reverence in his voice, and I suddenly felt a pang of guilt. I'd be as honest as I could be considering what I'd just learned about myself. Like my mother, I'd be honest but with limitations. Though I abhorred it, I'd have to do something that sickened me; I'd have lie. For his own safety, I'd have to keep Dan forever in the dark about my divergence. That would be the only piece of information I'd keep from him though.

"I promise things won't change," I assured him.

Dan broke into a wide grin and then nodded. "Good, that's a real relief." He chuckled and then stood, popping his back as he stretched. "Now enough of this sentimental crap, haha, let's go check out the rest of the pit."

I nodded and followed behind him. Even as the day passed though, the feeling of guilt never left me. In my head, I could hear a small chant echoing through my head; _"Liar. Liar. Divergent. Liar. Dangerous. Liar. Liar"_

I'd thought I'd understood what my mother had gone through when she'd shielded me from the many secrets of my father and the topic of divergence, but I'd been wrong. What I'd thought didn't compare to what actually was. I'd have to follow in her steps and lie, not just to him, but to everyone.

No one could ever know.


	22. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

"Sage wake up, it's time to go," I heard Grace say next to me as she gently shook my shoulders. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head, trying to ignore her.

I heard her sigh, and I gripped my blanket tighter when I figured out her intentions. She yanked but I didn't release my hold. I'd hardly had any sleep. When Dan and I had returned from the Pitt, we'd arrived just in the nick of time to break up the beginnings of a fight between Todd and Banks. Though I suppose it wasn't _really_ a fight, because for it to be considered that it would've meant _both_ of them had been involved.

No, really we'd just turned up in time to stop Todd from making the worst mistake of his life. He'd been yelling and throwing out threat after threat, pointing his finger accusingly and waving his fist, all while Banks had merely watched with faint amusement; completely carefree as he lay on his bed with his hands behind his head and his feet propped up on a pillow.

We'd taken Todd out of the room and managed to convince him to wait for them to be paired up to fight. However, I hadn't been so sure he'd meant what he'd said. Aware of both Todd and Banks' every movement, I'd slept on the bridge between awake and asleep; keeping an eye on Todd in case he decided to act moronically, and aware of Banks in case he decided to retaliate in the dark.

"Get up, Amar won't like it if we're late," Grace insisted and I groaned a last time before I got up and shoved my covers away.

I had to stifle a gasp when I saw the state her face was in. The bruises I'd seen yesterday had darkened considerably; she was a patchwork of purple-green splotches.

"Is it that bad?" She asked, trying to sound as if she were joking, but instead sounding defeated.

I swallow and shook my head, trying to sound as earnest as possible.

"Umm, no?" I said, but frowned at my own lie. I'd have to do better. I took a breath and forced a smile on my face. "I've seen worse," I added; which was true, I'd inflicted that and much more on bullies I'd faced back when we'd still attended school.

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, but I could see my failed attempt had lighted her mood.

"Haha, _nice_ try. I almost believed you. Better keep practicing." She grinned and then pointed at her watch again. "Hurry, we don't want to be late." She handed me a muffin.

I glanced at the bed across form mine where Carla was attempting to rouse Dan. He hadn't stayed up, but it wasn't a surprise to see him out like a rock; he always slept late, and I was sure if given the opportunity he'd waste the day away without ever getting up.

"Thanks guys, I'll wake him, you two go ahead," I said as I made my way over to his bed.

As they left, I managed to coax him up by promising him my muffin in exchange for his cooperation. I changed quickly, brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face, completely ignoring my hair as I jogged over to the training room with Dan in tow.

We made it with only seconds to spare, and I regret not getting up earlier to eat breakfast when my stomach growled in disapproval. I glanced at the board, and whatever drowsiness I'd felt evaporated, replaced instead with eagerness.

Dan would be up against Howard, Grace would be with Samantha, Carla against a somewhat-recovered Pam, me with Billy, and Todd against Banks.

These pairings were fair; Grace would have a better chance against Samantha who was about her same height and build, and though Pam was larger than Carla, she'd be at a disadvantage since she'd have to always keep one hand up to protect her splinted nose. Dan wouldn't have a problem with Howard, I'd fought him yesterday and his weaknesses had been many.

What did worry me a little was the fact that Todd would be getting his wish; he'd be fighting Banks today, and this time neither Dan nor I would be able to step in if things took a turn for the worst. I could only hope that Amar would be quick to put a stop to things if he deemed it necessary.

Behind me, I heard a snide chuckle, and I didn't have to turn around to know that it was Billy. Grace, who had come to stand at my side, flinched at the sound and I felt my old anger return. I clenched my fists and then slowly turned around to face him.

"Well, well, well, look who decided to join us." Billy commented as Howard and Samantha snickering behind him. He leaned forward and raised his hand to his mouth, and then he proceeded to whisper in an ironic manner. "Don't worry, if I knew I was up against someone like me, I wouldn't want to show up either."

He was so overconfident, so cocky and sure that he'd win. I took a step forward, but Dan subtly shook his head at me, and I saw out of my peripheral vision that Grace was ready to take my hand in an attempt to thwart me. I stopped, breathed, and then crossed my arms over my chest; choosing to replace my anger with a blissful zeal. I'd enjoy this more than I should.

I didn't say anything as I continued to grin in his direction; my thoughts circling around just how pathetic I'd make him look. I'd make him regret he ever chose to cross me.

"What's so funny?" Billy snapped after a moment of awkward silence. He fidgeted a little, and I knew my actions were affecting him the way I'd intended.

"Lots of things," I said offhandedly, my voice smooth and pleased.

"Care to share with the rest of us?" He demanded rather than asked.

"Oh I'll share soon enough," I nodded at the circle where we'd soon be fighting. "I'll share with everyone in the room."

He seemed like he was about to say something when Amar suddenly walked into the room, behind him two other men. They were both older dauntless, one of which I recognized as Max, one of the faction leaders who'd met us on the roof. The other was someone I didn't recognize, but it seemed as if he had some sort of authority too.

"Who are those two?" Dan whispered as we got in line to start the first fight.

"The older one is Max, he's one of the dauntless leaders here," I answered under my breath. "The other one I'm not sure."

"Why do they keep looking over here?" Grace asked nervously.

I peeked and sure enough, both of the men appeared to be studying us intently. My eyes met with Max's, and I watched as he leaned next to Amar and muttered a question.

"Maybe they came to watch the fights?" I suggested. It was the only thing I could think of. Perhaps they'd heard of the way Banks had attacked Pam, and they'd wanted to see for themselves the extent of his brutality. "Probably they'll just stay to watch how Banks massacres Todd."

Grace shuddered and I saw Dan nod as he took in my idea.

"That makes sense. But I think you're missing a key part." Carla interrupted quietly. "They're not just here to watch Banks, they're here to watch you too."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, think about it, both you and Dan won your fights in a matter of minutes without sustaining any kind of physical harm to yourselves." She shrugged. "It's like in erudite, if they notice that you show promise, they keep tabs on you and later recruit you for higher positions."

Dan grinned and I could see he felt flattered by the idea of being evaluated. I, however, felt my stomach churn in alarm. This was not good. It was dangerous for me to be watched when I had yet to control my divergence. If I wasn't careful, they'd see the multiple-faction characteristics that I displayed, and wouldn't think twice about killing me.

Nonetheless, now that I _was_ in their radar, I couldn't necessarily downplay myself. I wanted to impress them enough so that I'd be able to have a spot guaranteed in this faction. Somehow, I had to find a way to find balance; I wanted to be noticed and praised for my valiant actions, but not analyzed so much that my dark secret would become evident.

"Alright, first up in the ring are Dan and Howard," Amar said as he motioned for them to go.

The fight began and ended almost as quickly as it had the day before. Dan, quick and lithe on his feet, had once again escaped his battle unscathed. Howard hadn't been as lucky. Throughout their fight, I'd noticed that the two men behind Amar had studied Dan with praiseful eyes; as Carla had guessed, they were here to weed out who they liked.

I was happy to see that when Grace began her fight with Samantha, she appeared to be doing well. I'd almost had myself convinced she'd win, when out of nowhere Samantha managed to catch her arm and wrench it back. Grace howled and Samantha took the opportunity to shove her to the ground. She kicked her over and over, and I couldn't help but look at Amar expectantly; I was confused as to why he hadn't stopped the fight when it was obvious Samantha had won.

I frowned sullenly at Amar, but as I continued to look at him and the men at his back, I realized who the true culprits were. Max and the other dauntless man watched the fight intently, their eyes shining with what I could only describe as hunger. They liked the cruelty, and it was they who wordlessly ordered Amar to keep the fight going.

When Grace appeared to be nothing more than a pile of wilted limbs, I saw the two men nod at Amar; allowing him to announce Samantha as the winner. If I hadn't been watching Amar so fixedly, I might have missed his faint sigh of relief; despite the fact that he was a very dauntless man, it was clear he didn't feel the same as the other two.

Though they were of the same faction, it was clear there were different kinds of dauntless; the honorable kind who acknowledged the strength of others, and the ruthless kind that loved to see a person beaten beyond recognition. I knew deep down that if Max and the other man hadn't been here, Amar would've called the fight long ago.

Though Amar hadn't out-rightly chastised Banks when he'd put Pam in the hospital, he'd made it a point to tell us that the purpose of these battles weren't to break a person's spirit, rather to learn and grow from the incident, to find your weaknesses and work on them so that you'd be undefeatable. If you knew what you were bad at, it was easier to correct your faults.

As I helped Grace hobble back, I was relieved to see that the blood-lust that was present in Max's eyes was completely absent from Amar's. Though he wasn't much older than me, I knew that I wanted to be like him; I wanted to be an honorable dauntless, not a monster who flourished in the inequality of a battle.

The next fight continued, and as I'd assumed, Carla was the victor. Pam had attempted, but she'd been limited with her injury. Keeping her hands around her face to protect her nose, she'd essentially been a walking punching bag for Carla, who'd won when she'd managed entangle her legs and drop her to the floor.

"Next up, Sage and Billy." Amar said when Pam and Carla had cleared the arena.

A spike of adrenaline ran through my veins, and I grinned widely as I quickly made my way into the center of the ring. Billy ambled in at a much slower pace, taking his time as he crossed the line of the circle. I could tell he was using the time to try and scrutinize me; looking for a weakness that could give him the upperhand.

"Nice of you to join me. _Don't worry_ , if I knew I was up against someone like me, I wouldn't want to show up either." I mocked as I threw the words he'd previously used back at him.

He scowled, and then leaned forward slightly, putting his hands up by his face for protection. With light feet, he began to circle around me, getting closer as he moved. I could see determination in his eyes, and I knew that I mirrored that same look as I glared at him. Did he really think he'd make it out of this ring without a scratch? It was such a comical thought that I actually broke out into a grin.

That sole action seemed to trigger something in him, because as soon as he saw me smile, he curled his lip in fury and swung his fist at me. I ducked easily, slipping away as his arm sailed past me. He didn't stop though; instead he proceeded to throw a series of failed hits towards me, using his fists, arms, and even a leg. He was fast, but I was faster.

Fluidly, I escaped each impending blow with ease. I could see sweat bead on his forehead and then run down the side of his face, which was flushed from exertion. He was more than angry, he was livid, and his pouting expression reminded me of a child who was the victim of a game of keep-away. I couldn't help it and, no matter how inappropriate it was, I couldn't help but snicker.

"Stop fooling around," Amar snapped, sounding like he was getting irritated.

I stopped smiling, all traces of humor gone as I felt my muscles tighten in anticipation; it was time to finish this little game. A plan formed in my mind, and I waited for the opportunity to strike. When Billy darted in to throw an elbow at my face, I ducked and whirled, taking him by surprise. Still in a half crouch, I charged at him with my arms outstretched.

They say your true character always shows itself whenever you're faced with imminent danger, and it was never a truer fact than now. As Billy saw me barrel towards him he turned to dash out of the way, his eyes wide and panicked, and I used the opportunity to throw my foot out and entangle his legs. With a loud _oomph_ , Billy fell face-first, sprawled on his stomach. I reached down and clamped my hand around the neck of his shirt in an iron like grip.

Something shifted inside of me, and I felt it, a sort of beastly presence that enjoyed the feeling of complete power. Wrenching Billy off of the floor in a single movement, I glared stonily at him, letting all my accumulated fury constrict into a condensed ball of white-hot ire.

It was more than anger at what he'd done to Grace, it was my complete rage at everything that had happened to me in these past few days; that I'd found out my mother had lied to me for practically my whole life, that my father hadn't died but actually been murdered, that I wasn't normal, that my divergence not only put me in danger, but all those around me. It was this and more; all my frustrations embodied into a single action.

All awareness left Billy as my fist connected with his face. His eyes rolled, his mouth hung, and he wilted into a pile of limbs before me. As he slipped from my grasp and crumpled on the floor, dead weight, a switch seemed to snap inside of me. All at once, the dark thoughts that had made me act so brashly were gone, instead replaced by a cold fear. _What had I done?_

Regret flooded my body, and a cold shiver washed down my back and constricted around my chest. _I was a monster_. I'd meant to hurt him, but this had gotten out of hand. I'd never meant to knock him out cold; I'd just wanted to show him how unfair it was when the fights were unbalanced. Then I'd attacked using my internal conflicts as fuel and acted thoughtlessly.

Crouching next to Billy, I shook his shoulder hesitantly but he didn't wake. My breathing was ragged, but it had nothing to do with the fight. My mind linked the image of Billy to the one of Pam, and suddenly I felt the cold around my chest tighten painfully; I was just as bad, if not worse than Banks, and the thought sickened me.

I was more than thankful when Billy finally opened his eyes. He blinked and looked at his surroundings groggily, and then when he spotted me, he narrowed his eyes and groaned. I hadn't realized the room had been silent until the collective sound of released breaths sounded around me.

"Alright, everyone stop gawking. Get him up and out of there," Amar said. "Next up, Todd and Banks."

Billy tried to get to his feet, but swayed perilously, and so without pausing to think of what I was doing, I placed my arm under his shoulders and dragged him out. Billy groaned again and tried to pull away, and I was happy to see Howard finally come to his senses and jog over. I let Howard lead him back to his spot in line, and I turned to leave but not before I caught a glimpse of a chilling sight.

Amar stared at the board with his face set in a mask of indifference, but somehow I knew my actions had startled him. Max and the other dauntless man were a different story altogether; their eyes shone brilliantly with pleasure and delight, and they spoke to each other in hurried tones. I tried to ignore them, but I could feel their hungry eyes on me.

If that wasn't enough scrutiny, I could also feel the eyes of my friends studying me like the odd anomaly I was. My heart gave a painful pinch when I saw out of the corner of my eye, that Grace had inched away. I didn't speak, instead choosing to focus all of my attention on the next fight.

My feelings whirled and I managed to pin down a sole thought; I did not want brutality to be my legacy. I would fight again, because I knew I'd _have_ to, but never with the same intensity. I couldn't let myself become unreined, because when my raw emotions spurred a life of their own, things got dangerous. I refused to be remembered as the guy who beat his opponents senseless. Never again would I lose control like that.

My future was in my hands, and I had to learn to wield the power that came with my secrets.


	23. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Todd marched into the ring, red-faced and angry as he bounced on his feet. Though he looked determined to win, I honestly doubted it would amount to anything. Banks, clad in a sleeveless shirt that revealed a fresh tattoo on his bicep, seemed completely at ease.

As per usual, Banks appeared beyond bored as he stretched his arms, which again I was surprised to see, were strong and defined. Whatever he'd done when he was back in erudite couldn't have been the norm. Like me, he was hiding something. It was in his demeanor, the way he rarely spoke, everything he did was discrepant with the image of an average erudite citizen.

My secret was unsafe, life threatening, and I had the feeling that what he withheld from us could also be dangerous. I'd have to keep an eye on him and be ready to act if it ever came to it. He took the same position he had when he'd fought Pam; with his feet shoulder-width apart and his hands clasped behind his back, waiting.

I glanced at Amar and saw him frown slightly, and Max and the other dauntless man shared a confused look. Dan's brow furrowed, and I saw Grace bite her lip as she looked at the ring; I wasn't the only one worried about the outcome of this fight. I swallowed and steeled myself, vowing not to move from my spot lest I get negative attention from Max and his companion.

Todd raised his fists, and I expected the fight to be a replica of the previous one; with Todd hitting Banks until he grew tired of it and retaliated in a horrific way. This was not the case. The moment Todd threw out his fist, Banks twisted, catching Todd by his wrist and using the momentum to hurl him to the side.

Todd staggered a few feet, and flushed angrily when he saw that Banks was again standing in his usual unruffled position. Todd let out a growl and stooped down, charging at Banks with his arms out. It was painful to watch; Banks had seen and had time to shift away, then bring his leg out and kick him hard in the stomach. The whoosh of air that escaped Todd's lips was audible, and as he fell to his knees I knew the fight was about to come to an end.

Banks looked down at Todd with the same expression he'd used when Grace had been hanging off the lip of the building; a mixture of amusement and systematic observation, cold and unfeeling. He let out a sigh, as if he were completely uninterested with the whole affair, and then reached down and grabbed a fistful of Todd's hair. He yanked, causing Todd to yowl in pain, and then with his other hand punched him in the jaw. Todd tried to shove him away, but Banks didn't react, he just hit him again.

It took me a second, but I soon realized what Banks was doing; his process was eerily logical. For every time Todd struggled or lashed out, Banks would strike him and then calmly wait and observe him. Treating him like an animal, he was wordlessly training Todd to fear him. I felt bile rise in my throat at the scene. For every sad attempt Todd made, he was punished with a blow.

Max and the other dauntless man, who'd previously appeared perplexed, now stood with cold grins of satisfaction on their faces; they understood what he was doing, and they approved. I groaned internally, because I realized I'd have another problem to contend with; how could I follow orders from people I didn't respect? I was already headstrong, and with leaders like the men before me I was sure I'd end up in trouble sooner or later if I wasn't careful.

It was only when Todd was groveling and whimpering like a wounded animal, begging for mercy, that Banks released him, letting him slump onto the floor. I thought it was over, I thought I wouldn't have to stand idly by while the beat-down continued, but I was wrong. Banks was not a man of mercy.

It all happened so fast, if I had blinked I'd have missed it; one moment Todd was trying to pick himself up off the floor, the next Banks had doubled back, slamming his knee into Todd's face with a sickening thud. He had no compassion, no pity. He hadn't just wanted to win the fight; he'd wanted to leave a lasting impression on everyone.

Todd yowled and held his hands over his mouth, and as he coughed and sputtered, I realized he'd lost a tooth. Max actually let out an amused chuckle, and again I felt my blood boil. _Yes_ , it'd be quite a feat for me to ever respect someone like him.

Pam rushed over to Todd, followed by Grace who offered him a towel. Dan and Carla just stared, slightly open-mouthed, and then glanced at me. _Ouch_. Were they actually comparing me to him? It stung. But though it bothered me, a different portion of my personality that easily became angered didn't care. That part of me wanted to avenge the weak.

Unconsciously, I found my eyes searching for Banks. Fighting had never been a hobby of mine, I'd done it because it was necessary or because the situation called for it, but now I was eager; sooner or later, we'd be paired. My searching gaze was met with his own, and as we locked eyes it was as if we were already waging a quiet war.

Like two rabid dogs, we glared each other down, both of us refusing to look away. His eyes for once didn't look bored, instead their vivid blue appeared eager and excited. As our silent fight continued, Amar proceeded to circle the name of the winners on the board.

"That was an impressive show," a voice said behind me. I whirled around came face to face with Max. I'd been so focused on Banks I hadn't heard him approach.

"It was nothing," I answered awkwardly; bothered by the fact that my cruel actions were being praised.

Max grinned and clapped my back enthusiastically as he shook his head. "Nothing? You were a beast out there."

Though I knew he meant it as a compliment, it felt more like a jab at my character. "Thanks," I finally said, lying through my teeth and attempting to sound content.

"I look forward to seeing more," Max said, and I saw his eyes dart behind me.

I turned to follow his gaze and immediately knew what he meant. The other dauntless man, whose name I had yet to learn, was talking with Banks. They were eager to see us paired as well.

"You'll get a real show," I found myself muttering.

"Can't wait," Max smiled and nodded, and then turned and made his way to the door. "Harrison, let's go," he called over to the dauntless man.

Amar dismissed us shortly after, and I could've sworn he looked as weary as if he'd been the one fighting. With a towel still pressed to his mouth, Todd limped his way out the door with Pam and Grace at his side. Carla joined them at the last minute, casting a wary look over her shoulder at me before disappearing out the door.

I knew what the look meant, and as I turned to face Dan I mentally prepared myself to see the same revulsion in his eyes. It wasn't there though. As he turned, I saw his eyebrow arch as he shook his head.

" _Chicks_ ," he said jokingly as he scratched his head. He looked at me and then smiled reassuringly. "Sage, man, don't worry. They're just freaked out because of the Banks thing. You're nothing like him."

How well Dan knew me and my thoughts. I sighed and frowned at my feet.

"I'm serious man, they'll get over it. It was just a lot for them." He paused and actually snickered a little. "Now, however, they know how much of a hothead you really are."

I felt myself relax slightly, and I couldn't help but grin. "Whatever Dan, I'm as gentle as a lamb."

Dan snorted and laughed, his easygoing nature taking the edge off my remaining worries. With his hands in his pockets, he walked over to the area on the floor where blood still stained the spot where Todd had fallen.

"Banks is a real piece of work huh?" He mused aloud as he puckered his brow.

I nodded. "He's a threat," I said as I shook my head. "We'll be faced against each other at some point though, and I'll make sure to take him down a peg."

"Don't you sound eager," Dan chided, laughing under his breath.

"Like you wouldn't jump at the chance to knock him out," I said as I began to make my way out the door.

Dan fell in step next to me and smiled mischievously. "You know me well Stronghold, you know me well."

We strolled out and I tried to push all my cluttered thoughts out of my head, though it felt nearly impossible.

"Where are you going?" I asked when I noticed Dan was walking with a sense of guided direction.

"Tattoo shop," he answered as he continued to walk.

"Another one?" I asked, unable to hide my surprise. "You're going to run out of space in less than a week at this rate."

Dan chuckled and shook his head. "No tattoos. Well, not yet anyway. I wanted to go and talk to Tori, see if maybe she could give me her opinion on some drawings of mine."

"Oh," I said, pausing mid-step. I ran a hand through my hair and tried to figure out how to word what I wanted to say.

"What's wrong? Aren't you coming?" Dan asked when he saw I'd stopped following.

"If it's all right with you, I'd rather just hang out here," I rubbed at my temples, "there's a bunch of crap running through my head and I need time to cool off and think."

Dan seemed to want to say something, but like me he must've been trying not blurt out every thought that popped into his head. He opened his mouth, then shut it, and then nodded slowly.

"Okay, that's cool. You know where to find me," he said, grinning casually.

I nodded and waved him off, then turned and continued to walk around with no specific direction. Somehow, I found myself back at the chasm. It was dark and at first sight appeared empty.

I sat with my legs over the edge and my elbows on one of the rungs of the metal railing. I stared below my feet and watched as the water rushed past, occasionally sending a shower of water my way. I breathed slowly, in and out, until finally I felt myself grow calm and still. I pushed out every negative thought from my head, and instead focused on what was going right.

I was feeling generally good, even considering going to catch up with Dan and getting my first tattoo, when I heard the sound of rocks skittering across the ground. Without pausing to think, I slid my legs back from the ledge and jumped to my feet, hands balled into fists.

"Hey, relax it's just me," I heard Grace say; finally recognizing her when a shaft of light illuminated her face.

"Oh, hey Grace," I said, smiling and immediately relaxing my posture. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be with Todd, Pam, and Carla."

"I was, but then they asked to be left alone."

I nodded, and then raised a brow curiously. "Where's Carla?"

Grace didn't answer right away, and I sensed worry in her hesitation. "She, _umm_ , she went with Billy, Howard and Samantha. They found us in the hallway and said they wanted to talk to her."

"About what?" I asked, feeling Grace's worry leech into my own subconscious. Was Carla in trouble? And if she was, where was she?

"I don't know." Grace said, and she immediately raised her hands up when she saw me start to stride towards the door. "Wait, Sage, don't do anything rash. Its fine, they didn't seem to mean her any harm. If anything, they were being really nice."

This made my suspicions spike, but if Carla had gone willingly then I didn't have the right to tell her what to do. I sat back down on the ledge, and a few seconds later felt Grace slide in next to me. She swung her feet to and fro, in a way that almost reminded me of little Annie, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Is it getting any easier?" I asked after a few moments.

Grace stopped swinging her legs momentarily, but then resumed. "A little, it's hard sometimes. amity and dauntless are just _so_ _different_. The most violent thing I ever witnessed in amity was when a friend of mine accidentally fell out of our moving truck and hit her head."

"Was she hurt?"

"Not too bad, we weren't even going that fast. It was just scary." She looked at me and I saw her shudder a little. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea though. My results were dauntless, and even though I'm not used to all this-" she motioned with her hands, "-I do want to be here. I want to belong and pass initiation."

I nodded, hearing the truth resonating in her tone. Of course she wanted to be here, and unlike me, she'd gotten her results definitively; she didn't belong in another faction. In a way, it almost made me feel guilty; like I was stealing the spot of a person that rightfully deserved to be here.

"I can see that you belong here Grace, just don't give up." I said, brandishing her with my most encouraging smile. "You're aim is getting better, all you really need help with is the hand to hand combat."

Grace nodded, but I saw her eyes fall at the mention of fighting. "I haven't won yet." She muttered, knotting and unknotting her hands. "And I don't know that I ever will."

My brow furrowed at the negative tone in her voice; it was unlike her to be pessimistic. I was trying to think of what to say when an idea suddenly hit me. Abruptly, I found myself grinning, and without hesitation I got up and pulled Grace along with me.

"What are you doing?" She asked curiously.

"I'm going to teach you a thing or two about fighting." I said, unable to hide my excitement.

Why hadn't I thought of this sooner? I was good at fighting, always had been since I was a kid; even when I'd been short and scrappy, I'd always managed to gain the upper hand.

"You'd do that?" Grace asked, sounding almost incredulous.

"You're going to make it Grace, you will be dauntless." I assured her as I strode down the various hallways.

"But what if-" She started to say before I cut her off.

"No _what if's_ Grace, I promise I'll do all I can to help you."

Grace practically bounced with joy, and then it was she who was tugging me down the hallways. As we ran, I couldn't help but feel a shudder run down my spine. I paused, pulling Grace to a stop, and eyed the empty hallways. I could've sworn I'd felt someone watching us.

"What's wrong?" Grace pressed.

I didn't answer; instead I swept my eyes across my surroundings and looked for my source of discomfort. I found nothing though. Was I just being paranoid? I'd been hiding life-threatening secrets for only a few days and already I was cracking under the pressure.

I shook my head, chagrined, and waved my doubts away.

"It was nothing." I finally said after a few seconds, trying to ignore the prickling on my skin. "It was _nothing_."


	24. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Like clockwork, I woke up early the next day. It seemed that my body was already adjusting to the new schedule. Stretching slowly and letting some of my joints pop, I thought about getting up and getting ready. I paused though, when I suddenly took in the stillness of the room.

I could still hear the sounds of sleep from most of the bunks, and as I raised my head I was surprised to see that almost everyone was still in bed. The only missing body was that of Banks, who I could only assume had already gone to breakfast.

Lying on my stomach, with my hands tucked beneath my pillow, I let out a quiet sigh and stayed put. Basking in the near-silence, I let my thoughts wander to what I'd done all afternoon yesterday.

After spending the first half of the day teaching Grace some key moves to use on an opponent, we'd been joined by Dan who'd been more than happy to add his own input. Thankfully Grace was a fast learner, and by the end of the day she's learned how to slip out of a hold, and even how to land a solid blow to someone larger than her.

Dan had volunteered, and after many attempts Grace was able to free herself from any choke-hold he'd managed to get her in. Her talents lay in the fact that she was exceptionally fast and nimble. That would be the key to her survival, and even her eventual win. If she was able to tire out her opponent and get a good hit, she'd be sure to win.

Carla hadn't returned until much later, almost to the point it was bedtime, and she'd spent most of the remaining time talking to Grace rather than Dan and I. I found it slightly suspicious, but eventually pushed it from my thoughts; surely if they'd said or done anything bad she'd tell us.

As I heard the sound of yawns and shuffling feet, I sighed and got up. Amar had told us we were supposed to be at the tracks by eight fifteen. After getting ready, I head down to the cafeteria and grabbed an armful of muffins.

By the time I was back in the room, Grace had already woken up Dan, and Carla was tying her shoes. I tossed them each a muffin and then as a group we made our way to the Pit. From there we went up the stairs to the glass building above it, and then out the exit.

As I finished the last of my muffin and pitched the wrapper over the side of the building, I turned to face Carla. "So what did Billy and the others want to talk to you about?"

Carla froze mid-chew, and I could hear as her as she swallowed loudly. "Nothing really, they just wanted to congratulate me on the win."

Like a gong in a quiet room, I heard the dishonesty in her voice. I frowned and raised a brow. "Oh really? That's _all_ they wanted to say?"

"Yeah, that's all." She said as she broke eye contact and stared down at her shoes.

It irritated me to no end to be lied to, especially right to my face, but I knew this wasn't the time to prod. I nodded brusquely and then unconsciously stepped away. I could only hope that whatever she was hiding wasn't something that could be perilous to those around me.

I could hear the rumble of the train as it approached us, and I bounced on the balls of my feet in anticipation. Amar stood at the front of the pack, close to the tracks. He waved us up stepped back as we started to jump in. Rather than be first, I waited until everyone but Amar had gotten in to advance.

I grabbed the handle on the side of the car and pulled myself in smoothly, moving aside as Amar hopped in shortly afterwards. On the left side of the car sat Billy, Howard and Samantha; each of them sporting an array of old and fresh bruises. Banks stood near the opposite doorway, holding the handle and essentially ignoring everyone in the car, and on the right side sat Dan, Grace and Carla.

Amar leaned on the doorway we'd jumped in through, and I stood on the opposite side of him as I took in the landscape. For once, I felt myself relax entirely; happy to be out of the hole in the ground we now called home. The sunlight, the crisp air, everything was so liberating. In front of me, there was a sea of collapsed, vacant buildings that would get smaller as we continued.

"Where are we going?" I found myself asking as the scenery continued to roll by.

Amar didn't answer for a few seconds, and for a moment I wondered if he hadn't heard me.

"The fence," he said, nodding his head forward.

"Is it far?"

Amar's brow puckered a little, and he raised a brow apprehensively at me. "Why do you want to know?"

I shrugged, feeling the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. "No reason, just curious."

I prepared to back away and sit next to Dan, when I felt his hand grip tightly around my shoulder. I turned back, and Amar's eyes blazed in quiet warning. "Be careful, curiosity can be _dangerous_."

My heart thudded in my chest, and I felt my mouth go dry. His innuendo had been clear, and almost a threat. Without a doubt, I realized Amar knew more than he was letting on to. I swallowed, deciding to ask questions later, nodding, and taking a seat next to Dan.

The rest of the train ride was relatively normal; Grace chatted with Carla and Dan, Billy murmured back and forth with his lackeys, and Banks stayed dead-silent. I occasionally added an opinion here and there, but mostly I watched the world pass by. I loved being outside, but that happiness had been thwarted by Amar's obscure warning.

As the train's brakes screeched, and the smell of hot metal surrounded my nose, I immediately stood to attention. Lurching to a stop, we all stood and filed out of the car and onto a field of grass. The rundown scenery gone, we were instead surrounded by a lush green countryside.

In front of there was a concrete wall that occasionally broke into segments made of chain-link fence. The barrier had barbed wires on top, and as I squinted I could see that the wall continued on as far as the eye could see.

There were dauntless guards milling around on the other side of the fence, and for a moment I couldn't help but compare the whole thing to a sort of enclosure; it was as if we were the ones trapped inside. It was odd, because there hadn't been guards at all until about two years ago; before they used to patrol the factionless sector of the city.

"Pay attention guys, come along." Amar said as he walked toward a gate, which was as wide as a house and opened up to a road that lead back to the city.

"If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you'll probably end up being a dauntless guard." Amar continued as he stopped next to the gate, which was being opened by a few dauntless soldiers who were letting in an amity truck. "If you do get stuck here, I can't guarantee you'll ever be able to advance much."

It made sense, I supposed, that there was little variety to choose from; it was something we'd learned about in school. The dauntless could work in the compound, tattoo, make weapons, fight each other professionally, train, or guard. There were some that picked odd jobs that usually belonged to other factions, like nursing which was normally associated with amity and abnegation, but it was rare.

The amity truck rolled in, and a man with a beard and a smile hopped out of the car and began to unload crates from the back. A few other amity sat among the stacks, and I thought I recognized a few of them.

"Grace!" I heard a voice chirp from the truck, and in a second I saw an amity girl skip forward and embrace Grace in a warm hug.

"Mia!" Grace sang back, and for a moment I could see a different side of Grace; one that wasn't always tired, scared and hurt. Did she regret her choice? Did she ever wish she'd stayed in her old faction?

As they embraced each other and giggled, the two other amity came over; the boy and girl from the previous time, but whose names I couldn't recall. Grinning awkwardly, I took a step back and let them reunite, hoping to give them privacy. Amar was talking to one of the dauntless guards near the fence and seemed too preoccupied to notice their encounter.

They spoke animatedly, and occasionally Grace would point to Dan and I, and other times to Banks and Billy. I could've sworn I saw one of the girls shudder, and I assumed she was explaining some of what we'd had to do during initiation.

"Now, I'm no genius-" Dan muttered under his breath when I'd returned to stand by him.

"I'll agree to that." I jokingly ribbed him.

Dan rolled his eyes, and snorted. "-but what Grace is doing doesn't seem _wise_."

I had to admit he was right. If she ever wanted to get some respect around the other dauntless, she'd have to try harder. Though I could see just how happy she was with them, I knew I couldn't let it continue. Walking back, I nudged her and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but this is definitely not helping your odds."

Grace froze and then nodded slowly as my words sunk in. She looked at her friends, and they looked back at her with expectant expressions. The boy narrowed his eyes at me, and I couldn't help but wonder if they thought I was the one responsible for the bruises.

"Sorry, but I have to go." Grace apologized as she gave each a farewell hug.

I nodded at them, muttering a goodbye as well. When we began to leave however, one of the amity girl's who'd been carrying a box of apples seemed to stumble, and against my better judgment I swiveled and caught the box she'd been about to drop.

She blushed an embarrassed red, and I could see she seemed wary of my help. I tried to reassure her with a grin, and I was pleasantly surprised when she smiled back.

"Got it?" I asked before letting go of the crate.

She nodded, but I stayed a second longer to be sure she'd be able to continue.

"Thanks," she murmured, and I saw the amity boy jog over to come stand by her. Did he think I was a threat or something? _Sheesh_.

He didn't appear as amiable; instead, he regarded me with slightly wary eyes. _Yes_ , I definitely remembered him now; he'd been the one who'd said our factions didn't get along and had assumed Dan and I had been a pair of bullies. I supposed it didn't matter what you did, sometimes you just weren't going to get on someone's good side.

Smiling politely a last time, I nodded at the pair and then jogged over to Grace who was trying to hide a smirk. She motioned for me to lean forward.

"Don't take this the wrong way," she giggled into my ear as she repeat my previous words, "but that's not very dauntless either… or candor." She whispered the last part.

"I don't recall any hugging or giggling on my part, so I think I'm safe," I retorted.

"Just saying." She shrugged.

I turned and watched as the rest of the crates were unloaded. Once they were done, the amity kids hopped into the back of the truck and broke out into a group song. The girl, the one who I'd helped, smiled shyly as the truck drove by, and out of nowhere she tossed me an apple.

I caught it and grinned a silent thanks. Though I could never have made it in amity, the way they acted sometimes made me envious. Homesick, really. I missed my mom and Mara, Vera and little Annie. I missed the familiarity of it all. I didn't regret my move to dauntless, it was for the better, but it didn't lessen the feeling of loss.

"Seems like you have a fan," Dan noted as he slugged my arm.

"Just her way of saying thanks I think," I said, biting into my apple.

Dan tsked, and crossed his arms, shaking his head a little. "You and Grace _man_ , you've got to get yourselves under control, or the next thing you know, you'll be buying a banjo and serenading the whole compound." He joked, though I sensed a hint of something else in his voice.

"Shut up, you're just jealous I got a free apple," I said, and then turned to rejoin the group.

Amar finished our tour, telling us the basics of what the dauntless guards did and some of the other jobs that were available. Though the job of guard probably seemed tedious and unexciting, I couldn't help but feel my interest pique.

If there was any possible way for me to be outside of dauntless headquarters, in the fresh air and sunshine, I'd take it. I figured if I ranked high enough, I might be able to apply for the position of head of the dauntless guard. If I was going to work out here, I was going to aim high.

The sudden thought that I'd just made an actual decision for the future made me feel oddly hopeful. Yes, I was committing. It felt good to make a concrete choice. I'd pass initiation, join the ranks of dauntless, and get a job out here where I was most comfortable.

"What are you grinning about?" Dan asked with an amused smile of his own.

"Nothing much."

"Come on! Tell me."

I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant though it was hard to contain my actual excitement.

"I think I've just figured out what I want to do."


	25. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Everybody up!" a booming voice ripped through the darkness. Beams coming from flashlights sliced through the air, and through my haze of sleepiness I could see that people were streaming into the room.

Jerking up and out of bed, I immediately crossed over to where Grace lay and used my body as a sort of shield against the attack. I clenched my fists and then squinted, trying to make sense of the scene. No, this wasn't an attack at all. What was going on?

I could see Amar through the crowd, and I relaxed, but only slightly. As my eyes took in the faces of the rest of the people, recognizing some from the Pit, I finally saw who'd spoken. His vivid hair brought his name immediately to mind; Red, the one in charge of the dauntless initiates.

"Didn't you hear me? Everyone get the hell up right now!" He barked again.

I could hear Dan snoring somewhere to my right, and I quickly jabbed him until he groaned and attempted to swat me; the boy could sleep through an earthquake, I swear. With all of us blinking wearily and trying to hide yawns, we attempted to form a somewhat organized line.

"Took you long enough." Red snapped impatiently. "Now listen up, you have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the train tracks. We're going to play a little game." He said the last part in an almost threatening manner.

As he and the other figures turned to leave, I rushed back to my bed. Shoving my feet into my boots, and throwing a shirt on, I sprinted through the dark passageways and across the Pit. Brushing the beads of sweat of my temple, I grinned when I saw that Grace was managing to keep up.

It had been two days since we'd visited the fence, and even in such little time, the training Dan and I had put Grace through was beginning to show; in her last two fights she'd actually come out the victor, beating out Pam one day, and Howard the next. Following our tips, she was slowly rising in the ranks.

I'd had to fight Todd, which I'd been less than happy to do since his face was still healing, and had won easily once again. Then the previous day, I'd been assigned to Dan, which oddly enough hadn't been such a bad experience. Probably the ease of it came due to the fact that it hadn't been so much a fight, but rather us playing; wrestling and horsing around, while attempting to appear serious. I'd won the match simply because I'd managed to get Dan in a hold he couldn't escape.

Since Max and the other dauntless man -Harrison I think his name was- didn't show those two days, Amar was vigilant and kept things from ever getting out of hand; and by that I mean that whenever Banks was up, Amar stayed close to the ring and never took his eyes off the fight.

Even with Amar's precautions though, it seemed destined that whoever was paired with Banks would inevitably come out of the ring harmed in some way; mutilated even. I could still see the bald patch on the side of Samantha's head where Banks had ripped away a handful of hair. He'd thrown her to the ground, but never released his hold, and we'd all heard the cringe-worthy sound of her roots being torn free.

Even Billy, who I grudgingly had to admit was a decent fighter, couldn't come out unscathed. When he'd been paired against Banks the next day, he'd given his all only to come out with dislocated shoulder. Taken to the hospital immediately, Billy wasn't discharged until late at night.

Though he didn't say anything, I could see Amar's patience wearing thin, and he wasn't the only one. During every one of his fights, I never wasted the opportunity to note any weaknesses I could find; sure that Banks was doing the very same. In fact I was _sure_ of it. After every fight, it was inevitable; we'd lock eyes and again I could feel my rage pulse through me as if it were blood rather than just an emotion.

 _It wouldn't be long now_. He'd have to face me sooner or later. During the time I spent training Grace, I'd also take time to work out myself. I'd never had to try hard to be in shape, but as each fight progressed and I had yet to find a weakness I could use against him. I knew I had to be as prepared as possible.

I would _not_ lose.

Without pausing, we burst through the doors and then made it to the train tracks, joined almost immediately by who I thought might've been the dauntless-born initiates; though I couldn't be sure, since in the darkness their features were askew.

Next to the tracks I noted that there was a black pile of objects. Squinting, it finally dawned on me what they were; long barreled rifles. I took a step towards one of the boxes, and I grinned when I saw what was printed on the side.

"What-" Dan yawned loudly, "-what are we doing?"

Like a child, I turned and beamed at him. "Paintballing!"

The effect was immediate; Dan's sleepy look evaporated, and my own childish excitement was reflected in his eyes. "Dude!" He crowed as he pumped a fist in the air.

"I know!" I laughed, suddenly feeling as if I'd just chugged a gallon of energy drinks.

Grace chuckled, obviously not as enthused with the idea, and attempted to stifle a yawn. "Boys and their toys," she mumbled under her breath.

"Grab a gun!" Red shouted, and I was already loading up on ammunition before he'd even finished; stuffing it into my pockets and jacket.

Slinging the gun across my back, with the strap across my chest, I had to resist the urge to bounce on my feet. Already I could feel the competitive atmosphere in the air.

"It's almost here," I heard Amar tell Red, who then nodded and clasped his hands around his mouth in a cone shape.

"Get your crap together and keep up!" Red bellowed, and then turned to jog closer to the tracks.

Our large group followed closely behind, and as a bright beam of light appeared to my left, growing with each passing second, I realized we'd have to board the train to get to wherever we would be playing.

Slipping past the horde of bodies, I found myself near the front of the pack, just slightly behind Amar and Red. With the train approaching fast, they were the first two to get on. I followed suit, with Dan coming in only seconds later. Grace followed, and I frowned when I saw that Banks was the next person in.

Ignoring him as best I could, I stood by the doorframe, making sure to lend a hand to whoever might need assistance. I recognized Finn immediately, who I'd met that fist day in initiation.

"Hey, _not_ -Dan and real-Dan!" He grinned; apparently still remembering the slip of tongue I'd had.

"Ahem, I believe you actually dubbed me _smartass_ ," I jibed, laughing a little as he rolled his eyes.

"That too Sage, that too. Glad to see you're still alive," he said, slugging my arm and then heading over to join the others.

I couldn't help but grin stupidly when I saw Randi follow behind him.

"Hey." I said, unable to muster up anything else to say. When exactly had I become so bashful?

"Sage, fancy seeing you here." She smiled back.

She moved aside when another body came flying through the door. Another girl, dauntless-born, was just getting on when her foot seemed to slip. I doubted she'd actually fall, but I reached over and held out my hand for her to take nonetheless.

" _Umm_ thanks," the girl said when she'd finally made it in. She had long black hair, pale skin, and a blue streak in her hair. "I could've made it in though."

"Ava, this is Sage," Randi said, presenting me with what appeared to be an awkward smile; was she embarrassed of me? "Sage, Ava, my best friend."

The girl's eyes widened, and then narrowed as she took in my appearance from head to toe. "Huh, I have to say I thought you were exaggerating. Guess I lost that bet."

Another body jumped in, but I wasn't distracted. What had she said about me?

" _Ava_ ," Randi hissed, and I saw the girl –Ava– smirk as she looked me over again.

"What?" I demanded; suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Another person leapt in.

"Nothing, nothing at all." Ava said in a sing-song voice.

Randi glared daggers at her friend, and as Ava excused herself and disappeared into the growing crowd, she turned back to me; face beet red, and her hands balled into fists. "Sorry about that, she's _infuriating_ sometimes."

"Its fine I guess." I answered, still confused as to just _what_ had happened. "What was that all about?" I asked again.

Randi set her jaw, and shook her head resolutely. "Nothing you want to know." She said, biting her lower lip.

More people jumped in.

"Wow, your cryptic words _certainly_ aren't something that would pique my interest, now are they." I said sarcastically. The female mind was so hard to understand sometimes; even with a sister, I still rarely had a good idea as to what went on in their heads. "Tell me?"

Randi shook her head vehemently, and I could see she didn't plan on spilling anything anytime soon. I sighed, choosing to let the topic slide, and turned back to the doorway where there were less and less people jumping in.

Randi stayed close, but didn't say anything else. In seconds, almost everyone was already inside. Much to my irritation, I saw that amongst them were Marko and his pals; the ones responsible for Randi's near-accident, and who'd held Dan and I down in an unfair fight. Deciding I had enough trouble with Banks and Billy already, I chose to ignore them rather than start something so soon. I'd have time once our initiation was over.

"As some of you might have guessed, we'll be playing capture the flag." Amar said over the babble of voices. "We'll be splitting you up into two teams, with each having an even amount of both dauntless-born and transfer initiates. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and hide theirs. This is a tradition that is taken seriously, so I suggest you try your damnedest to win."

A series of whoops erupted from the crowd, and I couldn't help but join in; pumping my fist and grinning widely at the prospect.

"Amar and I will be your team captains," Red added as he sidled up next to Amar. "Now pay attention as we call your names."

"Do you even _know_ our names?" Dan shouted somewhere near me, and I could hear several of the dauntless-born chuckle good-naturedly. Amar actually smirked a little, and I saw Red roll his eyes in amusement. While my honesty often came across as rude and brash, Dan somehow managed to come off as endearing most of the time; the lucky scoundrel.

"Yes _Dan_ , I do." Red answered, putting an emphasis on Dan's name. "Hasn't Amar told you? I am all-wise and all-knowing, now shut up and never doubt my astuteness again."

"Yes'sir," I heard Dan say, and as I turned I caught him saluting. More people laughed, but then instantly quieted down as Amar and Red began to speak.

"You go first," I heard Red say to Amar, who shrugged and nodded as he scanned our crowd.

"Transfers first?"

"Either way."

"Sage," Amar said, appearing nonchalant at first glance; though after these days of having him as an instructor, I'd come to recognize the face he made when he was discussing strategy.

"Banks."

"Dan."

"Billy."

"Grace."

I felt my brow pucker in confusion. I thought I'd had an idea as to what Amar's strategy was, but I had to be wrong. I'd assumed he'd wanted size and power, since Dan and I easily fit that mold, but Grace? I liked Grace, really appreciated her as a person and friend, but she definitely wasn't one I thought Amar would've picked.

"Howard," Red continued.

"Todd."

Red eyed Pam's still-bandaged nose, and seemed to dismiss her. "Samantha."

"Pam"

What was Amar doing?

"You, Carla, you're with me." Red said when he spotted our last transfer-initiate. "Dauntless-born are next."

As I stared at our group, my brain managed to make one of those leaps where you were able to suddenly find the connections even though they weren't as visible at first sight.

Looking from face to face, I understood Amar's choices; _yes_ , he wanted strength, but not in the literal sense, rather in emotional bonds. We needed to trust each other if we were going to work as a team.

Dan and I were practically inseparable, and Grace had grown on me, making it feel as if I'd known her my entire life. While Todd and Pam weren't necessarily close friends, we knew each other well enough –and were in good standing– so that we'd easily be able to strategize without knocking heads.

Carla, though a good friend to Grace, had been getting awfully _chummy_ with Billy and his cohorts lately. It was because of this, and the fact that she was keeping secrets from us, that Dan and I had begun to mistrust and disregard her.

Grace tried to convince us we were wrong in our suspicions, but that was the equivalent to telling an erudite that two plus two made five, or that mixing red and blue would make white; absurd and impossible. The lies were there, practically visible to our candor-trained eyes, but Grace refused to see them; she was just too trusting.

Trying not to be rude, Dan and I had tried to keep up a civil front whenever Carla was around. However, with the current pairing, I suspected we hadn't done such a good job and Amar had sensed our disdain. _That_ , or he simply thought Carla could work either way; unlike Todd and Pam who absolutely despised Banks; who'd been Red's first pick.

"Finn." Amar continued.

Red scanned the crowd and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief when he called out the next name. "Marko."

"Biff." Amar said, and I was momentarily shocked to see the boy he'd picked.

At first all I saw was a mop of shaggy blonde hair, but as he shifted and came into view, I took all of him in; he was, to put it bluntly, _colossal_. He had to be at least three inches taller than me, which might not sound like a lot, until you considered that I stood at about six-foot, three.

I vaguely wondered why, with all the power he could wield with a flick of his hand, Red hadn't picked him. The answer came moments later when the boy –Biff– went over to stand by Finn. As he passed by Marko, I noted that he made a very deliberate point to careen into him and shove him brusquely aside. He snickered as he saddled up next to Finn, but instantly quieted when he received a look similar to that of a disapproving parent.

 _Ahh_ , so it appeared I wasn't the only one who wasn't on good terms with Marko; I was liking Biff more and more by the second. Along with this knowledge, I'd also learned that Biff, though large and somewhat omnipotent, needed leadership; which I guessed, he'd only accept from Finn.

Whether Red meant to follow Amar's strategy or not, he must've worked out the same conclusion; even if he wanted Biff, it wouldn't work, not without the other key piece.

For an instant I felt both incredibly pleased and also irritated. My brain had made another leap and tied the threads of information I'd learned together; Finn was important and people like Biff followed him, this was good as it meant I'd be able to learn much from this experience. However, the fact that Red had picked Marko as his first pick meant that, though I loathed him, Marko was definitely someone to watch out for.

"Cas." Red continued.

"Jude."

"Jake."

"Randi." I tried not to look completely thrilled when I heard Amar call her name.

"Sara."

"Ava."

"Jess."

With all of us divided, our bodies shuffled around until we were all on separate sides of the train compartment. Amar insisted Red get off first, which I realized would actually afford him a few extra minutes of leverage, and Red agreed without hesitation.

Once they'd all jumped out, I went to stand by Amar near the doorway, ready to leap at his command.

After a couple of minutes, he pointed to a patch of grass a few yards away. "There, that's where we'll jump." he said, smirking a little as he noticed my expression. "You ready to win?"

I breathed deeply and grinned. Rather than answer with words, as the location where were meant to land got closer, I answered with actions. Taking hold of the handle near the door, I propelled myself out, knowing already that I'd land on my own two feet.

The wind rushed past me, and I had a thought as I landed and came to a running stop.

 _I was born ready._


	26. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Huddling into a loosely-formed circle, we all grouped around Amar and leaned forward in anticipation.

"In about fifteen minutes, the other team will pick their location. I would advise you all to take this time and put together a strategy. We're not erudite, but intellectual awareness is an important portion of your dauntless training."

We all nodded in agreement, and as Amar took a step back and crossed his arms, I realized he wouldn't be the one calling the shots. There were a few moments of awkward silence, and I realized our group would need a nudge to get going. We couldn't waste any time.

"We should make a plan before anything else." I offered, taking the flag from Amar and toying with it, hoping someone else would step up and take charge.

"Who says you get to make the rules around here, transfer?" one of the dauntless-born boys asked. He had short wiry hair and skeptical eyes.

"Well none of you are pitching any ideas." Dan said as he came to stand next to me.

" _Well_ maybe we just didn't get the chance to." The boy said with a scoff.

"Then _maybe_ you should've jumped in sooner." Dan snapped back.

Not wanting things to take a turn for the worst, I held an arm out and gave Dan what I considered my best _calm-down-I've-got-this_ look.

"Jude, relax," I heard Finn say to the boy as he placed a hand on his shoulder.

Holding the flag as if it were an offering, I spoke to everyone in a clear voice.

"If any of you want to take the reins, by all means go ahead." I said calmly, and when no one answered continued. "Like I was saying, we should form a plan of attack. It would be stupid to just go running off without a clue on what to do."

"I agree, so how should we start this?" Finn said.

I looked at our teammates, and then ran a hand through my hair as I considered what to say.

"I think we should find a good place to hide our flag, keep it guarded with a few people, and the rest of us could go out and try and find the other team's location." I proposed.

Dan, Grace, Todd and Pam nodded, satisfied with my proposal, and I watched as the dauntless-born exchanged glances amongst themselves. It was only when Finn gave them all a look that they seemed to relax. What I'd previously thought when I first met him was true then. Finn was, undeniably, someone they all looked up to and respected; enough, so that if he was willing to give my plan his seal of approval, they could as well.

The monstrous boy, Biff, was the first to speak. "How should we split up?" He asked, cracking his knuckles in anticipation.

I gave our group a quick glance, accessing their strengths and weaknesses, and then grabbed a nearby twig so I could create a sketch in the muddy ground.

"We find a good, inconspicuous location to hide the flag first-" I said as I drew a little x and circled it.

"I know a place," one of the dauntless-born girls said. I recognized the blue streak in her hair and remembered Randi had introduced her as her best friend.

"Ava right?" I asked. "What did you have in mind?"

Ava snatched the stick out of my hand and quickly drew what seemed like a little bridge.

"If we head south, we'll come to a bridge. We can hide the flag in-between the beams and then position two people up top with it, and then two others as snipers on the sides." She pointed, drawing four little circles.

I liked the idea, and I couldn't help but grin with newfound confidence. "Sounds good. Now the question is, who would be the best to stay and guard, and who'd be better for reconnaissance?"

"Ava should stay, for sure," Finn spoke up as he took the stick from her. "She's one of our best sharp shooters." He wrote a little A next to the bridge. "And maybe this sounds rash, but I think we should take our most physically strong players and form a unit to ambush the other team."

"I like it," I agreed. "Who would-"

"Wouldn't waiting for them to come to us be more logical though?" Randi interrupted with a frown. "If we wait, we could avoid casualties."

"Where's the fun in that?" Dan rebuked. "I vote we go all out."

Most everyone burst into assents of approval, and so I gave Randi an apologetic grin as I began to split up the group.

Given that Grace was actually a pretty good marksman; I quickly paired her with Ava. And since Todd and Pam were still recuperating from their injuries, Finn and I figured it'd be better for them to stay as well. That left me, Dan, Finn, Biff, Jude, and Randi on the assault unit. Amar had originally been part of our strike team, but after seeing how easily Ava was losing her patience with Todd and Pam, he opted to stay and keep watch.

In complete silence, and without ever turning on our flashlights, we made our way toward the marsh that was once a lake, and up the bridge.

Amar and Ava quickly hid the flag and then strategically positioned Grace, Todd, and Pam. Camouflaging into the surrounding trees and framework of the bridge, they were nearly invisible to the naked eye. With them in position, it was now up to us to do our part to win the game.

"So where do you think they are hiding?" Finn asked as he jogged beside me.

I didn't answer right away; instead taking a moment to scan the surrounding buildings. Just at the end of the marsh, there was a strip of land that jutted out, and rising from it was a giant metal wheel with dozens of passenger cars dangling from it at regular intervals.

"Let's start there, at the Ferris wheel," I said, jerking my head in its general direction.

Walking down the side of the pier, we split into two groups so we'd be able to cover more ground. Finn left with Biff and Jude, and Randi and Dan stayed with me. All the buildings we passed seemed empty, with their signs faded, windows broken, and a couple with their roof's collapsed.

"What makes you think they're hiding here?" Randi asked after she'd returned from searching an empty food stand. "Doesn't it seem like it's too close to where we are? I don't think they'd risk keeping it where we could so easily come across it."

I lifted a fallen metal sign and peeked under it, then quietly placed it down and continued to search as I spoke. "That's exactly why I think they're hiding it here." I said.

"Explain please?" She asked, frowning as she tried to make sense of my words.

"Did you notice that blonde guy in our group?"

"The creepy, quiet one?" She nodded quickly. "Yeah, what about him?"

"His names is Banks, and let's just say whenever he's involved in anything, there's never good news." I said as I peeked in another window.

"It's true Randi, the guy is not right." Dan agreed as he wrinkled his nose. "He's the reason Todd and Pam are all beaten up you know."

Randi frowned and said nothing as we continued to search. It wasn't until Dan had left to check a nearby carousel that she spoke again.

"Have you fought him yet?" She asked in nearly a whisper.

"Who, Banks? No, not yet." I answered. "But when I get my hands on him-" I growled, unable to hide my resentment towards him.

"Don't talk like that." Randi suddenly hissed. "Please, don't be like them."

"Like who?" I asked, completely bewildered at her abrupt change in attitude.

She stopped walking and turned to stare at me. Her eyes burned, and I could see there were secrets brewing behind them. She bit her lip, and I wanted desperately to make her trust me and tell me all her fears.

"I don't want you to be like everyone else. I'd hate to see you be like Marko, Max, or this Banks person. I don't want you to be just another brainless adrenaline junkie that enjoys hurting people." She said fervently. "I want you to always be you. _Just you_. The selfless boy that saved me, that didn't fight just to prove something to others, that knows the clear difference between right and wrong."

I was taken aback at just how much passion resonated in her voice, in her expressions, in her every action. For someone that hadn't been raised candor, she certainly had a way with words. Touched by her concern for me, I stopped searching and without pausing to think about it, wrapped her in a gentle embrace.

She hesitated only for an instant, and then her arms were around me.

"I will never be like them Randi. It's not in me to be cruel for the sake of entertainment or reputation." I muttered. "I'll always be me, even if it gets me into trouble. I was raised that way, to be honest with myself above all else."

"Then why do you seem so eager to face Banks?" She whispered into my shirt.

I tensed at his name, but immediately relaxed when I realized this action would only serve to strengthen her fears.

"I won't lie to you, I am definitely anxious and ready to get to fight with him, but it's not for the reasons you think." I pulled away and held her at arm's length, willing her to look me in the eye and believe what I had to say. "He's hurting people left and right, without any sign of remorse or regret. If I don't put him in his place, who will? The beatings will only escalate until he finally kills someone."

As my words hit home, I could see she understood. Shaking her head, she frowned and bit her lip again. "What if he hurts you?"

I chuckled lightly, and let her go. "Pshh, please Randi, that's almost insulting. I haven't lost yet, and I certainly don't plan on doing so when faced with him, or anyone else for that matter."

She rolled her eyes, and just like that, the sudden charge of emotions was gone. Her mask of composure was back, and she wasn't about to say more.

"Whatever, just be careful." She said. Grinning, she ribbed me with her elbow and laughed playfully. "You know, you're not as tough as you think."

"Oh no?" I answered, pretending to be hurt by her words.

"No." She retorted, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. "I bet I could take you down a peg or two."

"Hah! Yeah right. I'd like to see you try." I growled playfully.

"Maybe I will." She said.

"Oh really?" I leaned forward, predatorily, and as I slowly began to stalk towards her with a grin on my face, her eyes grew wide and she looked ready to bolt away.

Without skipping a beat, she turned, ran, and then pivoted down the pier. Only managing to take about five steps, I had her in an inescapable hold within a matter of seconds.

She stifled a laugh and squirmed as she tried to escape. "Or maybe not?" She said through a wide smile.

"All bark and no bite eh?" I joked.

"Oh I have plenty of bite Stronghold, don't you doubt it." She retorted.

We were still playing around when I heard a crunch of gravel behind me. Like a child caught doing something bad, I let go of Randi and leapt away to a chaste distance.

Dan stared at us, a knowing smirk on his face, and tried but failed to hide a snort.

"Hate to interrupt your _super_ important, _top_ secret, in depth search, but-" he jerked his head behind him, "-I think I found something."

My face burned, and I saw a Randi's cheeks flush dark pink. We hadn't really been doing anything wrong; just fooling around like any pair of friends would. _Right_?

Sharing a silly grin, I cleared my throat and straightened my jacket before following Dan.

"It's not what you think." I whispered.

" _Oh_? And what is it that you think _I'm_ thinking?" Dan mused with a mischievous smile on his features.

" _Dan_. I-just- _err_ -it's not-you see-" I stammered. "You're so immature sometimes…"

He chuckled under his breath, and I rolled my eyes at him in the darkness. Slinking past the Ferris wheel, around the carousel, and through a maze of kiosks, we kept a tight formation until we found Finn and his team. If it was really the other group, we'd need all of us to succeed.

When we approached the place Dan thought he'd spotted the others, I quickly held out my hand to indicate that we needed to be quiet. It took me a second, but then my sharp eyes saw them.

My pulse raced, and I could feel adrenaline surge through my veins.

With the moonlight casting an eerie light over everything, I was able to just make out the figures. Hidden among the shadows of an ancient rollercoaster, I thought I recognized Banks and Marko.

I was feeling confident until I realized the flag wasn't actually anywhere around them. I searched their surroundings and saw nothing. It wasn't until I craned my head that I understood why they'd chosen to hide in the beams of the coaster.

I saw my objective and my stomach instantly dropped. Up above, on the first high peak of the rollercoaster, the flag fluttered in an almost mocking way.

To try and take their flag would be a suicide mission.


	27. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

"What the _hell_?" Dan muttered angrily beside me. "How did they get it all the way up there?"

The flag swayed tauntingly and as I squinted my eyes, I realized what was holding it in its place. The handle of a knife was wedging into the wooden part of the coaster rails; keeping the fabric from fluttering free and falling down.

How was that even _possible_? No one could throw a knife that far, much less get it to stick.

I turned to my team, and was surprised to see the look of guilt on Biff and Jude's faces. I narrowed my eyes, and motioned for them to follow me; I didn't want our whispering to alert the other team of our proximity.

Once we were far enough that I was sure we wouldn't be heard, I wheeled around and glowered at the pair.

"How did they manage to get their flag up there?" I demanded.

Jude darted a glance at Biff, and then clenched his jaw; unwilling to speak.

"What makes you think they know?" Finn asked in defense of his friends; he obviously hadn't caught on to the fact that they weren't as innocent as he thought them to be.

Randi stepped around me, and I half expected her to side with them as well, so I was surprised when I saw her narrow her eyes at Biff; her face set in a scowl. "What did you do?"

Regardless of his immense size; when faced with the sudden fury of Randi, Biff looked about the same as any other chastised child. Hanging his head in shame, he muttered something unintelligible as he scuffed his shoe against the dirt. I didn't catch what he said, but Finn must've heard enough, because a second later he'd wheeled around and grabbed Biff by the collar of his jacket.

"You taught Marko _what_?" Finn exclaimed.

Biff burned a bright red, and he stared helplessly at the faces of our team. "I-I didn't know he'd use it to cheat." He stuttered.

"Use what to cheat?" Dan and I demanded in unison.

Finn released Biff, and answered for him in a tone that told me he was mortified at what they'd done. "Umm, okay, so have you ever heard of or used a potato gun?" Finn asked as his lips turned into a frown.

Dan and I shook our heads, but Randi seemed to understand what he meant because a moment later she was scowling even harder at Biff and Jude.

"Well, they're exactly what they sound like; they're guns that shoot potatoes. We learned how to make them when we were kids so we could blow out windows on some of the abandoned buildings in the factionless sector." Finn said.

" _Okay_ , and exactly what do weapon-ized vegetables have to do with capture the flag?" Dan asked impatiently.

Finn sighed and then ribbed Jude to step forward.

Jude sighed and explained. "Well for fun, we thought we'd modify it so that it could shoot daggers instead of potatoes. You know, so it would be more dauntless." He hung his head. "We didn't have the right pieces we needed though, so we made a deal with Marko. He'd get us the things we needed in exchange for the knowledge of how to make one."

My mouth dropped as I finally understood what they'd done. Marko, wanting to win at whatever cost, must've brought his modified gun with him and used it to stake the flag to the most unreachable place he'd found. They'd win no matter what. They must've known that even if we found their flag, we'd never be able to reach it, and then they'd be able to use the time they had to find our own location.

"I can't believe you two." Randi hissed. "You can't be left alone with _mere_ potato guns, but you think Marko can be trusted with something that could actually kill you? Idiots!"

All at once, everyone burst into tense conversation; momentarily reminding me of a candor debate. Jude and Biff were attempting to justify themselves, while Finn, Randi and Dan were squabbling about what they'd done, and how now it was probably certain that we'd lost.

I sighed; feeling nostalgic as I remembered my old faction. Sitting down on the edge of one of the benches nearby, I stared at the sky, the moon, the ominous clouds; taking in all of our surroundings. It bothered me to think we'd come so close, only to have to turn tail and run back to defend our flag. How unfair, to have the win so close, yet so far.

 _No_. I would not accept failure. I'd changed to dauntless for a reason, and I was attempting to embrace their way of thinking above all else. Losing was _not_ an option.

I had yet to form a plan, but already I was on my feet and heading back to the roller coaster. Quickly, but with utmost stealth, I made my way to a large booth nearby and scoped out the area. I had to think of something, _anything_.

"Sage?" a voice whispered behind me.

I didn't pause; wheeling on my heel, I leaned forward and nearly tackled the figure before I realized who it was. " _Good God Dan_ , you scared the shit out of me."

Dan chuckled quietly, and I saw a hint of his white smile in the darkness. "Saw you leave and I figured you had a plan. Thought you'd need some back up."

"Not yet," I admitted sheepishly. "But I will, I refuse to believe there's no possible way for us to win."

Dan's grin spread wider, and I saw him rub his hands together in excitement. "I'm in. Even if we lose, at least we'll know we gave it a go."

I nodded and then turned to try and make out the figures. There were five; one I was certain was Banks, and the other Marko, the other three I couldn't be sure. They were all huddled near an old toy kiosk, and didn't seem particularly worried. Those cocky _imbeciles_ thought they had us beat.

Staring at the flag, I trailed my eyes from the slope, down to where the actual cars were stationed beside a large control panel. Suddenly, an idea hit me.

" _Dan_ ," I whispered urgently, "do you think that by any chance-"

"The power?" Dan interrupted, his thoughts already catching up to my own. "It could be on, but it'd be a big risk."

He was right, the control panel and cars were out in the open, completely exposed. If the power wasn't on we'd be basically handing ourselves over to the other team. _Here we are! Right in a silver platter. Proceed to slaughter us as you deem fit!_

But if it _was_ on…

"We have to try," I insisted.

Dan nodded, and I saw the resolution in his eyes. "I'm with you man."

Our plan, though not the best, would have to do. Dan would sneak over to the rollercoaster's control panel and I'd stay in the shadows to cover him if they saw that he was there. If the power came on, I'd then race to the car, with Dan covering _my_ back, and jump in. My hope was that I'd be able to grab the flag as the car passed by, and then jump out when Dan stopped the ride.

"Ready?" I asked as I quietly cocked my gun.

Dan nodded, and then a few seconds later he was gone. I kept an eye on him, ready to fire at any sign that the other team had seen him. Slinnking through the shadows, I had to admit I was honestly impressed with the stealth he demonstrated. When he finally reached the controls, I couldn't help but wince as I heard the echo of the clicks as he tried to fiddle with the machine to make it work; he was making too much noise.

Suddenly, a whir of gears and electricity surged, and some of the lights around the coaster began to blink to life. Without hesitating, I broke into a sprint, heading straight for the first car. Shouts came from somewhere to my left, but I didn't stop.

I nearly reached my destination when a shot whizzed by my ear. I pivoted, and a splat of blue exploded a few inches away from my face.

"Go Sage, go, go!" Dan shouted, and I heard the return fire. "It's on! Get in!"

Jumping up, I ran a few more steps and then dove headfirst into the car.

"I'm in Dan! Start it!" I called out between gasps.

Dan shouted something back, but it was drowned out by the clamor of the other team. _Crap_! We were totally outnumbered. Why hadn't I bothered to inform the others? Why had I not stopped to think things through? It was too late for regrets. Flinging my gun behind my back, I tried to pull the metal safety restraint over my chest. _Shit!_ It wouldn't budge.

I yanked and yanked, but it stayed rusted in place. I was about to try and fashion a sort of seatbelt with the strap of my gun when the car suddenly lurched forward. It was moving. I gripped the edges of the seat and decided I'd be fine; all I had to do was jump off before the coaster came to the upside-down loop.

The car picked up speed fast, and as I whizzed by, I heard the shouts of someone.

"What the _hell_ is he doing?" I heard Randi screech.

I didn't have a chance to catch more though, because suddenly the rails were flying by. The flag, that had once seemed so far, was now only seconds away. Rapid gunfire echoed under me as the car began to speed upwards, and then faded when the churning of the metal wheels overpowered it. My stomach lurched, and my pulse raced.

My hands were clammy, and it felt like my heart was ready to beat its way out of my chest. I'd only have one shot. Sitting up, I blinked against the wind and then leaned out at the last possible second as the flag came into view. For an instant, it felt like time had stopped; the flag, my hand, the height and dangerous speed.

 _I had it!_

Gripping the fabric as hard as I could, I yanked the flag free from the knife and then let out a crow of delight as I waved it above my head. We'd done it. We'd won.

I threw my head back and laughed; bathing in the pride of the win. The wind pushed against my hair, and I shut my eyes for a second. Victory, which had seemed so impossible, had been attained. Was this an omen? That no matter how unattainable something seemed, if you tried, anything was possible?

I was still lost in a haze of optimistic thoughts when suddenly, a sharp stinging caught me on the back. _What?_ We'd won, why were they still shooting? I groaned and wiped at the paint with my hand.

"Sage- got to- _off_!" Someone shouted from below.

I stared at my hand, and it was then I really paid attention; because I hadn't been shot by the other team, but by my own. I craned my head and saw both groups on the ground, like ants, they scurried back and forth frantically. A couple of them even seemed to be trying to tear down an old tent.

"I can't hear you!" I yelled.

"The rails- _broken_ -going to fall!" Randi yelled.

"What?"

"-jump out- _before_ -or _die_!" Dan yelled.

I'd heard enough. I saw the figures point, and as I looked ahead I felt my mouth go dry. My blood seemed to drain, and I was left feeling cold. The railing that the coaster ran on had seemed perfectly fine at first sight, but now that I was on it, I could see just how wrong I was.

"Crap!" I scrambled in my seat and barely managed to hold on to the edges as the coaster dipped down suddenly, then sharply rose back up. I was going to throw up. I swallowed hard, and felt sweat run down my back.

Up ahead, after a dangerous-looking loop and down a steep hill, the railing suddenly deteriorated and left a gap the size of a small house. If I didn't jump out, the car would fall through, taking me with it. There was no way I'd survive a fall from this height.

"Can't stop- _malfunction_!" I faintly heard Finn bellow.

The coaster continued to climb, and as I saw the loop-de-loop come up, I braced myself. The car shuddered and sped up, and I clenched my muscles in anticipation of what was to come.

Suddenly, my body was wrenched up, and all my muscles were straining hard against gravity as the car circled the loop. I was upside down. I gasped, and nearly hyperventilated when I looked up - _or rather down_ \- and saw the faces of everyone flash by in a whirl. Mercifully, the loop lasted only for a few seconds, and my stomach was once again where it should be.

"-gonna slow it down- _one chance_ -have to jump!" I heard Finn bellow.

I understood the message, even though most of his words had been eaten away by the screaming winds. My hands were shaking, and I could hear the blood pound behind my ears, but I held on. I had to. The coaster's brakes squealed in protest as the car attempted to slow down. The smell of burning metal filled my nose. I knew I had to leap in three, two, one…

The car reached the lowest point, slowed for an instant, and I took the opportunity to hurl myself to the side. It was still high, but if I died, I'd rather it be by my own hand than because of a freak accident.

Wind rushed past me, and as I fell, I remembered back to when I'd leapt off the building and into the dauntless compound. I'd wondered then if I was mad, and now, I was sure I had to be. My eyes were wide as I continued to plummet down; I refused to look away.

The ground rushed up, but even thorough the panic I remembered to act. In less than a second, I'd reached behind me and managed to whip my gun. As I fell, I was able to reach out and catch it on one of the metal beams that crisscrossed. The rifle caught; pulling me to a jarring stop, but I didn't even have time to sigh in relief.

A sharp crack snapped, and the barrel of the gun folded with the force of the fall and my weight. Again I was airborne, and this time, I had nothing to stop me. My mom, dad, Mara, Dan, everyone's faces flashed before me as I continued to plummet. This was it; this was how I'd die. No, this couldn't be. No, no, no! It couldn't end this way.

I squeezed my eyes tight, angry and frustrated, and hoped my death would at least be quick.

I waited for the pain, but it didn't come. The air rushed out of my lungs, and I felt my body sink, and then suddenly lurch back up into the air. I opened my eyes, and as I fell again, I saw what had caught me – _no, not what_ – _who_ had caught me.

Holding various corners of a giant red and white checked fabric, I saw the faces of my team and the others as I gave a final bounce. Somehow, they'd managed to approximate where I'd land and stretch out the cloth to save me from my fall; using it as a sort of hammock.

I was alive. The realization came at me like a slap, and I was suddenly overwhelmed. Rather than break down and blubber like a child, I let my head loll back and forth as I broke into a fit of laughter. My body felt weak and flimsy, as if I had no bones, and I was sure if I were to try and get up I'd just fall over.

I closed my eyes, and my stomach ached as I continued to roll with laughter. I could feel my body touch the ground as they lowered the fabric, but still I refused to look. I was nearly in hysterics, when I suddenly heard her.

"Sage! _Damn it!_ Stop laughing and answer me!" Randi's voice broke through. I felt her, she was shaking my shoulders. "Are you hurt? _Christ_ , what were you thinking?"

I stopped laughing; letting my arms droop and my body relax as much as I could. I was quivering and twitching, arm, legs, fingers; the adrenaline kept my body wound and tight, like a spring. I had to control myself, I would not snap, not after surviving a stunt of that caliber.

"Is he dead?" I heard a voice whisper.

"No! No, he's not dead!" Dan answered angrily. I felt something brush my arm, and then Dan was shaking me roughly. "Wake up! You are not doing this to me!"

I groaned, and lazily tried to shove him away. " _M'_ fine," I tried to say; wanting him to stop adding to the dizziness I already felt.

"He's waking up!" Biff exclaimed.

I moaned, and finally willed myself to open my eyes. There, in front of me, I saw nothing more than deep pools of shimmering hazel; warm and inviting. I let myself get lost in their depths. Randi was centimeters from my face, long hair cascading around me like a shield, and her brow furrowed in worry. The distance was almost intimate. I breathed, and she sighed softly as she ran a hand over my cheek.

"You're okay?" she breathed.

"Yes," I whispered back.

Suddenly, my wounds, the crowd, it all didn't matter as I continued to gaze up at her. It was probably only a matter of seconds, but I felt lost in an eternity of _her_. I felt safe. I grinned at her, and she softly smiled back.

Then something shifted, and I saw mask she hid behind spread over her features. She jerked her hand away, and in one motion, she slapped me.

"You _idiot_!"


	28. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"Did you ever even stop to think about how crazy your whole idea was before putting your life in danger?" Randi demanded as she lurched to her feet.

Stunned, I raised a hand to my stinging cheek, and answered frankly. "No."

Her eyes bulged, and I could've sworn if I hadn't already been on the ground, she wouldn't have hesitated to beat some sense into me. "Are you freaking _mental_?" She snapped.

A small part of me was confused at her reaction, but I was too relieved to dwell on any other feeling that wasn't my unabashed happiness. "Not that I know of."

She didn't find the humor in my words, and seemed ready to slap me again before Finn intervened. "Randi, please, the man has just gone through a near death experience. Cut him some slack."

"Oh, I'll definitely cut something-" Randi began to threaten before a noise caught all of our attention.

Behind me, a crash echoed through the air. Enthralled, we all turned to watch the old cars screech, fall, and explode in a shower of sparks and rusted metal. In momentary awe, I couldn't help but gape; how close I'd been to death, calling its bluff.

The flames didn't last, and as I turned back to Randi, I saw that she had never taken her eryes off of me. I opened my mouth to try and explain, but she threw her hands up to silence me. Seemingly fed up with my casual answers, Randi let out an exasperated sigh and then stomped away. I stared after her, and tried to follow, only managing to fall back from my loss of balance.

"Meathead!" Dan crowed as he stooped over me and rubbed his knuckles into my skull; a playful gesture I normally used on him. "You made it! I always knew you were crazy, but I never knew just how much!"

I could hear relieved laughter around me, and as I managed to sit up with Biff and Dan's help, I saw that everyone was there. Amar and Red were gaping, Grace was practically in tears, and I could hear shouts of congratulations all around me.

"You sir, are a mad man." Finn said; and even though the words might not seem it, I knew it was a real compliment.

"A real nut job," Biff agreed jovially.

I chuckled and tried to shrug off their praises. Even Jude, who hadn't exactly been a real fan of mine, clapped me on the back and laughed. "Can I just say, that was _thee_ most dauntless thing I've seen since," he paused and then shook his head, "well, since ever."

Even the other team, not including Banks and Marko, were completely ecstatic. Shouts of triumph and excitement swelled through our ranks, and I couldn't help but let myself join in. It was an infectious feeling, to be surrounded by laughter and buoyancy.

I felt various bodies cluster around me as I pulled the flag out of my pocket and waved it in the air. It was funny, but now more than ever, I felt like I belonged.

Once I was able to stand on my own two feet, we all headed back to the train and boarded it to return to the compound. Banks, completely paint free, stood by one of the doorframes and didn't speak a word to anyone around him, which was really no surprise.

Billy, Howard, Samantha, Marko, and his two lackeys Cass and Jake, sat across from us; their chests, backs, and legs splattered with paint. They spoke amongst each other, and it was then that I remembered something.

" _So_ , I didn't know modified potato guns were allowed in capture the flag." I commented sarcastically.

For an instant, no one spoke as all eyes went to Banks and Marko. Banks didn't bother to turn and acknowledge we'd spoken to him, and Marko seemed bent on acting as if he didn't know what we were talking about.

"I don't understand. What are you trying to imply? We got that flag up there fair and square," Marko lied stiffly.

"Bullshit!" Finn retorted.

"Yeah, just how dumb do you think we are?" Randi added.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Marko said; sneering. Billy, who was sitting next to him, chuckled and elbowed Howard and Samantha. _Great_. Nothing good could come from those two groups getting to know each other.

"Well, it's not like it matters." Dan spoke up. "We won anyway, cheating aside, you never had a chance." His words hit their goal, and I saw their smiles disappear as they frowned dejectedly.

"I still can't believe you rode the coaster." Biff muttered in awe. "Dude, you are like my new hero."

"Don't encourage him," Randi sniffed angrily; still avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah, don't want him getting a big head now do we?" Dan laughed.

I snorted and elbowed Dan playfully, then shook my head at Biff. "It was nothing. Really, I should've thought it through. I can't say that was my brightest moment."

For an instant, Finn glanced at Biff and Jude, and then they all broke out in laughter.

"No way man, if you'd paused to think it through it wouldn't have been the same." Jude said as he extended a hand. "I don't think we've properly met. I'm Jude, and this big guy is Biff." He said as he nodded his head at his companion. "And I think you already know Finn, right?"

I nodded, and then shook their hands. "I'm Sage."

"I remember who you are," Biff said. "You managed to get on the train first after the choosing ceremony. You were the two candor transfers, right?" He shifted to look at Dan who nodded.

"Yeah, that's us." I acknowledged.

"Nicely done, and you were also first jumper huh." Jude added as he leaned back.

I was beginning to get uncomfortable with all the sudden attention. I shrugged, and then nodded. "Yeah, but again, don't be impressed. I didn't think things through any of those times. Honestly, I was just sort of flying by the seat of my pants and hoping I wouldn't completely mess up."

"Don't be so modest, it doesn't suit you." Finn chided jokingly.

"Okay then." I said as I tried my best to appear adult- _ish_ and composed. "I'm completely and _utterly_ amazing. You mere mortals should feel honored to be in my very presence. _Now_ , bow before me."

Loud laughter and hoots echoed in the train's cabin, and I received a series of congratulatory punches from those around me. The adrenaline had been steadily ebbing away, and I was starting to feel the after effects of my free fall. My left arm was starting to gradually throb, and the lower part of my back was beginning to ache. I didn't protest though.

"Tough love huh?" I joked.

"You betcha' man." Biff said as he chuckled heartily. "Dauntless do everything with toughness in mind."

"For sure," Jude agreed. "Hardcore, or it's a no go, that's what I always say."

"Well if that's what you're looking for, then I have just the man for you." I said as I swept my arms in Dan's direction.

He blinked, momentarily surprised, and then turned on the charm. "Yes sir, you're all looking at the most loved candor transfer in the world. _Honestly_ , my old faction is probably still in mourning over my loss. I mean they liked Sage, but they _loved_ me." He pretended to brush some dust off his shoulder. "My skills include an amazing sense of wit, the ability to juggle absolutely nothing, a very manly chin, I'm a wiz with a jump-rope, and I'm also a hardcore nap- _er_."

Doubled over with laughter, everyone in the car seemed completely at ease and united. I loved it. If I was able to pass initiation, then all of this could be forever mine. The happiness, the action, the unity. I wanted nothing more than to be a true dauntless.

"You're all right Dan, you're all right." Ava said as a smile played on her lips.

"Yeah, a real hoot." Randi said with an exaggerated eye-roll.

"Ladies, ladies, please." Dan continued as he held his hands up comically. "There's enough of the Dan-man to go around."

This brought on another round of hoots, and I was happy to see that most of the conversation had finally been diverted from me. Even Marko and Billy had joined in; more than happy to tease my good-natured friend.

As I sat, watching the conversations unfold around me, I couldn't help but feel the hairs at the back of my neck prickle. I shifted, and it was then that I saw who'd been staring at me.

Banks, who must've shifted at some point, had turned and was staring at me with an intense expression. It wasn't aggressive, but it wasn't pleasant either. A few days ago, I'd finally determined just what that look meant.

The same way Dan and I faltered when faced with the difficult task of lying, or when Grace had to fight to stop herself from being bright and bubbly, Banks also had tell-all of his old faction. Though a great deal more subtle, so much that it was hard to catch at times, I'd come to realize that whenever Banks analyzed any problem or task, he'd get a certain look in his eye.

Like a predator, his entire demeanor would change; his eyes would narrow, his head would cock to the side, and his fingers would twitch in anticipation.

Now, as we glared at each other from opposite sides of the car, I could tell he was analyzing me. The joviality of the others didn't matter in those instants of quiet rage; all I saw was Banks. How badly I wanted to be rid of the danger that he represented, and I knew the only way to put him in his place would be to fight him.

And I would. _Soon_. There was no delaying it.

Our silent challenges felt like shouts. It was only when I saw Amar stand and point that we broke eye contact. The dauntless compound was close by, and we'd have to jump off. I stood, and headed over to the door where Randi was already standing.

As I got close, I saw her edge away and clench her hands. Was she still upset with me? I frowned and wondered what exactly I'd done wrong. A part of me wanted to reach out and hold her hand, weave my fingers with hers, and force her to tell me how I could fix my faults. I didn't like causing her any sort of discomfort, be it physical or emotional.

She must've felt my gaze because a few seconds later she was staring back at me. There was a shout, and Amar and Red leapt off first, followed by one team and then the other. It wasn't long before it was just Randi and I on the car.

Without ever breaking the silence, we leapt off and then followed behind the others. The furrow in-between her eyebrows deepened and I could see she was lost in thought. What she was mulling over, I couldn't know, but as I saw the doors to the compound draw near, I paused and pulled her back.

"What's wrong?" I asked. She didn't answer, didn't look at me. "Please tell me. I can't fix it if I don't know what it is."

Her head snapped up and for a moment she was as angry as she'd been back at the rollercoaster. "You really want to know what's _wrong_? Huh, you wanna' _know_?" She seethed.

"Yes, just tell me." I said.

" _You_ , you're what's wrong." She said in exasperation. "Why do you insist on putting your life in danger. Do you know what that does to-" she broke off and ran a hand through her hair. "You're being completely reckless Sage. I mean, do you realize you could've died tonight?"

She was shaking, either with anger or fear. I was worried and couldn't help but feel guilty for the position I'd put her in. Unable to help myself, I stepped closer and when she looked down at her feet, pulled her chin up. "I'm okay though, see, still alive," I smiled, "it's harder to get rid of me than you'd think."

"This isn't a joke," she muttered.

I sighed, but didn't move my hand. "I know Randi, and I'll be the first to admit I'm not the brightest."

"You can say that again." She nodded.

"I'm not the brightest." I repeated. "But I can also tell you that I don't want to be a cause of worry for you. I can't say I'll always behave the way you want, but I can promise to try."

She gazed at me, and I smiled in encouragement. Countless seconds passed, and a movement at the door broke the stillness.

"Sage, dude, we have to get up early tomorrow too." Dan said from the door, stifling a yawn. "We should really hit the hay."

"Coming," I said, and he nodded and disappeared behind the door.

I turned, prepared to continue trying to reassure Randi, when I felt her hand brush against mine. Hesitant at first, her fingers grazed my own and then softly wrapped around my hand. I raised a brow curiously, but didn't say anything. We made our way inside and navigated through the dark corridors.

This felt like something more than a budding friendship.

In candor, relationships were never the complicated ordeals they were in other factions. If you liked someone, you told them. If it wasn't working, you parted ways without resentment. It was easy. But here, in dauntless, in this new world filled with different rules, I wasn't quite sure how I should be acting. Did this gesture mean she liked me? Or was I reading all the signals wrong?

When we reached a familiar fork in the tunnels, Randi pulled her hand away and began to walk away. I stayed put, feeling more confused than I'd ever thought possible. At the last moment, she turned and called out.

"Please, Sage, be careful."

I nodded and waved. "I'll try." I responded, and watched as she disappeared down a sharp turn.

 _Had I just lied?_


	29. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

The next morning, when I lumbered into the training room, wiping sleep from my eyes, a series of large target stands greeted me at one of the farthest ends of the room. Next them, there was a large table with knives strewn across it. Relief flooded through me; I'd woken up all achy and slightly bruised from the fall off the coaster. Target practice would be a nice change, no real pain involved, and would give me time to recuperate.

Amar stood in the center of the room, his posture attentive and ready to go. When he saw that we'd all filed in, he addressed us in a sharp tone. "Tomorrow is the last day of stage one. You will continue fighting then. Today, however, you'll all be learning how to aim. Now, everyone go and pick up three knives."

I didn't have to be told twice; breaking into a light jog, I grabbed the daggers and then got back in line.

"Pay close attention now, I'm going to demonstrate the correct technique for throwing them, and I expect you to pick up the skill quickly."

I watched Amar as his arm flicked and the dagger went flying, hitting the target each time. It seemed easy enough, all I needed to really practice was my stance. When he was done, he ordered us to practice.

Attempting to mimic his moves, I practiced a few times, without ever actually letting go of the knife, and then when I felt confident, let it go. It spun, over and over, and in the end slammed into the board close to the bull's-eye. Whether it was just luck, or good aim, I didn't care. Using the confidence it'd given me to hit the target, I continued until I was hitting the mark each time.

Surprisingly, I was happy to see that Grace was also hitting the center of her board each time. While her fighting had definitely improved with the after-hours training, she still had work to do if she wanted to raise her rank. It was nice to see that she was excelling at something naturally and without the need for tutoring.

When I caught her eye, she grinned and we nodded in unison. Gathering our knives, we counted down and then flung our knives in quick succession. Though both of us had gotten each dagger to stick, it was Grace who had the better marksmanship.

I laughed as she bounced on her feet, stopped, and then just grinned childishly.

"Impressive," I said as we walked to the board to retrieve our weapons.

"Thanks," she blushed. "I'm glad I'm good at something other than being a punching bag."

I analyzed her target; each knife tip clustered at the very center, and let out a low whistle. "Seriously, that's amazing. I'm jealous actually."

She gave the tiniest squeal of joy, a habit that was slowly disappearing as the days passed, and bounced on her toes with excited energy. It was as we were turning to head back to our spot in line that something caught my eye.

A tattoo, small and delicate, was adorning the underside of her right wrist. How had I not noticed it before?

"When did you get that?" I asked, as I fiddled with my knives.

She peeked down at her arm, showing me that the swirling lines were actually an abstract sort of flower. "This morning actually, I got up early and went by myself."

"Alone?" I asked, throwing a dagger when Amar passed by. "Why? I mean, you don't have to have a babysitter or anything, but I could've gone with you if you'd wanted."

Grace smiled and threw a knife. "Yeah, I know you would've, it's just-", she sighed and then shrugged a little, "-I just needed to do it alone. I want to belong here, in dauntless, and I can't have you and Dan always acting like bodyguards."

I nodded, understanding just where she was coming from. She'd been definitely gaining confidence, actually winning a fight or two, and I had to admit I was incredibly proud. She was slowly, but surely, changing, and for the good. No longer did she gape in horror at the violence around her. _Well_ , it's not to say it didn't bother her, but at least she was able to disguise it better. Her thin willowy limbs had gradually grown strong, and when she spoke she wasn't afraid to do so in a loud manner.

"You do belong here." I said. "And I know you can definitely take care of yourself. But, you know, if you ever do need help, don't hesitate to ask."

Grace smiled widely, expressing every sentiment she felt with the gesture; this was still an amity remnant she couldn't hide, but I had to admit I wouldn't mind if it never disappeared. In a place like this, it was nice to see a ray of sincere happiness.

"It's a daisy," she mentioned as she continued to perfect her aim.

"What?"

"The flower, it's a daisy," Grace repeated.

"Did you have a lot of those in amity?" I asked, figuring that was the reason she'd gotten it; maybe she missed home and wanted a memento to remember it.

"Yes," she paused, "but that's not why I got it."

I was curious, but I felt like we were heading towards more personal territory and didn't want to pry. "Oh," I said finally, suppressing my curiosity.

"My mom," she said after a few moments.

I raised a brow, and then realized she must've read my expression and wanted to explain. "You don't have to tell me if don't want to."

She nodded, but spoke anyway. "My mom's name was Daisy, she died a few days before the choosing ceremony." She flung her knife, almost in an angry fashion which surprised me, and continued quietly. "Before she died, she told me to be myself, to have faith and courage in everything I did. When I got dauntless results, I honestly didn't think I'd pick it. But when I saw you transfer-" she smiled at a memory, "-I knew, I had a sense of complete conviction, that you'd help me."

I felt humbled by her words, and I didn't know what to say. Her words were thick with meaning. And though I felt her gratitude, I also sensed that she wanted to say something else but was holding back.

"It's nice," I finally managed to say. "The tattoo, it's a really sweet thing to do for your mom."

Grace nodded, and then the topic changed and the air was once again light and playful. It felt like a facade though, what wasn't she telling me? We continued to practice, and then when our time was up and Amar had released us, decided to get something to eat.

We made our way to the dining hall, and found that the table we'd used before was again mostly empty. Shoveling food into my mouth, Dan and I engaged in our lifelong struggle to prove who could eat more while Grace and Carla shook with laughter at our antics.

"I see much hasn't changed," Carla chuckled as she picked at her food. A strange and almost sad look spread over her features, and I wondered what had put that expression there.

"What do you mean?" Dan asked through a mouthful.

"I mean you two were just like this in school, or at least every time I saw you." She flicked a pea in my direction. "Always playful and sort of competitive, it's just nice to see you haven't altered your personalities… yet."

" _Yet_? Why would we?" I asked, though I thought I understood a little of what she meant. Billy and his lackeys, Samantha and Howard, were acting in a way that would've never been socially acceptable in their old factions. Here, they'd done a complete one-eighty and become a real nuisance.

Carla shared a look with Grace, and I was bothered by the fact that I thought I recognized the mood behind their eyes. With Grace, it was the same one she'd given me during training. Carla sighed, and then answered in a serious and logical manner.

"To fit in obviously. You can't be oblivious to the fact that hanging out with us is detrimental to both of you." Dan and I said nothing, neither of us quite grasping what she was leading towards, and Carla tried to take a different approach. "You're both candor-"

"- _were_ candor," Dan interrupted.

"Right, were, but that doesn't change the fact that you two have the ability to distinguish the truth from a lie. Look at yourselves, and look at us," she motioned to Grace and herself, "you have to see that both of us don't exactly fit the dauntless archetype, while you two already embody this faction's standards as if you'd been born here."

"Yeah, I mean Billy and his friends also seem to be fitting in, but it's nothing compared to how you're both doing." Grace added, seemingly in line with Carla's thoughts. "You two never seem to be afraid, not at all, you never hesitate to do anything. That rollercoaster thing, that was so fearless, even the dauntless born were impressed. Dan, you just opened fire on their team even when you were outnumbered. And Sage, that jump, _wow_ , that just-" Grace floundered for words.

"-was astounding." Carla finished. "Sage, you should've seen the way Amar and Red looked when they saw you ride the coaster and then leap out. Even the way you reacted after you made it out safe." Carla gawked openly. "I mean, _holy crap_ , you just laughed! They looked like, what's the commonly used term?"

"Proud mother hens?" Grace offered.

"No, I think that would entail a level of affection." Carla thought for a bit, and then waved her hand, dismissing the phrase she was looking for. "Red especially, was staring at you with an eager, almost impatient, expression. Like he couldn't wait for the initiation to be over so he could recruit you or something."

It was quiet as Dan and I both tried to gather what they'd just said. I spoke first, though what I'd pieced together bothered me more than the thought that Red and Amar had their eyes on us.

"So…" I trailed off, a little insulted at what I'd figured out. "You two think we're going to eventually change our behavior _just_ because it'll help us fit into dauntless better?" I said slowly; my revulsion obvious and clear in every word. "After all this time, that's what you think of us?"

Grace blushed and shamefully dropped her eyes, while Carla scratched her head awkwardly. Dan's eyes widened in surprise, he must've still been thinking, and then he looked about as appalled as I felt when they didn't deny my allegation.

Carla sighed and tried to explain. "Don't be offended, but it's only logical. We wouldn't blame you if you decided to sit elsewhere or even drop this newly-found friendship altogether."

Dan barked out a laugh, and then mimicked Carla's tone. " _Don't be offended_ , but you two are a couple of idiots if you think we'd be so easily swayed by peer pressure."

I was used to blunt candor honesty, but Carla and Grace were still easily surprised when candid words sprang free from our lips. They stared open mouthed at Dan's words, looking both shocked and hurt. I knew he didn't mean it as an insult, not really, but I could see where it had sounded like that.

"I think what Dan means is that it's disappointing that you think of us that way," I said, trying to soften the blow. "The only thing that'll need adjusting will probably be our need to strengthen our verbal filter," I gave Dan a pointed look, "but other than that, nothing else will change. Candor infuses many core values into you, with the most important being to stay honest and true to yourself."

Grace brightened, but I could see Carla was still skeptical. She'd been acting somewhat off-putting and skittish around us. The only thing that I thought explained her behavior was the fact that she'd been steadily increasing the time she spent around Billy and his friends.

Though the positive side of me wanted to believe I was seeing things, the thick-skinned candor side saw the truth of what was going on. I knew that she was not the same Carla that had arrived here. She didn't trust Dan and I, and to be frank, we didn't trust her.

Though we hadn't actually touched on the topic it was clear to both Dan and I, that Carla was to be watched closely. Who knew what twisted lies they'd fed to her. What she'd been fooled into believing. Yes, I'd definitely be keeping tabs on her.

I'd survived this far, and I wouldn't let a snake in the grass ruin the hard work I'd put in. I would not let Carla put my friends in danger. Dan could defend himself, but Grace, well…

I'd have to keep an eye on her.


	30. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Eyes flying open, I awoke with the ghost of a word on my lips. Hushed and more of a breath than anything, I'd called out to the figures I'd dreamt about. The main one being, _my mother_. No matter how childish, I couldn't lie to myself; I missed her, I missed Mara, I missed home.

Today was the day before Visiting Day, and I'd had the hardest time falling asleep knowing that I was a day away from seeing my loved ones. I didn't have doubts, I knew they'd come to see me. Nothing but a grave emergency would keep them away.

It was still early, and I decided to use the time to get ready. I grabbed my bundle of clothes and then made my way to the bathrooms. I turned the water on, letting it run over my body and soothe the remaining aches I had. The fall from the coaster had left a few odd bruises, shaped like some of the beams that had held the railing up, but they were healing nicely.

I savored the feeling of the scathing water running down my back. Losing myself in thoughts, I was beginning to feel nostalgic, and as I dressed, pulling on my pants, I caught sight of myself in the dingy mirrors that ran along one of the walls.

I felt different, but as I took in my own reflection, I realized the changes must've been more internal than anything else. _Mostly_ , I was still me. Sure, I could see certain muscles groups more clearly, more defined, but they'd already been there. My hair was getting slightly longer, but I'd always had the bad habit of waiting until the last minute to cut it; opting instead to just run a hand through it and pushing it to the side, rather than waste time going to a barber shop.

Other than the bruises, my warm russet skin was still unmarked; no ink anywhere to be seen. I'd yet to get a tattoo, not because I was afraid of the pain, but because if I did get something, I wanted it to be meaningful and not spur a spur of the moment thing I might later regret. Like Grace, I wanted something that would remind me of a special moment in my life, a person, a place, something of emotional value.

I frowned when I realized that what I'd thought was a shirt had actually been another pair of pants, and that the towel I'd grabbed had actually been a smaller hand-towel. _Ugh_. I sighed; the night's lack of sleep was affecting me, and that couldn't happen. Wearing only pants, I dried my torso with the cloth as I made my way back to the dormitory.

Maybe it was the fact that it was still somewhat early, or that I'd been walking along barefoot, but before I was significantly close to the room, I made out the sound of muffled shouting. Maybe it was a sixth sense, but somehow, I knew it was one of my friends who was in danger.

Bursting through the dormitory door, my stomach wrenched in anger as I took in the sight before me. Carla had Grace pinned to the floor. A sharp plastic object in her hand, I couldn't tell what it was, was pressed to the side of her head. Billy, Howard, and Samantha were watching and cheering her on.

"What are you doing?" I snarled as all heads turned towards me. Where was Dan? Where was everyone else?

Carla snapped her head up, and for an instant, regret flickered across her features.

"Do it Carla, do it if you want to be a part of our group," Billy ordered.

And then the look was gone, and Carla was nodding as she prepared to sink the sharp object into Grace's ear. I leapt, for once not caring that I'd be fighting a girl, and in a swift movement wrenched her off of Grace, took the sharp object from her hand, and tossed her to the side against the metal frame of one of the beds.

The plastic object, upon close inspection, was actually the handle of toothbrush that had been sharpened to a dangerous point. I shuddered, bending to pick up Grace, when suddenly she shrieked.

"Look out!" Grace screamed, and I heard the shuffling of feet, and then felt the combined weight of the four leaping on my back.

I fell forward, catching myself on my hands before I toppled onto Grace. Then a sinewy arm was around my neck, Billy I guessed, choking off my air. Howard was trying to keep my legs from flailing, and Samantha was holding my arms down.

I was panicked, but not for myself. As I struggled against the holds, I watched in horror as Carla appeared and inched towards Grace.

"I thought you were my friend!" Grace sobbed, on her feet and dancing away whenever Carla made a leap at her.

"This is no time for sappy sentiments Grace," Carla snapped, "I don't have a good rank, and I need to do anything to make sure I make it into dauntless. I will not be factionless!"

"Why Carla, why?" Grace asked in a broken voice. "We could've helped you, Sage, Dan and me. We could've helped!"

"Lies!" Carla screeched as she darted forward.

A strangled grunt escaped my lips, and the pressure behind my eyes was building. I couldn't breathe. _I couldn't breathe_. And then it was all too much; the growing claustrophobia I felt at being restrained, the feeling of incompetence, the lack of air, Grace in danger. I had to do something.

Pulling all my strength in, I pretended to go limp, and then when I felt Billy relax the slightest bit, I slammed my head back. He howled, and his arms were instantly around his bleeding nose rather than my neck. With him gone, I jerked my knee up and brought it directly into Howard's face. Whipping around, I grabbed Samantha's wrist when she tried to escape and threw her to the side.

I sucked in a breath, and then glared at Carla. I clenched my hands into fists and took a menacing step towards her. She backed away, cowering in a corner, and I saw her eyes flit to the door behind me. She was trying to escape. I snarled, and as I was about to close the distance between us, Grace stepped up.

"No Sage, don't." She whispered. "Don't hurt her."

My rage flared, but then altogether dissipated as I watched Grace's face set into resolution. Though she'd slowly been acclimating to the ways the dauntless lived, like me, there were certain things she'd never be rid of. One of them being, her desire to keep things peaceful, to not hurt anyone even if they deserved it.

"She was trying to stab you in the head," I reminded her, though I knew nothing I said would change her mind. She had decided to be the bigger person and forgive her.

"I know," Grace said, and then she straightened her posture, set her jaw, and stared only at me. "I'm forgiving her this one time, for the friendship I thought we once had, but if she tries anything again-" she continued to look only at me, "-things _won't_ go unpunished."

Her words rang true, and it was then that I saw how two very distinct personalities could somehow coexist in one person. She was kind, and desired peace, but she was also not a fool, and would defend herself if need be. Grace was stronger than she'd ever let on to be; maybe not physically, but certainly in spirit.

I nodded once, then glared at the sorry-excuses for humans that lay on the floor.

"Get. The. Hell. _Out_." I said in clipped words. Carla had been spared, but she'd said nothing of the others. I figured she also meant for them to be spared, but if they stayed any longer I doubted I'd be able to restrain myself.

Without turning back, they fled the room in the blink of an eye. Grace shuddered and slumped onto the nearest bed. She held her head in her hands, and I could see she was shaking. I sat next to her, patting her back in an attempt to make her feel better. I murmured something inarticulate, about how everything would be okay, and only stopped when I realized Grace had broken into a small smile.

"You seem more distressed to see me crying than I am about nearly being stabbed."

I stopped patting her, and shrugged a little. "I can handle fights, they somehow make sense. But crying, tears, I just can't-"

Grace chuckled, and then wiped at her eyes. "I didn't know what to do when it all started, I was sure I was done for." She shuddered. "Dan got up and said he was hungry, told me to go with him, but I decided to stay."

"What about Todd and Pam?" I asked. Sure, they were more acquaintances than friends, but I was sure they wouldn't have let things get this far. _Right?_

"They left too. I was just so sleepy, I wanted to rest." She swallowed. "Banks was here when they attacked me, he saw everything."

I froze, rigid with newfound anger. Which was worse? Those who committed their heinous crimes, or those that stood by and watched without doing anything.

"He didn't say a word, didn't do anything. While they were beating me up he just continued getting ready as if nothing were going on." She frowned then and clenched her hands. "Actually, that's a lie. He did react… Before he left the room, he actually smiled and _winked_ at me."

Somehow, miraculously, I didn't fly up and sprint out of the room to find someone to take my pent up anger out on. Instead, I swallowed the bile in my throat, grit my teeth, and nodded. If I wanted Grace to stay calm, I had to set a good example.

"It's going to be okay Grace, I'm not going to let them hurt you."

She nodded, sniffled, and then sighed as she stared down at her hands on her lap. "I just wonder what more I could've done, you know? Maybe if I'd been a better friend, or been there for her more-"

"Don't say that." I interjected quickly. "There's nothing you could've said or done to prevent Carla from turning on you. She was worried about her rank, Billy and his friends got to her, and she let herself be swayed."

"I suppose," Grace said, though I could tell she didn't quite believe what I'd said. "I'm hungry. I think I'll go and find Dan in the lunchroom for breakfast. Are you coming?"

"In a second."

As she left, I found myself staring at the chalkboard in our room that held our rankings. I didn't look at my name though, instead I looked at the others. It was funny in a sort of ironic way, that it didn't matter if you were doing good or bad, either way you would make enemies. If you were high, then jealousy got in the way, and if you were low, you made yourself a target for harassment.

I grabbed my shirt, ran a hand through my still-damp hair, and was just finished tying my boots when I heard the door to the room open. I peered up, expecting to see Dan and Grace, but was taken aback to see it was actually Banks.

He stood in the doorway, stared at me, and then methodically made his way towards my bed.

Squaring my shoulders, I got to my feet equally slow, bristling and ready if a fight were to ensue. At attention, my brain quickly noted what I could use as a weapon around the room; Banks wasn't making any aggressive gestures at the moment, but I'd seen just how quickly his moods could swing.

He stopped about two steps away, his arms at his sides, and then cocked his head in my direction. It occurred to me then, that this was actually the first time we'd ever been in each other's presence without anyone else around.

At a standstill, neither of us budged as we sized each other up. I'd known he was tall, but now that he was almost close enough to touch, I realized he had to be at least six feet. It also seemed that he'd continued to add to the tattoo on his right bicep, which was now more than half-way covered. On his other arm, which was still ink free, I noted that there were faint circular scars on the inner part of his elbow and wrist.

"I don't see any blood." He suddenly spoke.

My brows rose, and again I was shocked. I don't think I'd actually ever heard him say a full sentence since meeting him. Past the surprise, I found myself frowning at his words. He spoke of what had almost happened to Grace in the way one would discuss the weather; casually and unattached.

"Why didn't you do anything?" I demanded stiffly. "She could've been killed."

His bored, and mostly-wane expression changed before my eyes. A shudder-inducing smile spread over his features, and he bit his lip as he struggled to contain his amusement.

"You say that as if I should care." He smirked. "I don't owe her anything. And why should I prolong the inevitable, Grace and anyone else who is weak will eventually be culled out of this group. It's only logical. If you were smart, you'd have seen that by now."

"The only inevitable thing that's going to happen is me kicking your ass." I growled.

"Yes, I've also done the math. It's obvious today will be the day we fight." Banks nodded, looking pleased as he took in my words. "I look forward to our bout, I'm sure you'll be an entertaining adversary."

" _Entertaining_?" I seethed; the insult slowly wicking its way under my skin.

"Yes, I was growing rather bored of having to deal with all the mediocrity of these-" he wrinkled his nose, "- _children_ I have to consider peers." He looked at me, cocked his head, and smiled slowly.

I breathed in and out, slowly, controlled, and then answered in the most measured voice I could muster. "You don't know how much I'm looking forward to wiping that look of your face."

"How presumptuous of you." He chuckled. "Do you _really_ think you're a match for me? Do you think I haven't learned a thing or two from watching your fights? How can you think you possibly stand a chance of getting out of the ring victorious?" He took a step forward. "Do you think I'll have any sort of mercy?"

I stepped forward, the tension palpable, and it was as if we were at the height of a brewing storm; a single move could tip the scales one way, or the other.

"That's an awful lot of questions for someone who used to be erudite." I said nonchalantly. "But, if you must know, I don't think anything- _I_ _know_ I'm going to win."

Banks laughed again, low and throaty, and shook his head. "Your idiocy is almost charming."

"And your pretentious threats have _really_ been the height of my day." I said back; grinning a stiff smile of my own.

We stared at each other, our smirks more like snarls than signs of rapport. Banks took a half step closer, and I copied so that we were literally toe to toe. Our silent dares filled the small space between us, and just as I was ready to connect my fist to his nose, the door to the dormitory swung open.

"Sage, Grace told me what happened, I can't belie-" Dan broke off, his eyes surprised as he gauged the scene in the room. After a moment of awkward silence, Dan cleared his throat loudly and scratched his head. " _Ahem_ , if you two are done gazing into each other's eyes, Amar says he wants to start the fights earlier today."

"Oh yeah?" I said without tearing my eyes from Banks.

" _Uh_ , yeah. So, you know, break it up love birds." Dan said; his chipper voice sounding slightly forced. "Let's get going."

I nodded; grinning sardonically as I turned and left. "I'll see you in the ring."

Dan followed closely behind, and as the door to the room slowly shut, I heard Banks respond.

"I look forward to it."


	31. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"Now, for the last fight of the day, Sage and Banks." Amar announced loudly.

 _Finally_. The moment Dan and I had arrived at the training room, my eyes had gone to the board and seen that what I'd predicted had been true; next to my name, in bold letters, had been _Banks_. Our fight was last on the list, and I'd waited impatiently, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

The fights probably didn't take as long as I thought, with most of the outcomes predictable; but nonetheless, I felt like it was years until we were called up. As I made my way to the arena, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Max had just arrived. He saddled up next to Amar and muttered something before turning and grinning in our general vicinity.

Banks stood across from me, his expression somehow wild and controlled at the same time. His eyes shone with hunger for blood, and I couldn't help but note that I felt the same way. Had I been faced with anyone other than Banks, I might have felt bad and even ashamed at my dark intentions, but that wasn't the case here.

I clenched my hands into fists, Banks mirroring the motion, and then shifted as I made my way around the circle of the arena, trying to get closer.

"Scared?" Banks asked with feigned concern, quietly so only I could hear him.

"I'm sure you are, but you shouldn't be telling your opponent that." I sneered.

The corner of Banks' mouth twitched as he suppressed a grin. "You won't be feeling as proud in a few minutes."

I was about make another sarcastic comeback, when my eyes scarcely managed to register the slight shift in his posture. With barely a second's warning, Banks whirled and lashed out at me.

Throwing all his weight into a punch, I managed to duck and avoid his hit, using his own momentum to shove him roughly to the side. Then as he stumbled, I skirted around to face him. There wasn't time to think, barely any time to act, adrenaline was pumping through my body and everything around me was a frenzied mess.

Banks was smart and recovered easily; he pivoted on his heel, and came at me again. I raised my forearm and was able to shield my face in time; though little daggers of pain ran through my arm where he'd managed to land a blow. As he shifted forward, preparing to strike again, I bent my knees and took him by surprise as I barreled forward.

He was heavy, but I was strong enough that it didn't matter; knocking him off his feet, I slammed him into the ground. His head made a sickening thud as it hit the floor, but he either didn't register the pain, or he was choosing to ignore it. He twisted and turned wildly, trying to break my hold, and I was shocked to find that I was finding it impossible to keep him down.

With a grunt, Banks managed to breakaway away for an instant. His free arm swung, and then pain was radiating through my jaw and spreading across my face. _God_ , did he have a right hook. I clenched my jaw and managed to pin his arm back down, but not before he got another good solid hit. My ears were starting to ring, and something warm and wet was dripping down my forehead.

 _Blood_. How was I already this injured? I tried to wipe it away when I felt it running into my right eye, but didn't get the chance; the moment I loosened my hold, Banks had slipped his other arm loose and managed to hit my side. I trapped that arm again, but inside I knew it didn't matter; he'd break free in a matter of seconds.

As Banks continued to fight my hold, I tried to blink away the blood that was starting to blind me; I had to buy time, but how? Banks let out an enraged cry, and suddenly the time for thinking was over. He pulled his arms free and then slammed both of his palms sharply onto my ears.

Against my will, I cried out and felt my body pitch to the side; all equilibrium gone. My hands flew up to my head; the pain, it was so sharp. My ears were ringing loudly, and my vision was going black at the edges. I tried to get to my feet but was too off-balanced; instead managing to stumble forward a step and then fall onto my hands and knees.

Momentarily distracted, a tiny voice in the back of my head screamed that Banks was now free and I should move. However, when I tried to lift my head the world seemed to tilt and sway before me. The air whooshed out of my lungs, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I blinked and saw Banks' foot fly towards my face, but couldn't seem to find it in me to duck or even move out of the way.

The side of my head lanced with pain, and I toppled down onto my belly. I raised my arms protectively around my head, anticipating the next blow, and tried to roll away futilely. The only thing I could hear through the ringing in my ears was the wild pounding of my heart.

 _No. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to win. Get up!_

Prying my eyes open, I managed to roll away a few feet before Banks could kick me again. I couldn't hear, but I could _see_ ; see him standing over me, face twisted in utter joy, his body shaking gently with inaudible laughter. There was blood running down his neck from the gash on his head, and it only added to the morbid sight.

I had to stop him. I had to win. Not just for me, but for everyone; because if I didn't put a stop to his cruel behavior, who knew how far it could escalate to. Left unchecked, Banks would wreak havoc on the lives of those who couldn't defend themselves.

 _Get up. Get up right now!_

I don't know how, but I managed to find my way back onto my hands and knees. I saw his foot arch and grunted as he kicked me in the ribs twice, but I'd been expecting it. I dropped back down, and waited, exaggerating my already labored breathing.

I was down, on my back, seemingly beaten. But I was holding on, to what I wasn't sure, hope maybe? When the next kick didn't come immediately, I couldn't help but smile inwardly; I knew what would happen. I could almost envision it. He'd be standing over me, feeling proud and as omnipotent as ever. He'd be thinking he'd won. And then, as sure as he was a merciless coward, he'd try to kick me a final time; he'd be ready to give the final blow.

I waited, timing it in my head, and when I opened my eyes again I acted. While I was down he'd taken the opportunity to get closer, _unsafely_ close. When I saw his right leg lift to kick me, I grabbed the left and yanked it out from under him. I still couldn't hear, but the look on his face said more than anything. Shock, disbelief, and anger flashed through his features as he fell, and I attacked before he could have time to think of his next move.

Pouncing, I slammed my fist into his face repeatedly. Blood splattered around the matt, on my hands, my arms, shirt, _everywhere_. The ringing in my ears was fading, and through it I could hear the wet gurgles emanating from Banks as he snarled angrily at me. He wasn't giving up.

My hands were slick with blood, his or mine I couldn't be sure, and I suddenly felt the urge to gag. Taking advantage of my moment of weakness, Banks succeeded in wrapping his hands around my neck. He squeezed, and I found it impossible to take in a breath.

Ignoring the rising panic that came with the lack of air, I copied him and also managed to choke off his airway. Faintly, I could hear cries from outside the bubble of our arena, Grace and Dan maybe? I could see Banks turning purple, a vein in his forehead pulsing, but still he didn't let go, and neither did I.

"Stop Sage!" some faraway voice cried out.

My lungs were burning and my chest felt tight. Was this how the fight would end, with both of us unconscious? _Or_. Or had this been Banks' plan all along? Was he holding on just until I was out so he'd be named winner by default?

The pressure behind my eyes was intolerable and it felt like they were ready to pop out of their sockets. I found myself gaping as I tried to pull in a breath while still holding onto Banks.

"Stop them!" another voice shouted.

 _Hands_. There were hands on my shoulders and arms. They were trying to pry us apart, but like two rabid dogs, neither of us loosened our hold.

Black and white spots clouded my vision, and I knew that if this didn't end now, I wouldn't be able to hold on any longer. A final shot of adrenaline surged through my body, and my heart thumped loudly in my ears. With my final act of herculean force, I stood, shook off the people around me, and lifted Banks off the ground by his neck. He tried to hold on tighter, but as I pushed him up his hands released me, instead turning to claw at my arms.

 _This is it._

With a final grunt, I slammed him onto the floor, sending up a cloud of dust as he collapsed. His head lolled to the side, and with the knowledge that he was out, I let myself sink to the ground. I pulled in ragged breaths and wheezed as I tried to clear the fog around me. I knew little, but what was clear was that I'd won by the skin of my teeth.

As my oxygen-deprived brain rebooted, I finally took note of the commotion around me. Grace and Dan were in a panic as they tried to get me to stand or speak, and when I reached to wipe the sweat that was trickling down my face, I realized why; it wasn't sweat at all, but more blood.

Amar was barking orders, and through his gestures I figured out that he was telling the others to help take Banks to the clinic. Billy and his lackeys each grabbed one of Banks' limbs as they struggled to lift him, gaping at me all the while.

Then there was Max. The sight of him bothered me more than the actual fight I'd just gone through. Because while Amar was attempting to look cool and collected, I could tell he'd been bothered by our viciously unrestrained fight. Max however, was the true vision of a pleased man.

His eyes shone in delight, and as the others passed by him with Banks' unconscious body, I saw his face break out in an all-out smile. Then, as the group disappeared out the door, he turned to appraise me. I'd managed to get to my feet and was leaning on Dan, but when I saw him start to walk towards us I almost wanted to drop back down onto the floor.

"That was quite the show." Max said as he approached us. "I have to say, I'm impressed with you both."

It's a good thing I still wasn't able to form coherent words, because I doubted a snappy retort would've stood well with him. Instead, I nodded weakly, trying to appear detached and very above the whole ordeal.

Max waited for a moment, perhaps to see if I'd try to speak, and the continued. "I think you have potential, and I'll be keeping a close eye on you." He smiled, and I hoped he didn't notice the shudder that ran through me. "Don't disappoint me." He said slowly, and then in a swift move turned and walked away.

I watched the space where he'd been standing, trying to take it all in, and felt my stomach knot in frustration. Great, just great, now there'd be no way to escape his radar. If I didn't learn to handle my divergence fast, I was sure I'd be dead in less than a week.

"Do you want to go to the clinic?" Dan asked, gratefully interrupting my chilling thoughts.

I was about to shake my head no, when Grace piped up.

"If you say no, so help me Sage, I'll finish what Banks started." She said, furrowing her brows.

Dan and I must've looked as shocked as we felt, because Grace frowned even deeper when she took in our expressions.

"I won't take no for an answer." She insisted. "Dan and I are taking you to get medical attention."

Somehow, the sight of a bothered Grace was enough to take the edge off. I grinned, wincing as I tried to chuckle, and nodded.

"Yes ma'am, whatever thou wishes," Dan quipped.

With Dan and Grace on either side of me, we hobbled down the dark hallways and towards the clinic. I was happy when they kept up a lively banter, and I tried to listen, though really my thoughts were elsewhere.

All I could hear replaying in my head were Max's words.

 _"Don't disappoint me."_


	32. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

 _Visiting Day._

I don't know exactly when I awoke from my troubled sleep, but the second I was conscious I remembered the events of yesterday and groaned. My head was pounding with an oncoming headache, and though I had regained most of my hearing throughout the night, everything still had a slightly muffled edge to it.

As per usual, I was awake before the others, and I took the time work up the courage to even attempt to move. All of my muscles strained, and it felt like an impossible feat to sit up, but after a few tries I'd managed to prop my torso up and swing my legs over the edge of the bed.

My whole body ached and various joints popped as I slowly stretched. The spot on my ribs where Banks had repeatedly kicked me throbbed the worst, and every time I tried to take a deep breath I couldn't help but wince. The dauntless nurse had assured me nothing was broken, but that the deep bruising might take a while to heal.

Taking everything into account, I had to admit I'd gotten off fairly well. When Banks had struck me, he'd actually torn the still-tender skin where Marko had previously hit me days ago, and so the blood had been quick to flow. Of course, my body was also riddled with a patchwork of purple-green bruises, ranging from small to large, but they'd also heal in time. After a couple of stitches, I'd been patched up and given the okay to leave if I wanted.

Banks had also shared my same luck. Head wounds always bled profusely; and so after they'd stitched the gash near the back of his head closed, and added surgical glue to the smaller cuts, they'd released him. Though I had no doubt that we'd both be fine eventually, I had to wonder if the nurses hadn't just decided it would be pointless to try and keep us in the clinic. Neither of us would've been able to stand it.

Though I'd won the fight, it had been an extremely close cut. Something had shifted in the air, and it was obvious to everyone, even if no one said it aloud. If there had ever been any doubts about the animosity between Banks and I, that was not the case anymore. As night had approached and we'd stood at opposite sides of the dormitory, the tension had been so thick you could've sliced through it with a knife.

I showered quickly, and as I was about to return to the room, I couldn't help but do a double-take when I saw a hint of my reflection in the mirror. My frowning eyes stared back, one ringed in a circle of purple. I hadn't looked _this_ bad the previous night. Almost the entire side of my face, from my temple to my jaw, was bruised, and the side of my lip was split. Thankfully, my darker skin hid some of the damage, but I worried it was still noticeable. I knew my mother and maybe even Mara would visit me, and I'd hoped I would be able to spare them any extra worry.

When I returned to the room I immediately forced myself to stop hobbling; not wanting Banks to know the real extent to which he'd injured me. Our eyes met, and in his gaze I could see his quiet fury and indignation; I was sure, more than actually losing to me, it burned him to know that he'd only lost by a matter of seconds.

Everyone got ready in complete silence; each of us with our minds preoccupied with what could happen today. Even Dan seemed less chipper than his usual self. For us candor transfers, we had less of sense of worry; our families, even if bothered by our choice, would visit us. Honestly was valued above all else, and the fact that we'd been true to our results was an honored thing.

I knew our case was an oddity though. I'd heard stories of transfers from other factions that never again had contact with their families. The act of switching was such an insult, that some couldn't find it in them to forgive or accept the decision.

"Listen up!" Amar announced as he entered the room. "As you all know, today is Visiting Day. While some families will indeed come to visit you," he scanned the room, "and others might not, you would do best not to seem too attached. If you belong here, then show it. It will not only make it easier for you to adapt to your new life, but for them as well. Remember, faction before blood, _always_."

We all nodded quietly, then as he turned and left, we followed suit; down a dim hallway, past various turns, and down onto the Pit floor. Groups of families littered the room, most of them being Dauntless, but every once in a while a flash of color would give away a group's true faction.

When Grace let out a squeal, I only had time to see the back of her head as she darted away. She threw her arms around a willowy-looking blonde woman who was accompanied by an older man in overalls. The woman looked like an older version of Grace, and I could only assume it had to be her aunt. The older man trembled as he took in the sight of the two, and I guess maybe it was her grandfather.

They were the only amity family I could see, and when I looked at the far-off wall, I saw Billy and Carla standing by the sidelines. They both were scanning the faces in the crowd, but from the way their eyebrows were scrunched, I could tell no one had come for them.

"Holy crap! Sage, it's my _dad_!" Dan crowed beside me; his tone suddenly sounding like that of a gleeful child. "I didn't think he'd come, I mean he's always so busy with work and all, but he's _here_!"

Dan didn't hesitate to shove past anyone in his way, and as I followed closely behind him I couldn't help but beam when I saw who stood beside . My heart swelled, and then any discomfort I'd felt vanished, leaving only a warm glowing feeling around my senses.

 _There they were._ All sense of collected maturity left me, and then I was also running towards my mom and Mara. I didn't care that I probably appeared childish, running to my family with an impish smile on my face. Nothing else mattered; not my peers, not my instructors or Max. My family was here! Amar's warnings disappeared, wiped away as my emotions overpowered all thought.

When their eyes found me, lighting up with glee, I sprinted the rest of the way. Without pause, I wrapped both of them in my arms and then started spinning them around and around. They laughed, but even when I finally set them back on the ground, I couldn't make myself let go. I had to make sure they were real.

"I've missed you." I finally said when I was sure I'd be able to speak without sounding as vulnerable as I felt.

"Really? I couldn't tell." Mara snorted, though I could see her eyes were glinting with unshed tears. That was Mara though, tough as nails and unwilling to cry; if I didn't know her any better, I might've believed she belonged here. _Hell_ , she was handling this meeting a lot better than I was.

"Well, maybe not you." I teased.

"Liar." Mara frowned and squirmed her way out of my hold.

"Yeah, what I actually meant was that I missed mom." I pretended to look utterly serious and slowly shook my head. "But _eh_ , you know, it's cool you came I guess."

"Just because you're not in candor anymore doesn't mean I'll let you lie to me." Mara snapped. She slugged my arm, and then put her hand on her hip. "Mom, make Sage tell the truth. Make him say how much he adores me."

My mom laughed, but gave me the slightest chastising grin; Mara hated being teased. I pretended to rub my chin in thought, but then gave up and hugged Mara again.

"I was kidding. I've missed both of you." I amended.

"Oh Sage, my little boy," my mom cooed softly, running a hand through my hair like she used to when I was a kid; and I had to resist the urge to chuckle at the irony. Me, a little boy, hah!

Mara grinned and nodded, shaking her head a little as she pulled away. However, not a moment had passed when she and my mother had shared a look. I frowned when I recognized the expression; it was one that had learned to associate with an apprehensive-Dan, worried-Grace, or an anxious-Randi.

My mom's hand fluttered up to my face, her gentle fingers skirting over my lip and the bruises I'd hoped would be hard to see in the dim lights. A little v appeared as she furrowed her brows, and I saw her clench her jaw, a nervous tick we both shared, when she noticed the fresh stitches.

"Who did this?" was all she asked.

"No one that matters." I said with a shrug. Then I gave her what I thought was my best –no, I don't feel like I was run over by a freight train– smile.

One of her fingertips found a tender spot on my cheek, and I had to concentrate on my features so I wouldn't wince.

"These look fresh," she noted, her tone bordering on the brink of anger. I'd never realized that more than looks, we all shared a similar temper. "Does it hurt very much?" she asked, and I was grateful but also confused when I realized she was trying to restrain herself.

"No." I lied.

She was not convinced, and neither was Mara, who snorted so loudly a pair of dauntless girls nearby gave her an odd look.

"You lose something?" Mara quipped at the pair without any sign of fear; ballsy as ever. "No? Then I recommend you turn back around."

A small part of me wanted to laugh aloud at the look of surprise on the girl's faces, but I decided against it, feeling it might lead to an unwanted confrontation.

"Jeez, take off that white blazer and you could easily be confused for a natural-born dauntless." I heard Dan laugh as he approached us. When I looked behind him, I noticed his father wasn't anywhere to be seen. Had he left already?

"Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?" Mara asked.

"Take it any way you want Mara, I'm just stating the facts." Dan grinned. He walked over to my mom and wrapped her in a hug. "Mrs. Stronghold, can I just say that I've really missed you? And not just for your superb cooking abilities."

"That's sweet Danny, we've also missed you." My mom answered, a maternal smile spreading over her features. I knew Dan didn't just mean a lot to me, but also to my mom who'd often referred to him as her _other_ son, and who Mara treated about the same as she had me; like another annoying little brother.

Dan's smile spread wider, and it as only then that I realized he'd been trying to hide the hurt he'd felt at his father's early departure. He walked over to Mara, and I was surprised when she didn't immediately pull away when he hugged her and ruffled her neatly brushed hair.

" _So_ bottomless-pit, have you nearly eaten your new faction out of house and home? Or have you and Sage decided to be merciful and leave some for the others?" Mara quipped, though I could see she was genuinely happy to see him.

Dan and I shared a look, pretending to be offended, and then laughed.

" _Pshh_ , Mara please. I am a compassionate man! Of course I left some for the others," Dan retorted. "Sage, please feel free to chime in."

"Oh yeah, _definitely_." I agreed. "Compassion is practically his middle name," I poked at my own toned stomach, "and I don't know why I've been included in your little scenario, I'm a freaking dainty eater."

Mara laughed loudly, and I saw my mother roll her eyes as she tried to remain composed.

"If we were any more generous with the food, we'd be kicked out and sent live with the stiffs." Dan added.

Mara snorted and playfully swatted Dan, neither of them noticing the look that passed between my mother and I. Suddenly, both she and I were sober; it wasn't funny, not at all. With an aptitude for abnegation, the thought that I'd be kicked out to live with them wasn't actually that farfetched.

While Mara and Dan continued to banter good-naturedly, my mother hooked her arm around my own, and pulled me a few steps away; far enough so that no other groups could hear us, but not so much that it would appear suspicious.

"How are you doing here? You know, with everything…" She asked; and I knew from the undertone of her voice that she meant more than the rankings.

"Good, I'm ranked number one currently," I said, trying to pitch my voice lower. "And uh, everything else is, well it's-" I cleared my throat quickly, "-it's good I think."

She nodded, and I saw her clench her hands as she began to fret. It took me a second, but then I realized she was holding back more than questions; something had happened, something bad.

"What's wrong?" I demanded quietly, and when she didn't answer right away I frowned; was it something so bad she found it nearly unspeakable? "Tell me mom, please." I begged.

Her hands shook, but as her eyes met mine, I saw her gaze steel. "Someone knows about you."

My blood was ice, and I felt as if I'd just been punched in the gut. "What?" I gasped. " _How?_ "

She sucked in a breath, and then it was all out in a rushed whisper.

"I don't know, I just don't know. It all happened so fast. That day you left, at night, I was sitting in the kitchen when I heard a knock at the door. I was surprised because it was so late, but didn't think it was anything to worry about, not until I saw the envelope." She shuddered. "It was taped to the door, and even before I opened it I knew what it would say." She paused and I saw her eyes glisten with angry tears. "When your father was being blackmailed, the same envelopes would appear on our door, in the same exact handwriting."

"What did it say?" I managed to whisper through the lump in my throat.

"It said-" she squeezed her eyes shut, and a sole tear ran down her cheek.

My chest burned, and I felt lightheaded, I hadn't realized I was holding my breath.

"It said… Like father like son. The story repeats."


	33. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

This wasn't happening, _this wasn't happening_. I lurched back, her words hitting me harder than any blow I could've ever physically received. I opened my mouth and then shut it, what could I even say? How was this possible?

"But… I mean…" I couldn't even form a full sentence.

After a pause, my mother continued on shakily. "I hoped, I prayed, it was a cruel joke, but then four days later we got another letter. It said –He has quite an aim, just like his father," were they talking about my shooting? My mom continued. "Then another that said –I see he's not afraid of heights or dangerous speeds. That could be dangerous." Was that a hint at the rollercoaster fiasco?

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing it all to be a cruel nightmare and not a reality. I heard my mother shift, and then her arms were around me, safe and consoling. I couldn't move, didn't want her to leave. No longer was I Sage, the intimidating initiate from candor who was already being head-hunted by Max, I wasn't the impressive individual my friends thought me to be, I wasn't the fearless first jumper everyone knew me as, _no_ – I was Sage, the stupidly frightened little boy who wanted to forget all of this and hide in his mother's arms.

I was scared, _no_ , I was terrified. Not because someone knew what I was, not because my secret was floating around in an uncertain abyss, not because at any moment I could die, but because the threat hadn't been made at _me_. It had been directed at my family. _My family._

I could handle someone blackmailing me; I knew how to defend myself. I would fight until the end, and die happily if it meant my loved ones would remain unharmed. But this, this was a low blow. How could I defend them when the laws of society divided us so sharply? They were at home, alone and unarmed, and I was here. It was cruel, and unfair, and it all was just too much.

Then, like an act of magic, a switch seemed to flip in my head. All the fear and uncertainty, the raw terror and feeing of impotence began to transform. I would _not_ let this happen. I would not stand idly by while innocents suffered for my faults.

I would not be the weakling that allowed injustices to go on when I had the power to do something. True, I was afraid, but I would not grant my fear the power to influence how I acted. I would face whoever I had to if it meant my family would be safe, no matter the cost to my own health. I didn't know who was doing this, but I would definitely find out, and then I'd stop them or die trying; because death and pain would always be better than cowardice and inaction.

I pulled away and squared my shoulders. "Okay, I'm leaving dauntless."

"What?" My mom hissed, grabbing my arm and pulling me back.

"I'm going home, I won't let you and Mara get hurt because of me." I explained. I didn't _really_ want to leave dauntless, to be factionless and shunned from society, but my future didn't matter at the moment.

"Stop this, stop right now." She whispered angrily when I tried to move. "Stop, breathe, and think. What you're saying is crazy."

"It would be even more crazy to leave you two unprotected." I made to move again, but as I took a step I saw my mother shift to block me.

"Sage Stronghold, you listen to me this instant." She said in a tone that meant business. "Now listen closely, because I won't say this again. You. Are. _Not_. Leaving. Dauntless."

I blinked, surprised by her vehemence, then frowned. "I have to mom, I don't care if it means I'll be factionless, I can deal with that when the time comes, I have to go home and stop whoever is threatening our family."

Her eyes bored into mine, and though I tried, I knew she was not going to budge on the subject.

"Mom, be reasonable, you and Mara are in danger. I can help. Let me do this."

Again she didn't answer, instead, she just shook her head slowly.

" _Why_? Just give me one good reason why I should stay?" I finally asked after a moment of silence.

"Sage, sweetie, I love you more than my own life. You are my son, my blood, my world, but sometimes you don't stop to think things through. You don't consider the consequences." She said, sounding surprisingly more patient than I thought she would.

"Mom, please-" I tried, but then stopped when she raised her hand to silence me.

"Let me finish." She said calmly. "I know you mean well, but this is not the way to solve things. You can't just go charging into a situation without thinking ahead. Okay, say you find whoever sent us those notes, then what? Huh?" She took a breath. "How is it that we're getting an almost weekly update on what you're doing?"

I tried to consider her words, but I was still too distracted with the thought of leaving dauntless. "I don't know mom, why?" I asked, trying to hide the impatience in my tone.

"Don't be a child Sage," she snapped, irritated at the slight petulance in my tone. "Go on, think it through."

And so I did. I breathed deeply, momentarily cleared my head, and concentrated on her question. I felt my racing heart calm, and then I knew what my mom had seen in the situation that I had completely sidestepped. I froze, my mind making a leap as it connected two and two.

"There's a spy." I breathed. A cold sweat pricked at the back of my neck, and suddenly it felt as if everyone in the room knew what I was. Was everyone here in on it? How many were there? Was it a male, female, someone important or an average citizen?

"Yes." My mom nodded. "So you see, even if you did leave dauntless and find whoever was leaving the notes, you'd still have to deal with however many people are working with the culprit."

I glanced around the room; everyone suddenly looking suspicious. Who here could have connections back in candor?

"What should I do then? I can't just leave you two to fend for yourselves."

"We'll be fine Sage. So far, there haven't been any demands, just the constant reminders that someone knows what you are." My mom actually smiled, running her hand over my face again. "We're safe, I assure you."

How I wanted to believe her, but though I tried, I couldn't shake the memory of when she'd admitted that she'd lied about my father's death. I knew it was to protect me and Mara, and I didn't blame her, not at all. But it was a constant reminder that my mother was capable of pulling off a lie of grand proportions without even batting an eye. Was she being honest now? Or was she just saying this to spare me the worry?

"Sage, I wouldn't lie to you. Not anymore. You know everything I do." She said, seeming to read my thoughts. "I swear that the moment something changes, even if it's the slightest thing, I'll tell you."

Her words rang true, and I decided that I believed her. I nodded, releasing a deep breath, and then glanced at Mara, who was still arguing about something with Dan.

"Does she know? About the letters I mean."

"No," my mom shook her head, almost snorting at my words. "I love Mara, but I know my little girl, she would not be able to keep this secret to herself. She is a true candor at heart."

"Okay, good, I'd rather she stay that way." I agreed. Who knew how long my mother and I would have to hold onto the burden of these lies. Who knew how long we'd have to live in the misery of our deceit. My reality had been shattered and my world turned upside down with all the secrets I'd unearthed, I didn't want that same fate for Mara.

"You will stay." My mom affirmed, and I nodded. "And you will do your best to adapt to this faction. You must stay in dauntless and give of the impression that you are oblivious to the fact that you are being watched."

I was about to protest, but when my mom raised her brow I quieted.

"I have a few connections still, friends of your father, and we'll try to find out who is behind all of this." She said.

"Connections?" I asked, about to complain that she was holding out on me.

"Yes, I'll tell you about them later." She said, glancing at her watch; our time was almost up.

"Okay," I agreed. "I'll find the spy that's in here." I said.

"What? No Sage, I said to blend in." My mom frowned, and I could tell she as ready to start up another argument as to what I should do.

"I won't be obvious about it," I explained quickly. " _Mom_ , I've agreed to stay here and let you and Mara stay by yourselves. I've compromised, and now it's your turn."

She frowned. "Don't take that tone with me young man." She whispered fiercely, but I knew her overreaction had more to do with the dangers of my plan rather than how I'd spoken.

"Mom, I'm not going to fold on this." I raised my hands, trying to keep her calm. "I'll stay here, I'll blend in and be inconspicuous, _but_ I'll also use my time to find the spy."

We didn't talk for a long and tense moment, and I could practically see her arguing with herself as she considered my words. Finally though, she sighed. "You are so much like your father. So stubborn and pigheaded," I winced, and she chuckled softly. "But also very brave and incredibly selfless."

"Trust me mom, I can take care of myself." I said gently.

"I know that," she whispered. "Okay, okay, I know I can't stop you. Just please, stay alive, I can't bear to lose you."

A lump formed in my throat, but I swallowed and nodded. She was right, I had to be smarter, I had to think things through. I had to _live_.

Slowly, we rejoined Mara and Dan, who had apparently been arguing about the extent to which each of them were better than the other. It was nice, but did little to distract me. I had a mission now. I would catch the spy, confront them, and find out just how far this web of lies was distributed.

Before leaving, in a very uncharacteristically heartfelt manner, Mara wrapped me in a hug. Her sudden show of emotion left me feeling warm. It was rare that Mara did anything of this sort. Because of her short stature, her head ended up nestled just under my chest. I ran a hand along her hair, and grinned; yes, I did indeed miss Mara, more than I'd ever admit to her.

"Take care of yourself meathead," she muttered, pulling away and trying to shrug off her gesture.

I nodded and tried to look cool as well; I didn't want to embarrass her any further. She smiled and then gave Dan a good-bye punch in the arm before walking off.

"I love you Sage." My mom said, her voice thick with emotion. She hugged me tightly, and I could almost hear the words behind her gesture; _be careful, stay alive, and be brave._

"I love you." I said back, not caring that Billy and his crew were gawking at me. I had a lot of pent up frustrations, and if they dared mock me, well, let's just say the clinic would have a sudden abundance of injured patients to care for.

Smiling, my mother nodded. She turned to Dan and embraced him as well, ruffling his hair as she did so. "Danny, you know I love you like a son, take care of yourself okay?"

Dan grinned playfully, and I could see the obvious bliss in his eyes; though he'd never said anything, and I doubted he ever would, the lack of affection from his father had always been a dark cloud over his head.

"Sure thing Mrs. Stronghold." Dan nodded.

Walking away with the rest of the other families, my mother turned at the last moment and smiled as she mouthed her final words.

 _Be careful._


	34. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

At dinner, Dan and I sat with Grace at our usual table. As we were eating, I noticed a movement to my right and stiffened when I realized who it was.

"Well, well, look who we have here. Carla, how _unpleasant_ of you to drop by. Please, do tell us what brings you to our side of the lunchroom." Dan tried to joke; though his words were clipped and his tone was bordering on hostile.

I didn't say anything. Quite frankly, I didn't care what she had to say. I glared at her, silently daring her to pull another stunt while I was there.

"I-I came to…" Carla stuttered, falling into an uneasy silence as we all looked at her expectantly.

"Finish what you started in the dormitory?" I interrupted sardonically. "What did you make your shank out of this time? One of the plastic spoons perhaps?"

"No!" Carla said defensively.

"A spork then?" Dan added with a contemptuous grin.

"I don't find your words humorous." Carla frowned as she played with her glasses nervously. "They are inappropriate."

"Well _forgive_ me." I bristled. "I forgot I'm talking to a saint who'd never hurt a fly."

"Sage, it's okay," Grace said as she placed her hand on my arm.

Carla swallowed loudly, and I watched as her eyes darted from me to Dan, and then back. She shifted, staring only at Grace as she spoke. "I came to see you."

"Well here I am, what do you need?" Grace asked calmly. To my surprise, she didn't appear affected at all. She cocked her head, seeming bored, and raised a brow when Carla stayed quiet.

"Can we talk?" Carla asked.

"Isn't that what we're doing right now?" Grace replied with a little scoff.

"I mean in private."

Grace's scoff turned into a low chuckle as she shook her head. "No. Whatever you have to say can either be said here or not at all."

Dan and I shared a quick look; and I could see he must've felt just as impressed as I did. After the attack, I had to admit I'd worried Grace's gentle nature wouldn't be able to handle it. I'd feared she'd have some sort of nervous breakdown or would lose the confidence she'd gained. It was nice to be wrong though; if anything, the event seemed to have helped solidify something within her.

"You don't have to be scared, I won't try to hurt you again." Carla assured her after she'd gotten over her mild shock.

Grace let out a sharp laugh, then rolled her eyes. "I am not _afraid_ of you Carla. I just don't want to go." She paused and took a sip of her water. "I'm having dinner with my real friends, and I won't just get up and go because you feel like what you have to say is more important."

"It won't take long." Carla pleaded.

"All the more reason, stop beating around the bush and just talk."

"I wanted to apologize for my earlier behavior. It was wrong of me to do that, but I-I," Carla bit her lip, and I couldn't help but find it ironic; an erudite who found it hard to articulate how she felt.

"What?" Grace asked in a tone that actually sounded concerned.

"My rank has just been so low Grace!" Carla said in a sudden outburst. "It wasn't _fair_! I was doing fine, average maybe, but not bad. Not like you. I mean, really, you were _terrible_! Then out of nowhere you started winning fights, and your aim was so much better. You did a complete turnabout and left me behind to fail! You were selfish and a horrible friend! The only ones there for me were Billy, Howard and Samantha!"

As I watched Grace stiffen, I worried that maybe Carla's words had gotten to her. Would she fold under the pressure?

"Shut up." Grace said quietly.

"No! You deserved what I did, and I only regret that Sage got in the way."

Grace stood suddenly, and a sharp thwack sounded across the room as her hand slapped Carla's cheek. I was shocked, Dan gasped, and most of the people in the lunchroom had turned to witness the whole confrontation.

" _I_ was selfish? _I_ was a horrible friend?" Grace hissed. "If I recall, when I was doing badly you never made the effort to help me. No, instead you _comforted_ me by telling me that when I ended up factionless, you'd be sure to visit."

Dan was frowning, and his mouth was twisted into a scowl. I was holding onto the table, trying to control the disgust I felt at what Grace had just revealed. I hadn't known about all that. How Grace had managed to stand Carla this long was beyond me.

Grace took a deep breath, and then the look of anger was gone, her features sad instead. She was herself. "I would've helped you Carla, I really would've."

"Liar." Carla muttered, shoving her hands deep in her pockets.

Grace sighed, sitting back down and shaking her head in dismay. "I'm not going to try and convince you or justify myself. And as for that apology? Even if you didn't mean it, I forgive you."

Carla snorted, and then turned sharply and joined Billy and his friends at a table near the back.

After a few moments, the normal murmur of talking dauntless resumed, and it was as if nothing had happened. Dan and I ate in silence for as long as we could, but soon enough, the curiosity to find out the truth was too strong.

"Why did you do that?" Dan asked.

"What? Slap her? I don't know, she was yelling at me and I guess I just got too worked up." Grace answered, sounding almost apologetic.

"No, I think he means why did you forgive her?" I amended. Grace got a far-away look in her eyes, and after a second shrugged.

"Because, I honestly don't think she meant to hurt me." When Dan and I were about to protest, Grace grinned and waved us away. "I mean, yeah, she probably would have if you hadn't interfered, but… When you're filled with panic, if you're not strong enough to handle it, it can cause you to do crazy things. Fear changes you, sometimes for the better, and sometimes not. Carla just couldn't take it."

I looked at Grace, and couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration. She was right of course; in the face of danger, you could either build yourself up and fight, or crumble into nothingness. She was a prime example, she'd grown from her experiences.

"Carla is smart, and I know when everything is done and over with, she'll come to her senses. I don't want her feeling bad and beating herself up about all this later."

It was a selfless act, and as I looked at Grace, I couldn't help but wonder is there wasn't a little abnegation in everyone.

Dan nodded, and then after a moment whistled. "That slap though," he snickered, and I couldn't help but join in, "remind me not to piss you off."

"And don't you forget it," Grace teased.

The mood lightened, and we finished the remainder of our dinner in peace. Afterwards, we practically sprinted back to the dormitory. The current rankings would be up, and with them a hint of what we had to look forward to.

Shoving past anyone in my way, I cleared a path so that we'd be able to be front and center for the announcement. Amar was busy scrawling something on the blackboard, and everyone in the room buzzed with repressed anxiety.

"Quiet!" Amar ordered; the room immediately falling still. "Now listen closely, because I'm about to explain how the ranks are decided. After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earned depended on your skill level and the level of the person you beat. You earned more points for improving and also for beating someone of a higher level. And likewise, you lost points if you lost to a lower ranked opponent."

A couple of murmurs sprouted, and Amar paused until everyone was silent again.

"Stage one is important, of course, but stage two is what will be more important in the long run. Mostly, because it's closely linked with overcoming fear. However, with all this being said, it is _extremely_ difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one. Cuts will be announced tomorrow."

"How much do you want to bet we all fail," Howard muttered to Billy somewhere near the back of the room. "This is probably all set up so only the dauntless-born make it in."

"Do you have something to share?" Amar glowered, and I smirked when Howard immediately paled, looking as white as a sheet of paper.

" _No_ , sorry, no." Howard said as he shook his head frantically, his cheeks coloring in embarrassment.

Amar snorted, and then addressed the rest of us. "As I was saying, the fact that you're transfers and the dauntless-born initiates are not will not be taken into account. Four of you, or four of them could end up factionless. Furthermore, here are your ranks."

Amar turned, hung the blackboard back on the nail in the wall, and then stepped back so we'd be able to see.

Sage

Banks

Dan

Billy

Grace

Todd

Howard

Samantha

Pam

Carla

 _First_. I was first. Sure, I hadn't lost a fight yet, but a little voice in the back of my head had been nagging that my fight with Banks might have changed things. I'd won, but not easily.

I glanced at him then; his jaw clenched and his blue eyes frigid. Though he was quiet, it was evident he was completely livid. He shifted, and then our eyes met. For once, he didn't view me with the normal indifferent expression he always wore. His mouth twisted, and I almost expected him to launch himself at me. After a tense second, he turned and stalked out of the room, his clenched hands shaking.

"Sheesh, you think the guy would be happy." Dan chuckled. "He's top two!"

I turned and grinned, giving him a playful shove. Dan was a third, but I could see he was proud of himself. When he'd fought with Banks, he'd lasted so long I almost thought he'd win just by tiring him out. Banks was fast, but Dan was faster.

Every time Banks would try to attack, Dan would just leap out of the way, and then rebound and strike before Banks even knew what had happened. It had been almost comical. Banks, who normally seemed so poised and ready to kill, had looked like a lumbering oaf in comparison to Dan's speed.

Unfortunately, Dan's swiftness hadn't been enough. The turning point came when Banks finally managed to catch him. Dan was strong, but unfortunately, not as strong as Banks. Without the advantage of his speed, he'd lost; though he'd put up quite a fight and even managed to punch Banks' eye so hard it had swelled the next day.

Grace was beaming beside us, and I couldn't help but bask in the momentary happiness. With these past few days heavy in my mind, it was nice to remember that there were still lovely moments in life.

That night, even with the worries I had about finding the spy, and the letters my mom was getting, I rested easier than I had in days.


	35. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

The next morning, Amar came in and informed us that we'd have the entire day off. Carla and Pam were cut, and from what I heard, also two of the dauntless-born. Todd was heartbroken, and moments later we learned he'd also opted to leave. We'd started stage one with ten initiates, and now there were only seven.

After we'd returned from breakfast, I noticed that someone had scratched a line across their names; the numbers changing along with the modifications.

Sage

Banks

Dan

Billy

Grace

Howard

Samantha

I tried not to dwell on the fact that Todd and Pam had become factionless, when really I felt it should've been Howard and Samantha. It was unfair, but that was life. Carla's absence was a relief to me, but I knew that even though Grace was toughening up, she was still saddened by the thought.

Frankly, it was a little disconcerting to have the whole day to ourselves. All our time here had consisted of training, training, and more training. Not knowing what to do with ourselves, I'd suggested that we should continue to explore the various shops in the Pitt.

We passed by a piercing shop, where some of the people had so much metal on their faces, I was surprised they weren't struggling to hold their heads up. There were also various clothing boutiques. At Grace's insistence, Dan and I trudged in after her, waiting as she tried on a few pieces and then left without buying anything.

"Well that was _loads_ of fun," Dan complained.

"The highlight of my day," I added.

"Guys, be nice," Grace laughed. "Don't forget I have a killer slap, so behave yourselves."

Dan and I pretended to coward in a theatrical manner, and somehow, we ended up running around while Grace chased us. Admittedly, I realized we weren't exactly the epitome of maturity, but even with that knowledge we continued our spontaneous game of tag. I didn't care that we were getting odd looks. I was in a good mood, and I'd be damned if I let anyone spoil it. Laughing like maniacs, we raced through the Pitt, up and down the various stairs, through winding paths, and past anyone in our way.

Dan and I were just rounding a corner, Grace hot our tails, when I nearly ran over Randi.

"What the?" She yelped as I grabbed her and attempted to use her as a shield against Grace.

"That's cheating!" Grace shouted when she'd caught up.

"Oh my _god_ ," Randi laughed as she took in the scene; looking from me, to Dan, and then to Grace. "Are you playing _tag_?" She asked incredulously.

"Playing? _Pshh_ ," I snickered, still not letting Grace get any closer. "This isn't a game Randi, this is _war_." I said in my best I'm-really-serious-about-this voice.

"It's not fair though," Grace complained as she tried to circle around to touch my arm. "You're legs are longer and I can't run as fast."

"Tough nuts sweetheart," Dan piped up from somewhere to my left.

Randi laughed again, and tried to pull away. I'd just let go when I realized my mistake. Without a moment of hesitation, Randi turned the tables on our game. Winking at Grace, she held out her hand and when she was tagged in, proceeded to turn and tag both Dan and I.

"No!" I groaned childishly.

Dan pretended to stomp his foot in annoyance, and he waggled his finger at the girls. "That was hardly fair." He chastised.

"What was it you said? Oh yeah, _tough nuts_ sweetheart." Randi grinned as she skirted away to join Grace.

" _Sweetheart_ huh? I knew you had a crush on me Randi but please, control yourself." Dan retorted with a mischievous grin.

"Shut up Dan," Randi said, not appearing at all bothered by his teasing. I was relieved, knowing that sometimes people could take his humor the wrong way.

"Well ladies, I'm sorry to say this, but prepare to lose." I said, grinning conspiratorially at Dan.

"Oh yeah?" Randi countered coyly. She gave Grace a quick nod, and then shifted so she was poised on the balls of her feet.

"Yep, you may not know this, but Dan and I are the undefeated champions of tag," I bragged.

"You don't say," she mused, plastering a look of false amazement on her features. "In that case, I think it's only right we get a head start, don't you agree Grace?" Randi prompted, smiling widely when Grace nodded.

Dan and I agreed, and then counted to ten loudly as the girls dashed away. When their time was up, we raced to catch up, closing the distance in a matter of seconds. We were just closing in on them when Randi shouted something to Grace who, after a moment's hesitation, suddenly broke off and ran in the opposite direction.

"They're splitting up?" I shouted at Dan.

"Yeah, I think they're trying to lose us," he nodded, "I'll go after Grace, you can catch Randi." He swiveled, and then disappeared into the crowded mass of dauntless bodies.

I faltered for a moment, and then turned to go in the opposite direction. I'd only taken my eyes off of her for a second and already I'd lost sight of her. I shoved past another group of dauntless and ran towards the last place I'd seen her heading.

Slowing to a jog, I stood at the entrance of the chasm and craned my head as I tried to catch any sign that Randi had decided to hide in there. It wasn't very well illuminated, and I'd just convinced myself that she'd probably decided to hide elsewhere, when I heard the skittering of pebbles from one of the dark corners of the spacious cavern.

I turned back around at once, slowly walking in and squinting my eyes towards where I thought the sound had originated. Through the rush of the running water, I managed to hear the muffled sounds of laughter.

"Randi?" I called out in a singsong voice as I got closer. "Randi, I can see you smiling in the dark." I lied, hoping my bluff would help flush her out of her hiding spot.

An unexpected burst of laughter echoed throughout the chasm, bright and filled with elation, and as I dwelled in the spirit-cleansing sound, I couldn't help but feel optimistic about my future here in dauntless. I turned towards where I thought I'd heard her, and as Randi dashed out and tried to get around me, I reached out and snatched her up.

I wrapped my arms around her, enveloping her in a tight bear-hug, and joined in her laughter as she tried unsuccessfully to wriggle out of my hold. I don't know exactly how it happened, but one moment we were sort of wrestling and joking around, and the next we were staring at each other in utter solemnity.

I loosened my hold, but rather than pull away, Randi slowly placed her hands on my chest. Her gaze burned into mine, and as she tilted her head up higher, I knew that this was more than a close moment between friends.

"I caught you," I mumbled stupidly; mentally kicking myself as I realized how juvenile my words sounded. Yes, I was asmuch the king of one-liners, as Banks was likely to be titled _most bubbly initiate_.

"Yeah, you did," she answered, her voice laced with a hidden meaning. " _You have me_."

Time blurred and I was both lost, yet completely attentive to every passing second. I could feel that we were on the precipice of something big, and that any action from either of our parts could tilt the scales.

Even though I'd been candor, and I was used to taking note of the details of the people I interacted with, I'd never felt this conscious of everything the other person was going through. I was aware that her steady pulse had skyrocketed, almost matching my own in its pace, that her hands were shaking slightly, her eyes were wide and searching, and that we were both so close that we were practically breathing the same air.

As she parted her lips, I listened closely, knowing that whatever she'd have to say could make a crucial impact on the way things were going between her and me. These were hectic times, and the wiser part of me warned that this was not the appropriate time to explore something beyond friendship. Yet the other side of me wanted desperately to forget all of my afflictions and just live in the moment; to enjoy my youth, relish the life I had, and maybe even fall in love.

"Sage," Randi whispered, and for a heart-dropping moment, I wondered if I'd misread things.

"Well, well. It appears as if you've won, no Sage?" Dan's voice echoed throughout the chasm; amusement clear in his words.

As if she were an open flame, I dropped my arms and leapt away from Randi; leaving a more than chaste distance between us. Shoving my hands deep in my pockets, I felt my face burn in embarrassment and couldn't help but feel grateful that the chasm was so poorly lit. Grace peeked her head from around Dan's shoulder, and I could see a look of utter delight as she tried to muffle a bout of giggles behind her hand.

"Yeah, of course I won." I said, trying to sound nonchalant as I walked forward to meet them. "Like I said, I'm a champ at tag."

"Now don't get a big head," Randi grinned, rolling her eyes as she matched my pace and stood next to Grace. "You only won because I took it easy on you."

"Is that a fact?"

"Indeed it is Mr. Stronghold," she said in a somewhat hammy tone. "If I didn't want to be caught, not even the fastest person alive could trap me."

A knowing smile spread over Grace's features as she stared from me and then to Randi, and I thought I noticed Dan seem a little entertained as he considered Randi's words.

" _Ah_ , young love, such is life," Dan quipped, chuckling as he darted away when both Grace and Randi made to swat at him.

I actually laughed; feeling oddly buoyant and at ease. Even with everything going on, I was glad to see that some things in life didn't change. Though I doubted things would always stay this lighthearted and peaceful, I was happy to take advantage of the times and finally act my age.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting hungry." I said.

" _Getting_ hungry?" Dan gaped, pausing to rub his belly. "I'm _starving_! I feel like I haven't eaten since so long ago!"

"But you had breakfast with us this morning." Grace pointed out.

"Exactly my point, that was _this morning_ , as in three hours ago." Dan explained. "Three hours guys, that's one-hundred and eighty minutes, and god knows how many seconds. That to me feels like more than an eternity!"

We all broke out in carefree laughter while Dan continued to complain and mope theatrically.

"Well if you're all that hungry, then do I have a treat for you." Randi said when she'd finally caught her breath.

As we made our way towards the cafeteria, I couldn't help but be curious. "So what is this _mystery_ treat we're about to eat?"

She grinned widely, and as we entered the buzzing lunchroom, she said. "Have you ever heard of dauntless cake?"


	36. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Just so you all know, if I died right this second, I'd be dying a happy, happy man." Dan announced as he licked up the last of the chocolate frosting off his fingers. "I mean, who knew the dauntless could make such a badass cake?"

Waves of amused laugher spread throughout the table as some of the other dauntless heard what Dan had to say, and I couldn't help but join in. When we'd arrived at the lunchroom, rather than sit in our usual spot, Randi had dragged us over to what we'd playfully referred to as _the dark side_.

Though most of the faces were still unknown to me, I'd managed to recognize a few. Finn was sitting right in front of me, with Biff and Jude at either side of him, and Ava had arrived shortly after them and taken a seat next to Randi and Grace. With the girls to my left, and Dan to my right, I couldn't help but revel in the sensation of being surrounded by friends.

To my dismay I'd also noticed that Marko and his goons, Cam and Jake if I remembered correctly, were also sitting at the table. They hadn't really partaken in the conversation, mostly keeping to themselves as they chatted in hushed tones, but now that some of the other members had left they'd seemed to liven up.

"So, which one of you transfers is ranked first?" Marko sneered as he looked from Dan, Grace, and I, to the far-off table where Billy sat with Howard and Samantha. Banks was nowhere in sight.

For a second the entire table lapsed into silence, but then Dan cut through the tension as he spoke up. "You're looking at him," he said, playfully slugging my arm in the process, "my man Sage here hasn't lost a single fight."

Various members nodded, and a general murmur of approval sounded throughout the table. I couldn't help but notice that Finn seemed pleased, but not all that surprised. He nudged Jude, leaned over to whisper something, and then he repeated the process with Biff, whose face was quick to light up with a mischievous grin. I was about to ask what they were up to when Marko cut into my train of thought.

" _You're_ first?" Marko repeated, his voice dripping with mockery and disdain. "That doesn't say much for the rest of your friends. I mean, I've already beaten you once."

"Yeah, I suppose you did. Remind me though, my memory's a little hazy, but how many of your friends did you need to hold me down so you could get a decent shot?" I chuckled morosely as I recalled that day in school when Randi had almost met her end. I leaned back in my chair as I appraised him; of all the nerve. " _So?_ How many were there Marko? You and two others right?"

"Pretty sure there were _three_ others actually," Dan cut in as he rubbed his nose; apparently he'd also not forgotten the whole debacle. "Four total for you, and then a couple that were hanging around the back."

The entire table lapsed into a tense silence, and as I looked from face to face I realized that all the antagonism was being directed straight at Marko and his gang. A small part of me, one that I hadn't even realized existed, sighed in relief as I gauged the reaction; it was nice to see that though people like Marko _did_ exist, ones who abused their power and preyed on the weak, there were also the opposite that believed in honor and integrity.

"Wow Marko, and here I thought you couldn't do any worse in my eyes. Well congratulations, you've managed to surprise me." Finn said coldly, while Jude and a few others just shook their heads with obvious distaste.

"That's messed up man," Biff agreed as he shook his head with repugnance. "That is not what being dauntless is about."

Marko's face flushed beet red, and he sputtered for a second before he spoke again. "I could still take you, with or without any help."

" _Oh_ , could you now?" I couldn't help but grin, leaning over the table and clasping my hands in a very business-like manner. "I'd love to test out that theory. When are you free?"

For a second, Marko's face drew a complete blank; had he actually expected me to back down?

"I-I don't have time for this crap," he stammered as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "My time is too valuable to waste on candor trash like you."

" _Nice save_ Marko," Ava said sarcastically. She rolled her eyes, and then elbowed Randi playfully as she snorted. "With your rank, I'd be careful about who I challenged."

"What _is_ your rank anyway?" Dan asked. For a second, he was met with silence as Marko glared down at his tray of food, but then Biff let out an uproarious laugh and answered for him.

"Marko is fifth." Biff said. Then he shifted and began to point out some of the faces at the table. "Finn is first, I'm second, Jude is third, Randi is fourth, and Ava is sixth." He said, and then continued naming and pointing to other faces that were sitting at different tables.

I nodded, but couldn't help but feel surprised; though I knew Finn was well respected amongst the dauntless, I supposed for his laid back temper and unfailing astuteness, it was still a surprise to me that he'd outranked Biff; who was essentially the equivalent of a human battering ram. Even I, who by _no means_ could be considered frail and delicate, would find myself hard-pressed to want to start something with him. Standing at least a half a foot taller than Finn, I couldn't help but voice my curiosities.

"Finn beat you?" I asked, hoping my incredulousness had been at least somewhat well hidden.

Without the slightest ounce of shame, Biff nodded, slugging Finn as he let out another hearty laugh. "Better believe it. This little guy here is not to be taken lightly."

Finn brushed him off and then shrugged, not seeming to care very much about the subject. "I'm hardly little Biff." He chuckled. "I'm normal. However, _you_ my friend are what I'd like to call freakishly tall."

Biff laughed and leaned to wrap his arm around Finn's neck, attempting to get him in a headlock. Finn swatted at him, but other than that, didn't seem too bothered.

"Okay, I was trying to resist, but I can't," Dan blurted as he gaped at the two. "How on earth did _you_ manage to beat _him_?" He said, staring from Finn to Biff and then back again.

A couple of dauntless around the table laughed, and in their smiles I could see a hint of what I could only describe as unduly respect.

"It's nothing special really." Finn said. "Besides, if I'm being honest, it's not completely fair. We've spent our entire life getting ready for this, and you transfers are all expected to learn it in a few weeks."

"I've heard all that won't matter for what's going to happen next," Jude added. "Stage one was about skill, but no one can prepare for stage two."

I couldn't help but find myself distracted as I thought about the new information they'd provided me. Stage one had been hard, but manageable, did that mean stage two would also come as easily to me? _Or_. Or would this be the obstacle in my way that managed to knock me over and keep me down? Could it be what made the difference between staying alive and dying?

I was still considering all the possibilities when I heard Marko's voice break through the cacophony of dauntless voices.

"While this conversation has been _completely_ riveting," Marko rolled his eyes sarcastically. "There is the little detail of our initiation ritual."

At these words, most of the dauntless that had been sitting at the table stood, along with a few others that had been within earshot.

"What ritual?" Dan asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about _transfer_ ," Marko jeered as he began to walk away with the other dauntless who had stood. "It's only for dauntless-born."

I frowned, but decided not to argue; tradition was tradition, and I didn't have the right to step over their long-established rituals just because I'd decided to transfer. After all, I wasn't _yet_ a true dauntless member.

As the large group began to spill out of the lunchroom and into the hallway, I couldn't help but notice that Randi and Ava hadn't moved, along with Finn, Biff, and Jude.

"Why aren't you going with them?" I asked the remaining group after Dan and I had shared an apprehensive look; the thought that they were all missing out on something important bothered us both.

"Yeah, I mean it's cool that you want to stick around, but it's totally unnecessary." Dan added. "We get it, it's a dauntless thing."

"Don't be stupid," Ava retorted, shaking her head. "We're not going because we don't want to, not because we pity you or some crap like that."

"Yeah, besides, it's not like we haven't done it before." Randi added.

"What exactly _are_ they doing?" Grace asked.

"Okay so, have any of you ever heard of zip-lining?" Finn said, staring from Dan, to Grace and then to me. We shook our heads, and then he explained. "Okay, well do you guys know the empty Hancock building, the tallest one that's north of the bridge?" We nodded. "Pretty much, zip-lining involves taking the elevator up to the roof, then strapping yourself into a sling that's connected to a pulley, and then sliding down a steel cable that connects from the roof to another building that's about a thousand feet down."

Grace gaped, appearing horrified as she digested what Finn had just said, and then smiled thankfully when she finally spoke. "Wow, that's just insane. I have to be honest, I'm relieved we weren't allowed to go."

"Speak for yourself," I grumbled, knowing fully well that I sounded like a petulant child but not caring in the least. "That sounds amazing, I can't believe-"

"We're going to miss that? It's so unfair!" Dan chimed in, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ugh, why? _Why_ -"

"Why did you even tell us? It's so much worse knowing what we're missing out on!"

"Yeah, that definitely qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment."

Randi, Ava, and Grace burst into a fit of giggles as they took in our expressions; sulky, and bordering on crabby. Randi leaned into me for a fleeting moment, but then almost immediately pulled away.

"Don't pout, it's not a good look for either of you," Randi chuckled.

Concentrating explicitly on the way my features were arranged, I tried to will myself into appearing unaffected and nonchalant. It was near impossible though. I was used to being completely honest, not only with words, but with expressions. When the girls cracked up in a fit of laughter, and even Finn and the boys couldn't hide their amusement, I suspected my attempt had been less than successful.

"You look like you just caught a whiff of something gross," Ava said.

"Or like you sucked on a sour lemon," Biff added.

"Go ahead, laugh at my pain," I said, though I was now only joking. Sure, it would've been fun to go zip-lining now, as a newbie initiate still learning the ropes, but I figured once I actually made it in I'd have plenty of time to do all that and more. I just had to be patient.

The lunchroom had resumed its normal chatter, only somewhat quieter with the absence of the group that had just left. Grace had needed merely to hint at a shopping excursion for Randi and Ava to jump on board. After asking for a few tips on makeup and other girly things I had no real interest in, Randi and Ava had gotten it into their heads that Grace would have a makeover, and had taken it as a personal challenge to transform her.

"You look too innocent to be dauntless," Ava commented, twirling a lock of Grace's long blonde hair in her fingers. "You could dye your hair like mine, see?" She said, showing off a section of purple-blue pigmented hair. "You don't even have to do the whole thing, just a streak."

"I like that flower design you got on your wrist." Randi said when she noticed Grace's tattoo. "You could get another one, see, I have like six already," Randi added, showing off various designs on her arm, ankle, and back.

Grace _ooo'ed_ and _ahh'ed_ the whole time, genuinely pleased with the suggestions, and I was glad to see that she was getting along so well with the girls. After Carla's betrayal, a little part of me had worried that she might be become hard and wary of making friends. Thankfully, I'd been wrong.

Though Dan and I would always be there for her, I knew she needed more that we'd never be able to provide. Clothes shopping, hair, and shoes; well, it was all foreign to me. She needed friends who's vocabulary wasn't ridden with; _bro_ , _man_ , _dude_ , and _yo'_. Similarly, as Dan had discovered; she needed friends whose idea of a good joke wasn't just _'Hey, pull my finger'_. Somehow, though I found it hilarious, Grace didn't seem to get the gist of that kind of humor.

"We'll be back later," Ava said as looped an arm around Grace's left arm.

"Yeah, can you manage to behave while we're gone?" Randi added, taking Grace's right arm.

"I think we'll manage," I said.

The girls grinned and then made their way out of the lunchroom, chattering the whole way. I was just turning back to say something to Dan, when Finn, Biff, and Jude leaned forward.

"Geez, I thought they'd never leave." Biff said, his smile wide and excited. At the sight, I suddenly remembered the look Finn had previously shared with them just a couple of minutes ago.

"What's going on?" I asked; Dan and I leaning forward as well. "Why did you want them gone?"

Jude, who normally appeared serious and brusque, was _for once_ practically bouncing in his seat with retained excitement. "Can we go now? Come on Finn, just tell them quick so we can go. I bet they say yes anyway."

"Say yes to what?" Dan asked.

I looked at Finn, reading every tell-tall his body gave, and suddenly realized he'd been trying hard to hide something for a while. Even though he appeared outwardly-calm, I could practically _see_ the waves of controlled-elation radiation off his body. He was planning something big.

"What are we doing." I stated rather than asked; because of course, with a man like Finn, there had to be a strategy, and whatever it was, I wanted in.

"Something bold. Something fun. Something _dangerous_." He said, a manic look flitting across his eyes momentarily. His voice held a certain ring to it; and before I knew it, I found myself grinning too.

"More than zip-lining?" Dan asked, his voice also rising in anticipation.

"Oh, much more." Finn nodded.

There was no hesitation on my part, and before I knew it, the words were out of my mouth. "What are we waiting for then, let's start." I looked at Dan, who had the same look of dauntless-mania on his features.

"I'm in, definitely." Dan said.

Finn smiled and nodded in approval. "I had a feeling you'd say that," he said.

"So what are we doing?" I asked.

Biff and Jude shared look, chuckling quietly, and if possible it seemed that Finn's smile had grown even wider.

"Two words; base jumping."


	37. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

After Finn had explained part of what he had hidden up his sleeve, we'd wasted no time in solidifying a plan and then setting out to gather the necessary supplies. While Biff and Dan had distracted two of the guards with idle chit-chat, Finn, Jude and I managed to sneak behind them and find the dauntless armory.

Once I'd finished picking the lock, a helpful skill I'd learned when I was a young boy in candor, I had stayed to guard the door. Finn and Jude had rushed in and then moments later emerged with five unusually shaped backpacks. Then we'd reunited with the others and exited the compound through a backdoor.

Emerging from the ground, only a couple hundred yards from the glass building that stood above the Pit, we broke into a run and headed towards the train tracks that were nearby. The train was already passing, and we had to really pick up the pace to make it into the last car. It was fine though, since if we'd arrived any sooner the group of dauntless who'd decided to go zip-lining would've seen us.

During the train ride, Finn revealed a little more of his plan and the risks involved. Since he'd been a kid, he'd always loved the rush of adrenaline he got from performing daring feats; in fact, he'd just barely turned thirteen when he'd first gone zip-lining. This didn't surprise me, and as he continued to explain, I began to get a real sense of who he was.

"All that sounds amazing. Haha, when I was thirteen, the biggest thing I ever did was nab an ice-cream bar from a grocery store." I said with a laugh; feeling non-too impressive.

"An ice-cream bar? Hah, nice, did you get caught?" Finn asked.

"Of course. The second I got home with chocolate on my face my mom asked me where I got it. I said I stole it, and then she'd made me go back and pay for it."

Finn actually let out a snort as he laughed, and even Jude cracked a smile.

"Why did you even tell her?-" Biff began to ask before Dan cut him off.

" _Dude_ , candor, remember?" Dan said.

"Yeah, yeah, I forget sometimes that you two came from the land of black and white." Biff grinned. "That must've sucked, having to tell the truth all the time."

Dan and I shared a look, and then chuckled, shaking our heads in unison.

"It was our way of life _, the norm_. It wasn't any weirder for us to blurt out every thought that crossed our minds than it would be for you to pick up a gun and shoot at a target." I explained.

Biff and Jude had nodded; but I could tell they still couldn't quite wrap their heads around the concept of complete and unbarred honesty. Shortly, they started up a conversation with Dan, comparing other childhood stories, and I'd been surprised to see that Finn was still staring at me attentively.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, and after I'd nodded, continued. "How's it been going for you here, in dauntless? And I don't mean about your fights, or rank, but – _well_ – you know, with the whole adjustment process?"

For an instant, my guard was up and all of my senses rang on high alert; it was a lot of questions, and I had yet to find any clues that would lead me to finding the spy in dauntless. However, as I observed him, reading his every expression and body-motion, I couldn't help but trust that he wasn't the one after me; he was merely curious.

"It's going okay I suppose." I paused, and then rephrased my words. "Could definitely be better, but all-in-all not bad."

"I figured," Finn said, nodding at my words. "You don't seem like someone who likes to beat around the bush. Very frank, and I like that." He cocked his head to the side and then raised a brow. "How do you manage though? Do you just hold back?" I nodded, and when I didn't say anything further he continued. "Are you holding back _now_?"

I thought for a moment, and then nodded. "A little."

"About what?" he pressed, and I couldn't help but grimace; if I asked, would he even be honest with me? He seemed to sense the direction of my thoughts, because a second later he had his hand on his heart. "Hey, I can be candor too. See? I, Finnigan Mallard, promise to tell the truth and nothing but the truth."

" _Finnigan_ huh? Haha, okay, I'll tell you," I agreed; pausing only to think of a way to word my inquiries. "Why did you invite me and Dan today? I mean you didn't have to, and no one would've blamed you if you'd decided not to. I guess what I'm really trying to ask is why all the interest?"

"Well I sort of answered that already," Finn answered immediately. "I like you guys, you're brave and daring, and honestly more dauntless than some of the people I know who were actually born here. And as for why I asked you to come, well, let's just say I want to really get to know more about you, and nothing else reveals more character than facing life-threatening situations together."

"Thanks, that means a lot man." I nodded and couldn't help but feel grateful at all the commendation he'd given me. "I have another question though."

"Shoot, I'm all ears."

"The dauntless are all about performing impossible stunts and showing how daring they are, correct?" I said, only continuing when Finn nodded. "And when they accomplish something big, they're usually praised and even honored for it, right?" Again he nodded. "So why then, are we doing all of this in such an underhanded manner? Why not just say what we're going to do, and then do it?"

"Valid questions," Finn acknowledged. He picked up one of the bulky backpacks and ran his hands along the fabric before he continued. "Okay first off, Max and the other dauntless leaders would have a freaking cow if they knew we were using their professional equipment for stunts, no matter how cool or innovative. They'd be pissed and not only would they punish us, but they would also probably bump up security, making it nearly impossible to keep doing what we're doing. This isn't the first time we've _borrowed_ things from them, and I'd like to keep it that way."

I nodded; momentarily wondering exactly what type of punishment Max and the other leaders could shell out that even Finn was overly-cautious about being caught. I waited for him to continue, and as I watched him squirm, I realized he was nervous.

"Now you're the one holding back," I noted. Finn released a sigh, leaning his head on the doorframe and quietly watched as the scenery passed by. I looked out too, assuming he'd had enough of telling the unfiltered truth, and tried to think of what to say to break the tension. I was still trying to think of something when he finally spoke.

"In dauntless there is a fine line between being brave and stupid, courageous or rash, daring and fearless or just plain suicidal. It's there, this invisible boundary, and even though no one speaks of it, it still governs the way we act." I looked up, staring Finn in the eyes as he continued. "The line is faint, blurred in some places and more pronounced in others, but for the most part everyone abides by it."

"But not you?"

Finn chuckled, his eyes glittering as he broke my gaze and then positioned himself right at the entrance of the train; so that if he lost his balance even for one second he'd fall out.

"I'd like to say I keep myself _balanced_. Not quite one or the other." The air whipped and as Finn smiled, closing his eyes, I found that I completely understood what he meant. He stayed that way for a while, and I figured he was done speaking until I heard him chuckle under his breath. "You on the other hand, well, you're all over the place."

I froze, and then frowned when I saw him start to shake his head in mild disapproval. " _Oh?_ And what exactly gave you that impression?" I asked, my voice defensive and slightly wounded.

"Oh I don't know, _maybe_ the fact that you took on a group of dauntless when you were still in your old faction, and were clearly outnumbered? That you scaled the sculpture outside of school just to save Randi, a stranger you didn't even know at the time," He said sarcastically. "Or maybe it was when you leapt out of a speeding roller coaster." He turned then, watching me carefully. " _Or maybe_ , more than anything else, the fact that I think – _no_ – that I know you jumped out of that coaster not knowing whether or not you'd make it to the ground alive."

My brain searched frantically for a defense; anything that would excuse my behavior, but all I saw was that my reckless actions hadn't gone as unnoticed as I'd thought. Without a reasonable excuse, I did the only thing that came to mind; I shrugged.

"Is it that bad?" I finally managed to ask.

Finn laughed, slugging my arm playfully, and I was relieved to see that he looked merely entertained. "I haven't known you long, but from what I have seen, yeah, it's bad. My theory is you either don't see the line, or you do, but choose to ignore it."

I slumped, feeling like a young child who was being chastised. Finn laughed again, I was surprised when I felt him thump my back in consolation.

"Don't dwell on it, I was that way too when I was young. You'll grow out of it," he smirked a little, "figuratively speaking of course, because honestly you don't need any extra height."

"What if I don't?"

"Haha, well then I'll be a friend _short_. No pun intended." When I frowned he chuckled again. "Seriously relax, you're bright, I can tell. I know you'll get the hang of things. Just remember that it's all about finding the right balance."

For an instant, it was hard to believe Finn was actually the same age as me; even with all his daring schemes and boyish appearance, he acted and spoke with the wisdom of an educated man.

"Thanks," I nodded, and then couldn't help but shake my head and smile. "So… Randi told you then? About the statue?"

"Oh yeah. She didn't mention that Marko had you outnumbered, but she definitely couldn't stop going on about how brave you'd been."

"You talkin' about Randi?" Biff cut in; he must've overheard. "Dude, that chick was nonstop about how you saved her and how you didn't hesitate to climb up after her, and how we could all learn a thing or two from you."

"Practically talked our ears off," Jude added; also joining in on the conversation. "Kind of surprising since she's usually hard to impress."

"You'd be one to know," Biff teased. "Didn't you ask her out once?"

"No," Jude lied. Dan and I smirked, and he finally gave an exasperated sigh and caved. "Okay I did, once, back when we'd just barely started in the uppers-school. Anyway that doesn't matter, we're cool now, and who I really have my eye on is Ava."

"Ava?" Biff repeated incredulously. "Dude, but she's so grumpy all the time."

"All part of the charm," Jude answered, and then shifted so he was looking at me. "But seriously, are you and Randi… you know."

"Are Randi and I what?" I asked; bewildered at the turn the conversation had taken.

"You know," Biff interrupted. "Are you, what do the chicks call it these days, a _thing_?"

 _Oh_. I stuttered as I tried to find words to explain that they were all reading into things that weren't there. I mean yes, it had sort of felt like Randi and I had shared an intimate moment, but maybe my brain had just distorted the scene. Maybe all she'd really wanted was for me to let go of her? Come to think of it, she'd been really upset with me most of the times we'd spoken, especially after the rollercoaster fiasco. Hell, it looked like she'd been ready to kill me herself.

Dan must've sensed my discomfort, because after a moment of hesitation, he jumped in.

" _Pfft_ , really guys, I don't see why you even care about ole' Sage's love life. I mean, if you really want some juicy stories, I'm the man you need to see."

"Is that a fact?" Biff laughed. Jude and Finn grinned, and as usual, Dan was quick to entertain them with his eloquent tales of dates-gone-wrong.

Without all their eyes on me, my thoughts again wandered to Randi. Her eyes, her lips, her laugh and the way she played with her hair when she was nervous. I didn't think I'd drifted off long, but it seemed like only moments later that Finn and the others had stood and joined me at the entrance of the train.

"Okay, this is our stop," Finn announced.

The train was still chugging along at a much faster pace than I was used to, but as I compared it to the wild ride on the coaster, I couldn't help but feel confident. Compared to that, this would be a walk in the park.

"Ready? And-"

I didn't even hear the last word Finn had to say as I launched myself out the door.


	38. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

After we'd gotten off the train, we'd walked down the barren streets of Michigan Avenue and towards the Hancock building; the tallest monument that existed north of the bridge. We'd had to wait in the shadows while the first dauntless group rode up in the elevator, and then, when we'd suspected they were all up on the roof, we'd boarded and then stopped at the ninety-ninth floor; just under the top floor so that if there was still someone there, we wouldn't be spotted.

"Okay guys, take these and put them on." Finn instructed as he handed us each our awkwardly shaped backpacks. "Make sure every strap is tight, that all the buckles are locked, and don't forget the goggles."

I felt my eyes widen in confusion when I unzipped my pack and pulled out a strange-looking jumpsuit; it was all black, and made of a fabric I'd never seen before which was both durable, yet light. I ran my fingers over it, and then held it out at arm's length to get a better look. A wide stretch of fabric ran from under the arms, along the sides, and down to the feet, and then another that connected both legs.

I unzipped the front, and stepped in; making sure that everything was secure as Finn had instructed. I'd just finished lacing up my boots when Dan suddenly spoke up.

" _Dude_! I finally know what this reminds me of!" He crowed in delight. He spread his arms and legs, and then began flapping around as he chanted. "Flying squirrels! Haha, can you believe it? _Swish, swish_! Dan the flying squirrel!"

Finn and the boys laughed, amused by his antics, and when Dan ran by and was close enough to reach, I grabbed him and tousled his hair.

"How did you manage to come up with that comparison?" I asked between laughs.

Dan squirmed out of my hold and ran a hand quickly through his hair to tame the disaster I'd left. " _Duh_ , in Mr. Green's Environmental Biology class. Unlike you, I didn't nap through every lecture he gave."

I reached to mess up his hair again, but he managed to skirt away in time. I rolled my eyes and smirked. " _Right_ , I believe that." I said sarcastically. "I bet you only remember that because that was the time Penny Jacobs was tutoring you."

"Penny Jacobs? Who the heck-" Dan paused and then laughed as he remembered. "Oh yeah, erudite Penny right? Yeah, she was cute. Eh, maybe so, but that's not the point."

"What is the point then, oh wise one?" I quipped.

"The point is I'm a smart cookie, and I knew something you didn't, and I win."

I was about to make an irrefutable argument when Finn called us over to one of the floor-to-ceiling windows. We all lined up next to him, our noses pressed to the glass, and it was then that I could see what he was pointing to. Above us, like he'd said it would be, was the thick cable line that the dauntless and dauntless-initiates were using to zip-line down.

As I craned my head up, I saw first one, then two, then three bodies eventually go zooming down the wire. Each either let out a whoop of excitement, or a shriek of terror, and as more and more followed, I realized that in comparison to what we were about to do, that was child's play.

"So that's zip-lining huh?" Dan mused as his eyes followed another body down the line. "Looks like fun." He said, sounding a little wistful.

"Yeah, it's okay," Finn agreed.

Biff let out a hearty laugh, shaking his head and ribbing Dan. "Whatever man, zip-lining is for pansycakes. Base-jumping is for the truly dauntless."

"Pansycakes?" Dan and I repeated simultaneously.

"Yeah, it's dauntless slang, you know? It's a huge insult that means like wimp or loser." Biff explained.

I heard Jude snort behind us, and then Finn chuckled. "No one really uses it though." He said.

"Due to its offensive nature," Biff defended quickly.

"Right, _offensive_ ," Jude said with an exaggerated eye-roll, " _surely_ it's not because it's just plain stupid and no real dauntless would be caught dead saying it. _No_. It must be the vulgarity of the word."

"Thanks for agreeing with me," Biff laughed; completely ignoring Jude's raging sarcasm.

"It's called irony you big-" Jude was about to retort before Finn cut in.

"Guys stop, it's time." Finn said as he motioned us over to the elevator.

We all filed in after him, buzzing with excitement, and waited only a few seconds as the elevator went up to the next floor. With a ding, the doors slid open, and almost instantly a strong wind rushed at us. As we stepped out onto the one-hundredth floor, I looked up and realized the air was coming from a wide opening in the ceiling.

There was already an aluminum ladder propped against the edge of the hole, and we wasted no time in quickly climbing up and onto the roof. The wind was so powerful, like a living thing, and I couldn't help but shiver in anticipation. Without even realizing it, I found myself at the edge of the Hancock building, looking down and across the city.

Taking a deep breath of the frigid air, I felt myself grin as I rejoiced in the thought of what was about to happen. I squinted against the cold, eyes watering, and craned my head even further. The last dauntless who'd been left was already just a tiny figure zooming down the cable line, arms spread and laughing. Now, the only ones left were Finn, Biff, Jude, Dan, and me.

"Oh _God_ ," I heard Dan mutter beside me; sucking in a deep breath as another gust of air swept past us.

"You can say that again," Jude agreed.

I nodded, and then reached for my goggles and pulled them snuggly over my eyes. It was odd; I was simultaneously calm, yet on the brink of losing all my composure.

"Okay. We all have to jump off at the same time, so everyone line up at the very edge of the building." Finn said as he hopped up on the ledge.

I needed no further coaxing; jumping on to edge beside Finn, I felt my heart pounding in my chest and the adrenaline rushing through my body. I felt my fingers twitch and my palms were getting sweaty and clammy.

"Have any of you ever actually done this?" I heard Dan ask next to me; his usually cheerful and excited demeanor gone, replaced with a quiet wariness.

Both Biff and Jude shook their heads slowly; and it was the first time I could see that they were actually acting as cautious as Dan was. The only one who remained just as exuberantly gleeful as he had been when we'd first started this mission was Finn; who nodded, but didn't say anything else.

Well, Finn, and _me_.

Filled with a childlike wonder, I felt my body itch to just move; take the leap of faith and put it all on the line. I could practically feel my heart thumping against my ribcage, and I could barely hear the wind over the deafening sound of my pulse in my ears.

"Relax guys. Remember, I like to push the boundaries, but I know where the limits are." Finn said after a moment; probably in an attempt to pacify the guy's frayed nerves. "Just pay close attention. When I say to pull the shoot, do it and don't hesitate." He said, showing us which cord we had to pull. "A parachute will stop the fall, and then you just have to maneuver the straps on your arms to angle it towards the marsh. That will be our meeting point. Got it?"

We all nodded again. To their credit; though they looked rigid and frightened beyond their wits, it was obvious none of guys were going to turn tail and flee. Their faces set in resolution; I could tell nothing would sway them. That's what being dauntless did to you. Even when faced with your worst fear, you didn't freeze, you didn't become just another casualty. No, you stayed and faced it head on.

"Ready guys?" Finn asked a final time. We nodded, and then he began the countdown. "On three. One, two, thr-"

I didn't think, I just jumped, and for an excruciatingly slow instant I was weightless. Without thought, my mind forgot about all my troubles, only concentrating on the here and now. Nothing mattered, just this moment. And then it all happened in a rush as my body became a stone plummeting to earth. I was falling. We were all falling.

The wind howled past me, cold and fast, so much so that it hurt my face. And even though the material of the suit helped protect from the chill, I could still feel the freezing air leech through and into my very bones. My body picked up speed, and as I hurtled down the side of the building, I couldn't help but let out a whoop of exhilaration.

I could hear Biff laughing manically, and Jude and Dan were yelling somewhere nearby.

"Open your arms, and do what I do, _now_!" Finn yelled over the wind. "In three, two, one!"

Uncrossing my arms from my chest, as Finn had previously told us to do, I threw my hands out to the side and then gasped. My free-fall was abruptly cut short as the fabric snapped and then held against the wind. Suddenly we weren't falling parallel to the building, but gliding horizontally.

The straps pulled at my chest, but I didn't feel any discomfort; all I could think was that this was the most freedom I'd felt in my whole life. I was _flying_. I gazed all around, taking in the scenes; the sky, the beautiful horizon, the silhouetted buildings, the tiny maze-like ground underneath, the dried up marsh, it was all surreal.

To my right Dan was laughing and moving his arms and legs as he swiveled and turned in the air. Biff and Jude were zipping along beside each other, as if in some sort of race, and Finn was gliding high overhead and shouting with elation.

I grinned, and then positioned my arms so I could try a few tricks of my own. Quickly I figured out that to steer, all you had to so was either lift one arm or the other, and to go up and down you used your feet. Feeling bold, I experimented with few varied combinations of the two; lifting my right arm, and lowering my left foot.

It wasn't long before I was doing loop-de-loops in the air, twisting tight circles around Dan, and cutting patterns in the sky. My heart was pounding so hard it literally hurt, and I crowed with pure, unadulterated joy. It was heavenly, to feel so unrestrained, to feel so _alive_. I wished I could stay up in the air forever. But as gravity fought against our suits, I realized we couldn't defy the laws of physics forever. Slowly, but surely, we were losing altitude.

Adrenaline pumped faster and harder throughout my body at the realization, and I could feel my every nerve and fiber buzzing with crazed energy. Then, as if on cue, Finn gave a last whoop before lowering his arm to join us.

"Okay, after me, pull your shoot and angle towards the marsh!" He shouted. "Be careful of the buildings that get in your way, just swerve and avoid them. Because if you do hit them-" he broke off, and none of us needed to hear the rest to know that any impact of the sort, at this dangerous speed and height, would certainly end in death. "Well, just don't hit them. Okay?"

We all shouted our ascent, and then waited as he counted us down again.

"On three! One, two, three. Pull!"

Again fighting gravity, the large piece of fabric that spilled out of Finn's backpack pulled him to an abrupt halt and then carried him up high. Biff and Jude followed suit, and Dan was shortly after.

My fingers grasped the cord pulled. _Nothing happened_. I yanked again, and still I was steadily falling lower and lower. The ground was gradually growing beneath me, and I could've sworn I saw tiny people standing on the pavement below. I wanted to cry out for help, to thrash and wail, as any sane human would, but I didn't.

Instead, I clenched my jaw against the scream that threatened to tear out of my throat, and acted. I had to be smart, I had to think. Finn hadn't mentioned it, but there had to be an emergency procedure to follow in case the chute didn't deploy. Dauntless taught you to be prepared, to always have a plan B, and this couldn't be the exception.

I fumbled with the various straps on my suit, praying for something that could give me a clue. I had to find it quick, because the fact that I'd brought my hands in to search also meant that the fabric that had slowed my fall was now gone. I tumbled through the air, my body turning over itself various times. I was getting dizzy, and there were moments when I genuinely didn't know which way was up and which way was down.

It was in one of these turns that the wind made a small piece of fabric flutter to my attention. It was near my shoulder, small and silver, and without hesitation I yanked on it.

A sharp rip sounded through the air, and then a loud flutter as the fabric spilled out of my backpack and halted my fall. The straps were again digging into my body; cruel and pinching, but I didn't care. I was _alive_.

Sure, I was still falling much faster than I'd like, but it wasn't in a way that I couldn't handle. Compared to a few seconds ago, this was easy. I couldn't see any of the guys as I craned my head around. It wasn't until I really concentrated that I heard the sound of muffled shouting. I tried again to look above me, but the fabric of the chute didn't let me see past a certain point.

I knew that since they'd managed to deploy their parachutes earlier, they'd be floating higher above where I was. There was really nothing more that I could do from this point on. I decided then to just follow through with the plan; I angled myself towards the marsh, and then hoped I'd be able to find them before sundown.

The wind swirled past me, slightly more gentle this time around, and I felt my body almost relax. _Almost_. While I was still falling fast, that wasn't what worried me. The closer I got to the ground, the more buildings that were beginning to poke up and into the sky; straight into my path.

I tried angling myself one way, managing just barely to move out of the way of a tower, and then the other. The buildings were coming at me fast, and more times than not I ended up getting tossed into the side of them. Like a marionette on strings, I was being swung around without any way to control the situation.

 _This has to be it. There can't be more. What else could possibly go wrong?_

And then I saw it. Large and impossible to avoid, there was a final building that stood in my way to making it safely to the marsh. Literally, it was what stood between me staying alive and meeting a swift end. It was wide and tall, and there was no possible way I'd be able to swerve it. I would not die. Without further thought, I reached for the straps that connected me to the parachute.

 _Snap_.

The ground was a blur beneath my feet.

 _Snap_.

The wall was looming closer.

 _Snap_.

I couldn't hear anything; not the wind, not the voices of my friends, not even my own pounding heart.

 _Snap_ …


	39. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

My eyes were still wide and my hair untamed as I hobbled into the lunchroom that evening. Though it might've just be a figment of my imagination, since no was supposed to know about our little stunt, I couldn't shake off the feeling that I was now really one of the dauntless. I lingered at the door, remembering just how I'd barely managed to escape the latest fiasco, and let out a contented breath.

On impulse and without any sort of premeditated calculation, I'd unsnapped my buckle at the last second before impact; hoping and praying that rather than fall face-first into the concrete below, the little grove of trees I'd spotted might soften my landing. It'd worked, _more-or-less_ , with my fall slowed and then stopped by various branches. I had red angry scratches over my face and hands, and a couple more bruises were already starting to appear on my arms and legs, but it was nothing compared to what could've happened.

Part of my suit had actually gotten caught-up on one of the tree's branches, and as much as I'd tried I couldn't free myself. Dangling from one of my legs, Dan and Finn had found me minutes later, red-faced and somewhat irritated; how ironic was it that I could escape from a rollercoaster hurtling towards an abyss and from a parachute about to collide with a massive building, yet a tree was what had finally reigned me in.

After their initial shock, Dan and Finn had managed to cut me down and we'd regrouped with Biff and Jude, who'd gone a different direction to chase down my parachute. Later they told me it was a good thing I'd done what I'd done; if not, I would've surely died.

"You are not from this world," Biff had gaped when he'd first spotted me. "How are you even alive?"

I didn't even have time to answer before Jude cut in; for once looking at me with a newfound respect. "How did you even stay calm? I would've flipped out, just had a total melt down, if that had happened to me!"

"Sage, you are a mad man," Finn stated. "A freaking loon, I swear." Though they sounded like insults, Finn had never stopped smiling the entire time.

I think Dan might've been a little shaken by the whole incident. Uncharacteristically, he'd stayed relatively quiet through the rest of our trek back to the dauntless compound. On occasion he'd ask how I was doing, how I was feeling, if that hurt, or if I could move, but nothing else. Even his expression, which was normally open and inviting, had become blank and almost unyielding.

A part of me wanted to pry and demand to know what was wrong with him, but I figured he'd tell me when he was good and ready. After rewrapping the parachutes into neat bundles, and folding the suits back the way we'd found them, we'd jogged back to the train and ridden back to dauntless.

"How are you holding up?" Dan now asked as he walked up next to me. He had his own tray of food in his right hand, and was holding another in his left.

"Wow, hungry much?" I chuckled when I saw the extra food.

"No. Well, _yes_ , I'm always hungry. You know that. But this isn't for me, it's yours." Dan explained.

"Oh. Well, thanks, but I can carry it." I said and immediately took my tray. I wasn't that hurt that I couldn't carry my own things, and Dan was not a slave at my every beck and call.

Dan didn't argue, and as we headed over to where Finn and the guys were sitting, he excused himself momentarily.

"What's up with him?" Jude asked as he reached over and stole a roll off my plate.

"Not sure," I admitted. I was beginning to get really worried; if even people that hadn't known Dan long could tell something was amiss, then it had to be something big.

"I think he was scared," Finn said after a moment. Immediately on the defense, I was about to rush in and argue that Dan was more dauntless than anyone I knew, but then Finn held his hands up to explain. "I mean for you. When your chute didn't open, he freaked out, and then when you were going to hit that building, well let's just say it was a whole different side of Dan."

 _Oh_. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I didn't like to think I'd been the cause of Dan's momentary breakdown.

"Haha, yeah. The kid was off on a tirade, I think he even threatened to kick the crap out of us at some point." Biff added with a laugh. "Said that if the parachute we'd given you was faulty we'd all have hell to pay."

I gaped at Finn, amazed he seemed so calm and collected. Finn must've been able to read my reaction, because he actually let out a hearty laugh. "Dude, Sage, it's cool. I get it. You and Dan have been buds for a long time no?"

"Since we were toddlers," I nodded.

"Yeah, well it's the same with me and these two lugnuts. I'd have the same, if not worse, reaction if I thought their lives were in danger."

"Aww, that's _too_ touching," Biff teased, pretending to wipe at an invisible tear. "Yeah, I didn't take it seriously. When I saw you detach from the parachute I had a gut feeling you'd be fine. Mostly I thought it was funny to see Dan lose his cool."

Finn slugged him, and smirked. Jude, to my surprise, also seemed to agree with Finn's sentiments. He was usually so ornery and easily irritated, I'd assumed he'd have a different reaction to Dan's threats.

"Don't give me that look meathead," Jude snapped when he saw me staring. "What? Do you think I'm some kind of emotionless jerk?" Honestly; my facial expressions were much too revealing. I'd have to work on that.

"You're not mad at Dan either?" I asked; wanting to be sure that my bestfriend would be safe from the after-effects of his threats.

"No, of course not. I can't blame him." Jude sighed, and then shrugged. "I have a little brother and sister, and I know I'd murder anyone who tried to harm them. I guess what I'm saying is, I get where he was coming from."

I sighed in relief, happy that everyone was still on good terms. And, as if on cue, Dan reappeared and began to eat with us. He was cheerful, and seemingly back to his chatty self. If anything, he almost seemed overeager; occasionally looking over his shoulder to the entrance of the cafeteria.

"What?" Dan asked after he'd caught me sneaking a glance in his direction for the third time.

"I'm sorry I made you worry," I said after a moment of hesitation.

Dan blinked once, and then my comment seemed to sink in as he looked from my face to Finn, Biff, and Jude. "Oh, so they told you?" He said, sounding only mildly embarrassed.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry Dan. I swear this time wasn't my fault though. The parachute cord didn't want to work, and then when it did the building was in my way and it was the only way out-" I began to explain in a rush. Dan let out a laugh, and then held a hand up to stop me.

"Sage, it's cool. You don't have to apologize. Yeah, I freaked out, but I think you and everyone on this table knows I wasn't serious." He glanced at the guys and smiled his lopsided grin as he shrugged. The boys nodded, and Dan continued. "I do have a confession to make though."

"What is it?" I asked, worried when I realized his tone had changed.

"So, I might've done something you probably won't like," He said slowly; the look of mischief back on his face. "I mean, in my defense, you put me through the wringer. So I thought I'd pay it back in a way." Dan glanced at Finn and the boys, meeting their questioning expressions. "So now it's your turn to get chewed out."

I didn't get it, but the others certainly did, because after a second of thought they were all grinning widely.

"What did you do?" I asked; greeted almost instantly by amused chuckles.

"You didn't," Jude snickered.

"Maybe I did, _maybe_ I didn't," Dan said in a sing-song voice.

"Well did you?" Biff pressed; his smile wide and entertained.

"What? What are you guys talking about?" I demanded. "Do what?"

"He really is oblivious no?" Finn added.

"Oblivious to wha-" I didn't get a chance to finish, because when I heard her voice, I realized just what Dan had done.

"You said you'd behave," Randi growled behind me. _Crap_.

"You narc," I accused.

Dan and the others laughed contemptuously, and I glared at all of them before I gathered up the courage to face Randi. I could risk my life day after day, but the thought of enduring her anger was what had me recoiling with dread; what an absurdity.

I turned slowly in my seat, trying to mentally come up with something to say that would show that this hadn't all been my fault. All arguments left me the moment I saw her though. More than her fury, it was the look of disappointment that got to me; making my stomach twist and my heart lurch.

"Randi-" I tried to say, but was cut off as she raised her hand sharply. I thought she might slap me again, and so I was surprised when she instead turned sharply on her heel and stormed away.

Stumbling out of my chair, I went after her, ignoring the smirking faces of my friends. Shoving past bodies in black, I followed her; pleading for her to listen to me. She started running up some stairs, and I realized I had absolutely no clue where we were.

"Randi, stop, do you even know where you're going?" I asked.

"Anywhere away from you," she snapped, not bothering to turn and look at me. "I can't look at you right now Sage. You just make me so-so" she didn't continue.

She picked up her speed; taking the steps two at a time.

"Why are you so angry?" I said; genuinely bewildered at her reaction. "If you'd let me explain, you'd realize that this time it was not my fault."

As she reached the last door, she shoved it open. I followed, and then realized as I looked around, that we were on the roof. I'd never been there, but even though the sights all around us were beautiful, all I could concentrate on was Randi. She was taking deep gulps of the cold air, and I could see that her hands were clenched into tight fists.

I moved closer.

"Why are you so mad at me?" I said; unable to hide the hurt in voice.

She wheeled around at once, and I actually had to take a step back when I felt her eyes stab daggers into me. Her gaze alone felt worse than the fall I'd taken through the tree.

"Honestly? You don't know why I'm mad?" She snapped. I shook my head, and she actually let out a sharp barking laugh before she answered. "You know, I actually thought you were playing around and trying to be cute? I just couldn't believe it when Ava said you seemed genuinely clueless. I mean, do I have to spell it out for you?"

"I think you might have to," I admitted in embarrassment. "I hate to have to keep using this as an excuse, but I was raised in candor remember? I never had to guess what was on a girl's mind or have to read any _signs_ , this is all new to me."

I saw Randi open her mouth to argue, but then to my surprise, she seemed to deflate with mild mortification. "I hadn't thought about it that way. I thought, I mean-"

And suddenly something clicked. Like a light bulb going off in my head, I could finally understand the scenario. Her rapid pulse, her wide eyes and quick breathing; I felt incredibly stupid for not realizing it sooner. I'd seen the signs before but since candor girls weren't shy about anything, relationships included, I'd never had to guess.

"What?" I asked softly, taking a step closer to her. I felt my heart thump. What if I was wrong? What if I'd misread all the signs? "Please, be honest with me."

She didn't say anything for a long time, and I mentally cursed myself. Of course I'd been wrong, why had I ever thought she'd think of me in that way. I was about to step away when she suddenly reached for my hand.

"When Dan told me what happened, I just about had a heart attack. Do you realize you could've died? I hate it. I hate that you always seem to gravitate towards the most dangerous situations. I can't stand it," she said in a heated rush. She squeezed my hand, and I could feel her shaking.

"And that bothered you?" I asked. "Why?"

"Because, I think I might like you," she whispered; tilting her head to look at me.

I stopped breathing. For a second, our eyes met, and everything was quiet. Then, on impulse I gently grazed my fingers over her face. She closed her eyes, and leaned her head into my palm.

"You _think_ you like me?" I repeated softly.

A slow smile spread over her face, and when she looked at me again, I could hear the change in her voice; confident and assured. "No, I guess not." My heart deflated. " _Think_ would mean I have doubts." She said. Balling her hand around my shirt, she pulled me down to eye level, and then she whispered in my ear. "I know I like you, _a lot_ , definitely more than I should."

My brain was still processing her words, but before I knew it, my hands had settled on her waist and brought her close to me. Slow and delicately, our lips met, and in that moment I felt the same rush I'd gotten when I'd jumped from the building. Wild adrenaline and sweet freedom; I felt _limitless_.


	40. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

"You're doing it again," Dan teased as he nudged me.

"Doing what?" I asked, somewhat startled at the sound of his voice.

"You have that stupid smile on your face again," he responded.

I flushed a little in embarrassment, but even so, I couldn't seem to make myself stop. I'd gone to sleep in a state of bliss and woken up with a permanent grin on my face.

"I think it's absolutely adorable," Grace piped in. "Don't worry Sage, Randi will be here along with the others in no time."

I nodded and tried to suppress the impulse to start tapping my foot. As silly and juvenile as it sounded, it felt like it'd been ages since I'd last seen Randi. Sitting on one of the benches that were stationed in the dark hallway, I found myself glancing time and time again at my watch.

Then as if on cue, following closely behind Red, the dauntless initiates started to appear from around the corner. Grace immediately scooted over when Randi emerged from the crowd, and I made a mental note to thank her.

A slow smile spread over her lips, and her eyes beamed when she spotted me. Taking a seat to my right, I was about to reach for her hand but stopped at the last minute as I remembered what else had happened yesterday.

Though most would be hard-pressed to believe it; other than the innocent kisses we'd shared on the roof, nothing else had happened. When we'd finally stopped to come up for air, we had stayed locked in place, looking into each other's eyes as we rested our foreheads against each other. My hands securely on her waist and her arms around my neck; I'd been only aware of her and nothing else.

It wasn't the first time I'd kissed a girl, but it had definitely been the first time it really mattered. It was only when the wind had picked up and Randi had shivered that the spell around us seemed to break. After offering her my jacket, we'd walked hand-in-hand to the edge of the roof and sat with our legs dangling over the edge.

Staring out across the city, we'd entwined our fingers and basked in the silence for a while longer. Then, as if a dam had burst, words began to pour out of each of us in a gust. We talked for a long time, and not just idle chit-chat, but a real heart-to-heart conversation.

It was during this time that I really got to know more about Randi; learned what she loved, hated, things that made her tick, things that made her laugh, and how her past experiences were what had shaped her into the person she was now.

I learned curious little facts that I never could've guessed. Like that she didn't have any piercings because she didn't like needles, that she had once ditched school and been gone for two days just so she could explore the vast amity fields, and that her real name was actually Miranda. She'd shortened it to Randi because she thought Miranda was much too girlish and wouldn't command as much respect.

I also got to know serious details. Since she'd been an only child with two dauntless adrenaline-junkie parents, she'd quickly learned to adapt and fend for herself at a young age. After a mission gone wrong, her mother had passed away and left her alone in the care of her father when she was thirteen. It was about a year later that her dad suffered the same fate; dying instantly from a fatal fall off of one of the bridges that surrounded the dried up marsh. She'd been completely on her own since then.

Her eyes had filled with silent sorrow as she recalled those times, and it was then that I really understood her reaction to all my near-misfortunes. It was reasonable and made complete sense; she'd lost her parents, the people she loved, because of their wild unruliness. In her eyes, I was no different; I was an accident waiting to happen.

"I'm sorry, I'm _really_ sorry," I repeated over and over. "I had no clue, I didn't know."

"I know, but now do you see why I was so angry?" Randi said.

"Yeah, I get it. It's just, _I mean_ , I don't do it on purpose you know?" I tried to defend myself.

"That's what makes it worse," she said, running a hand through her hair in exasperation. "The fact that you're completely unaware of all the risks you're taking is infuriating."

"If it was so bad, then why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Sage, we're not all raised to spill every thought that crosses our mind. It takes longer for me to open up to people."

"I understand that I put you through an enormous amount of stress, and that you were pissed because you were worried about me. But you have to talk to me Randi. I can tell when you're lying, yes, but I'm not an actual mind reader. You have to let me in or I won't know what I've done wrong until it's too late."

Our conversation continued like this for some time, and in the end we decided to compromise; I'd try, with _try_ being the key word, to not put myself in unnecessary danger, and she'd work on being more open with me.

With that first hurtle out of the way, we continued to talk about everything, well, _almost_ everything. I didn't want to lie, not to her, so in a conscious attempt to avoid the subject, I was careful not to speak about anything that might bring up the topic of my divergence. Mostly, I told her about my mom, Mara, and Dan.

At one point, I'm not sure when, we trailed off and lapsed into silence. Though words weren't being exchanged, the connection between us felt strong. You could talk with someone for hours, days, years, and it wouldn't mean as much as the feeling I experienced; to not say a word, yet be able to feel that person with your heart, to feel like you'd known that person for forever. It felt as if we were linked in a much deeper way than I could fully grasp and understand, and as I realized this, my heart thudded with quiet delight.

When the skies turned pitch black, and the only thing we could see were the twinkling stars, we'd stood and started to make our way to the door. However, just as I was about to turn the door knob, she gently pulled me to a stop.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something else," she said; biting her lip and staring down at her shoes. "I was thinking for now maybe we should just, _umm_ , be cool about all this."

" _Cool_? What does that mean?" I asked, and as I watched her face chagrin, my mind couldn't help but think of the worst possible things she could say. Did she regret the kiss? Had I gone too fast? Was she in a totally different place than I was? Had I read into something that didn't even exist? Why didn't she want the others to know?

"Don't misunderstand me. I just mean that until initiation is over, we should try to keep things discreet. You know, nothing official."

"Randi, are you embarrassed of me?" I blurted out.

"What? No, of course not!" She gaped. "It's just that this is all new to me, and I don't want people talking about us and making it weird. I want us to get to know each other without having to worry about people are saying behind our backs."

I snorted and pulled my hand away. A candor upbringing tended to give its citizens a thick skin; it took more than gossip to bother us. "First of all, I'm pretty sure most everyone knows or at least suspects, especially after what happened down in the lunchroom. Second, I don't care what people say, and you shouldn't either." I snapped.

"It-it's not that easy," she stammered. I was about to argue back when my ears caught it; the slightest pitch in her voice.

"What are you keeping from me?" I asked, softer this time. "You said you'd be honest."

She didn't say anything for a moment, but then she was speaking in a rush. "Because Sage, what if? _Huh_ , what if I don't make it past the second stage of initiation? What then?" She began to pace back and forth. "What if I become factionless? I don't want to get attached to something I might not be able to keep."

"You won't fail-" I tried to say, but she cut me off with a glare.

"You don't know that. The dauntless that got cut in the first round didn't think it would happen to them either, but now where are they? Yeah, that's right, in the streets and without a home."

"You can't think that way."

She sighed, shoulders slumping, her anger and nervousness gone. She walked towards me and rested her head on my shoulder. "I know, but I can't help it. I've never been an optimist." I held her closer. "This, _us_ , you're very important to me. But until both of us are official members of dauntless, well, I don't think we should make anything official."

 _So what am I supposed to do? Just act like none of this ever happened?_ Is what I wanted to say, instead, I tried to put myself in her place and be empathetic; if she wasn't feeling confident about where she stood, I'd only be making matters worse by arguing about it.

Resisting the urge to turn our talk into a debate, and state my points in an attempt to change her mind, I nodded. Originally, I'd decided to just agree but as I opened my mouth to speak, my still-truthful-wired brain kicked in.

"I don't agree with this," I said, but when I saw Randi start to speak I raised a hand, "but I don't want to add to the pressure you're feeling, or make you feel like I need a label. I'll _be cool_ -" I made little air-quotes with my fingers "-until we're both really considered dauntless."

She grinned and leaned into me, and without another word we made our way back down to the dorms.

Now, as I sat with my hands knotted in front of me, I couldn't help but feel the slightest sense of frustration. I wanted to hold her hand, to make her laugh and smile. I wanted to act without restraints. I knew if I dared to speak, all my unfiltered thoughts would spill out without hesitation. So, rather than make a compete fool of myself, I decided my best strategy would have to be stay quiet.

To my left, a conversation between some of the dauntless born and transfers was already taking place, and so I used their distraction to peek at Randi. She wasn't looking at me, and I couldn't help but feel deflated. I was wondering just how much longer I'd have to wait and pretend I wasn't suffering from the worst schoolboy-crush I'd ever gone through, when I felt something nudge my side.

Perhaps sensing my sulky mood, Randi had poked me in the ribs with her elbow and raised a brow. I smiled tentatively, and she grinned right back.

"Why so blue?" she whispered as she leaned closer to me.

"I'm trying to be _cool_ ," I muttered back.

She chuckled and rolled her eyes a little. "That doesn't mean we can't talk at all."

"Trust me Randi, you don't want me to say anything." I shook my head. "I don't have a very good filter yet and what I say will definitely not be subtle, making this whole _unofficial_ thing harder for the both of us."

"Is that so?" she asked; her voice sounding amused. "And what would you say exactly?"

"Don't Randi," I warned.

"I'm serious, I want to hear your thoughts," she said, jutting her bottom lip out obstinately.

"Are you teasing me?"

"No," she twisted a lock of hair around her finger, "just curious."

Well two could play that game. I shifted in my seat and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Well, if I wasn't being all calm and suave, I might tell you that you're by far the prettiest girl in this room."

She shivered. "Y-yeah?" she mumbled.

I nodded and then casually leaned back to brush some loose strands of hair behind her ear. "I would tell you that you steal my breath every time I lay eyes on you."

"Okay okay, _stop_ ," she muttered, beginning to blush a deep pink. "I get it, limited talking."

"But you were so _curious_ ," I said, unable to hide my smirk.

"Not anymore," she retorted.

I chuckled, and then shrugged. "Well if you change your mind about the whole _down-low_ thing, I'd be more than happy to oblige."

She jabbed me another time, slightly harder, and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Nice try."

Before I could respond, Amar opened the door and said. "Finn."

Hopping up, Finn followed behind Amar, a blue light at the end making him look almost as if he were a ghost; a soul searching for a way out of this labyrinth. When the door shut behind them all talk ceased, and as the seconds turned into minutes, we didn't dare move. Then about twenty minutes later the door opened again and Amar announced the next name.

"Sage."


	41. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Wiping my clammy hands against my pants, I stood and swiftly followed behind Amar. Down the hallway and into another room, I froze like a deer in headlights when I spotted what was inside the room. In the center, almost exactly like the one used for the aptitude tests, was a metal reclining chair and a familiar beeping machine. The only difference was the lack of mirrors.

"Take a seat," Amar said, motioning to the chair.

"Another simulation? Why?" I asked, unwilling to budge from my spot. "I mean, our results were already put in and everything. Why this second time around?"

"Sit," Amar repeated, sterner this time around.

Not wanting to try his patience, I obediently made my way to the chair and sat down. I caught the sound of the door clicking shut, and I couldn't help but clench my fist on the armrests of the chair.

"What kind of test is it this time?" I dared to ask as Amar began to type something into the computer in front of him.

"Have you heard of the term, face your fears?" he asked. I nodded and he continued to tap on the keyboard. "Well, that's essentially what this is. With this simulation we're going to literally teach you to control any terror or dread you may feel so that you can learn think clearly in the midst of any dangerous situation."

Another test, another hurtle, another way my secret could be revealed. I had to stay calm. The simulations weren't real, they were of no real threat to my life, all I had to do was act natural. I could feel the adrenalin already beginning to pump through my system, and I balled my hands tighter to hide the small tremors.

"Okay, turn your head," Amar said. I complied, and shut my eyes. It was odd; didn't I have to drink the serum first?

Something foreign brushed against my neck, and without warning I felt body react on instinct; my arm jerk up, hand clenched around Amar's wrist in an iron-like grip. I whipped my head back around and stared with outright distrust and suspicion at the syringe in Amar's hand.

"What the hell is that?" I demanded. "Where's the stuff we're supposed to drink?"

Amar didn't even flinch, he just raised a brow and then stared at my hand. I dropped my arm, but didn't let him get close again. I needed answers.

"Not very dauntless to be scared of needles," Amar noted.

"I'm not," I said quickly. "But I'm not a big fan of getting injected with mystery serums."

Amar sighed loudly, and I couldn't help but feel like in this situation he was the frustrated parent and I was the petulant child. Still, I crossed my arms and stubbornly waited until he spoke again.

"It's the same in essence," he said with a shrug. "We just use a more advanced version. Higher quality serum, with no electrodes or wires."

"No wires?" I repeated. "Then how can you tell what's going on?"

"Well _you_ won't have wires, but I will. I'll also be able to see what's going on through this screen," he said motioning to the large monitor. "For you there's going to be a tiny transmitter in the serum that'll send the data to the computer. It will stimulate your brain, the amygdala to be exact."

"Amyg-" I tried to repeat the word. "What does that part do?"

"It's involved in processing negative emotions like fear and induces a hallucination. Then the transmitter comes into play again, tracking and translating your delusion into bits of data that form the image on the screen. When you're done, I'll just forward the recording to the dauntless administrators."

"Oh," was all I could manage to say. If it was a more advanced version of the aptitude test, did that mean it would reveal my divergence that much quicker? I hoped not.

I nodded, and then leaned back into the chair, turning my head so that my neck was exposed. I was so wound up, I didn't even really feel when the tip of the needle sunk into my skin. It was only when the muscles around my throat started to ache that I really noticed the change.

"In sixty seconds the serum will go into effect." Amar said through the haze that was starting to cloud my vision. "This simulation will also be different in the fact that you will not be able to get out of the hallucination until you calm down, either by lowering your heart rate and controlling your breathing, or by conquering your fear."

I tried to open my mouth to speak, to lift my hands and move, but I couldn't. My thoughts were all scattered, and I was losing vision fast. My palms were sweating again, and my heart was beating a mile a minute.

 _It's not real_. Was the last conscious thought I managed to form.

I could feel the metal floor underneath my body, the cold from it seeping through my clothes. I opened my eyes, and sat up. All around me, there were mirrors, my face reflecting back from them with a look of confusion.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" I called out, getting to my feet and walking towards one of the mirrored walls. "Let me out!" I shouted, thumping on the glass.

There was no reply. I ran my hands up and down the walls, trying to find a door, but nothing budged. I was getting frantic, there had to be a way out. I was about to kick the glass, hoping it would shatter and provide an opening, when I heard a quiet hiss behind me.

A shiver ran down my spine, and I turned with my hands up and around my face; ready for an attack. A segment of the glass wall had slid open, revealing a pack of shadowy figures, and for an instant I let myself hope. Were they here to let me out?

Then, one of the figures stepped forward, and as I took in its features I knew I'd guessed wrong. It was shaped like a human, but that was it; the figure's eyes were completely black and glistening wet, like a creature from the darkest pits of hell.

Its face was twisted into a wicked snarl, and its lips were spread into an agonizingly wide smile that revealed rows of sharpened teeth. From behind it, I heard another hiss, and then a second figure walked in. A forked tongue flicked out once, tasting the air, and as it took a step closer; I could see that their skin was made up of small scales.

I clenched my fists, but before I could even take a step, they were on me. I felt their rough leathery scales on my skin, and as I tried to pull free, I felt their muscles coil and bunch beneath me. I yelled for help, thrashing and trying to strike out at anything. It was pointless; they were inhuman. I could hear them hissing all around me, the smell of death thick in the air. I was outnumbered.

As they continued to pull me, I suddenly realized they were taking me to the center of the room, where a noose hung from a hook in the ceiling. It seemed to be connected to pulley system that could be raised or lowered. It took me only a second to understand what they intended to do, and when I realized it I thrashed even more wildly. As a kid, I'd once almost choked on a hard candy and was only saved because Mara had been there to give me the Heimlich, since then I'd been terrified of the sensation of not being able to breathe.

A terrified scream ripped out of my lungs but I knew, deep down, that no one would come to save me. I was on my own. The figures pulled the noose over my head, and yanked it tightly. Like a wild animal, I curled my hands into claws; attempting to puncture their eyes, draw blood, or at least grab onto something. Compared to these creatures though, I was about as strong as a newborn baby.

The rope was rough around my neck, and when I tried to reach for it, more figures appeared and tied my hands behind my back. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say. My heart thudded painfully in my chest, my skin tingled, and I tried to keep myself rigid when I saw them start to take the rope in their hands. My knees were shaking, and the anticipation was killing me.

 _This isn't real. I can't die. This is not real!_

With the rope in their hands, the figures formed a semicircle around me, and in silence they watched me. I stopped wriggling, stopped trying, there was no way out. They were going to hang me. Ire and defiance flared up within me, and I feebly managed to spit at one of the figures.

"What are you waiting for?" I snarled. "Get this over with!" Then, as if they'd known I would shout and had just been waiting for the opportune time; they pulled the rope and lifted me into the air.

From the beginning it was worse than I'd thought. _Much worse_. The rope had an agonizingly tight grip on my neck; it's rough surface cutting into my soft skin. The suffocation wasn't so bad at first; more like holding your breath. But the rope kept tightening as the seconds ticked by. My neck hurt, and I wanted to cry out in pain but nothing would escape my lips.

There was some fumbling with the rope as the figures tied it to a hook on the wall. _Yank. Yank_. I could feel my body jerk up and down, and once I even felt my feet touch the floor. I kicked out once when a figure was close, but missed completely. The rope was beginning to feel like a knife; sawing at my flesh.

I didn't think there could be anything worse, but I was wrong. By the time the rope held still, the effects of the strangling were taking over, and the pain was forgotten. The blood was pounding inside my head. My tongue felt thick and I couldn't shut my eyes. I wanted to breathe, I needed to breathe, my body _demanded_ air. I tugged the rope on my wrists, shifting and trying to squeeze a hand free.

 _No, no, no!_

My body was not under my control anymore. Mentally, I knew that I couldn't possibly reach the floor, knew the rope wouldn't come undone, and that this whole hallucination wasn't real, but at the moment my mind was not having any sort of influence over my body.

I kicked my legs and struggled to reach the ground, my toes pointing and stretching. My hands strained at the rope behind me, and I could feel my skin getting raw. All the added physical exertion only made my eyes bulge more with the pressure of the blood that could not get past the rope.

 _Air! Need air!_

As I struggled, my body twisted on the rope and I caught sight of myself in the surrounding mirrors. The image was horrible, and felt burned into my head. My tongue and eyes were protruding, and my skin was blotched with purple. My kicking grew more violent, though every movement was agony. My face was now turning black.

 _I'm dying. I'm dying._

The blood throbbed in my head loudly, and I couldn't hear anything anymore. Everything I saw was in shades of red; I was literally looking through a film of my own blood. Spots of black stabbed at my eyes and my body felt bloated; as if I were already a corpse.

And still, the figures continued to watch, their sinister grins always present.

My stomach spasmed and before I could stop myself I threw up; my bodies way of trying to rid it's self of some of the pressure. Except that my vomit was stuck in my throat, the acid burning me from within. The wild shaking of my body transformed into convulsive jerks and spasms, and for an instant I felt myself drifting away into an almost heavenly state of unconsciousness. My eyes were still open, but I couldn't see anything. There was nothing but blackness and an empty abyss.

 _No_.

I regained consciousness for an instant, and in that limited moment I felt like I'd spent years hanging from the noose, suspended in a sort of nirvana. In it I discovered the vast agony of my imminent nonexistence, and I realized something vital.

 _No! I don't want to die._

I experienced a far greater fear and pain at the thought of dying, than anything I'd felt from the hanging. And as I became lucid, the terror and dread fading into the background, I realized another thing. Something important that I'd lost sight of during my struggle, something I'd completely forgotten as I tried to squirm and free myself from the noose. This was not happening. This was all a hallucination.

I willed myself to close my eyes.

 _I have to calm down._

The pounding in my ears subsided.

 _Breathe._

The pressure was gone.

 _Think_.

I imagined the room was empty, and when I opened my eyes again, I could only see my face reflected in the mirrors. Still purple, but alive.

 _This. Is. Not. Real…_

And then the rope snapped.


	42. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

I jerked up and out of the chair; my body pitching to the side. I landed on my hands and knees and with the adrenaline still pumping through my body, I lurched forward in an attempt to get to the door.

"Sage stop!" Amar shouted, momentarily freeing me from my frenzied state of mind.

Sliding down the wall and putting my head in between my knees, I gulped at the air like a fish. To be able to breathe again felt like a miracle and I savored the feeling.

I wasn't completely in control of my wits though. When Amar tried to take a step towards me I leapt to my feet and held my hands out. I didn't want him, or anyone else near me. I could still feel the aggressive tension that had me wound tightly.

"Stay back, just give me space!" I warned. I wasn't too sure of what I'd do and didn't want to risk things by letting Amar get any closer. Probably, beating the crap out of your instructor wasn't something that would be too smiled upon here.

I must've gotten up too fast because a few seconds later I was feeling nauseous. I breathed in a ragged breath and then turned back to the door. My stomach protested, and just in case my body decided to spew whatever was left in it, I grabbed the nearest trash can. I gasped and then wretched, but because I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast, I could only make gagging noises. I clutched at my throat, half expecting to feel the welts the rope had left when it had dug into my skin.

"It's over," Amar assured me.

"I already know that," I snapped back.

I rubbed at my neck and wrists, feeling the phantom pain of the ropes that had bound me in place. I could still remember how the scales of the shadowy figures had felt against my skin, could still smell their rank breath as they swarmed around me. Not real, it hadn't happened. It was all in my mind.

"It wasn't real," Amar said again.

I didn't answer; instead I nodded and grit my teeth. I knew this was not the way to act around Amar, a man who probably had no fears and was the one in charge of my rank. I couldn't be seen as weak. No, I couldn't afford to stay like this, all crazed over a hallucination filled with monsters that didn't even exist.

I wanted to sigh in relief, to feel good about the fact that it was over, but I couldn't. At the back of my head, screaming and shouting, my subconscious was telling me that; no, this wasn't over at all, this was only the beginning. I wished I could say that since I'd been through it once I wasn't afraid anymore. But I was. This simulation would only be the first in many that awaited me.

Amar, seeming to sense that I'd calmed down, stepped forward and offered me his hand. I hesitated, but then took it and got back on my feet.

"Not easy huh?" Amar said quietly.

"I didn't expect it to be," I agreed, shuddering at the fresh wave of memories. "I just didn't think it would be that realistic."

"Overcoming cowardice never is." Amar said, walking back to his computer and then frowning at the screen. "That's what you're here to learn though."

I gingerly sat back in the metal chair, trying to compose myself. I was starting to feel fine when I noticed Amar's frown had deepened. I felt my heart rate kick back up; what had I done wrong?

He had one hand on his chin, and he was tapping on his keyboard with the other. I could see his eyes scanning back and forth, probably reading something, and he'd pause every few seconds to sneak a look at me. Like an animal being hunted, I read his every move and expression as if my life depended on it.

"What, what is it?" I blurted when I couldn't contain my anxiety any longer. "Is it bad?"

He didn't answer, and I couldn't help but take that as a sign that I'd been right. I must've done something wrong. Maybe I'd been too slow to get out of the sim. Was he going to kick me out? Would I get a second chance?

"If I'm failing just tell me, please," I begged.

Amar's head snapped up, and his eyes widened when he registered what I'd said. "Failed?"

I nodded. "You're haven't stopped frowning since I woke up. I can only assume I've done something wrong."

Amar didn't say anything for a long second, his eyes searching mine as if the answer to whatever question he had was there. "Sage, exactly how long do you think you were in that simulation?" he finally asked.

"I don't know, half an hour?" I said after some thought. When Amar shook his head it felt like my blood had turned to ice water. " _No_? More than that?" I gaped. Of course he wasn't happy with me; I'd probably taken longer than any other initiate in history had.

"Two minutes," he said slowly. "You were in that hallucination for two minutes. You got out about five times faster than what is considered the norm. So in answer to your earlier question, no, no you did not fail."

Two minutes? It had felt like I'd spent two _years_ in that hellish nightmare. I knew I should be happy, I'd just set an unheard of record, but the more I thought of it the more I worried. Like Amar, I frowned and ran a hand through my hair; I was getting anxious again.

"Two minutes, that's a good thing right?" I prompted.

"Very good," Amar agreed, though his tone suggested otherwise.

"Then-" I paused to take a breath and organize my thoughts. "Then why does it look like you just caught a whiff of something rank?"

Amar peered back at me, and I could see him warring with himself; whether to tell me the truth or lie. Instead of answering though, he replied with a question himself.

"How did you get out of the noose?" he asked.

"What?" I felt my hands getting clammy.

"The noose, how did you free yourself?" he asked again.

He turned and then pulled the monitor so I could see, then he clicked on something and an image popped up. On it, I could see the nefarious figures surrounding me once again. Shivering, I couldn't help but relive the final moments of my simulation; the feeling of complete and utter helplessness had been the worst all.

"To get out of the simulation, you have to calm down or conquer your fears," he pointed at a corner of the screen that had a squiggly line and a little heart logo next to it, "your pulse never went low enough to get you out, so you had to have freed yourself some other way."

"I don't know how," I said, my voice wavering slightly. "I suppose I conquered it?"

"You suppose?" Amar repeated in disbelief. I could see suspicion beginning to creep onto his features. "You don't _know_ how you got out?"

"Didn't that machine thingy record it?" I pointed to the monitor, trying to get his attention off of me.

"It did, but at the end of it nothing makes sense," Amar said; my strategy working as he turned back to the computer. He pressed a button, and suddenly it was at the part where I'd blacked out and then woken up moments later. After a beat, the screen flashed and then the figures disappeared, then another couple of seconds later a snap was heard and the screen faded to black.

"So?" he asked again. "How did that happen?"

I sensed a trap. Trying with all my might to suppress the urge to spill everything I knew, I looked up, stared him square in the eye, and shrugged.

"I don't know."

Amar was quiet for a long time, and then with a sigh he seemed to give up. He grinned wryly at me and nodded. "Guess we'll find out tomorrow in your next simulation huh?"

"Tomorrow?" I repeated stupidly.

"Don't worry, the first one's always the worst," he said.

"Do they ever disappear?" I asked as I made my way to the door.

"Sometimes, but more often than not they stay. Minor changes have been known to occur, but it's not common." He shrugged. "Other times new fears replace them, but that's not the point. To be completely fearless is impossible. This is about learning to control that fear, and with that control learning to be free."

As I stared at Amar, a quiet respect filled me; though I didn't know him well, it was easy to see the wisdom in his words. It wasn't that the dauntless were completely fearless, as many of the other factions thought them to be, but that they had control over it.

"Hey, I'm serious, you did good," Amar said again. "Now get out of here and don't sweat it."

I nodded, and for an instant I couldn't help but feel that I should just confess everything. Amar seemed trustworthy, and maybe he'd be able to help me.

"Amar?" I said; _thee_ secret on the tip of my tongue. Could I tell him?

"Yeah Sage?"

No, I couldn't; the information I hid was life-threatening, and not just for me. It would be selfish for me to put Amar's life on the line just because I wanted to have someone to lean on. He didn't deserve it. I just couldn't find it in me to put his or anyone else's life in danger. Not for me.

"Nothing," I lied; noting that it was slightly easier to do so if it meant keeping an innocent life safe. This had to be what my mother had felt all those years; keeping Mara and I in the dark so we'd be free of harm. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Without another word, I slipped out the door and into the blue-lit hallway. Rather than rejoin the other initiates, I found myself wandering around aimlessly. I had no real destination; mostly I just wanted to be on the move. If I stood still and let my mind brew on everything that was going on I'd go mad.

There was too much on my mind; I had to hide my divergence from my friends and the dauntless leaders, keep up my rank up without suspicions, play it cool around Randi, find clues that would lead me to the spy in dauntless, and then find the actual person who was blackmailing my family. I felt like screaming.

It was as if a great weight rested on my shoulders; and if that weren't enough, who knew how many more fear simulations I'd have to go through. Thinking rationally, I realized that my fear of being hung probably had little to do with the actual act, but more with the feeling of being completely helpless.

I continued walking, and soon enough I found myself standing in front of the door to the initiate dorm. It was almost funny, I could handle the physical exhaustion without a problem, but all this thinking and brewing was really taking toll on me.

Throwing myself face-first onto my bed, I willed myself to stop trying to think about everything and just concentrate on a single objective. I had to remember why I'd chosen this faction.

While the thought of having to face more fear simulations sent a literal shudder down my spine, I knew it was inevitable. I'd made it this far already, what was a few more days?

I'd picked dauntless, and now I had to face the consequences that came with that choice. I could've had my pick of candor and abnegation as well, but I'd felt a certain pull towards the faction that respected bravery and courage. I couldn't let a single bump in the road lead me astray.

I wasn't going to quit, nor would I falter. I had to, and _would_ , pass initiation. I'd become a real member and strive to be the epitome of the dauntless ideals. But more than anything, I would stay true to myself. Though it certainly placed me in an insurmountable position of danger, I couldn't just make myself into a person I wasn't.

For what lay ahead, I didn't just have to be brave, but also truthful and selfless.


	43. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Darkness; that was all that seemed to exist as I opened my eyes and took in the new scene around me. The last thing I could remember clearly was the needle poking into my skin, and the metal chair that was once beneath me. After that everything was a blur.

 _Simulation;_ my brain provided after I struggled to grasp at the wisps of my fogged memory. Yes, that was it; I was in another one of my fears that had been brought to life. Momentarily, I wondered what new horror awaited me, and how exactly I would go about conquering it without being as obvious as I had been the previous day.

 _When is this going to start?_ I wondered absently.

There was absolutely nothing; the scene continued to be that of a vastly black expanse, without noise or any sign of life. No matter how furiously I blinked and rubbed at my eyes, I couldn't make sense of anything. It most certainly wasn't a fear of the dark, because even as a child I'd never been one to need a nightlight.

I was about to take a step forward in an attempt to find my way around the place, but almost immediately I heard my boot make a dull _thunk._ Holding my hand out in front of my face, I gingerly ran my fingers across the surface before me. It seemed to be a wall made out of solid wood, with sharp splintery pieces jutting out occasionally.

"Damn," I muttered quietly, yanking my hand back when I felt a splinter break free and dig into my palm. I turned to walk the opposite way. Surely, there had to be a door.

 _Thunk_.

I'd only just turned around and shifted forward when I ran into yet another wall. I'd been so sure there was going to be more space I had actually smacked my nose before I'd realized what was going on. I held my hands out tentatively, and again I was greeted with a wall of wicked splinters, one of which had managed to work its way under my fingernail.

My pulse was steadily rising, and I could've sworn the air felt muggier. The door, where was the door? I needed to find a way out, I needed to leave.

 _Thunk. Thunk._

My pulse could no longer be considered merely fast, no, that would've been the understatement of the century. It was wild and frantic, nearly painful as it thudded against my ribs.

"Hey! Let me out!" I shouted, my growing terror clear in my voice. "Help! Someone!" My mind was no longer mine to control, all I could think was that I was trapped.

 _I'm in a box. I'm in a box. I'm in a fucking box._ My subconscious screamed in horror.

To my left, to my right, everywhere I turned there was a wall. And even when I tried to jump and touch the ceiling all I could find was another barricade. I was about to try kicking my way out when suddenly my world shifted; I was no longer on my feet but instead laying on my back.

Angry slivers of the wood pricked and worked their way into the exposed skin of my neck and arms; it was as if they were alive and attacking me, angry that I dared lay on them. I wrapped my arms around my torso, hoping to stop any more splinters from digging in, and it was then that I realized my box was being moved. The sensation was clear, a steady too and fro; someone, or rather a group of someone's, were moving my container.

"Hello? Hey, help! Let me out!" I yelled, kicking my feet out at the wall above me.

There was no response though. The sound of my erratic pulse was deafening in my ears. I had to get out. There was a loud _thud_ as my container was dropped, and I wondered if maybe whoever had been outside had taken notice of me.

The sound of rustling was heard for a moment, and was then replaced by a sort of plunking noise. I listened carefully, and as I lay on my back trying to remember just where I'd heard a sound like that, it all came rushing at me. My blood turned to ice, and I no longer had any doubts as to what this simulation represented.

The plunking sound continued, and through the dismal cracks I'd never seen came the occasional sprinkling of dirt. I knew the sound, how could I not. It had been branded into my heart and soul that fateful day my mom, Mara and I had had to bury the remains of my father. I was being buried alive.

"No, no, no, no, no!" I chanted in outright terror.

I remembered the abnegation volunteers burying his coffin. How the more the dirt covered it, the more panicked I got at the thought that I'd never see my father again. I remembered the smell of the wet earth as it enveloped him; wiping him off the surface of our world.

"Help!" I begged, my voice raw and feral. I didn't care about the splinters anymore. I clawed at the walls with lunacy; the way an untamed animal would fight against a trap.

I remember after the funeral, crying quietly and into my pillow so no one would hear. I remember my childish brain thinking that it was horrible, that even in death my dad would have to suffer. He'd have to be locked away under the earth in a tiny wooden box.

" _Ahhhh_!" I was no longer making sense; I just wanted out.

The screams ripping their way out of my throat sounded like those of a complete maniac. Splinters, long and sharp, continued to dig their way into my hands, my palms, arms, eyes, face, everywhere. I was thrashing and kicking and pounding with my fists.

 _I'm not dead. I'm not dead!_ My mind shrieked.

The air felt thick, and I could feel my chest shuddering with every breathe I tried to pull in. Everything inside of me seemed to squeeze and contract, tighter and tighter. I couldn't breathe. There was no air. This was too much. I wasn't dead, why was I in a coffin? I had to get out.

Something tickled at the back of mind, something important. But what was it?

I tasted something slick and salty; blood. I'd bitten down on my lip so hard I had practically sliced it open. I was gagging as I felt it slide down the back of my throat, thick and warm. I didn't want to swallow, but I had no other choice. No, I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't lose it. I didn't want-

 _Who don't I want to see me cry?_ My brain prompted.

Ignoring the pain, I continued to bite down on my lower lip to keep from sobbing. I was not a coward. I had to think, but I couldn't, it was impossible. I stopped slamming my hands against the wall in front of me and instead wrapped them around my chest. I wanted to curl into a ball and just disappear. How long had I been in here?

 _How long?_ Time, what did time have to do with this situation?

I stopped shuddering and felt the muscles in my body relax. My heart, though still beating at a hundred miles an hour, was slowly catching up to the path my brain was taking. Then, like a wave crashing into the shore, my memories came flooding back. Overwhelming and strong, I suddenly felt like I'd just had a bucket of ice water poured over me.

My questions suddenly made sense. I wasn't dead, because that couldn't happen here. I didn't want to cry, because I didn't want Amar or anyone else to see me as some sort of weak child. And the time, yes the time; how long had I been in this simulation?

 _Too long._ My subconscious snarled.

I didn't _want_ to be in here; so I wouldn't _stay_ in here. I shut my eyes and then with a breath, I held my hands out and tapped on the walls of the coffin. Once was all it took.

The sound of something being up rooted, the smell of damp earth, the feeling of needles raining down on me. It was all so real, yet at the same time unreal. I was both there and not there. Like a storm; it was all at once turbulent and irate, and then just as fast, it was silent. There was nothing.

I gasped, but this time stayed still as I blinked my eyes against the light. I was in the metal chair with Amar next to me. Once again, I was safe and in the real world. I swallowed loudly, forcing the lump in my throat to go down, and then shuddered as I felt the ghostly prickles of splinters still buzzing on my skin.

"I knew it," Amar said, staring at me with wide eyes and his mouth agape. Without any further questioning I knew exactly what he was referring to.

My heart skipped a beat, and then picked up double time. Could it be that I was still in a fear simulation? I discreetly pinched myself. No, it couldn't be. How had I slipped up? Should I confess? Could I trust Amar? I didn't want to put him or myself in danger. No, it was best to act casual.

"What?" I lied; putting on my best _confused-beyond-all-hell_ look on my face.

"Don't play stupid Sage, this is not the time."

"I'm not playing, I really don't know what you mean," I protested weakly; my voice rising in pitch as I spoke. Geez, the lie was painful to my own ears.

"No? Then tell me, how did you do that?"

"Do what?"

I swear if Amar had been a different man he might've already punched me in the face. Not that I would've blamed him. I could practically see the waves of frustration and anger radiating off of his body. He ran a hand through his short hair, and I could visibly see him mouthing the word _relax_ to himself.

"How. Did. You. Get. _Out_." He said in short clipped words; each annunciated sharp and clearly. "And don't even think about lying to me. You're candor roots show every time you try to spin a story."

"I don't-" I started to say before he suddenly jerked out of his chair and strode up to me. I must've tried his patience for far too long. Was he going to hit me now?

I was still sitting in the metal reclining chair, waiting for the blow, when I realized his expression had changed. Sadness and compassion had replaced his earlier ire, and rather than swing, he held his hand out to me. I took it without hesitation and swung my legs over the side so that I was facing him.

"You're divergent," he stated; absolutely no sign of doubt in his voice.

I stared at him, my mouth open in shock. Fear sent a new surge of adrenaline through my veins, and I felt as if I were buzzing with electricity. He knew. _How_? How had he figured it out?

"I suspected it last time when you snapped the rope, but this time it's blatantly obvious."

Could I trust him? He wasn't pulling a gun out, and he looked completely calm. Hyperaware of his every move, gesture and emotion, I realized with shock that I had complete and utter trust in him. I relaxed; this man, who was both brave and noble, would not harm me.

"What made it obvious?" I asked after a long pause; simultaneously admitting the truth with my words as well as voicing my concern.

Amar nodded, seeming to unwind with my admission. "You manipulated the simulation when you splintered the wood, only someone who is divergent can do that."

"What am I?" I asked quietly. "Please, help me understand."

"In simple terms, you are someone who is aware. During the simulations, haven't you noticed that your mind eventually informs you that what you're going through isn't real?"

I nodded. "But I thought everyone was like that?"

Amar shook his head once. "No, not at all. The fact that you are aware isn't even what the problem is. Someone who is like you, well, they have the power to manipulate or even shut down the simulations just by willing it with their mind," he pointed to the screen on his computer where it showed me fragmenting the wooden box with my fingertips, "there, do you see that? That should not be possible?"

I gulped loudly, my hands clammy and shaking. "What can I do?"

"Hide it," he said immediately, "I'll delete the footage, because if anyone else see's this, you'll surely end up dead at the bottom of the chasm."

"I'm going to die?" I repeated numbly; I'd suspected it, but to have it said by someone other than myself was a whole different scenario. It made it that more real.

"It's not completely unavoidable," Amar reassured quickly. "The dauntless leaders don't know about you yet, and I'm going to try and help keep it that way, because if they discover what you are they will _kill_ you. But-"

"But what?"

The silence between us was long and excruciating. Just when I felt like I was ready to throttle him if he didn't speak, he pointed at his watch.

"How long do you think you were in that simulation this time?"

I considered it; yesterday I'd spent two minutes, according to him, and this time around I felt like I might have actually taken longer. Trying to be smart, I figured I'd spent at least double the time.

"Four minutes?" I guessed.

" _One_ minute," he stated, " _way_ too fast for it to go unnoticed."

A heavy weight settled into my stomach, like each word he said was already a death sentence. Tension was building in my chest and I could feel the lingering effects of the claustrophobia I'd experienced start to leer their way into my psyche.

"What can I do?" I repeated meekly, holding my hands out as if somehow the answer to everything could be hidden within them.

"For one, though I know you're going to hate it, you are going to have to bear the simulations for as long as you can. You're cutting through them much too fast, you understand? You need to actually gain time, even if you want out, you can't give in and let yourself break free of them."

I nodded; it made sense. It was something I was going to have to work on though, because the moment I'd realized I could get out of the box, I hadn't stopped to consider much else.

"Okay, so spend more time in the simulations, got it. What else?"

"You have to learn the proper way to get out," Amar pointed back at the screen. "I can't tell you specifically how to get out each time, since I don't actually know what your fears represent, but I can give you some pointers." His fingers danced over the keys, and then the image of my coffin showed up. "Here, what you're going to have to do is either lower your heart rate, or find some way to break the box with a tool or something."

"Where do I get the tool?"

"I can't tell you that kid, because I don't know. You're going to have to figure it out your own way."

"I-I just don't get it," I said in exasperation. "Why the _fuck_ does it matter that I can manipulate a simulation. How can that be dangerous enough to take someone's life?"

"Beats me, if I knew I would've told you by now," Amar shrugged. "I have a theory though, and it's that they don't _actually_ care about the fact that you can change the simulation."

"What do they care about then?"

"Don't know, but manipulating the sim is just a symptom. There's something else they're worried about."

"How many people know about divergence?" I asked after I'd sat and mulled over all the new information. "Are there many?"

Amar's eyes seemed to get a far-away look to them, and I could've sworn he was struggling to hold back tears. "Two kinds of people know, ones that are out to kill you, and ones that have experienced it themselves; either because they are divergent, or they know someone who is."

"What are you?" I asked before I really had a chance to consider my word choice.

Amar smiled his wry _yeah-right-amigo_ smile, and then shook his head slowly.

"Not important right now." He peered at his watch and then shifted to his computer where I saw him click a series of numbers and then a little red button. "Okay, today's footage is gone, but I need something to show or else it will only draw attention to you." He began to draw up another syringe of the orange liquid. "We have time, so I'm going to put you through another simulation. Remember though, stay in as long as you can."

"Thanks," I said gratefully. Then, I turned my head so that he could get a clear shot of my neck.

I didn't think of the needle, or of what lay ahead. Would it be the same fear or a new one? It didn't matter though; all I had to do was stay in for as long as possible. As my vision began to blur around the edges, I made myself a silent vow; no matter what horrors I saw, no matter what happened to me, I would make myself bear it all.

I had to be strong, because of course; none of it was _real_.


	44. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

I'd always wondered if it was possible to measure the amount of bravery contained within a person; and though I had yet to find the answer to that question, I did find out just how our fears were calculated and represented. _Seven_. That was the number of fears I had; each a worse than the last.

Four days had passed since Amar had discovered the secret of my divergence, and in that time I'd already experienced each fear at least three times. I'd had to endure my first two fears all over again; being buried alive in the coffin, and being hung from the ceiling by the shadowy figures.

Along with those, I had also been suspended from my hands over a long metal cylinder filled with bubbling acid. I'd been slowly lowered; this time watched by a group of the dauntless initiates. The only thing that had drowned out my screams had been their uproarious laughter. Death came when the acid was up to my chest. By then my legs had been completely mutilated; with the meat falling off the bone in large chunks, and my feet nothing more than stubs.

In another simulation Max and, surprisingly, Jack Kang had skinned me alive. Strapped down to a metallic operating table; my arms and legs had been first, and then they'd ripped the skin off of my belly in a single yank, leaving behind exposed muscles that twitched, and angrily torn viscera. I died noiselessly when they cut out my larynx. _No_ , not noiselessly, just wordless; because in my head I'd been screaming bloody-murder the entire time.

During another, I'd been standing on the roof of a two story building, when suddenly invisible hands grabbed me and shoved me off the ledge. When I'd land on the ground, my head bouncing off the cement and my bones cracking and crunching, I'd had exactly a second to process what had happened before the invisible hands again threw me off. With each fall, my body shattered even further, until I was nothing more than a morbid version of a raggedy doll. I was dropped me more than a dozen times before I died.

I had a tough time with those simulations; mostly based on the fact that the only way I could manage to stay in the hallucination long enough to avoid suspicion was do just let myself die. Whenever I tried to stop the sim, either with a tool or a tactic, I'd end up getting out too fast and would end up having to go through the experience all over again.

While others only had to go through their fears once a day, I was going through at least three in the time I was allotted; not stopping until Amar deemed that I'd gotten an acceptable time. It had started to take a toll on me; nightmares plagued my sleep, and there were times I'd notice someone looking at me and I'd have to wonder if they weren't about to do something sinister.

I knew if I could only manage to stay in the first hallucination long enough, I wouldn't have to do the others so often. There were times I just couldn't help myself though. Once, I hadn't even been in the simulation long enough to know what fear I'd been about to face; I'd just closed my eyes and willed myself to wake back up before anything happened. Amar had been less than pleased.

"Are you insane? _Huh_?" He had seethed. "Do you _like_ to die? Is that it?"

"No, of course not."

"Then stop getting out so damned fast!" He'd shaken my shoulders, his eyes desperate."Do you think I like having to watch you die over and over again?"

"I'm _trying_."

And try I did; slowly learning to numb myself to the pain. However, though those fears were certainly bad, excruciating, and all around scarring to my psyche, they were nothing compared to the last two. Oddly enough, it was in these two that I never had to die.

In one, I would be standing in a dark room, a single spotlight on me. Everything would be normal, but then as I'd begin to walk, I'd come across a full-length mirror ornately decorated with bronzed snakes on the frame. The real horror was when it came time to look at my reflection; because as I stood before the mirror, there was a reflection, but I didn't want to believe it was mine.

The Sage that stared back was like a morbidly sinister version of myself; his eyes narrowed and predatory, teeth bared into a wicked snarl, hands dripping with the blood of some unknown victim. The more I'd stare at my reflection, the more it unnerved me. It was when I couldn't bear another minute of staring at the monster, that I'd kick the mirror, sending shards of glass skittering across the floor. The bronze snakes would come alive then, but rather than attack me, they'd slither up my legs and fuse with my skin. I didn't die; I just became that which I hated.

The last of my fears was one that I'd somehow always known would appear, but had still hoped it wouldn't. I'd wake up, my surroundings suggesting that I was still in the dauntless compound, and as I looked around my eyes would inevitably find the victim; someone I loved. Oftentimes it was my mother, and other times it would be Mara or Dan, the result never changed though.

A figure would appear out of the corner of my eye, a gun in hand, and as he'd start to aim his weapon I'd try to move. I never understood why he wanted to kill them, all I could think was that it wasn't fair; why should they die when they'd done nothing wrong, when they were innocent and scared and completely helpless? It was at that point that I'd realize I was shackled to the floor and unable to free myself. No matter how much I yelled, taunted, or begged the person to take my life instead, it always ended the same way. A bullet in the forehead, pieces of their soft brains splattered all over the floor.

Though I absolutely hated going through the simulations where I was tortured and left to die, I would've rather done them over and over if it meant never having to face the last two. My mind eventually figured out that none of these deaths were permanent. Now, when the moment came, though it was still terrible, I endured it better. I screamed less, I approached it with a greater calm. If it wasn't for the time constraint I'd have even sped up the process.

I could manage my own pain; I could ignore it well enough, but to be unable to do anything for my family was horrendous. My family. I knew it wasn't real, but while in the hallucination, the grief I felt was nearly enough to have me on my knees and sobbing. And the mirror, oh the mirror, I hated that one to the point that when it came time to shower or go to the restroom, I refused to look at my reflection; fearing that my nightmare would somehow leap into reality.

Today, that had been the second simulation I'd gone through. I could still see the snakes melding into my skin. I knew what that fear represented; it was something I'd always thought but had never voiced when I'd made the decision to join dauntless.

There was so much cruelty, so much violence, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was this kind of environment that had helped form people like Max. And if that was the case, did it mean that it would eventually happen to me? _Perhaps_. Evil attracted evil, and even when I tried to run from the snakes, which I was sure represented wickedness, they'd always catch up and merge with my body.

Absently, I ran my hands along my arms, as if I could somehow brush off the memory. I'd taken to hiding out in the chasm after the fear simulations; somehow the sound of the rushing water helped to soothe my frayed nerves.

"Cold?" a voice asked over the babble of the stream.

"Dan," I answered; not needing to turn around to know it was him. "No, just- _you know_ , needed to think."

Dan nodded, and plopped down next to me, a grimace of his own still stuck to his features; I wasn't the only one who was beginning to show the signs of the wear and tear of our mental training. With one exception, all of the other initiates were beginning to feel the toll.

Grace would scream every night, thrashing and kicking blankets as she'd try to fight away the monsters in her dreams. Billy was constantly flinching at the sound of loud noises, though he tried to hide it, and his lackeys Howard and Samantha had taken to avoiding any area without a light source. I didn't see him often, but I'd also heard it mentioned that Marko was now always equipped with a pair of brass knuckles, no matter where he went. Even Finn, Biff, and Jude weren't as cheerful and mischievous as they normally tended to be.

Randi didn't say anything, but I could tell by the way her nails were chewed down to the beds of her fingers that she wasn't okay. Either because she'd forgotten her promise to be open with me, or simply because she preferred to be comforted by Ava; but I'd come to realize that she seemed to go out of her way to avoid me. A part of me was worried, while another was furious, but exhaustion beat the two. I wasn't mentally prepared for that upcoming argument, and so I decided I'd just wait I was feeling more lively to begin that talk.

Dan, surprisingly, was rather good at hiding his symptoms; mostly he just seemed tired, since he rarely slept a full night. It was usually he or I that comforted Grace when she couldn't stop sobbing. I knew he had fears; I could see him get visibly anxious just before it was his turn to go into the room, and then he'd always exit looking as pale as a ghost. But somehow, he always eventually bounced back.

No, Dan wouldn't and couldn't have hidden anything, not even if he'd tried. Rather, I suspected that his easygoing personality was what helped him brush his apprehension away. That, and that he, unlike most of us, was completely honest all the time. He didn't have any secrets to hide, and so he had less of a burden. I, on the other hand, would forever have to deal with the weight of my secret.

"Still no Randi?" Dan mused after we'd sat together in silence for a while.

"No."

"That's weird," he added; raising a brow in my direction. So even _he'd_ noticed. "I thought you two would be all-" he began to pantomime kissing another person; wrapping his arms around himself and making loud smooching noises.

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Shut up," I said; reaching over to mess up his hair. "But yeah, it is weird."

"Why don't you go look for her then?"

I shrugged. "I've tried, but whenever I do find her she always makes up some excuse to leave," I frowned; I could always tell when she really had something to do and when she was lying. "Anyway, I figured I'd talk to her later, when we're both not so on edge."

"That may be the smartest thing I've heard you say this week," Dan smirked.

" _What_?" I asked in surprise.

"Okay, maybe the second smartest. First would _definitely_ have to be when you suggested we sneak down to the cafeteria and nab some dauntless cake for a midnight snack. Certainly cheered up Grace, and you know I never say no to cake."

"That's not what I was surprised about," I rolled my eyes. "I meant why do you think it's a good idea that I wait to talk to Randi? I figured you, of all people, would be rooting me on and telling me to find out the truth."

"Oh, I still think you should find out what she's hiding," Dan quickly answered, but then he smirked again and shrugged. "I don't know man, it's just that you and her are so alike – _too_ alike, really– you both have explosive tempers sometimes, and I just don't think right now is a good time for a spat between you two. Waiting is smart."

"Wow," I found myself nodding. "That was very sound advice. Thanks."

Dan grinned impishly and then clapped me on the back. "What can I say, I am a _very_ wise man, filled with ancient logics," he tapped his head and then waggled his eyebrows, "just call me , the _love_ maestro."

I broke down; I could not have kept my composure if I'd tried. The eyebrows were what had really gotten me. I laughed, and even let out a snort. It was just so funny, and a nice relief from my previously dark thoughts.

"Yes sir'ee, I got my degree and everything," Dan continued, hamming it up as he pretended to hook his thumbs around invisible suspenders. "Bachelor's degree in the art of relationships, and a Masters specialized in _makin' it work_."

"You're too much," I said as I clutched at my stomach.

"Pshh, whatever man, there's never such a thing as too much Dan."

"What are you two laughing about?" I heard a voice say from behind us. Grace; I recognized her dancer-esque footsteps.

"Nothin' just teaching my bro some old trick of the trade," Dan said.

"Haha, wow, look at you two gossiping," Grace teased, "well if you hens are done clucking, there's something I came to tell you."

"Why Ms. Willows, I resent being compared to poultry," Dan pouted. "If you had to choose a bird, you could've at least picked a cool one."

"Right," I agreed; attempting to look serious, "like an emu or something."

"Or an ostrich!" Dan chimed in.

"Oh wow," Grace chuckled. "How do you two even know about those animals?"

"You'd be surprised how _non_ - _slacker_ - _y_ we were in school," Dan quipped. "We didn't get good grades just because of our devilishly good looks you know."

"God, stop!" she laughed, shaking her head at us. "Don't distract me. What I was coming to tell you is that Amar is about to put up the rankings for stage two."

"But I thought there weren't going to be any cuts during stage two," I frowned.

"Oh, there isn't, it's just sort of a progress report so we can see where we're at," Grace explained.

"Well then what are we waiting for?" I said; jumping to my feet and pulling Dan and Grace along with me as I head to our dorm. "Let's go."

"Why so eager?" Dan asked as he jogged to keep up.

"Just curious," I said. It wasn't a lie; but admittedly, it wasn't the whole truth.

I'd gone through hell these past few days, and what I really wanted to see was if my efforts had paid off. If I'd done well enough to get a good rank, but not so much that Max or any of the other dauntless leaders would notice.

I had to see if I'd done enough to live another day.


	45. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

The group of remaining initiates stood crowded at one end of the room, anxiously waiting as Amar scribbled something onto the chalkboard in his hands. After a few seconds, he turned and lifted the board back above his head and onto the nail, stepping aside as he did so. The room fell silent while everyone searched for their names. It was crowded, but I had only to tilt my head up a little further to make out the list.

My name was in the first slot.

I could feel the eyes of everyone in the room on me, but I could only continue to stare at my name and the number next to it. My average simulation time; the most that I'd been able to last, was two minutes and thirty seconds. Banks was second; with his time being four minutes and ten seconds.

Between the two of us, I didn't think the difference was _too_ notable; the real problem came when my time was compared to everyone else's. It was then that things were conspicuously uneven. Dan was third, with an average of seven minutes, and then Grace at eight minutes and ten seconds.

" _Woah_ , nice job Sage," Grace said in awe.

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just nodded as I continued to stare at the board. I wasn't sure how to feel; on the one hand I was happy to see that I was still ranked first, but on the other I knew this would definitely draw unwanted attention to me. It was the best I'd been able to do though; my mind couldn't take more without completely distorting the simulation.

Banks, who'd been at the front of the group, turned slowly and searched through the crowd; his eyes immediately landing on my own. Unlike Billy, who practically had smoke coming out of his ears, Banks appeared almost delighted at the outcome. Shoving brusquely past the crowd of initiates, he stalked forward, not stopping until he was only a foot away from me.

I stayed in my place, crossing my arms and silently daring him to try and move me. My body itched for a fight, but if he wasn't going to attack, then I couldn't find it in me to warrant punching him in the face. Though I normally preferred peace to senseless fighting; in this instance, I almost _wanted_ him to try and hit me. It was easier for me to handle things physically, and with all the fear simulations I'd had to endure these past few days, I really just wanted the release.

But he didn't appear hostile, not at all. The feeling of deja-vu flooded my body as his frosty blue eyes studied me; like he had before, when we'd first arrived here and he'd snuck up behind me at the water fountain. Like then, slow and unnatural, he pulled his lips into a wicked grin. I hid the shudder than ran down my spine, and continued to glare. Why did he look so pleased? He'd been so upset when he'd lost our fight, I figured this would be no different.

" _Congratulations_ ," he said softly, the eerie smile never leaving his lips. He almost appeared playful. I knew better though; my candor-trained ears caught the malicious undercurrent in his voice. "Enjoy it while you can."

I didn't have time to react, because as soon as the words had left his mouth, he'd already turned and walked out of the room. I bristled and tried to go after him, but only managed to take a single step before a hand grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back. I turned, expecting to see Dan, and was surprised when I realized it was actually Billy.

"What do you want?" I snapped, shrugging out from under his grip. Banks was getting away and I wanted to catch him before he got too far. I needed to know what he meant when he'd said, _while you can_.

"How the _hell_ did you do that?" Billy hissed, his hands clenching at his sides.

"Do what?"

"Don't try playing mind-games with me, I know you understand what I'm talking about," Billy snarled, jabbing a finger at the board and then at me. "How did you do that? _Huh_? Did you cheat?"

"You can't cheat in the simulations," Grace protested in my behalf.

"Yeah. I mean, I know you're not very smart, but that's common knowledge Billy," Dan agreed.

"Shut up, I wasn't talking to you two," Billy said, and I noticed that a vein in his forehead was pulsing slightly with his elevated pulse. "Don't you see? Don't you _all_ see? He's obviously got a trick up his sleeve. There's no other possible way he could've gotten out in that time!"

A trick? Hah, yeah, I supposed I did have a trick. Not one that would do him any good though; even if for some crazy, hypothetical-reason I did have to tell Billy my secret, it wouldn't help him. Ever since we'd started stage two of our initiation, he'd been steadily falling in the ranking's list. It would take a miracle for him to catch up to where he'd once been.

I snorted, and then before I changed my mind and decided to take out my frustrations on Billy rather than Banks, I turned and stalked out of the room.

"Ignore him, he's just upset that his rank is so low," Grace said when she and Dan had caught up with me.

"Yeah," Dan agreed, "some people just can't stand to see others do well."

I felt my frustrations fade as Grace and Dan continued to chatter, and after a few minutes I was mostly myself again. We were just turning a corner when I spotted Finn, Biff, Jude and Ava.

"Hey!" Finn waved and began to jog over with the others.

"Sage, Dan-" Biff called out with a rowdy laugh. "And, _uh_ , girl-who's-name-I-forgot!"

"Her name is Grace," Ava snapped, jabbing an elbow into Biff's side. He didn't seem to feel it though.

"Right, Grace, that's what I meant." Biff apologized. He grinned and then tipped an imaginary hat in Grace's direction.

"Ignore him, that's what I do," Ava said in a tone of exasperation. "Come on. Remember I told you that I wanted to take you to that new store down at the pit?"

Grace nodded, but before they could go I pulled Ava to the side. I needed to know about Randi, I had to know if she was okay.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" I asked in a hushed tone.

"Isn't that what you're already doing?" Ava smirked. She must've seen the look of worry on my face though, because a second later she gave me a wan smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so snarky. It's a habit. Yeah, ask away, although I think I have an idea what you're wondering about."

"Randi, how is she? I haven't seen her at all today, and it feels as if she's been avoiding me."

"Yeah, I thought you'd say that," Ava sighed. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who's noticed."

"Has she been acting strange around you too?"

Ava nodded, frowning deeply. "Yeah, I don't know why either, but it all started when stage two began."

"Aren't you worried?" I asked.

"Don't be an idiot, of course I'm worried," Ava retorted. "But Randi doesn't do well with pressure, it's easier to just wait and let her tell you when she's ready."

I was about to argue, but then Ava gave me the most deadpan _don't-you-dare_ look, that I had to nod. Her personality was an abrasive one, but for some reason I couldn't help but find it soothing. When I realized why, it was almost funny. A pang of nostalgia hit me; I missed Mara.

I nodded and Ava slugged my arm playfully before turning back to Grace. I watched them go, and then when they turned a corner and disappeared I headed back to rejoin the guys.

"Just the man we were talking about," Jude said. "So you ranked first among all the other transfers?"

"Yeah, why? Who's first in the dauntless born?" I asked.

"Me," Finn answered. "But from what Dan tells me, my time is nothing compared to yours."

I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, and I could feel my hands getting clammy again. "Oh? What was your time?" I asked, trying to keep the topic of conversation on him rather than me.

"Seven minutes and forty-five seconds." I saw him and the others share a look between them, and I couldn't help but feel ashamed.

"Oh." What else could I say? There was no explanation available that could clarify everything and still keep my secret safe. Oh, but how I hated having to see the looks on their faces; like they were suddenly feeling unsure of themselves.

 _Actually, none of you should feel bad, the only reason I'm doing so well is because I'm defective and don't fit into one faction_ ; is what actually wanted to say. Instead, I shrugged and then started asking about the other people's ranks.

Thankfully, their spirits were easily lifted, and soon we were just standing around talking about the new stunts we'd be doing once we were all real members. Finn's eyes were shining with mischievous delight as he described how he already had the perfect plan in mind; something along the lines of bungee jumping off of the bridge that was built over the dried-up marsh.

We were just about to discuss the type of bribery we might need to get the supplies out of the dauntless armory, when I heard a noise; something that sounded like a mix between a strangled-shout and laughter.

"What's that?" I asked; surprised no one else had noticed it.

"I don't hear anything," Finn said.

I frowned; had I just imagined it? "There, can't you hear it?" I said when I heard it again. It had a slight echo to it, and I figured it must've come from one of the surrounding tunnels.

Finn and the boys shook their heads, but I saw Dan perk up; his ears, like mine, were used to catching the smallest changes in sound, even with the rushing water in the background.

"Oh, yeah, I hear it now," he said, cocking his head to the side. "What _is_ that? It sounds sort of like a yodeling cat," he raised a brow; thinking. "That, or a cow that's trying to brush its teeth."

" _Wow_ , the things that come out of your mouth. Question; do you ever pause to think of what you're going to say before you actually say it?" Jude asked; fighting a smirk as he shook his head in Dan's direction.

"Not generally."

I was about to say something on Dan's behalf, but then I heard it again. Faint, and barely noticeable, my curiosity was getting the better of me. I turned and started walking towards the noise.

"Sage, where are you going?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, it's probably nothing," Biff added.

"I know, but I just want to check for myself." I said.

I started off walking, but for some reason with every step I took, I could feel myself speeding up. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe, it was only the sound of a couple of friends having fun. I'd just about talked myself into going back to the guys when I heard it again, and it was definitely not the sound of anyone having a good time. In a dead sprint, I found the source of the noise after I'd gone through a series of twists and turns.

"Stop, _stop_! Just take the money!" a male voice shouted; panic clear in his voice. "Take it!"

It was dark, and it was hard to see just who was fighting, but I didn't hesitate. The figure on the ground, his arm over his face and his legs curled into his chest, was obviously the victim. He needed help. The second figure, the attacker, was turned around with his back to me, and I used that to my advantage as I barreled forward and slammed my body into his.

Caught off guard, the figured stumbled forward and barely managed to catch himself before he hit one of the rough rock walls. I didn't know if he'd retaliate or not, but just in case, I quickly rushed forward and stepped in between him and the guy on the ground; using my body as a sort of shield.

The attacker cursed quietly under his breathe, but I couldn't hear enough of his voice to identify him. He was under the glow of one of the lamps that hung in the tunnels, and as he straightened and I saw his blonde hair and blue eyes, I realized it was Banks.

"You again," I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest. "What do you think you're doing?"

"That is none of you concern actually," he answered, smirking as he brushed some dust off of the legs of his pants. "It's between that imbecile hiding behind you and myself. So if you wouldn't mind stepping aside."

I couldn't help it; my curiosity had been piqued, and I just had to know who Banks had been attacking. Daring to take a quick peek behind me, I saw that the victim was none other than Marko. He looked completely different from the last time I'd seen him though; the left side of his face was raw, the skin peeling, his nose was running with blood, and even though he'd gotten to his feet, I could also see that he'd sustained some sort of injury to his leg from the way he was holding it.

"I do mind actually," I said as I turned back to Banks; and it was true. I didn't like Marko, but that didn't mean I'd just stand aside like some spineless-spectator while he was beaten to a pulp.

"You really shouldn't dabble in things that have nothing to do with you," Banks chastised with a sardonic smile. "Besides, why should you care what happens to him? He isn't a friend of yours."

I didn't have an answer. I supposed it really shouldn't matter to me what happened to Marko. He'd been nothing but antagonistic since I'd met him; a real thorn in my side. It would probably even do his inflated ego some good to be taken down a peg. It all made sense in theory, but no matter how I tried to rationalize it; I found that I couldn't leave. Whatever Marko had done, it didn't warrant such a savage beating.

I glared at Banks and settled into my stance. I still had a lot of pent up anger towards him, and if he wanted a brawl, then he'd get one. He must've seen that I had no intentions of leaving, because after a moment of silence he let out a long, bored sigh and shook his head.

"You have so much potential, it's quite a shame that you choose to squander it with these naive acts of idealism. Do you think that the actions of a single man will ever make a difference? The world is what it is. It's filled with violence and war, and only the strong can survive," he said as he turned and walked away. "No matter how hard you try Stronghold, you can't keep everyone safe."

I watched him go, and while my face might have appeared calm, my mind was fraught with inner turmoil. His words had stung worse than if he'd actually struck me. He was gone in seconds, and still I couldn't help but stare at the place where he'd once stood.

Too stunned to go after him, I instead turned my attention to Marco, who still lay on the ground. I held out my hand, and he eyed it warily.

"If I wanted to kick your ass, I would've done it already," I said as I rolled my eyes. "Now stop being so proud and take my hand."

"Thanks," he muttered after he'd grudgingly let me help him get up. "Wow, this is embarrassing."

"Because you got beaten up?"

"No, because _you_ saved me," he clarified as his cheeks burned in mortification. "I mean, that guy is a complete maniac, and I realize it wasn't smart of me to taunt him. That I can actually deal with, but you-"

"Would you like me to tell Banks to come back then?" I cut in; sarcasm dripping off of my every word. "Because I'm sure he would _love_ to continue things where they were left off."

" _Funny_ ," Marko said flatly. "No, what I mean is…" he trailed off as he stared at me; trying to read my expression I supposed.

"What?" I asked after the silence between us had grown long and awkward.

"Why did you help me?" Marko blurted. "I don't get it. Why? I wouldn't have done the same for you. If anything, I might have even cheered the guy on."

Ah, the million dollar question; why did I do the things I did? Even if I'd wanted to answer him, I wouldn't have been able too; the answer to that inquiry still alluded even me. So I did the only thing that seemed reasonable, I shrugged.

"You're kind of a nut too _huh_?" Marko said; though it didn't sound at all like an insult. He smirked and then shook his head at me. "My theory is you've taken one too many hits to the head."

"Is that so?" I retorted.

"Must be, it's the only logical answer there is. I mean, what kind of idiot helps his enemy when he's on the ground?"

I actually grinned; explained in that way, I could see where he'd think I was a little off. "Right, _I'm_ the idiot," I snorted, "definitely not you, the genius who decided to piss off Banks in a dark and abandoned tunnel. Yep, it's definitely me who has a screw loose."

"Okay, okay, so we're both a little fucked up," Marko chuckled.

"Guess so," I nodded. "Tell me though, what exactly did you do to have Banks go off on you like that?"

Marko gave a long and pointed sigh, kicking at the ground with his shoe as he ran a hand through his hair. I waited patiently though; I was really curious since it seemed beneath Banks to jump someone for money. He genuinely liked scaring and injuring people, but to do it for cash was not his style.

"Okay, like I said before, I guess I kind of asked for it," Marko admitted sheepishly. "I was just heading back from The Cage with some money I won from a bet, when I ran into Mr. Sunshine himself-"

"Wait, wait, what's The Cage?" I interrupted; I knew a lot of the layout of the dauntless compound now, but some of the names were still foreign to me.

"The Cage is kind of what it sounds like. It's just a fenced in area where competitors go to fight for money. You can go there either for the entertainment, to actually fight, or to bet on who'll win. Anyway, I was just coming back from there, I'd won some serious cash, when Banks bumped into me and made me spill some of the money. I got really pissed, especially when he was kept walking away and acting as if I weren't there."

"Ignoring people is sort of his style," I agreed. "Is that when you started taunting him?"

Marko nodded. "Yeah, he just kept walking, so I followed him and – _well you know_ – I said some stuff," he frowned at his feet again. "I didn't think he'd react that way. One moment he was serious and completely detached from what I was saying, the next, he was laughing and smashing my face against the wall. I offered him the money I had, but it was like he didn't hear me, or just didn't care."

"Banks is not someone you want to mess with," I agreed.

"I can see that," he shuddered; gingerly running his hand along his raw cheek. "Anyway, thanks again, I guess I owe you one."

"Forget it," I waved him off. "I didn't help you to get anything in return. It's fine."

Again Marko gaped at me; looking as confused as if I'd just told him I had a second arm.

" _God_ you're strange," he said; shaking his head at me again. "Well, like it or not, I owe you. That's how things work for me."

"Okay then?" I said; my reply sounding more like a question than an assertation.

"Now, don't think this is going to make us the _best_ of friends or any crap like that," Marko clarified; though his smirk widened when I pretended to look hurt.

"Why Marko, you have shattered my heart."

"Wise guy," he snorted. He attempted to move and then winced and reached for his leg.

"You should get that checked out."

Marko nodded, but then waved me away when I offered to help him. "Trust me, I already feel emasculated enough without you helping get to the clinic."

I watched him hobble away, and then when I couldn't see him anymore, I turned to head back to the guys. They'd probably be wondering where I was. The echo of my footsteps was the only noise I was aware of for a few minutes; and then I heard it. I was just turning a corner when I spotted a familiar silhouette.

I'd promised I'd wait; but waiting just wasn't my style. Before I could change my mind, I started running. I had to know what was going on; I had to know the truth. She must've been lost in her own thoughts, because Randi nearly jumped a foot in the air the moment I reached her.

"Sage?" I could see her eyes darting around; searching for an exit. But I couldn't let her leave.

"Randi, we need to talk."


	46. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

After having gone through so many fear simulations in the past few days; I'd come to learn that more often than not, emotional pain easily outweighed the physical. Watching Randi back away from me, I again felt the stab of agony; like a knife, it cut deep and had me wincing.

"Please, we need to talk," I repeated; taking a step back to give her space.

"About what?" She asked; looking like she was ready to bolt.

"I think you know what," I answered softly. "You've been acting strange since stage two started, and I'm not the only one who's noticed. Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she snapped hurriedly.

I looked at her; the way her hands were clenched, how her eyes kept darting away, and how she was talking in a higher register than was normal. She was lying to me, and I hated it. Why didn't she trust me?

"Stop lying Randi, please, just _stop_ ," I begged.

"No, you stop," Randi hissed, suddenly snapping her head up and glaring at me; all traces of her anxiousness gone. " _S_ top trying to read me! I'm not some open book for you to figure out!"

"I wouldn't have to try if you'd just talk to me," I retorted back.

"Maybe I was just trying to spare you! You ever think about that?" She jabbed a slender finger into my chest. "Maybe I finally realized I deserved better than you and I just wanted to spare your feelings. Seriously, I thought you'd get the hint by now."

" _What_?"

"You heard me you piece of candor-trash," she hissed. "I. Don't. Like. _You_. Okay, do you understand that? I can't stand you! Now get the hell out of my way and leave me alone."

Maybe if I'd been raised in a different mindset, if I'd had another faction, _maybe_ if I just hadn't wanted to deal with all the drama, I might've forced myself to believe her. But that wasn't the case. Every word, every syllable, that came out of her mouth was so laced with deception that it was all I could do not to plug my ears and start singing at the top of my lungs. I stared at her; pained as I wondered what it was that was making her feel like she had to lie me.

"Didn't you hear me? I said, go away," she growled; trying unsuccessfully to shove me back.

I didn't move, didn't say anything; I just waited and watched her.

"Damn it Sage, are you deaf? Just leave!" Her lower lip quivered, and then she was pummeling my chest with her small fists. "Are you stupid? Just go away!"

I stood still while she released her frustrations on me, and then, when it seemed that she'd tired herself out; I held her as she sobbed quietly. I could feel her tears seep through my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, and she resisted only for a moment before she hugged me back.

I didn't say anything. Slowly, her sniffles quieted, and when she seemed calm I pulled back a little and stared down at her. Her red-rimmed eyes met mine, and in them I could see that she seemed resigned. Sometimes to get to the truth, you had to break down barriers; and it was in these times that things could tend to get messy.

"Did you believe any of that?" She asked after a hushed moment. I shook my head slowly, raising a brow at her. She sighed loudly, and furrowed her brow at me; discouraged.

"The _candor-trash_ bit was a nice touch though," I added with a wan smile.

"You know that's really annoying," she pointed out. "You're like a walking lie-detector."

"So I've been told." I waited, and waited, and when I realized she wasn't going to say anything else, I prompted her. "Are you going to talk to me now?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Yeah, you do," I chuckled softly. "You can choose to tell me _now_ , or you can choose to tell me _later_."

She rolled her eyes, but then nodded. "Okay, but not here."

Lacing her hand in mine, and without saying another word, she pulled me behind her; out of the hallway, past another door, and into an area I hadn't seen since the day of the Choosing Ceremony. We walked down to the end of the tunnel and up to the net that stretched across the gaping hole above us.

Climbing up the stairs to the wooden platform, I only let go of Randi's hand once while I was pulling down the side of the net. She smiled at me, and then pulled herself in and rolled into the center. I followed, and heard her laugh softly when I bumped into her. Above us, the tops of the empty buildings surrounded the edge of the hole, and the sky glittered with a scattering of stars.

I didn't dive right into the questions I knew we had to talk about; instead, I closed my eyes and let my mind unwind as the wind rushed over the lip of the hole. The cool breeze washed over me, and I let out a contented sigh as I relished the feeling. I was deeply aware of the warmth of Randi beside me, and with my eyes still closed, I laced my fingers into hers.

"What's scaring you?" I finally asked when I felt like I couldn't hold it in any longer.

She didn't answer, and as the seconds ticked by, I almost had to wonder if I'd even really asked her aloud or if I'd just thought it. I was about to repeat myself when she finally spoke; a hushed whisper that could've easily been mistaken for a gentle gust of wind.

" _You are_."

I could've sworn my heart was about to implode; collapse, crumbling within itself, over and over until all that was left would be the old ashes of my soul. This wasn't a lie; me, she was scared of me. Maybe she'd finally had enough; all my hot-tempered reactions, the fights I'd gone through, the violence that I couldn't seem to control. It was like my fear simulation with the snakes; except that it was the truth, I was a monster. It was my fault; I was the reason she'd been so agitated these past few days.

"I'm sorry," I whispered shakily. I opened my eyes and gave Randi a final look before I began to get up and try to roll off of the net. I hooked my fingers into the ropes and managed only to give a single tug before Randi had grabbed a fistful of my shirt and yanked me back; pushing me down onto the net.

"Where are you going?" she asked, hovering over me.

"You were right before, I should leave you alone," I said; my tone apologetic and mortified. "I didn't know I scared you. But now that I do-"

I didn't have a chance to say more; her lips touched mine, and then she had my head cradled in her hands. Her hair cascaded around my face, and again I was overcome with the feeling of utter bliss; with her, it was impossible to dwell on the bad things happening around me. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and as our long, unbroken kiss finished, I couldn't help but smile bashfully.

"Dork," she giggled, pulling herself closer to me and laying her head on my chest. "That's not what I meant. You do scare me, but not in the way you think."

"Oh?" I stared back at the stars, playing absently with her hair. "What then?" I asked after a beat; I genuinely didn't understand what other way I could scare her.

She sighed, and burrowed her head deeper into my neck. She mumbled something unintelligible, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Hey, don't hide," I coaxed. "Please tell me."

I could feel her shake her head, no, but when I continued to ask she seemed to give up. She lifted her head, and I could see a faint blush color her cheeks; but even with a smile on her lips, I could see the worry in her eyes.

"I'm afraid you'll break my heart," she whispered. "I don't want to lose you."

I blinked; simultaneously confused and enlightened as to the inner workings of Randi's brain.

"I'd never hurt you," I said; shaking my head vehemently. " _Never_."

She looked at my face for the longest time; and I prayed that she could see the truth written there. Didn't she know? Couldn't she feel just how important she was becoming in my life? It was beginning to feel like more than a young boy's first crush. A _lot_ more.

"I believe that you wouldn't do it on _purpose_ ," she said slowly.

Her hand found mine again, and I waited patiently; knowing that there was more to come. With her thumb, she played absently with my knuckles, running her finger back and forth over them. Though she seemed calm, when I snuck a peek, I could see her face set in lines of concentration; I assumed she was trying to piece together what she wanted to say. It was hard to be patient, but I had to admit it was nice to hang in the net, more of a hammock really, and enjoy her company.

"Ever since my parents died, I've done my best to keep people at bay. Obviously I have friends, close ones even, but I always set limits. I always tried to protect myself from having to feel the pain of losing someone I loved again," she paused, smiling sadly to herself as she continued. "Everything was going fine, I thought I was so smart and that I had it all planned, then you had to come along. I don't even know how, but you just grew on me. It was so fast, I didn't even realize what was happening until it was too late."

"Too late?"

She nodded. "When I realized just how much I cared about you, it was too late to change things, I couldn't just pretend to be oblivious to you. It was already a risk to my emotions to like someone _like_ you, someone so _unpredictable_. Then-" she broke off and shuddered, "-then the fear simulations started, and that fear was brought to life. You died Sage; you died in front of me. Not even because of something that someone did, but by your own hand."

Unpredictable; yes, I suppose that was a great word to describe me. Though I wished I could deny all of her worries, tell her she was wrong and that I'd be fine, I was too honest; her fears were certainly warranted. Since the first day of initiation, and probably even before that, I'd always been somewhat volatile; always on the brink of danger.

"You'd fall off a building in one scenario," she said; sounding almost accusing.

"Perhaps I had a parachute and you just didn't see it?" I cut in; trying to keep things light.

"You'd get run over by a train-"

"-I always look both ways before crossing though," I tried again. She glared.

"You'd get in a fight with someone dangerous."

"Sweetheart, _I'm_ dangerous," I chuckled.

"Yes, yes you are, but you're not a killer," she said. "Not even in the simulations could you kill the other person to save yourself. I'd have to watch, unable to move, as you died."

I didn't say anything for a long moment; I wasn't sure what exactly I _could_ say that wouldn't just worsen things. Finally, I sighed and gently pushed a strand of hair from her face. I couldn't say that I wouldn't do what she'd described; because unfortunately, it _did_ sound a lot like something I'd do.

She let out a breath and then lay her head back on my chest. "It's dangerous to have feelings for someone who could so easily die," she whispered. "I don't want you to affect me the way that you do, it makes me weak. _God_ , it nearly killed me when my parents died, and I never want to feel that way again."

I stiffened as her words sunk in. "Does that mean…" I trailed off.

"Hah, I _wish_ it meant what you think it means," she said wryly. "No, it's become quite obvious that I can't stay away from you. I tried to you know? Tried to sort of wean myself off you, to not like you as much as I do, but obviously that isn't happening."

I couldn't help it; a wide boyish grin spread across my face, and it was all I could do not to shout out an exuberant _yippee_ and start jumping around the net as if it were a trampoline. Yeah, that wouldn't exactly help make me seem put-together and mature. I settled for wrapping her in a tighter bear-hug.

We continued to lie in the net for the longest time. Randi told me more about her fears, and I did the only thing I could; I listened. If I could've, I would've fought her fears as well as my own, but since that was impossible, I figured the next best thing would be to let her get it off her chest. At one point she did ask me about my own simulations, but I was careful to steer the conversation back to her; she already had a lot on her plate, and I didn't want to burden her with my own horrors.

As the night grew darker, and the wind blew colder, it seemed our little moment of calm had finally come to an end. Hand in hand, I walked her down to her dorm, and then made my way back to my own. With so many problems surrounding me, it was a relief to have at least one of my many worries solved.

The room was dark when I walked in, and I could hear the steady sounds of everyone sleeping. Careful not to rouse anyone, I kicked off my shoes and slipped quietly into bed. Folding my arms behind my head, I was surprised when I heard the sound of crinkling beneath my head. As I slipped a hand under my pillow, my fingers immediately came in contact with a small folded sheet of paper.

I sat up, and after a second of hesitation, I yanked my shoes back on and exited the room. Who could've left it? I hadn't had a note left to me since I'd been a young kid. It seemed innocent enough, and so it was almost with a childlike curiosity that I walked up to one of the nearby lights to read the message.

Under the blue glow of the lamp, I unfolded the little note and began to read.

The world seemed to stop, my heart caught mid beat, and my chest tight with the absence of air. My hands shook, and sweat slicked across my neck. It couldn't be. It wasn't possible. I read and reread the words printed in neat lettering; willing them to change, to say something other than what they really spelled. The world felt like it was crashing all around me; and suddenly everything was moving much faster than before. My eyes scanned the note a final time, and then before I could change my mind, I shoved it into my pocket and turned to head for nearest exit.

The final words on the little slip of paper played over and over in my head; as I ran up the stairs and turned various corners, it was what drove me to keep going.

 _Enjoy your last days… I know what you are._


	47. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Max had made it perfectly clear on our first day that we were not allowed to leave the dauntless compound without supervision, especially if it was to visit our old factions. If we did, he said there'd be serious repercussions. Even with this information in mind, I couldn't bring myself to hop out of the train and head back.

In the dark, and with only the moon as a spectator, I'd snuck out of the compound and boarded the train heading to candor; to my old home. I watched the black silhouettes of the city pass by, and when I noticed the small buildings grow as we neared, I stood and prepared myself to jump.

From the moment I'd read the letter, my first thought and only real concern had been my family. If I was getting threatening notes left in my bed saying that I was going to die, even when I was surrounded by possible witnesses, then what was to stop the other culprit in candor from attacking my loved ones?

The train slowed as it reached the heart of the city, and I didn't hesitate to jump off. It was dark, and though I couldn't see anyone, I kept having the feeling that I was being watched. Was I was being paranoid? When I saw the familiar metal sculpture on the school's lawn, I knew exactly where I was and I broke into a dead sprint; making sure to keep to the shadows.

The familiar glass buildings that began to appear told me when I had crossed into candor territory. I pumped my legs harder; willing myself to go faster. I had to see with my own eyes that my mom and Mara were still alive, still safe. Drenched in sweat and breathing hard, more from fear than exertion, I quickly closed the distance when I spotted the building where I'd been raised.

I pushed the glass doors open and then slipped into the elevator, punching in the security code that I still remembered and then pushing the button for the top floor. It wasn't until the metal doors slid closed that I realized I didn't have a weapon, or anything else to use if there really was someone in my old home. I was still searching through my pockets when the elevator doors opened.

" _Sage_?" My mother gaped.

"Mom, wait! Drop the knife," I said when I noticed what was in her hand. "What are you doing?"

"God, you nearly gave me a heart attack," she said, fanning herself with her hand. "What are you-" Suddenly her eyes went wide, and she quickly held a finger to her lips. I nodded, and then followed behind her as she opened the door to our home. I was about to speak when she again shushed me.

"Mara is asleep. Come with me, let's go to the living room where it's safer to talk."

"Okay," I whispered back; taking a quick survey of my surroundings as I followed. It was incredibly soothing to see that everything was just as I remembered.

"Sage, sweetie, what are you doing here?" she said when I'd settled into the couch. "Especially this late at night?"

"Why did you have that knife?" I asked instead. Was it possible that someone had already attempted to attack her?

"I couldn't sleep, haven't really been able to since you left. Anyway, I was up and I heard the elevator chime," she frowned and let out a shaky breath. "I didn't know who it was, only that it was suspicious."

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," I apologized; realizing just then how poorly my actions had been thought out.

"It's okay, I'm fine, but you haven't answered me. What are you doing here?"

Again, I cursed myself mentally for not having thought out my plan any better. If I told her why I'd come home, it would only serve to worry her even further. But if I didn't tell her the truth, she'd assume the worst. Actually, if I did try to lie, she'd probably see right through it.

"Don't lie to me young man," she snapped; as if reading my thoughts. "Tell me _now_ , what's wrong?"

I looked into eyes, etched with worry, and I couldn't help but feel like a small child again. I couldn't lie to her, even if I wanted to, it was impossible.

"I got a note," I responded shakily. "It said; _Enjoy your last days. I know what you are._ It was left under my pillow. I came because I was worried something might've already happened to you two."

I watched as her face crumpled in front of me. She opened her mouth various times, as if she were trying to say something, but then shut it. Her hands were shaking, and I could see her eyes grow wide with panic. Then, as if something had shifted in her mind, she was suddenly calm.

"It's a bluff, that's all it is," she said calmly. "No one knows anything. They're just trying to scare you. Just stay calm. In fact, you should head back right now before someone notices that you're gone."

She started to get up, reaching for my arm, but I was faster. I stood and moved away before she could reach me, shaking my head in disapproval.

"I am so sick of lies. _No_ , no I won't leave. What if it wasn't just a bluff? What if they're just taking their time to do something to you two? I'm staying, whether you like it or not. I'm going to keep you safe."

"Don't you think that if someone wanted to kill us they would've done it by now? What would the point be to send you a note and give you an advanced warning?"

"How should I know? I'm not an evil mastermind," I retorted.

"Sage, Mara and I are perfectly safe here. You shouldn't worry," she said as she placed her hand on my shoulder. "Whoever sent you that note is just trying to get a rise out of you, they have no proof."

"But I did exactly what they thought I'd do," I frowned. "I read it, and then I just ran out and came here. Isn't that proof enough?"

"Did anyone see you?"

I thought about it. I'd gone into the room when it was pitch black and everyone had been asleep, and then when I'd left I'd made sure that no one would notice. During the train ride, I was sure I would've noticed if someone had followed me, and even if they'd somehow alluded me, I probably would've lost them when I'd run through the streets in the candor section of the city; if you weren't familiar with the layout, it was easy to get lost.

"No, I don't think so," I admitted. "But… but even if they didn't see me come here, it doesn't change the fact that someone left me that note. Maybe it is a bluff, but why would they even try if they didn't already have suspicions?"

"Sage, listen, I didn't want to tell you this until I was sure, but now that you're here and worried I might as well. Remember how I told you that I had sources that were helping me search for the spies? Well, we spoke the other day, and they said they were close to figuring out who might be behind all of it." She paused, letting it sink in. "See? You don't have to worry about us, we're fine, and you will be too soon. Just be patient and act as if nothing has happened. It will all end soon."

"Really?" I gaped; my mouth open in complete shock. "Wow, I wish I'd known. I would've-"

"-would've still come here," my mom cut in with a knowing smile. "Don't deny it, you still would've snuck over here."

I smiled in wryly and then nodded; she knew me too well. It was true, I still would've dared to escape the dauntless compound. Even knowing the information now, I still couldn't help but feel protective. My mom and Mara were precious to me, and I'd never forgive myself if something happened to them when I could've prevented it.

"Trust me, go back to dauntless, we'll be fine," she whispered.

I nodded, but as I was getting up, she suddenly held up a hand and motioned for me to wait. I sat back on the couch, and watched as she quietly made her way to what was once my room. Seconds later, she emerged with a black bundle in her arms.

"Your father would want you to have this," she said.

Even before I'd unfolded it, I knew what it was; my father's jacket, the one I'd left behind the morning of the Choosing Ceremony. I slipped it on, inhaling the familiar scent that brought back warm and cherished memories.

"You look so much like him," my mom said as she sat down next to me, running her hand through my mussed hair. "Especially now, all scruffy like this, he never did like to do anything to his hair either."

I chuckled and then zipped up the jacket. I'd been young when he'd died, but I could still picture his face when I closed my eyes. People had always said Mara was just like mom, both in attitude as well as looks, and that I'd gotten all of dad. I'd never realized just how much we shared in common; from our naturally disheveled-looking hair, our cheesy one-sided grins, and even the danger our divergence put us in. What would he have done if he'd still been alive?

"Can you tell me more about him?" I found myself whispering.

"What would you like to know?" She asked; still running her fingers through my hair as she tried to push it to the side.

"Something new, something different," I said; suddenly realizing that even though we'd often talked about my father, even after his passing, there were definitely things that had been kept from me. "What results did he get in his aptitude test?"

She sighed, long and with a hint of knowing. "He was candor and erudite."

I blinked. My father, _erudite_? I couldn't wrap my head around it; he'd been a smart man, I knew, but I never would've suspected he was genetically inclined to be that way. I didn't speak as I let the information sink in, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. He'd been smart, smart enough to know just how to hide his lies and even how to teach mom to do the same. He'd figured out how to resist the truth serum, and he'd identified my own divergence long before I could even talk.

I nodded, and then laughed softly to myself. "It's too bad I didn't get any of his smarts huh?"

My mom waggled a finger and then sighed as she ran a finger down a scab on my eyebrow. "You're plenty smart, just because you didn't get it as a result doesn't prove anything. I mean, when people look at me, they'd never guess I wasn't always from candor."

My mouth dropped open again. "What?" I stuttered. She was right, even after I'd known about the lies; I couldn't have guessed she'd been anything other than candor.

She smiled; apparently amused at my expression. "I wasn't always from candor," she repeated.

"Where then?" I asked; trying to stifle my bewilderment.

"Can't you guess?"

I shook my head at first, and then paused to try and work out the problem. I furrowed my brow, deep in thought, and then my brain made one of those momentous leaps; putting together things I'd just figured out with other facts I'd already known. My mom wasn't divergent; she'd gotten candor, and she'd done well and believed in the manifesto before all the blackmailing started. However, she'd been able to lie and keep Mara and I in the dark for years, and there was only one other faction I could think of that would've been able to pull off something like that.

"No. _Way_."

Rather than answer me, she reached her arms up and unclipped her necklace. She slipped something small and silver from it, and then motioned for me to get closer. I cupped my hands, and in the faint light of the side lamp, I saw that it was a ring. It was a thin band, and as I turned it in my fingers I spotted the little amity symbol carved on the side; a tree with a surrounding circle.

"There's an inscription on the inside too," she added. "I don't know how he was able to afford it, but your father bought this for me."

"Wait, how did he even _get_ it to you? You were both in different factions." I asked. I turned the ring so that it was angled more towards the lamp's light, and there I could see the faint marks –no, _not marks_ – letters. I squinted, and made out the letters _A.P. + S.S._ "And what do the letters stand for?"

"We met and fell in love while we were in school. Afterwards, when that wasn't enough, he'd sneak out and meet me in the amity fields so we could spend more time together," she said; sounding melancholic as she stared at the ring. "It was our initials. A.P. is me, Azalea Pasque. I changed my name to Lea when I transferred to candor. S.S. was your father, Sorrel Stronghold."

I nodded and continued to play with the ring; I almost didn't want to give it back. I ran my finger along the little engraved tree, then the letters, and sighed as I started to hand it over.

"No, keep it," she said as she used her hand to close my fingers around it.

"What about you? How will you remember him?" I asked. "And what about _Mara_? She might want it."

"I have my wedding band, and I have my memories. Also, I already gave Mara something when she was sixteen." She quickly explained. "Remember that charm bracelet she used to wear all the time? Well if you look closely, the charms are all flowers."

"That makes sense," I nodded, already slipping the ring in my jacket pocket and then pulling up the zipper. "Wow, never knew dad was such a charmer."

She smiled and softly placed her hand on my face. "Like I said, you're a lot like him; stubborn, funny, clever, honest, brave, and dangerously selfless."

I chuckled and shrugged in embarrassment. "You're my mom; you're supposed to say that. It's mandatory in the mommy manual they hand out when you pop out a kid."

"I'm serious," she said; suddenly serious as she looked at me. "He was so different from anyone I ever met. He was a scholar and philanthropist; always trying to see the brighter side of things and trying to solve the world's problems. He had so many ideas about everything," she sighed wistfully. "He never told anyone this, but he didn't agree with the faction system at all. Not even back when he didn't know about his divergence. I might not have ever found out either, if it weren't for the long talks we had in the amity fields."

"What kinds of things did he say?"

"He believed that the world would be better if everyone could just be…" she swallowed. "If everyone could be free, if they could be _everything_. No labels, no segregation; everyone equal. There wouldn't be any factionless, everyone would belong no matter what. He-" she broke off, and I could see tears welling in her eyes.

She pulled in a shuddering breath, and I could feel her hand squeeze mine.

"He was an idealist, a revolutionary. He wanted peace among all the factions. He said it was senseless and barbaric to cull out people just because something didn't fit with the way our government wanted us to act… He didn't want to be labeled, didn't want to just be another cookie-cutter citizen that conformed to what was deemed acceptable."

A fierce sense of admiration and respect filled me as I let her words sink in. My father, his thoughts; they resonated with me in a way I'd never known possible. The more I thought about it, the more I agreed. _It wasn't right_. It wasn't right that we should all live so segregated; arbitrarily deeming some as unworthy just because they didn't fit the mold.

Outside the darkness was starting to wane, taking the stars with it, and I sighed; I had to leave and head back before anyone noticed I was gone. I gave my mom a final hug, trying to ignore the pain I felt when I heard her voice crack with emotion.

"Remember Sage, we'll be fine. And hopefully soon, you won't have to worry about whoever is spying on you in dauntless either. Just stay strong, pass initiation, and keep your secret hidden."

"Okay, don't worry, I will."

"I love you my sweet, little boy," she whispered as she gave me a light kiss on the cheek.

Then, with my spirits higher than they'd been when I had found out about the note, I managed to make my way back to the dauntless compound without being seen. Rather than head back to the dorms though, I found myself wandering the halls. I knew I should try to sleep; I'd need it with the all the fear simulations I had yet to go through. However, as I continued to walk, I couldn't help but feel like I had something to do, something important.

I was still wandering around when I ran into Dan and Grace. His eyes were heavy with sleep, but the moment he saw me he arched an eyebrow and seemed to come alive momentarily.

"Dude, where were you? We woke up and you weren't there."

"Yeah, what time did you get up?" Grace added.

"I didn't sleep actually, I was just wandering around," I said. I'd been about to say that I'd woken up really early, but even tired, I knew Dan would've seen through the lie. A half-truth was easier to deliver.

"The _whole_ night?" Grace repeated; looking shocked and worried. "Aren't you tired?"

"A little, but that doesn't matter."

"You're crazy man," Dan said through a yawn. "A real kook."

I stared at him and suddenly an idea hit me. I knew what I wanted to do; and it surprised me that I hadn't thought of it before. Maybe what I'd needed was to hear was more of my father's idealistic dreams, maybe I'd just needed the extra push to commit to my own theories, or maybe it was just something that I needed.

"Dan, come with me," I said as I started to make my way towards The Pit. "Grace, you can come too if you want."

"What? Where are we going?" Dan asked. "What about breakfast?" He complained.

"I'll save you some food, you go ahead with Sage," Grace said. "I'm supposed to meet up with Ava anyway."

Dan still wasn't moving, and so I doubled back and grabbed the sleeve of his hoodie, yanking him along.

"What's the hurry?" He asked; still walking at a leisurely pace. I didn't answer, and after a couple of minutes he spoke up again; confusion clear in his voice. " _Umm_ , Sage? This is going to sound weird, and I mean it _has_ been a bunch of days since the Choosing Ceremony… But I don't remember you bringing your old man's jacket with you."

 _Crap_. Oh Dan, always observant in the least convenient circumstances.

"Dan, can you do me a favor?" I asked instead. We'd just reached the pit, and I was taking the stairs two at a time; my destination was just a couple seconds away.

"Yeah, sure, what's up?" He said quickly; successfully distracted from the previous topic.

"I need you to draw me something…"


	48. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

"Transfers, we're going to be doing something different today," Amar announced in a clear voice. All conversation in the lunchroom ceased, and we all turned to watch him. "Get up, and follow me."

I stood and walked behind Amar as he led us out of the dining hall and along the paths that surrounded The Pit. Dan was still munching on the remains of the muffin he'd stuffed in his face, and I could hear Grace walking along behind me.

We climbed up the stairs, past various stores, and then even higher than we'd ever gone before. Luckily, I'd never been scared of heights, and so I followed without any hesitation. Grace, however, didn't seem to have the same sentiment; her face seemed drained of blood as we continued to climb, and on more than one occasion I heard her suck in a sharp breath.

She must've almost lost her balance at one point, because the next thing I knew, I felt her hands fly out and bump into my back. I winced, my skin tender from the tattoo I'd just finished getting that morning, but didn't say anything. Other than Dan and Tori, the artist I'd met during my first days in dauntless, no one else knew about my tattoo.

After I'd arrived at the tattoo shop, I'd asked Tori for a piece of paper and a pencil, and then described to Dan just what it was that I wanted. He'd agreed immediately, and happily set to work. Once he was done, I'd handed the sheet of paper to Tori and asked her to replicate it onto my skin. It had been a long and uncomfortable process, but in the end it had certainly been worth it.

The large back-piece was a true work of art. I'd described what I wanted in simple terms, but with Dan's incredibly gifted hand, he'd transformed the idea and brought it to life. Ultimately, my tattoo had been inspired by my father's philosophies, which in turn were exactly the same as my own. I believed in what he'd thought; that none of us should have to be limited to one faction alone. It was already wired into me to be honest, brave, and selfless, but did that necessarily mean I couldn't also be smart and kind?

On my back, there was now a more ink-to-skin ratio. To anyone, it would seem that my tattoo was no more than a piece of abstract art, while in reality there was a secret hidden behind its intricate lines and shadows. I figured getting the emblems of each faction tattooed on my skin would be too obvious; so I'd decided to combine them into a single subject, where they could still be represented without putting my life directly at risk.

To symbolize amity, I'd gone with a large old oak that was centered at my spine. Tori had shaded it perfectly, catching the fine details and curling peels on the tree's bark. I wanted to be kind and serene, even if it wasn't something I was normally inclined to do. I also liked the idea that with the tree, I was sort of paying an homage to my mother's old faction.

Near the top, the tree forked into two opposing sections; a sign that hinted to the candor scales. The branches rose on either side of me, curling up like fingers around the tops of my shoulders and around my biceps. If you looked closely you could just make out that the tips of the branches transformed so that they were actually a slender lick of flames; a nod towards the dauntless side of me. Deceptively hidden amongst the whirling lines of the tree's bark, was the erudite eye, and as the base of the tree flared out into a mass of roots, the texture changed so it resembled that of the abnegation stones.

All in all, it was exquisitely drawn and a real masterpiece, but that wasn't the only reason I loved it. My tree, it was a sign of life, growing from what seemed like impossible circumstances; it was symbolism at its best. I wanted to be just that; not only a survivor, but someone who could flourish even in the harshest of environments.

As we continued to get closer and closer to the glass ceiling, I could just make out the first of the sun's rays peeking through the darkness. I heard a skittering of rocks behind me, followed by another gasp, and I turned and instinctively reached out to hold onto Grace's hand. She was as pale as a sheet, and in obvious need of moral support.

"Hey, it's okay, just don't look down," I said.

"Thanks," she responded gratefully, squeezing my hand back with an iron-like grip.

We climbed up another flight of metal stairs that led up through a hole in the ceiling, and as I peeked down, I saw that the Pit and the chasm were just below us. Once we were on the glass, which was now floor rather than ceiling, I figured Grace would be fine. When she didn't release my hand, however, I couldn't find it in me to pull away.

We walked through a cylindrical room with more glass walls, and then past a final door. Beyond it the space was enormous, dark, and had a slightly musty smell to it. I could see that the dauntless born were already waiting. Some were milling around the room, others were clustered together talking, and the rest were seated on some of the surrounding benches. Amar walked over to Red, and they began to speak amongst themselves.

"Sage," I heard Randi call out.

I turned and spotted her and Ava walking in our direction. I smiled, and was about to say something when I noticed Randi's eyes flicker down to my hand; the hand that Grace was still holding. She raised a brow. Without thinking twice, I pulled my hand away and then jogged over to her. She didn't say anything, but I could see her eyes were curious.

"She's afraid of heights," I explained quickly. "The stairs and the glass floor were freaking her out."

"It's okay, you don't have to explain anything to me," Randi said with a lighthearted laugh. "I trust you."

I couldn't help but give a relieved sigh; her honesty was very much apparent.

"That's good, I just wanted to tell you because – _well_ – I honestly never know just how the female psyche works. You're reactions don't always make sense to me," I admitted. "I didn't want there to be any sort of miscommunication."

Randi chuckled again, hooking her arm through mine as she pulled me further into the room, which was covered with graffiti and exposed pipes. The only light source was what came from the old-fashioned fluorescent bulbs that hung on the ceiling.

"Just out of curiosity, has that ever happened to you before?" Randi said as she pulled me down onto the seat next to her. "Have you ever had girl-problems because of a _miscommunication_?" She asked, quoting her fingers around the last word.

I considered her words for a second, and then gave her a wry smile. " _Umm_ , sort of," I admitted.

"Elaborate," she said; rolling her eyes a little as she hid a smile.

"Well, yes and no. When I was in my old faction, I never had any problems with other _candor_ girls. Honesty made everything incredibly easy. If you liked someone, you walked up to them and said so, and if you didn't think things would work, you'd just tell them and then go your own separate ways. No one got hurt, and for the most part you always remained friends."

"Uh-huh," Randi nodded, her lips twitching with repressed humor. "And what about with non-candor girls?"

"That was a _whole_ different story," I sighed. "Girls in general are confusing. I have a theory that your brains are much more advanced than ours, and that's why it's so hard for us to understand what you do and why you do it."

"I'd have to agree," Randi snickered. "But go on, tell me exactly what made it so confusing."

"I don't even know where to start. The flirting would have to be one; it was harder to figure out whether it's serious or just for fun. And I especially hated getting asked those open-ended questions that never had a right answer," I frowned. "Like one time, this girl asked me if I thought her friend was pretty."

"What did you say?"

"I said yes, because it was the truth, but even as I said the words I knew I was going to be in trouble," I explained. "If I said no, well that would've been a lie, and it would've also made me seem like a jerk. I was honest, and so she accused me of ogling her friend and then slapped the bejesus out of me."

Randi was really laughing now; her face was pink and she was shaking her head. _I_ didn't find it that humorous.

"It's not funny," I protested, crossing my arms across my chest.

" _Oh god_ , yes it is," she said through a fresh fit of giggles. "Why did she slap you anyway? That seems sort of like an over-reaction."

I didn't answer; instead pointing my eyes at the floor and running a hand through my hair.

"What did you say to her?" Randi insisted.

"Something along the lines of; if you didn't want to hear the truth, then you shouldn't have asked me…" I muttered.

Randi was doubled over now, holding her side as she continued to laugh. Dan popped up then, and when he finally managed to decipher what we'd been talking about, he snickered too.

"Hah! If you think that's funny, you should hear about the time some chick asked him what he thought about her new haircut," Dan added.

"That was an unfair question," I complained. "The wording is what threw me off."

"Jesus Sage, what exactly came out of your mouth?" Ava asked; she and Grace had joined our little group, and now they were also grinning as they heard the story.

"Nothing _bad_ ," I insisted. "I just said that I thought her old hairstyle had been fine."

"You're such an ass," Ava smirked. "Didn't you see how that would make it sound like her new haircut sucked?"

"No, not at the moment I said it anyway."

Our group was still chattering and laughing at my expense, when Amar and Red finally walked up to the front of the room. Amar cleared his throat and we all settled down. When it was quiet, he continued.

"Today, you're all going to be going through a different kind of simulation known as a fear landscape. Right now it's disabled, but once we start it'll look different," he said as he nodded his head in Red's direction.

"Through the simulations you've already gone through, we stored data about your worst fears and kept it on file. The fear landscape will evaluate the information and then present you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some will be fears that you've already faced, and some might be new. The difference between the simulations you've already gone through and this one will be the fact that you'll be aware," Red explained.

We were all quiet as we took the information in, and Amar seemed to sense our confusion because he coughed a little and then added to what Red had said.

"Basically, in these simulations you'll have all your wits about you as you go through it. You'll know that it's not real the entire time."

I let the information sink in slowly; feeling myself grow lighter and lighter as I realized what this meant. In these new simulations, it would be as if everyone were divergent. I wouldn't be detected, because we'd all be on equal terms. If I played things right, I'd pass initiation without suspicions and I would be _safe_.

"The number of fears you end up having in your landscape will vary according to how many you actually have," Amar continued. "Like I said before, the third stage of initiation is based on mental preparation, and that's because it require you to control both your emotions and your body. You're all going to have to combine the physical abilities you learned from stage one, along with the mental things you learned in stage two."

Red nodded, and then folded his hands behind his back; all business-like. "Next week, you'll all go through your fear landscape as fast as you can in front of a panel of our dauntless leaders. That'll be your final test, and it'll determine your rankings for stage three. Which, just like stage two, will be weighted more heavily than stage one, meaning it's the most important of all. From there, the top ten will be found and made into official members of dauntless. Understand?"

We all nodded; not a single sound escaping our lips.

"Now, you can get past each obstacle in one of two ways; one, you can find a way to calm down enough so that your heartbeat returns to its normal pace, or two, you can find a way to face your fear and make the simulation move on," Amar said after a beat. "For example, if you're afraid of heights, you could face that fear by climbing higher."

"Are we all going to go through our own fear landscapes today?" I heard Billy ask from somewhere in the back of the crowd.

"Did it look like we were done talking?" Red snapped; clearly irritated with the interruption. Billy quickly shook his head, and Red rolled his eyes before he spoke again. "No, you'll all be going through my landscape today. Four years ago, I was afraid of drowning, being struck by lightning, asphyxiating, not making it into dauntless, falling off of the chasm, being attacked by a pack of rabid wolves, getting shot by my own family, getting humiliated in front of my friends, being blind, and getting pinned between two boulders."

No one said anything as we took in what he'd just said; _ten_ , Red had ten fears.

"Most of you can have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your simulations, that's the average number," Red continued. "You won't find out your number today, since the simulation is set to my own landscape program."

"Also, because today is really just to get a sense of how the simulation works, you'll only be facing _one_ of his fears," Amar added as he motioned for us to stand and line up in an orderly fashion; numbering us off, with each number signifying which fear we'd have to experience.

I was towards the middle, and so I was assigned to be attacked by the rabid wolves. I was only slightly relieved; at least this fear didn't really match any of my own. Because only one person could go in at a time, we all had to sit and wait patiently on the benches. It was impossible to watch the actual simulation; all we were able to see was the person's reaction to it.

Finn went first; kicking his feet and arms as he tried to swim his way out invisible currents of water. Then Billy; who ran around like a maniac as he tried to avoid getting hit by lightning. Grace was third, and it was impossibly hard to watch as she grasped at her neck; attempting to breath.

It was horrific to watch them suffer while I sat by idly, but I knew there was nothing I could do, and so I resigned myself to glaring down at my feet. After two more people finished their simulations, it was my turn. I wasn't too worried; because I figured that with the advantage I had of being divergent, I'd be able to play it off fairly well without having to sustain much damage to my inner consciousness.

I stood still while Red inserted the needle into my neck, but as I was heading into the fear landscape room, I couldn't help but notice the look Amar shot at me. It spoke volumes; it said be careful, it said you're still not completely safe, it said… watch what you're doing, because we'll _all_ be watching _you_.

The door clicked shut behind me, taking the light with it, and then the simulation came to life.


	49. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

The air was freezing as I pulled in a breath, and the sun was setting behind me when I finally opened my eyes. I was no longer on a floor made of cement, but on a vast field of frost-covered grass. I turned, and saw that the glass walls were also gone, and all I could see were pine trees that stretched on for miles and miles. My breathe came out in in vapory puffs, and even though I knew that it was all just a simulation, I couldn't help but run my hands up and down my arms for warmth.

I'm not sure exactly what it was that tipped me off to the wolves' presence, they'd not made a single noise to call attention to themselves, but the moment I was aware of them I found myself immediately searching for a weapon. There were a variety of branches on the ground, and I grabbed the largest one with a pointed end, raising it as a sort of club.

As if cued by this action; the wolves lifted their lips in unison, thick and bubbling foam dripping off their black snouts. Not a second had passed before they'd all charged forward; a group attack. I began to swing the branch back and forth, the adrenaline in my body making each swing harder than the last. The animals yipped in pain, but didn't stop or even slow down.

For some reason, in the midst of the battle my mind had wandered. It only took an instant, but once I realized it, I couldn't help but make the connection between these rabid wolves and the shadowy figures that had ambushed me in the mirrored room. I knew what that fear was; being attacked by unknown threats. I'd been somewhat calm during the beginning of the fight, but as the idea circled around my head, I found that my heart beat had picked up and that my hands were shaking.

Suddenly, the remaining wolves stopped lunging, but I was too suspicious to lower my club. I was right not to do so. Before my very eyes, the wolves gathered together and converged into a mass of fur and claws; their bodies merging until all that was left was a single massive beast covered in black fur. It didn't even look like a wolf anymore; it was something not of this earth.

The massive creature stood as motionless as a statue, its icy-blue eyes gleaming in the remaining twilight. It actually cocked its head at me, looking eerily amused, almost bored even; as if it knew that no matter what I tried to do it would win. The smarter part of my brain was yelling at me to run, to flee into the trees, but the rest of my body ignored it as it switched to the offensive. I pulled my arm back and then threw my pointed branch as a sort of spear.

A blur of black motion deflected the branch onto the ground as the beast lunged forward. I never even had time to blink before the animal was on me, striking me down with a powerful blow. My body folded and dropped to the ground. Before I could even attempt to roll away, another crushing claw shoved my face into the dirt, making my jaw strike a series of jagged rocks. I tried to get on my hands and knees to run towards the trees, but the animal was on me again, dragging me down; his breath rank.

I managed to grip a nearby branch with my left hand and clawed with my right at the ground; trying to pull myself out of reach of the beast's claws. Swinging desperately, I tried unsuccessfully to create some space between me and the creature's teeth. It was no use; the monster sank its teeth into my thigh and began to swing me back and forth like a rag doll. My stomach churned, and I continued to swing my makeshift club wildly. Each time it connected though, the beast would merely clamp its jaws tighter.

 _No! No, this can't be happening_ ; my mind screamed in panic.

My body was growing weaker with every passing second, but I refused to let go of my branch. The creature dropped me and pawed at my chest as if were raking leaves. Sharp claws ripped strips of my shirt and flesh with each swipe. I tried to raise my right arm to ward off the attack, and teeth clamped onto my forearm.

 _This shouldn't be happening… this shouldn't be possible._

Then, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. I felt my limp body flop back and forth as the beast continued to swing me by the arm. I gripped my branch with all the strength I could muster; I had a plan, and if I lost my only weapon I wasn't sure what I'd do. I heard and felt the loud crack of bones as the creature chomped down on my arm. It dropped me with a grunt, and I couldn't help but cowered on the ground.

 _None of this is happening; it's all a simulation._

The animal loomed over me, and I could feel its warm breath on my face as it placed its huge paws on my chest. It then gave a single hard shove, and air exploded from my lungs, my ribs audibly snapping. I gasped, mouth wide open, but couldn't seem to catch my breath. Waves of nauseating pain flooded through me, and each time I tried to pull in a breath of air my chest tightened. The sickly sweet taste of blood filled my mouth.

 _This isn't real…_

Ignoring the pain, because I knew it was all in my mind; I gripped my branch and positioned it carefully. I was back in control, and I knew that everything that was going on was just a hallucination; an illusion that hadn't even been my own to begin with. It had transformed into this monstrosity because I'd let my mind wander, let my guard down and thus invited my own demons into this world. I needed to get out, but I had to be smart about it; I couldn't just shatter the simulation like I normally did when I panicked.

As the creature reared up on its back legs to finish me off, I quickly whipped out my branch, pointed side up, and braced myself as the beast impaled itself onto it; the weight and momentum driving it down and on top of me. Its heavy body slumped forward, and I felt like I was being smothered. In its fur, and all around me, the scent of death lingered and reeked.

The lights came on, and I heard the sound of footsteps near my head. I could feel the cool cement under my body, and it gave me the confidence to open my eyes. I gingerly sat up, and then got to my feet, simultaneously taking in a deep breath. Even though it wasn't real, my mind was still reeling as it imagined the sight and smell of the horrific beast on top of me.

"That was… interesting," Amar said as he held the door open for me to exit the room.

"Interesting? That's not the word I'd use," Red cut in. "That was weird. I've seen people go through my fears before, and none of them ever did that stuff. How many wolves did you face?"

"It was a whole pack," I said; technically not a lie.

"Yeah, I got that part, but near the middle you started flopping around," Red insisted. "And then at the end it looked like you were only facing one."

"Umm, yeah, that's kind of what happened. It was the whole pack at first, but then there was just one." _A monster of my own design_ ; my brain added.

"Oh, well that's-" Red broke off and shared a look with Amar, but after a beat he simply nodded. "Okay. It's weird and has never happened before, but okay. You got out really fast too, so I guess it doesn't matter." He shrugged, marked something on his clipboard, and then pointed at the next person.

Amar didn't say anything with words, but as his eyes met mine, I could practically hear him angrily chastising me. I gave him a halfhearted smile, my own way of saying sorry, and then made my way back to my seat.

Dan immediately began to chatter about how it was sort of funny, the way I was flopping around, but that it was also cool because so far I'd been the fastest to get out of the simulation. I nodded, not bothering to answer. Randi didn't say anything, she merely held my hand; and honestly, that was enough to comfort me.

The rest of the initiates went through their simulations without fault. And though none really got close to my time, there were some standouts that made Red and Amar nod in approval. Dan's simulation was one where he had to be humiliated in front of some friends, and while he'd taken a few minutes to get comfortable, he'd eventually lowered his heart rate enough to get out.

"It actually wasn't that bad once I got used to it," he explained after he'd sat back down next to me. "In the simulation a bunch of kids we went to school with were making fun of me because I'd gone to class without clothes."

"What?" I asked, unable to hide my surprise.

"Yeah, I ran into class because I was late and then realized I was just in my boxers. They pointed, laughed, and started chasing me down the halls," he paused and then chuckled a little to himself. "But then I realized; _hey_ , I'm a sexy beast. It's only _right_ for them to chase me. Actually, it would've been crazy if they hadn't. I mean, look at me, I'm irresistible."

Dan had me in tears, I was laughing so hard. Even constantly-grumpy Red, who'd been close enough to hear Dan's story, couldn't hide the grin on his face. Randi had done well too; she'd gotten Red's fear of being shot by his family, but since she didn't actually have any of them alive, she had no problem getting out of the simulation.

The real shocker, and only person who'd almost met my time, was Banks. He'd gotten Red's fear of being pinned between two boulders. Rather than wait until his heartbeat had slowed down, like Jude had done, Banks had immediately set to work on his arm; pantomiming a sawing motion at the crook of his elbow. It took us all a second to figure out what he was doing, but as soon as we did, a heavy silence filled the room. He was slicing through his arm with a blunt pocket knife he'd found.

The only indication we got that he was feeling pain was the fact that occasionally, his breathing would hitch, his face would break out with a thick sheen of sweat, and he'd clamp his jaw to stifle a moan. I was sure if the little knife he'd had was sharper, or if he'd had a better weapon, he'd have gotten out even faster than me.

"That guy is insane," Marko muttered to me when he'd been close enough for me to hear.

I'd nodded, ignoring the quizzical looks I received from the others; they still didn't know about the fight I'd broken up between Marko and Banks, and if they didn't ask, I sure wasn't going to tell them. Not because I was ashamed or even because I regret what I'd done, but because I figured getting the crap beaten out of you by a person like Banks was punishment enough.

When we'd all finished going through the simulations, we'd been excused for the rest of the day. Dan had immediately left to go and continue getting art tips from Tori, and I'd spent most of my time just sitting around and talking with Randi. Then during lunch we'd all pushed together two of the tables so that we could all sit and eat as a large group. Marko had come up to our table at one point, his buddies flanking him, but all he'd said was that he was impressed at how fast I'd gotten out of the simulation.

After lunch, Randi and Ava had pulled away Grace and left to go shopping and to continue the beautification process they'd started. I'd hung out with the boys, and we'd picked up the conversation we'd had before about bungee-jumping off the bridge. All in all, the day passed my without any incidents, and though I knew there was still more to come, I felt completely at peace.

Today, I'd managed to prove something very important to myself; I could pass initiation, and still go unnoticed. When I'd fought that wolf-beast, I'd been very aware of the fact that I could've just ripped apart the simulation with my mind and been done with all of it, but I'd stopped myself. I'd used my brain; I'd paused to think of an alternative form of action.

I hadn't gotten out of the fear landscape because of luck, _no_ ; I'd gotten out because I'd finally figured out how to use the tools around me. Like Amar had said; I didn't need to die each time to get out of the simulation, I just had to figure out how to use my surroundings.

Maybe it was stupid and premature, but I found that I couldn't kill the sense of hope that filled my heart. Was it possible? Could I really do this? Could I pass initiation safely and then start a new life here with Randi? The optimistic in me always cheered out a jubilant _yes_ , while the smaller, quieter, part of my brain said no. But the no was always drowned out, pushed to the back of my head as I dreamed about the day when I wouldn't have to go around watching my back and worrying that it would be my last day alive.

Of course, there was still the issue of the spies in candor and dauntless, but if what my mother said was true, then that wouldn't be a problem for much longer. I'd be free. My family would be safe.

Now all I had to do was keep up the momentum and finish the last few days of initiation strong.


	50. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

In candor, the initiation ceremony was always an important and long awaited event. The initiates, who'd already had to go through days upon days of telling the truth while attached to lie-detectors, would get ready as they prepared themselves to face the final test. They'd head to the large auditorium in the Merciless-Mart, along with the rest of the candor community, and then under the effects of the truth serum they'd divulge the darkest of their secrets. Then all the members would stand and thank them for their honesty; accepting them into their faction with exuberance and high spirits.

That wasn't exactly how the dauntless went about doing things. Initiation day had sent the dauntless compound spiraling into disarray and all-out pandemonium. People everywhere were preparing for the big day by stocking up on booze, food, and fireworks.

I could hear the noise of chaos and hectic energy as it reverberated back into the chasm. I was sitting on the floor, leaning my back against the stone wall, and just trying to gather my thoughts as much as I could. After a week of going through our landscapes, I'd just about perfected it all to a T, even if I were to panic I knew how to work things so that no one would suspect of my divergence. Of course, it still always helped to go into it with a peaceful mind.

I was still taking slow cleansing breathes when I heard the sound of footsteps at the entrance to the chasm. I opened my eyes, and saw that Dan was walking towards me.

"Hiding?" He asked; grinning his cheesy smile.

"Nope, thinking."

"Uh-oh, that's never good," he smirked.

I waited until he'd sat down next to me to wrap an arm around his neck and pull him down so I could mess up his hair.

"No! Not the hair! It took me a whole ten seconds to style it just right!" Dan laughed as he swatted me away.

"Oh Danny boy, what would I do without your incredible sense of wit?" I mused aloud.

"Die an incredibly tedious and mind-numbing death," he quipped. "Seriously though, what are you doing here all alone? Randi was searching for you this morning."

"Oh, I didn't know," I said, unable to hide the guilt in my voice. "I've just been trying to psyche myself up for today."

"Yeah, I get what you mean," Dan nodded as a wide grin spread over his features. "Can you believe it man? We're, like, _this_ close to being official members of dauntless. It seems like just yesterday we were chasing down the train and jumping off the building you know?"

"And fighting in the ring, playing paintball, base-jumping and stealing dauntless cake for a midnight snack," I added.

"Good times man, good times," he agreed as he let out a content sigh. "And after today, we'll be able to do that whenever the hell we want."

I nodded, and as we both sat and stared out into the dark recesses of the chasm, I couldn't help but ask something that had been on my mind for a while.

"Do you ever miss home?" I said quietly.

Dan visibly deflated, and I felt incredibly guilty when I realized just how sad he was. He didn't answer, and as he played with his fingers, I tried to backtrack and fix the situation.

"Hey Dan, I'm sorry, forget about it. That was stupid of me to ask," I insisted. Still he didn't answer, and I suddenly felt frantic to get him back to his cheery self. "Dan? _Danny_. I'm sorry, just pretend I never said-"

"No Sage, it's not that," Dan interrupted.

He slowly looked up at me, and in his eyes I could see the pain he was feeling. He couldn't lie, not with words, and definitely not with his expressions.

"It's okay to miss your dad. I mean, I miss my mom and Mara all the time."

"I told you Sage, it's not that," he repeated. And then I caught it; the sound of complete and utter guilt. "Yeah, I miss my dad on occasion, but more often than not, I don't even remember him," he admitted in a hushed voice. "He was never around, never there for me, and he didn't even stay long on visiting day."

"He's a busy man," I tried to say; which was true, but deep down, I'd always suspected otherwise. Even though I knew it wasn't any of my business, I'd always sort of resented the fact that had never bothered to spend more time with Dan.

"Your mom is a busy woman too Sage, and even though she was alone she was always around to watch out for you and Mara, and even me. She was the mom I never had," Dan said; oddly, I didn't hear a hint of resentment in his voice. "I don't know, I guess I just feel guilty because I _don't_ miss home. Your mom and Mara, yes, but when my dad happens to cross my mind, I realized just how much we never really knew each other. It's like we were strangers that happened to share the same genetics."

I didn't say anything; I wasn't sure how to respond. What he'd just said was something I'd thought for a while but had never actually put into words. Peeking at Dan, I saw that he was again looking at ease and mostly calm.

"I'm sorry," I said after a long moment.

"Don't worry about it man. Like I said, I just feel guilty because I feel like I'm a horrible son. I mean, truth be told, I don't miss my old man as much as I _know_ I should," he responded casually. He sighed, and then grinned at me. "I'm not going to let that ruin my mood though. Today is a huge day for us, and we have to just stay positive."

"Positive," I agreed.

"Right. Anyway, it's time to go," he said as he peered at his watch. "The dauntless born were going first last I heard, and they're probably almost done now. We don't want to be late."

I nodded and hopped to my feet. After today, the torture would be over; no more mandatory simulations, no more fears haunting our dreams.

We jogged over to the Pit and up the path that led to the glass building. I peered up at the normally see-through ceiling, but it was impossible to make out any of the sun's light because of the soles of the shoes that covered every inch of the glass. There were so many dauntless bodies crowded into the room that Dan and I actually had to push and shove to get in front of the group.

As we broke through the final row of people, I saw that they were all clustered around a series of screens on the wall to my left. A chain of whoops and shouts erupted through the crowd. I turned my attention to the monitor closest to me, and on it I saw a black-clothed boy –Finn– moving around; his hands and feet swinging and kicking as he faced some invisible obstacle. Silently, I couldn't help but feel relieved that no one would be able to see our actual fears, just the reactions we had to them.

Though his eyes were wide and he was breathing in short gasps, I could see that Finn was doing well. With a loud shout he mimicked the motion of punching something. I glanced at the middle screen, and on it I saw that his heart rate was already stabilizing. After a few more seconds the screen flashed green, indicating that his pulse had returned to its normal speed. The dauntless around me burst into a new wave of cheers, and Dan and I joined in; pumping our fists and shouting encouragement.

I was still watching the screens when Dan nudged me and pointed to a corner of the crowded room. I looked over, and then saw that Amar and Red were standing just outside the door to where the fear landscapes took place.

Making our way through the throng of dauntless bodies, Dan and I joined our group of transfer initiates. Just as I was going past Amar, I couldn't help but notice that there was a different door behind him. It wasn't closed completely, and through the gap I could just make out a few details.

The other room was large, and I could see that it also contained a series of screens; though because it was dark, I couldn't see what was on them exactly. A line of people, the dauntless leaders I supposed, were sitting in front of the monitors and had a series of wires connected to their heads. I noted their glassy eyes and blank expressions and, without a doubt, I knew they must've been observing the actual simulation that Finn was going through.

"Transfers, follow me," Amar said as he waved his hand at us. We did as he said, and walked behind him as he led us to a sort of waiting room.

In the room there was a row of benches. We all quickly sat down, and then Amar came to stand in front of us.

"Okay guys, so as you can see Finn is just about done with his fear landscape," he said, nodding his head at the screen behind him. "After he gets out, it'll be your turn. The order in which you'll go through the final test is determined by your current rankings. So Samantha will go first, and Sage will be last."

On the monitor behind Amar, Finn was bent with his hands on his knees, sweating profusely as he gripped his side. The lights turned back on in the fear landscape room, and Max and the other dauntless leaders removed the wires on their heads and stood, walking out in a single file. Moments later, they appeared on the screen, shaking hands and congratulating Finn for finishing.

After that, for more than an hour, I watched as Samantha, Howard, Billy, and Grace had their turn. For the most part, it wasn't very interesting to watch from the outside. It was more of the same; each one would move around, looking panicked and afraid, maybe shouting or crying out in fear, and then they'd finally finish. Sometimes I'd get a sense of what they were facing, but more often than not, they were facing private demons known only to them.

Dan went next, and it took him about half the time it took Grace to get out of her simulation. Now there was just one person left to go before it was my turn. Unable to help myself, I turned to look at Banks. His icy-blue eyes were already looking at me, and even though we didn't speak, I could practically hear his snide remarks.

"Banks, you're up," Amar said; breaking up our staring match.

Banks nodded once, stood, and then followed behind Amar into the center of the room. He stood still as Amar poked a needle into the side of his neck, and then crossed his arms over his chest; waiting. The lights dimmed inside the room, and as soon as Amar had gotten out, the door snapped shut.

Banks was statue-still; his eyes glazed and with a far-off look to them. A few seconds passed, and though he hadn't moved or even reacted, I knew the simulation had begun. Outside of the room, the monitor that recorded his heart beat was blipping quickly; his pulse skyrocketing. _Still_ , he didn't move, didn't scream, didn't waiver.

A low murmur spread across the dauntless, and I knew they were taken aback.

I watched as Banks clenched his arms closer to his chest, his muscles twitching and quivering with suppressed anxiety. After a few minutes, his pulse lowered until it was back to normal. He let out a deep breath, and then let his arms drop to his side. A new fear must've appeared, because after a beat his heart rate was up again.

His facial features never changed. Though the monitors told us he was indeed scared out of his wits, his actual composure in the room never seemed to be more than slightly concerned. During one fear, he again mimed sawing his arm off, and in another he clearly raised an invisible gun and began shooting at a leisurely pace. He went through each fear as if he were just taking a quiet stroll through the park. On occasion he'd return to his original strategy, just standing still as he stared at open space; waiting for his pulse to stabilize.

It was only during his last fear that he actually showed the tiniest hint of emotion; perhaps he'd been caught off guard? His eyes had gone wide, a vein in his forehead pulsing erratically, and his mouth had dropped open in shock. He recuperated quickly though; he made his hands into tight fists, the skin on his knuckles white, and clenched his jaw so that the muscles in his face contorted. His heart rate was so high I almost thought he'd have a heart attack. Then, just like that, he was done.

The dauntless around me were murmuring quietly amongst themselves, and I knew then that what he'd just done was something more than impressive; it was astonishing.

On the screen, Banks's body had relaxed, and he was blinking at the sudden light. The dauntless leaders, headed by Max, congratulated him energetically; visibly impressed. Banks nodded once, and then turned to head out of the room. Before he was out of my sight though, I caught the new expression on his face. His eyes were alight with amused delight, and his mouth was twisted into a smirk.

"Sage."

I snapped my head back. Amar was standing with a syringe in his hand full of orange liquid. I stood and followed him into the room, and then took a deep breath as he slipped the needle into my neck. I barely felt it, but I knew the serum was quickly spreading throughout my body. I stood still, trying to mentally prepare myself, but just as Amar was leaving I heard him mutter a final warning.

" _Be careful_. You've caught their attention, and they'll be watching your _every_ move."


	51. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

Even though I knew Amar's last words _should've_ sent me into a state of complete panic; I couldn't seem to find it in me to be afraid. I'd practiced, made a plan, and I knew exactly what to do. I was more ready than I'd ever felt. I knew just how to defeat each fear without attracting suspicions.

The dark haziness around the room shifted, twisted, and then shimmered until it was something solid; I was in the mirrored room. The _too_ -familiar noose hung from the middle of the ceiling, and I knew that in a matter of seconds the room would be filled with the shadowy figures that planned to hang me.

I didn't wait for the simulation to get that far. I whipped around and then quickly kicked my foot against one of the mirrored walls. Tiny web-like cracks appeared and I kicked again until a couple of shards fell to the floor. I could hear the door sliding open behind me, and I knew I had little time left. Kneeling down, I grabbed a large shard in one hand, and then snuck a smaller one in the back of my pants pocket.

True to their nature, the shadowy figures swarmed in and began to pull me towards the noose. I swung the large glass shard, wielding it like a sword, and managed to injure a few before they'd knocked it out of my hands. I'd known this would happen; there were always too many, and time and time again they'd overpower me. This time though, I had a plan B.

They tied my hands behind my back and then slipped the noose over my head. I gathered a final breath, and as they began to lift me into the air, I managed to grab the smaller shard of glass out of my pocket and cut the rope around my wrists. They kept raising me higher, but once my hands were free, I reached up and began to saw at the noose.

The creatures hissed in fury, flicking their tongues out and baring their teeth at me. Still, I continued to cut away at the rope. I was starting to get lightheaded, but then with a final flick of my wrist, the rope snapped, and I fell to the floor.

It was completely dark as I got to my feet, and when I kicked my foot forward and heard the thunk of wood, I knew it was my claustrophobia simulation. Already I was beginning to feel the effects of the confined space. My heart was pounding painfully in my chest, and my brain was beginning to panic at the thought that I was losing oxygen. _No_ , I had to stay calm; I pulled in a breath of stale air and concentrated on my next task at hand.

I had to hurry before my coffin was lifted and then carried off. There was barely enough room in the box to do anything, but after some adjusting, I managed to lean down enough so that I could touch the bottom of the coffin. My fingers gingerly grazed past the splinters; searching.

I knew I wanted to be free, and to get out of here, I had to use tools; not just my own blunt force. In my mind, I imagined a crowbar, and as my hand reached out I felt its familiar shape. I gripped it, and then ignoring the pain, I braced myself against the back of the box; slivers of wood pricking into my skin. I wedged the crowbar into a corner, and then pulled. The sound of protesting nails against wood filled the air, but little by little, the gap grew until I could clearly smell the fresh air.

With a grunt, I gave a final yank, managing to put enough force into it so that the lid of the coffin flipped off. Unfortunately, the force of it also sent me flying back. I squeezed my eyes shut, already imagining the vicious splinters puncturing my shirt and wicking their way further into my flesh.

My shoulder's ached; that was the first thought that came to my mind. I could hear the hissing and gurgling of the acid below me. Already the fumes were rising and the stink of rot filled my nose. I looked up and saw that my hands were in thick metal cuffs and I was hanging by a chain.

Below me, around the vat of acid, I saw people begin to creep out of the shadows. They were the faces of the initiates, some my friends, others not. They all shared something in common though; a look of complete mockery and contempt. The metal chain began to steadily lower my body towards the tank below me, and along with that people around me began to laugh.

As I continued to get lower, I began to kick my legs back and forth, trying to gain momentum. There was the smallest metal stand next to the lip of the tank, and if I could just manage to swing myself far enough I might be able to avoid the acid all together. The chain continued to lower and during one of my swings, the soles of my boots dipped into the bottom of the acid.

 _No, no, no!_ Another swing and I was almost close enough. The acid splashed against my feet, some of it splattering higher up my legs. I winced, but summed up all of my strength and gave a final grunt as I managed to plant my feet onto the platform.

I was on my back, laying on a metal table, my arms and legs strapped down and completely unusable. At any moment I knew Max and Jack Kang would come into the room, pick up a pair of scalpels, and begin the heinous process of removing my skin.

It had taken me a while to understand the simulation, but I'd eventually figured out what my actual fear was. Ever since I'd arrived in dauntless, I'd had to war with the fact that I couldn't keep being _exactly_ who I'd used to be. I'd been raised candor, but now that I'd picked dauntless, I'd have to keep certain things in mind when I spoke and acted.

I pulled my arm against the strap, and in my mind I envisioned the buckle loosening. Sure enough, I was able to slip my hand out just as Max and Jack walked into the room. Reaching across, I quickly released the rest of the straps holding me down, swung my legs over the table, and then swiftly grabbed the nearest scalpel blade. Knowing that the real Max and dauntless leaders were watching, I swallowed the bile in my throat and forced myself to do what I knew they'd want.

When Max and Jack were close enough for me to reach, I took my scalpel and closed my eyes, and then aimed it directly at the leader of candor; I'd demonstrated my loyalty to the dauntless.

Wind was gusting all around me, whipping my clothes and pushing me from all angles. I saw the edge of the building to my left, and so on instinct I flung myself to the right instead. I landed on my stomach just as the strong wind became unseen hands that were bent on throwing me off of the building. Invisible fingers gripped my legs and arms, and I could feel that they were starting to pull me towards the ledge.

I grasped futilely at the cement, even though I knew I wouldn't find any purchase. Still, the phantom hands pushed me; first my feet were dangling, then my legs, and finally I was only hanging on by my fingers. I could feel the invisible hands prying and loosening my hold, but I knew what to do. In my mind I pictured nothing but grass underneath me. Then, when I finally couldn't hold on any longer, I let go.

It was deathly quiet; not a sound came from my surroundings. I took a cautious, then another. Suddenly I heard an ominous flickering, and the blub above me came to life, bathing me in a blinding light. I blinked furiously, rubbing my eyes as I tried to see what was in front of me.

When I'd finally regained my sight, I continued moving forward and out of the light. I hated what was about to happen, and every muscle in my body went rigid. I knew just what I'd find, and the only thing that kept me from turning back was the fact that it meant I was almost done with the simulations. I continued on until I came upon the full-length mirror.

I glared at my feet, refusing to look at my reflection just yet; I didn't want to see the malicious ghoul that hid inside my skin. I tried to hold out as long as I could, but eventually a morbid sense of curiosity filled me, and I couldn't help but wonder if maybe things would be different this time. I released a heavy breath through my nose and then looked up.

 _No…_

A ominous-looking me stared back; his lips pulled back into a wicked growl, his eyes voracious, and his hands and clothes tainted in the blood of innocents. I moved, and he'd move. This mirror, was it showing what really hid beneath my outer shell? Was this my brain's way of telling me that even though I tried to be a good person, deep down, I was nothing more than another sick monster? A person that liked to hurt others?

I couldn't take it. Even though I knew just what would happen, I didn't hesitate as I slammed my fist against the mirror. The glass splintered, some of it digging into my knuckles, and then went flying across the floor. Then as I knew it would happen, the bronze snakes that adorned the mirror came to life. I didn't run this time, I just let it happen. I could feel them slither up my body and merge with my skin. Just like that; I'd become the embodiment of malevolence.

My last fear; this was it, I'd finally be done with all the mandatory simulations. I blinked, and around me, my surroundings were that of the dauntless compound. My stomach churned, and as I peered around the dimly lit room, I found the victim; my mother.

" _Mom_ ," I whispered, trying to move towards her but unable to.

The shackle around my foot chinked against the floor, and I struggled against it all the more when I noticed a figure appear from the shadows. There was a gun in his hand, and he had it poised and ready to shoot. I had to free myself. I had to get out.

 _I need to get out, think, just think…_

It was dark in the room, and I used that to my advantage. I dropped to my knees and ran my hands along the cement. I envisioned finding a key, and after a few failed attempts, my fingers finally found the small familiar shape. Even if she wasn't real, I wouldn't let anyone harm her. My hands were clammy and shaking as I slipped the key into the lock, and it took me a second try to actually get it to turn.

The figure had the pistol pressed against my mother's forehead. Suddenly; everything was in slow motion. I yanked off the shackle and ran. Would I make it in time? The man flipped off the safety on his gun. No, she wouldn't die; _not_ this time. He slipped his finger onto the trigger and squeezed.

I leapt forward, heard the bang, and then felt the explosion of pain on my chest.

The lights came on. I swiveled my head, and I was standing alone in the empty room, concrete walls around me, and the pipes exposed in the ceiling. My whole body was quivering and I still felt tightly wound up with the excess of adrenaline. My chest ached with the pain of the phantom bullet, and though it was silly, I actually had to run a hand over myself to remind me that; yes, it was all a hallucination, I'm okay, none of it was real.

Goosebumps were still scattered over my arms, but as I took in a shaky breath, I couldn't help but grin. I'd never felt this kind of relief before. I was done. Like deflating balloon, I immediately felt every muscle and fiber in my body relax.

The door to the fear landscape room opened, and Max and the rest of the dauntless leaders filed in. They formed a small crowd around me, and as I shifted, I could see that Amar and Red were behind them. What little stress I'd had left disappeared when I saw Amar's expression; it was a mix of both relief, and amazement.

"Congratulation Sage," Max said. "You have completed your final evaluation."

"Thanks," I acknowledged; the small grin on my lips slowly spreading.

"The banquet will be in two hours," he continued. "Your ranking among the other initiates, dauntless born included, will be announced there. And it's at that time that we'll see just which ten of you made it in as members."

I nodded again, and was preparing to leave when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Off record, I wouldn't worry myself about it if I were you," Max said under his breath.

Then, just as they'd come, the group turned and marched back out of the room. Amar lingered by the door, and as I pawed by him, he beckoned for me to follow him.

"You did well, they seemed impressed, but not suspicious," Amar said quietly.

"You think so?"

"Yeah. In fact, I'd be surprised if you weren't ranked first," he added. Then, as if to show just how much he wasn't worried, he actually slugged me. "Now don't go getting a big head on me."

"Me? Big head? _Never_ ," I chuckled.

He rolled his eyes and then excused himself. Now that the pressure was off, I didn't bother trying to push through the crowd. Instead, I leisurely made my way around the people, slowly making my way towards the exit.

Once I was out though, I was immediately swarmed by the smiling faces of my friends.

"Dude! That must've been like a new record or something!" Biff said uproariously as he clapped my back. "That was insane! I still don't get how you do it."

"Yeah, your time is practically unheard of," Jude added.

"It was nothing guys," I quickly said; trying to change the topic. "Can you believe we're done? No more fear landscapes."

"I know, thank god for that too," Grace agreed. "I don't know just how much more I could've gone through without really losing it."

"Now all we have to do is wait for the rankings," Ava cut in, sounding like her usual pessimistic self. "Let's just hope we didn't all fail, get kicked out of dauntless, and spend the rest of our lives as factionless bums."

"Has anyone ever told you you'd make a _fantastic_ motivational speaker?" Dan quipped, ducking away when Ava attempted to swat him.

"Guys, I feel like this merits a celebration," Finn cut in, raising his hand above his head as he spoke.

"Party, party, party!" Biff and Dan cried out in unison.

"Doesn't that seem sort of hasty?" Randi interrupted. "Like counting your chickens before they hatch."

"And here I thought Ava was the downer in our group," Dan teased. "Come on Randi, how bad could it be? It's just a _pre_ -party."

Randi didn't answer, instead she looked up at me, her eyes wide and concerned.

"I don't think it's such a bad idea," I reassured her.

I could feel everyone's eyes on us, and on impulse, I reached and wound my fingers around Randi's hand. She seemed surprised, but she didn't pull away. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the guys giving each other knowing looks, and Grace and Ava were fighting to hide their own gleeful smiles.

"Okay," she muttered after a tense moment. "But just a small one." She gave Finn and Biff, _specifically_ , a pointed look. "Not one of those three-day ragers you normally throw."

The guys immediately began cheering and laughing, pumping their fists and jumping around raucously.

"Biff and I can get the beer," Jude volunteered.

"I think it's best if we girls get the food," Randi added. "You guys will eat anything, edible or not."

"No need to be jealous of our talents Randi," Dan said as he elbowed me playfully. "It takes a brave man to eat the un-eatable."

"I'll second Dan's motion," Finn laughed. "Anyway, Sage and Dan, you guys can come with me to get other drinks."

"But we're bringing beer!" Biff complained.

"But we don't _all_ drink that crap," Randi retorted.

Luckily, the argument was quickly solved. Each with a mission, we began to split up, our groups heading in their own direction. Before we'd gotten very far though, I paused and turned to the guys.

"Umm, I'll catch up with you guys in a sec okay?"

"Where are you going?" Finn asked, not seeming bothered; simply curious.

Dan elbowed him quickly, giving him a significant look. "I think he and Randi have to talk about you know what."

"Huh?" I frowned at the pair. They were already grinning conspiratorially.

"Oh, you mean _that_ secret?" Finn said in a stage whisper, holding his hand over the side of his mouth. "The one that _none_ of us are supposed to know even though it's _blatantly_ obvious."

" _Yes_ , that super-duper-top secret," Dan nodded, also playing along as he muttered loudly. "The one where they're totally a couple, but we're supposed to be clueless."

"Alright, I get it," I snorted.

"Hear that? He _gets it_ ," Finn continued to whisper. "Do you think they're– "

"Oh most definitely," Dan cut in. "They're totally making it _official_." He said, putting little air-quotes around the word official.

"Should we act surprised?"

"We better, if not if might hurt their feelings to know we've known all along. I mean, their acting was really shoddy."

"God, you guys," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'll be back."

I turned and began walking towards where I thought Randi's group had gone, ignoring the hooting laughter behind me. I knew it wasn't mean though, they genuinely seemed happy for us.

They'd also been more-or-less right, I did want to talk to Randi because I wanted to make things official. I was tired of hiding, and just saying we were friends. However, there was also another reason I'd wanted to talk to her.

My father and mother had been the perfect pair, and one of the most important things in their relationship had been honestly. True, they'd kept things from us children, but amongst themselves they'd known just about everything. My dad had purposely gone out of his way to tell my mom that he was divergent. Why? Because he'd wanted her to be the one who made the final choice; did she want to risk her life being with him? Or did she want to leave and live out a peaceful existence?

It wouldn't be fair to Randi if I never told her what I was. Before we started any sort of real connection, I had to give her the opportunity to make the decision herself. Would she accept me? Or flee?

I was lost in thought as I walked down the corridor, and maybe that was what led to my ultimate misfortune. I didn't hear the sneaking footsteps behind me until it was too late; didn't have a chance to move, not with the edge of a wicked knife pressed to my jugular.

A voice spoke into my ear, and I knew then that the note I'd read had never been a bluff.

"Your time is up…"


	52. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

" _Banks_?" I croaked; my body stiffening as I resisted the urge to lurch backwards to try and attack.

"You sound surprised," he chuckled softly. "I always considered your intelligence level that of a Neanderthal, but please, didn't you suspect?"

I had, but it had just seemed so far-fetched I'd eventually tossed it out the window. How, _how_ , could an erudite boy have connections to people in candor, much less dauntless? It hadn't made sense. I had so many questions. So many that would undeniably go unanswered. Was it was too late for me? No matter what move I came up with in my head, it eventually ended up with my neck filleted open.

"So… What are you waiting for?" I growled after what felt like an eternity had passed.

" _Tsk_ , _tsk_ , eager to die are you?" He asked in amusement. I could feel the edge of the blade press closer to my neck; there was a stinging sensation, and then I could feel the tiniest bit of warm blood sliding down to my shirt. "No questions? No pleas for mercy?" He asked, sounding disappointed.

I didn't answer; what was there to say? My brain had an ocean of questions, but what I was really trying to do was concentrate all my efforts on finding a way out of the situation.

I was still considering what to do, when out of nowhere the knife was gone. There wasn't time to act though, Banks shoved me forward and as I stumbled, he rammed his foot into my back. I sprawled onto my stomach, and then only had time to flip onto my back before Banks had jammed his foot onto my neck. I couldn't breathe.

I clawed at his foot and began to kick my legs to get away, but again he whipped out his knife. He pressed the tip of it to my temple, ran it down the side of my face, and then held it right next to my ear. I stopped wiggling, and thankfully, he seemed to ease up enough so I could pull in some air.

"You know, I never did get to see what would happen if you impaled someone through their ear," he mused. "You ruined that when you came and saved Grace. Such a shame, it would've been quite the sight. A real learning experience don't you think?"

"Why don't you find out _now_ then?" I taunted through thick labored gasps. If he was still persisting and trying to make me beg for my life, well then he had another thing coming, he'd have to do a lot worse to even get a whimper from me. "Or better yet, why don't you volunteer and let me show you just how that would feel."

He let out a sharp laugh, and I was momentarily shocked to see that he _really_ was amused.

"Come on Sage, beg, just once and I might reconsider," he lied. I knew, I could hear it; there would be no reconsideration on his part.

"Keep–" I pulled in a choked breath, "– _dreaming_."

"I figured you would say that," he said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully with his freehand. "It's in your behavioral patterns not to worry about yourself. However," a spark of wicked joy shone in his eyes, "your divergence works against you in times like these…" he trailed off.

All at once, his foot was gone and he'd backed up a few steps to look at me. I was free. I gulped at the air and leapt to my feet, balled my hands into fists, and then prepared to tackle him.

"That was a mistake Banks," I hissed, leaning onto the balls of my feet. "You should've killed me while you had the chance."

"Was it?" He repeated, his face full of mock horror. "Will you slay me then? _Oh my_ , well that certainly is a shame. Especially because without me, who'll be left to call my associate back in candor and tell them not to massacre your family?"

I froze; my heart stinging and my blood ice cold. " _What_?"

Banks smiled, the expression disconcertingly warm and concerned. He still held the knife in his hand, but when he noticed me looking at it, he flipped it around and offered it to me. "You'll need this I suppose," he said.

When I didn't move, he tossed the knife onto the ground close to my feet. Still I didn't move. He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. "Would you prefer to use your hands then?" he asked, stretching his head so that his neck was more openly exposed. "Go on then. Seems rather bloodthirsty for a stiff like you, but what do I know."

"What do you want from me?" I asked; my voice sounding hollow in my own ears. He had to want something, because otherwise, why hadn't he killed me yet? He'd had the golden opportunity.

"Dan's an interesting fellow isn't he? Sort of like a brother to you," he said; ignoring my question. "You have so many _nice_ people in your life. You know your sister, Mara, she's very pretty. Has quite a mouth on her though," he continued nonchalantly. "And your mother, has anyone ever told you that you two have the same eyes?"

"What do you want?" I demanded again, taking a step forward.

"Your _father_ though, now that's genetics at work. You two were nearly identical replicas," he added. "Amazing isn't it? There are from sixty to one-hundred thousand genes in a human being's forty-six chromosomes. You get twenty-three from your mother, and twenty-three from your father-"

"Shut up."

"Now, now Mr. Stronghold, it's rude to interrupt," he chastised with a disappointed shake of his head. "Where was I? Oh yes, genetics. Can you believe how amazing it is that with all the possible gene combinations there were, you just so happened to get the right mixture so that the resemblance between you and him became uncanny? I bet if he'd been alive, you two would've been close emotionally as well-"

"Shut the _hell_ up Banks!" I shouted, striding over and picking up the knife. "Stop talking!"

"Did you know? There's also the possibility that if your sister Mara had offspring of her own, that one of them might have the same facial resemblance to him. Sorrel was his name right? Oh really, it's a shame, I'm sure motherhood would've helped to soften Mara's humor. And your mother, I'm sure she would've loved to have been a grandmother at some point-"

"I swear, you say one more word and I'm going to-"

"Maybe even _you_ might've liked the idea of having your own descendants," he continued. Suddenly, all traces of his false concern and charm were gone. He was again the Banks I'd thought I'd known. His analytical eyes studied me; bloodlust in them. His lips curled as he bared his teeth in a ghoulish smile.

"Yes, children, you seem like the type who'd like to waste his livelihood raising despicable cretins. Someone who'd like to add more divergent abominations to our world. Little defects that would eventually grow into viruses that sucked the life out of our perfect way of life," he said coldly. "That would be hard for you though… Randi might not available for-"

I lurched forward, pressing the knife up to his neck, just as he'd done to me. "Stop."

"Why? Does the _truth_ hurt?" He glowered at me. "Does the little candor boy feel like he can't take it?"

"That's _not_ the truth," I said, trying to believe my own lie.

I couldn't though. This, like the note, was no bluff. Banks planned on killing Dan, my family, and even Randi. His words dripped with sincerity, and I knew that he wasn't afraid to die if it came to it. Even if I did end his life, It wouldn't matter anyway. Dead, someone else would just do the job he'd already pre-assigned them.

I ignored the rapid beating of my heart, the burning of my rigid muscles, the adrenaline surging through my every cell. I had to think. I had to be smart. I had to be calm and stay in control.

 _He didn't kill me… He didn't kill me…_

I dropped the knife from his neck, and then stiffly offered it back to him. He didn't take it, and so I grudgingly had to lift one of his hands and forcibly wrap his own fingers around the handle. He smirked.

"What do you want?" I asked again; softer this time.

"What makes you think I'd need anything from you?" He asked me back; but I could tell from the tone in his voice that he was just playing with me. Now that I was going along with what he wanted, he was more at ease and back to his playfully-depraved state.

"You didn't kill me before, and you had two chances to do it," I pointed out, careful to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "So you must want something."

" _Hmm_ , not as mentally limited as I'd suspected," he mused. "Maybe I do need something, and maybe I don't. Why don't you convince me Sage?"

Blistering anger raged through my body, and I could feel myself getting agitated again. But then I paused; I thought of my mother's kind and loving face, Mara's spirited rebelliousness, Dan's loyalty and playful antics, Randi's soulful eyes. Like magic, my mood swung in a complete one-eighty; I was now terrified. If something happened to them because of me, if they were harmed in any way…

"Please Banks, _please_!" I pleaded hopelessly. "Just tell me what you need. I'll do it, anything. Just leave them alone."

Banks clicked his tongue; his face completely wan and bored. "Please Stronghold, you can do better than that."

" _God_ , I don't know what you want me to say! Please, Banks, anything you say! If you want to kill me fine, I won't struggle, I'll go wherever you want." I begged. Still he didn't appear moved. I didn't hesitate; this was for my family, for those I loved. I got on my knees. "Please, you have my word… _Please…_ "

The seconds passed, and Banks appeared neither happy nor upset. Those seconds turned into minutes, and still, he said absolutely nothing. After what felt like years, I heard Banks clear his throat and move. I dared to look up, and in his face I could see that he looked pleased.

"Good, this is good. You will be easy to train," he said casually; as if he were talking about nothing more than the weather. "You were stubborn though, and I don't like that it took you this long to understand what kind of behavior I expected," he ran a hand along his neck, the part where I'd held the knife. "You'll have to learn from your mistakes somehow…"

I nodded and tried to appear as subdued as I could; though internally I was shouting profanities, threats, and had bile rising up my throat. Banks kept thinking to himself and then, as if he'd finally decided upon something, he nodded to himself. He re-sheathed his knife into a loop in his belt, and then he adjusted his clothes.

"Very well, just so you know, this was sort of an experiment of my own," he explained. "I was indeed going to just kill you and then dispose of your body, it was my mission here from the start, but in the interest of learning more from a defective like yourself I've decided to spare you."

 _How fucking generous of you_ ; my subconscious hissed.

"I have big plans for our city Sage. We're on the verge of a _revolution_. A revolution that will only help to make our city safe and pure," he continued; his voice incredibly sincere. I had to wonder; what exactly was it that made him completely willing to take lives, willing to ruin others for the sake of his cause, to sell his soul and do the most deplorable things.

I was about to stand, but when he gave me a cross look, I scrambled back down to my knees.

"You came as a surprise to me. When I was making my first observations I figured you were divergent, but I never could've imagined just how much," he said. "Once I did know, however, I couldn't just let an opportunity like that go out the window. It wasn't in the protocol, but I figure I'll be able to find a way to work around it. You're an interesting specimen Mr. Stronghold, and I do hope you understand what a privilege it is for you to still be alive."

I shuddered; I hated the way he looked at me. I wasn't a person to him, not human. I was merely an organism for him to use to conduct his experiments on. Again, the splintering heat of anger threatened to overtake my control; I could feel my hands ball tightly into fists, then unclench as I realized the mistake.

"So what do you want me to do?" I asked. "Where do you need me to go if you're going to mess around with my brain?"

"You'll soon learn that. All in due time," Banks said after a beat. "For now, you need only concern yourself with our initiation day. It should come as no surprise to you that both you and I are probably already considered members at this point. It's only logical; with our times being so small – _mind you_ that yours was even shorter than mine– it's only a matter of time before it can be made official."

"So you just want me to act normal? Like none of this ever happened?" I frowned. "How am I supposed to do that?"

"Yes, that's what I expect," he answered. "That is up to you Sage. If you want your friends and family to survive, then you'll give it your best. You'll _make_ them believe." He turned to leave, but he had only taken a single step before he'd turned back around to face me. "Though it seems rather obvious to me, the level of your intelligence –or rather, the _lack_ of– leaves me feeling doubtful. I'll warn you only this _once_ Sage, don't speak of this to anyone, don't attempt to contact your family or others for help, and _of course_ , don't try to run away or hide your loved ones from me."

I could hear the sound of voices echoing down the tunnel; someone was coming.

Banks cocked his head to the side; listening as well. He gave me a wan smile, and then just before he left, he bent down to my level and whispered a single phrase that had my heart thudding painfully in my chest. He then turned again, shoving his hands in his pockets, and walked away. Looking leisurely and not at all like the kind of person who'd just almost killed a man and then threated the life of four others.

I stayed kneeling on the ground, watching the spot where Banks had once been. The voices drew nearer, and I was relieved to see it wasn't anyone I knew. The pair of dauntless merely exchanged confused looks when I didn't answer their question, _was I all right_ , and then they continued walking.

I didn't answer, because I couldn't tell them, couldn't say; _no, no I'm not okay, and I'll never again be okay._

When I finally did get up and I began to make my way towards where Finn had said our pre-party would be, I'd managed the unthinkable. All the anger I felt, all the complete rage, had been bottled up. I'd have to lie, and lie convincingly. Because I knew one thing for certain, there would be no place safe for anyone I loved as long as Banks and his cohorts were alive and kicking. Hiding them would be no use; not with Banks's last warning.

"You can run if you want, but I'll find you… _I'll always find you…_ "


	53. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

The two hours that passed felt like two decades. In that time, I'd had to pretend that I was enjoying myself, that I was eager to be done with initiation, that I was more than enthused at the idea of finally being able to call myself a true dauntless member, and that I wasn't completely petrified of every shadow and noise. Paranoia or not, I felt like Banks was around every corner, hiding from view, and that at the first sign of a mistake he'd be quick to swoop in and revoke our deal.

When Finn and Dan had given me confused looks, asking why I hadn't met up with Randi like I'd said, I was surprised to hear a lie immediately escape my lips.

"I went down the wrong tunnel and I got lost."

"Yeah right, I bet you chickened out huh?" Finn teased.

" _No_ ," I said; this time trying to be obvious with the lie.

I turned away from them, and then did the best job I could at appearing like an embarrassed school-boy; I'd had time to think, and the best way to lie for now, wouldn't be with words but with actions. I'd have to let my body do the talking, because otherwise Dan and the others would certainly notice.

Surprisingly, it worked. Finn and Dan, who'd been the only ones who knew I was trying to talk to Randi, hooted and teased me but otherwise didn't make a huge deal of it. During the pre-party, I'd also come to learn another vital thing. Alcohol could either help or completely destroy me.

As part of the act, and because I'd wanted something to take the edge off of my nerves, I'd taken a beer from Biff and had slowly sipped it. After a while, I happily realized it had given me the desired effect; I'd loosened up enough so that I didn't appear like some sort of startled fawn. I'd quickly downed another, and then a third; it was at that point that I realized the balance had to be maintained or else it made me even more loose-lipped than I already was.

Luckily, I managed to catch it in time before I said something irrevocable. I'd noticed the balance was off when, at one point I thought I'd been staring at Randi and only _thinking_ she was beautiful. However, after a beat I heard the girls giggle and saw a couple of the guys smirk; it was then I realized I'd actually said it. I immediately stopped drinking and had then concentrated all of my attentions to sobering up enough so that I could control what was coming out of my mouth.

Now, after the party which Biff and Finn had complained was too small, we'd made our way into the dining hall. After pushing two of the tables together again, we all clambered together and waited for the big announcement.

Unable to resist, I found myself searching the surrounding tables for Banks. Instead, I spotted Billy, Howard and Samantha, all whom were scowling. I checked the opposite side of the cafeteria, and made out Marko and his gang. I didn't turn away fast enough, and Marko caught me staring, but he just grinned his _I'm-not-at-all-worried_ smile and then acknowledged me with a slight nod. I nodded back, and then let out a quiet sigh. Where was he?

"Hey, are you okay?" Randi asked beside me.

I jumped slightly, but then pasted a smile on my face. "Yeah."

Randi frowned in concern, and I could feel her hand intertwine with my own beneath the table.

"It's the rankings," I said; deciding if she could see that I was bothered, it was best to give her some explanation rather than deny it completely.

"Is it?" She asked; and I could hear the clear disbelief in her voice.

 _Crap_. I nodded, and just as I was about to say something else, a mechanical squealed sounded around the lunchroom; effectively cutting me off. I looked across the room at Max, who was standing in the middle of one of the tables, a microphone in hand. He tapped it a couple of times, and after a while the dauntless around us grew silent.

"Let's keep this short and sweet shall we?" Max said. "It's the beginning of a new year. We started with a new pack of initiates, and now we've been left with the best of the best," he turned towards out table, "and to them we offer congratulations."

The dauntless who had gone quiet momentarily, again erupted; pounding tables and stomping their feet. A couple in the back began to whistle, while others began to chant nonsensical things.

"We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action. We believe in freedom from fear and in acquiring the skills to take the bad out of our world so that it can be great, prosper, and thrive. If you believe in these same things, we welcome you!"

Even with the confrontation with Banks still fresh in my mind, I couldn't help but smile. I believe in those things. No matter that our leader was horrible, or that there were some people here who were spies, I didn't care. I was dauntless; and those ideals were _mine_ now. A sense of hope filled me, and though it might not have been smart, I found myself wondering if there wasn't something else I could do so save my family.

"Tomorrow, in their first act as members of dauntless, our top ten initiates will choose their professions. It'll all depend on the order of how they're ranked," Max continued through the growing clamor. "And now, what we've all been waiting for, the actual rankings. Which have been determined by a combination of three scores; the first, combat, the second, simulations, and the third, the fear landscapes," he turned to point behind him at a large screen. "The ranks will appear on the screen behind me."

As if on cue, the monitor behind him blinked to life; illuminated with a list of numbers and names. Next to the number one was my picture, me, my name; _Sage_.

More crowing, shouting, feet pounding, and an assortment of wild whoops. I forgot about Banks momentarily as I stared hard at my name; not really looking at the rest. This was it; everything was official. I, Sage Stronghold, was a member of dauntless. This was my faction, and where I rightfully belonged. Through my amazement, I could hear the cheering and laughter from my friends at the table.

Sage

Banks

Dan

Finn

Biff

Banks, he was number two, and Dan was third; I was both revolted and completely overjoyed.

Jude

Randi

Ava

Marko

Grace

The corners of my mouth pulled up as I continued to read. I'd known Randi would make it, but it was still good to know for certain that she was safe. The only other person I'd worried about had been Grace, and she'd done well for herself. She'd actually managed to bump Billy, Howard, Samantha, and two other dauntless down a peg. They would now be factionless.

Dan and Biff were laughing loudly and bumping chests, Finn and Jude were clapping each other on the back and raising their fists into the air, Grace and Ava were squealing, and Randi-

I felt someone grab a fistful of my shirt, and as I turned, I saw Randi's face; glowing with unending happiness. Without a need for words, she pulled me down and we kissed right in the middle of all the chaos. Her lips against mine, I was lost in the _living_ energy of the moment. The dauntless, who were embracing us into their faction, our fellow initiates, who'd gone through the same obstacles. It was all surreal.

"We made it," Randi said into my ear; the only way I could've actually heard her through the noise.

"I told you we would," I grinned.

She beamed and stood on her tiptoes to kiss me again, but at the last moment she paused and held my head in her hands.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

 _No, not now. Please, not today._ I squirmed under her intense gaze, and just as I was preparing to lie to her, she dropped her hands from my neck and took my hand in hers. She didn't talk as she pulled me through the thick crowd of initiates and dauntless, and I knew that I'd have to do a convincing job or she'd eventually squeeze the truth out of me.

It took a while, but eventually we managed to get far enough away from the throng of people. I paused, but she continued to yank me down several hallways. All the while, I made sure to keep a look out for any suspicious shadows or sounds.

"You are a _hypocrite_ ," Randi hissed after we'd taken a final turn; she'd led me to the chasm. "You give me all this crap about how honesty is so important, and that I should open up to you and talk, but when the shoe's on the other foot everything is different _huh_?"

"What-"

"No, none of that crap Sage!" She snapped. "I know there's something up with you, I can see it on your face, in your gestures, your eyes. What is it?"

I faltered; opening my mouth and then closing it again repeatedly.

"I-I can't tell you," I admitted after a long and tense moment.

"Why the hell not? I told you about my parents, and I never tell anyone about that. Only _you_!"

"I know, and I appreciate your honesty but-"

"Oh no, you are not pulling that candor shit on me now!" She growled. "None of this _, I appreciate_ , nonsense. The truth Sage, I want it now."

"I can't tell you," I insisted.

If looks could kill, Banks would've had his work cut out for him. Randi was shooting daggers at me, and I could almost envision little wisps of steam coming out of her ears. Her anger, it reminded me of my own; quick to burn, but even faster to fizzle out. She continued to glare at me, but after a few seconds it was clear she was more concerned than mad.

"Can't or won't?" she asked softly.

" _Huh_?" I asked stupidly.

"You heard me. You _can't_ tell me, or you just _won't_ tell me?"

I looked at her, studied every feature and detail. I had a lie all planned out in my head, but somehow every time that I looked at her, she had the uncanny ability to disarm me.

"I _won't_."

"Why?" she asked; looking obviously hurt.

"Because it's dangerous."

"For whom,"

I paused, feeling my stomach knot and churn. My heart was telling me to just tell her, to let the truth be heard, while my mind was telling me to stop and either lie or just break the whole thing off for both of our sakes. In the end, my heart won out.

"For _you_.. You, and Dan, and my family."

She blinked; taken aback. I suppose she hadn't expected me to come clean so easily. I could see my words taking effect as she frowned and began to slowly shake her head.

"Why are we in danger?" She asked. "Why am _I_ in danger?"

I didn't answer right away. Here it was, this was it; I'd wanted to tell her all along before, and now with this ultimatum, it seemed that it was destined to happen either way.

I took her hands in mine, and then leaned my head down to hear ear.

"Because…" I could feel my pulse behind my eyes, a sheen of sweat spreading across my brow. "I'm _divergent_."

She didn't do anything for exactly three seconds, and then her head snapped up. "I don't think I heard you right. It must've been the water, it's so loud, I didn't hear you just say-"

"I'm divergent," I repeated.

The words, when they hit her, they were almost like a physical blow. She yanked her hands away from me and stumbled back, her eyes were wide and she clearly looked panicked.

"Randi," I tried to say as I took a step forward.

"No, get back," she warned.

"Please, just listen, I'm not dangerous-"

"Not dangerous?" she repeated slowly; coldly. "Not _dangerous_? Sage, you just said this is all happening because of you. We're all in danger because of _you_!"

"Please, it's not like that."

"No? Well then enlighten me Sage, tell me. What is this all _like_?" She demanded. "Because from my point of view, all I can see is that you kept the truth from me. You _lied_. Not only that, you put me in danger of people I don't even know."

I opened my mouth to explain but no words came to me. I didn't have an explanation. I clenched my jaw and ran a hand through my hair nervously; fishing for words that could somehow explain everything. She waited, watching me with a look of utter betrayal.

"Randi, I swear I never meant to put you in danger. You have to believe that," I said softly. "I kept that secret from you because I thought it was the best thing to do at the time. Then-" I held out my arms out slightly, wanting so badly to just hold her. "Then when I wanted to tell you, I couldn't. I was told no one could find out."

She looked at me, scrutinizing my every move. "I… I need to think." She finally said after a heavy moment.

"Randi-"

"I need to think. Please, just give me that," she cut me off.

I wanted to keep arguing, but I knew from the way her posture was set, from the curve of her lip and the furrow in her brow, that it would do me no good. With a heavy heart, I turned and started to walk past her and out the door, but just as I was getting nearer I couldn't help but pause.

"Randi, I know I lied about my divergence, but I promise that was all I kept from you. The Sage you got to know, the one you said you couldn't stay away from, _well_ , that's still me."

I waited, but she didn't acknowledge me in any way. I reached a hand out, but when she flinched slightly I pulled back a little. Then before I could regret it, I timidly pushed a loose strand of hair from her face, lingering only for a second.

Then I left.

I was awoken by the sound of running footsteps. I'd wandered the halls absently after the argument with Randi and had eventually settled down into a random crook between the rocks of one of the winding hallways. Both the emotional and physical stress ended up getting to me, because what I'd just intended to be a power nap had extended into a fitful sleep.

Now, as I sat up alert, I could feel the achiness that came sleeping on the ground and staying in one position for too long. I stretched, and then hopped to my feet, walking towards the sound. The pace of the person seemed hurried, frantic even. I got closer, and it was then that my ears finally picked up the sound enough to make a word, not just any word; my name.

"Sage!" a distant voice shouted.

I sprinted towards it, my entire body suddenly feeling heavy and clumsy.

"Sage!" It was Marko, why was he looking for me?

"Marko?" I responded. "I'm here!"

The footsteps picked up even more, and when Marko broke past the next turn I could see his face was flushed and his shirt was drenched in sweat.

"Marko, what's wrong? Why were you looking for me?"

"Sage- _problem_ \- looking- _I'm_ \- so-" Marko tried to talk as he bent over his knees.

"Hey, take a breath," I said. He nodded, and when he finally seemed to catch a deep breath I asked again. "What happened?"

Marko didn't answer right away, and as I looked at his face I knew it wasn't due to a lack of air. His face, normally so cocky and self-superior, was twisted into one of pity. Actual _pity_.

"What happened?" I asked again; my voice nearly a whisper.

"We've all been looking for you," he said solemnly. " _Sage_ … Sage they found a body in the chasm."

As soon as the word, _chasm_ , left his mouth, I was already far away; both mentally and physically. I ran like it was the last time I'd use my legs, like there were devils straight out of hell chasing me, trying to yank me into the depths of their scorching home. Maybe they'd caught me? Maybe the moment I'd let my blood drop onto the sizzling coals I'd signed over my soul.

I knew who it was, and I knew it wasn't an accident. I'd been warned. Why hadn't I listened?

I ran for what felt like miles, until I reached the center of the compound; the Pit floor. I ran across it, and as I pushed past the crowd that had already begun to gather on the ledge, I caught a glimpse of the back of someone's head retreating; someone tall, muscular, blonde, and with a tattoo over his right bicep.

I skittered to a halt, and as if the simple act of just staring at him had been the equivalent of a shout, Banks turned around. Our eyes met; frigid blue to warm brown. He cocked his head, smiled, and then mouthed a single word; _oops_. My heart stopped, and as if he somehow knew what I was thinking, he shook his head at me in a chastising manner, shrugged, and then mouthed; _oh well._

He turned and left as he'd come; silently, walking at a leisurely pace, and without drawing any attention to himself. Everything around me was shrouded in a thick blanket, and though I could hear and see what was happening, I couldn't actually process the scene.

No, I didn't _want_ to process it.

Two men stood next to the ledge of the chasm, hoisting something up with ropes. I watched numbly, unable to move forward or turn to flee. It was my fear landscape all over again; I was frozen, and my loved one was dead.

 _Wake up, wake up!_

The men gave a final grunt, and then the ropes slid over the railing, pulling a dark shape over the ledge with them. A body, _no_ , a cadaver; there were no signs of life.

 _This isn't real, this isn't real…_

I couldn't look away. I think someone somewhere shouted my name, but I couldn't be sure. The dauntless men turned the body over, and as the head of the corpse flopped to the side, I felt something in me give and shatter.

The eyes, open and empty, were completely void of life. My chest was tight as I fought to contain the animalistic scream that demanded to rip its way out of my throat, that _demanded_ to be heard and acknowledged.

In a twist of dark irony, I didn't lose control, didn't feel anything as the rest of my heart crumbled and was then swept away by the wind. I'd been holding my breath, and as I finally released it, a single word escaped me.

" _Randi_."


	54. Epilogue

Epilogue: Banks P.O.V.

 _I walk through the maze of tunnels, feeling absolutely at ease in the complete darkness that envelops me. I am as comfortable in this treacherous gloom, as an amity citizen would be in a sunny field of flowers. Even back when I first arrived here six months ago, that fateful morning of the Choosing Ceremony, I knew I would fit into this lifestyle with ease._

 _The darkness is nothing but an old friend. While others fear it, not knowing what monsters lurks in the depth of its blackness; I know, with wicked elation, that I am the myth their nightmares are made of._

 _Though it is nighttime, I can hear the quiet bustle of the dauntless that are still awake. This place is never completely without life. There is always something going on; whether it's the after-hours fights down at The Cage, someone throwing an all-night party, or the drunks that are rooted down at the pub._

 _I continue down the winding path and when I reach the familiar fork in the road, I make a right turn. Before I even get halfway to Sage's room though, I see a stooped form sitting with his back pressed against the stone wall, his head drooped to the side. His legs are crossed, his arms slack, and all around him I can see empty beer bottles._

 _I slow my walk, careful not to make any noise, and can't help but smirk; I know it's him even before I get closer. The immense pleasure it gives me to see him this way, broken and devoid of rebelliousness, is like a shot of instant happiness. He is so different from the Sage I had to live with those first few weeks of initiation; not just physically, but mentally._

 _The potent smell of alcohol reaches me first, and I can't help but wrinkle my nose a little; such a filthy habit, completely illogical. I can only assume he does it to forget about the death of that girl, what was her name? Randi, I think; yes, the other pawn in my carefully constructed game._

 _For a little while, I must admit I was concerned that his self-destructive actions would interfere with my plans, however since he has been doing just as I've ordered without fault, I don't see why I should demand that he change his habits. If anything, it pleases me to see him hurt himself with his actions. If it ever got too out of hand, I also know I could command him to stop and he wouldn't hesitate to obey me._

 _That's all he is now, a puppet, a slave, at the mercy of my each and every whim._

 _Grudgingly, I must admit he is a spectacular specimen; I've learned more than I ever thought I could by keeping him alive. His divergent brain is a marvel to study, and though sometimes I feel that it would be better to actually sample pieces of it, I always remember that he also helps supply me with other selections from the divergents that managed to hide among the factionless._

 _From where I stand, I can't help but note that the dark circles under his eyes have deepened, and though his body is strong and well-muscled, there are a series of cuts and bruises all over him; some old and healing, and some fresh as if they just happened a few minutes ago. Fighting day after day has done quite a number on him; both physically and with his reputation._

 _It's hilarious really, all the lengths he goes through to keep his family and friends safe, yet he's so willing to let his life bleed away. It's ironic, in an entertaining way; it always gives me a good kick of delight when I feel somewhat discouraged by the results I see in my research on divergent genetics. Whether it's the alcohol, fighting, or all the life-risking stunts he's been pulling lately, it's added up to him being as infamous as myself._

 _From what I've heard, he even has a nickname down at The Cage, and it is a rare few who dare to bet against him in a fight. Now, like me, whenever he walks by a crowd; people either give him the leeway and stand back, or they avoid eye contact and whisper behind his back in hushed tones. Yes, he is just the mindless soldier I want and need him to be._

 _I take another step, and I see his hand twitch. His lips move as if he's speaking, but I can't hear what he says. I pause, and then take another stride. Suddenly his head snaps up. His hand flashes out, grabs the closest beer bottle, and smashes the end of it on the ground to create sharpened points. He brandishes it as a weapon, his eyes wild, and he glares around the hallways until his eyes meet my own._

 _For a split second, I see the same raging defiance he used to have, that flicker of light that said he was willing to do anything in the name of justice. However, just as it appears, it's gone; wiped from his features when he recognizes me. He drops his makeshift weapon, and then sighs as he rubs a hand along the stubble on his chin._

" _Banks," he acknowledges; getting to his feet in a way that makes me suspect he isn't drunk at all._

" _Sage," I say; raising a brow in disgust as I look him up and down. "You are quite the repulsive sight."_

 _"I could say the same for you," he mutters as he crosses his arms across his chest._

 _Ah, that candor mouth of his. Every now and then, he still slips up; sometimes a blunt thought will escape past his lips, or he'll forget and stand up for someone weaker than him in an act of fool-hearted valor._

 _I take a step forward, and I see him stiffen; he knows he's done wrong. Just as you'd zap a rat that has done something incorrect in your experiment, I have been training him in a similar fashion. He doesn't let out a single noise or protest as I hook my arm around his neck and proceed to pummel his face._

 _When I figure he's had enough, I let go and watch as he stumbles into the nearby wall. It used to be that he'd curse under his breath and seethe in quiet fury after I'd beaten him in such a way, now though, all I can hear is the sickly wet gurgle as he tries to pull in a breath. His nose is pouring blood, but he doesn't even seem to notice as he lets it run down his face and seep into his shirt._

" _Tsk, tsk, tsk. Now Sage, that's not very nice," I chastise mockingly._

" _Sorry," he says flatly, and I see him clench his fists slightly._

" _That didn't sound very sincere," I note as I wipe off his blood from my fist. "Maybe you'd be more repentant if I paid a visit to a certain someone, Mara perhaps? Or would you rather–"_

" _I'm sorry," he insists, and I can hear the edge of panic in his voice. "It slipped, I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."_

 _I wait, enjoying the sight of him wound up and fighting the terror of my threat. It's incredibly amusing to see him go from a zombie-like apathy to such a strong and protective state. He squirms under my gaze, but I stay silent. Then, because I have a schedule and can't afford to indulge in this entertaining past-time much longer, I shrug and nod._

" _You brought me samples from quadrant 46C last week, correct?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Very well, there were no viable candidates in that sector, so you can go onto the next one." I say as I hand him a small black box from my pocket. "Here, and make sure to label the blood tubes. It was a mess trying to tell them apart last time."_

 _He nods and shoves the little package into his own pants pocket, then with a wave of my hand, he turns and runs past me and down the hall. Again, I am surprised; he doesn't have the tell-tale lurch of a drunk, and I saw his eyes, they were unexpectedly clear and focused._

 _I push the odd thought out of my head; deeming it unworthy of further attention on my part._

 _With Sage gone, I take the time to head on a mission of my own. It would be irrational to keep my lab in the same place where I live, and so I have hidden it where no one will suspect. As I make my way out of the dauntless compound, I can't help but feel elated._

 _My research is almost complete._

 _Originally, I thought my work would take three years or even four, but at the rate I'm learning and developing this new weapon, I'll be able to commence the purge in less than two._

 _The revolution is just around the corner._

 _It'll be the end of all that is different._

… _the end of all who are divergent._


	55. End

End of _**Transparent: A Divergent FanFiction (Book One)**_

To be continued in _**Rampant: A Divergent FanFiction (Book Two)**_


End file.
